- Member Since 2nd May, 2013
- offline last seen Jul 20th, 2023
Icudeadnow
This is a bio. Fear me. Also, ponies. That is all.
Icudeadnow
Joined 2nd May, 2013 ·
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I can make this into a series but I need to know if that is a good idea. Let me know :D.
Let me guess: Spike's gonna get cornered by the CMC themselves, and then sex happens.
I was going to wait and see if this could hit the feature box. (Cause, why not?)
But, judging by how many words are there in the story itself right now, it's impossible.
Too bad. Observation discontinued.
This is interesting.
This is interesting.
2535724 Yet you forget this will most likely be split into multiple chapters
2535859 Let's see, how am I going to explain what I've just typed in the comments, below?
Um... I said that there is a chance of you getting featured, but not because there's only 2000+ word right now.
When I typed that in, I meant that if you made a 4000+ word chapter right now, the chances of being featured is higher than less.
I didn't say anything about this, being only two thousand words.
Mind if you reread my comment? But anyways, I'm off now.
2535859 And actually no this is not what happens. You could check in every once in awhile and you would see that this story will veer off into a completely different direction. Have you ever heard the term "Don't judge a book by its cover?"
2535870 I didn't mean to sound harsh because I do recognize this as constructive criticism even if you do not, thank you. I will be sure to lengthen my stories. You can go now, we are done.
-Always was an optimist-
2535832 How insightful of you to say. :D... and thanks. All feedback in comments is appreciated.
2535892 If my comment also hurt you, (based on your reply, earlier, I could see Twilight facehoofing) I didn't mean it.
Anyways, I'm off. I bid you good luck, fellow clop writer.
And yet another favorite... I guess going into a series is something I'll be doing. I write between the times of 4pm to 12 or 2AM
2536361 And I shall
It's going to be interesting seeing what they try. If one of them get a cutie mark as a result of this.
2536677 The story sort of plays itself out so we will see.
* That moment when you rage when rainbowdash gets in the middle of everything you try to click DX<
*
2536677Although I doubt it
Oooh intresting...Imma read it nao. Hope it is a bit innocent.
2536841Innocence? Hmmm... they are at the beggining... that count?
(random moustache 4 the win...)
2536849 Well...finished. Not bad, a few errors here and there, but not much of a problem.
This is officially Discord aprooved.encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQUJk75X0SzaKG10MnHhnvL7LPt394n7ZJrfNzjpB8mXwGd2OKDeQ
2536925I try to get perfect grammar but I guess I'll have to give it a check thanks.
I apologise for my constant commenting but I just want everyone to know that I am here to answer any and all questions you may have... fire away.
It looks like the second chapter is coming along faster than I thought. I'll try to bring it to a 5 to 8k word count so you can all enjoy it more.
Won't they get thought of as sluts if they get sex cutie marks?
2537985 It was sort of a joke... but yeah they would :/
Almost to 3k with 2nd chapter... hoping for 5k but I guess whatever happens happens.
Taking a break for awhile...
Couple of spelling mistakes (I believe you spelt "weird" as "wierd").
I'm not entirely sure whether "Sweetie Bell" should have another "e", but if I were you I'd have a look.
There's one incorrect use of there/their/they're (I think you used "there", which should denote a place, where you should have used "they're", a contraction of "they are").
These are all fairly minor points, but they give a first bad impression.
The real problem, and I'm not saying that it's massive, is that there are patches where it does not read well. Some sentences are much too long, without commas or dashes to help the reader.
Overall, plot was good. Personally, I would've left it as a one-shot, but you seem to have left other avenues (Babs?). At any rate, I shall look forward to the next chapter.
The best way to improve your work would be with a proof-reader, just to make it a little easier to read. If you really want, I could help you with that. But I get the feeling that you could probably do it yourself.
2538667It really would not hurt... I usually get things down in one go (spelling, punctuation, capitilization, etc...) But if you wouldn't mind I could use a proof reader. I have a busy schedule ahead of me and I usually don't have time to look over the stories. Although i can live with you declining because I can proofread down the the last period and have a semi-perfect story but time is the issue for me...
2538765 If you want me to proof-read, that's fine. Send me copies of whatever you want, to zeus.pirate@gmail.com, and I'll clean it up. If you email me I can send you a proofed version of this chapter, too.
static.fjcdn.com/thumbnails/comments/00/06/0006cfda348a42ec87d60ca702a1e8e3.jpg
mfw i read "playstallion" as "playstation"
2539475 Lol if a playstation is all it would take to set them ponies off then I'd hate to see what a playstallion would do :/.
Well I am off for tonight and will maybe complete the chapter by tomorrow.... Will be starting off the third chapter if this happens.
ohgodwut?!
I began writing this about 4 weeks ago: A Story
And then I saw this.
FUCK
2539944 Not for the faint of heart :3
Experiencing writer's block so close to end of chapter 2... NOOO
Working on the ending to chapter 2... should be up today.
Finally done!
Chapter 2 ready for you guys... and girls. :/
HA!
2541538 I thought so too
hmmm... foalcon... thats my first reading. Having said, a couple of fillies who just discovered sex wouldn't know terms like 'eat out'... and wouldnt sweetie belle back off at the sight of those images as soon as she saw it because rarity had warned her to stay away?
overall, cloppable, but little details like these ruined the flow. rmbr, they're ztill fillies, not grown marez
2541595 You forget they read the magazine and know a lot more than they did before... and also Sweetie Belle didn't want to be known as a chicken to her friends.
I want them to get slut cutie marks-and then get in trouble with their parents/sisters for it.
2541730Not too keen on the idea of them getting slut cutie marks... they might get caught though... might.
2541730 wait and see
yo espero el momento en el que applejack descubra sus travesuras sexuales
