Have you ever wondered how pony names somehow always accurately relate to the identity of the pony in question? Well, that's all thanks to the efforts of one stallion. And he hates his job.

Name Rater has always had a very unique skill: the ability to gauge the talents of others at a glance. And once this became known, everypony began to depend on his guidance, much to his chagrin. This is his story, a tale of great self-sacrifice and even greater grumpiness.

And no, this has nothing to do with Pokémon, the name is just fitting.

In a matriarchal society such as Equestria, sometimes the social position of a stallion can be difficult.

Big Macintosh has things going fairly well for himself. He does his share of the work at Sweet Apple Acres and helps to support his family along with his sister.

But Granny Smith has been talking lately. She thinks an eligible stallion such as himself should find a well-to-do mare and get married before he's too old. And now she's gotten an idea: why doesn't Applejack introduce him to her friends?

Hoofenmouth is starting out at a new school. Cool. The students there seem nice. Cool. Typical day for the first day, nothing to write home about. Cool.

But Hoof sees that a large number of girls in the student body—damn near all of them, in fact—are wearing short skirts or dresses. And seeing this makes the troubled boy perpetually horny.

Not cool.

Hopefully, Hoof's problem won't be too bad. Or at least won't come too quickly . . .

FEATURED ON:
5/17/2015
5/18/2015

AWESOME!!

Rated "Teen" for some naughty thoughts and heavy, heavy implications of premature ejaculation and masturbating.

When the Royal Wedding scatters defeated changelings all over Equestria, a member of the hive winds up being captured in Ponyville, tied up, stunned, repeatedly shot by a cannon, and held against his will.

The truly frightening part is he’s starting to like it.

Thank you to my twisted editors: Tek, Seether00, GameKnut, Cerulean Blue and Peter
The picture Pinkie Pie uses Party Canon is from Atmospark at DeviantArt

This story is listed as comedy⁽*⁾ because the author has an odd sense of humor. No changelings were harmed⁽¹⁾ during the production of this story, despite what the newspapers printed or the ongoing lawsuit from the ESPCA⁽²⁾. The management would like to remind all readers to spay and neuter your pets. Unless your pet is a changeling, in which case…

(*) Dark humor, to be exact. If you are someone who finds pleasure in the misfortune of others, enjoys watching the occasional inept chainsaw juggler or cheers during a NASCAR crash, welcome home. Also, get help.

(1) Excluding blunt trauma, thermal impingement, chemical exposure, radiation, thaumaturgic infusions, and confetti ingestion. All characters represented, including changelings, are the exclusive property of Hasbro, no matter what they may shout at you from between the bars of their cell. Any violence or pain inflicted on the changeling in this story was simulated on a stunt changeling with special effects and mirrors. Except for the cannon. There is no truth to the rumor that Queen Chrysalis provided the stunt changelings from a supply of disobedient changelings in her dungeon⁽³⁾.

(2) Equestrian Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Arthropods

(3) The Changeling Kingdom does not have dungeons. They have Call Centers. It explains a lot, actually.

Here is a link to some appropriate background music to listen to while reading: Piotr Tchaikovneigh’s 1812 Overture

Additional Note: This story is tagged Sex because it has the occasional reference to… well, sex. There are no explicit references, but there are things.

He wanders Equestria dishing out sensei quality metaphors and advice. To everypony he greets he gives upon them great wisdom and knowledge to aid them with their journey of life.

If only somepony knew what he was talking about.

Discord's the only creature in Equestria who can recognize the human for what he is -- not the long-lost Seventh Element that never actually existed and couldn't have existed before the human arrived, but a meta-reality warper, an entity far more powerful than Discord with the power to warp the minds of all around him and the very rules of magic to make sure that he's always the Big Hero. And the role the human's assigned to Discord is the Villain to beat down or kill.

Pre-reform Discord's fine with being the villain. But on his own terms. Not dancing on some alien interloper's puppet strings.

Without friendship, or even allies, Discord's going to have to find a way to defeat a creature who can alter fate itself and who can even mind-control him. Or he may just end up worse than dead.

Art by Tenchi-Outsuno. Progress Bar at my writing journal.

Trigger warnings: Mind control (magically induced love, magically induced friendship, magically induced stupidity, Discord being Discord), noncon/dubcon (magically induced love, other forms of highly dubious consent), rape (female on male), violence/gore (mostly against Discord), literally everything in chapters 19-21, humans not being presented as unilaterally wonderful and superior to ponies and/or draconequui.

[Featured on EqD and FiM Fiction] It is that time again, the dreaded flu season. Not even Princess Celestia, the ruler of the sun and day, is safe from it. When Celestia contracts the flu, what pony could possibly nurse Celestia back to health? Why none other than her dear, loving sister of course! Enter Nurse Luna!

Between crazed guards, a palace staff desperate to please their rulers, and a crazed unicorn running around, no pony is safe from this madness.

This is 100% Approved by Twilight's Library.

Doomie, like most of his brothers, hasn't eaten in a while.
So, when a random pink pony asks for him to "do her"
and intercourse love is the tastiest kind of love out there,
and the pony herself looks pretty pretty:
How could he refuse?

Author's diary: DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAR diary. There is not enough Doomie pie fanfics out there....That is all.

A familiar Captain of the Guard finds himself dredged out of the ocean and into the dubious company of totally-not-pirates.

He doesn't remember who he is, and he's not entirely sure he likes the looks the all-mare crew is giving him. Cadence is certainly not going to be happy about that when she catches up with him.

He might have been better off in the water after all.

NEW! Cover image from the awesome and talented Harwick
Seriously go look at Harwick's stuff it's Really Pretty!

When the guards find a foal crying in the city streets, they bring him to Celestia's attention. Soon after, It becomes apparent he has fallen through every crack in Equestria's society. Feeling she has failed the colt, Celestia takes him into her own home.

Special thanks to my editors: ersmiller and Rinnaul and to my comrades in crazy ideas Exelzior and BionicBrony.