Sweet (and Nutritious) Dreams
Celestia couldn’t be happier as her hooves touched the soft, doughy floor. She looked around the horizon, her face beaming with joy at the sight.
Miles and miles of cake, ice cream, donuts, and every other sweet dessert possible as far as the eye can see. The white alicorn looked at the ground, her immaculate hooves covered in whipped cream frosting of the same nature. The mere sight of all the sweets could send an ordinary pony into a sugar induced coma.
Yes, Princess Celestia, co-ruler of Equestria (but really top co-ruler due to being the eldest sibling, that’s just how it works in Equestria), and some myriad of other titles, some real while some were not, stood on a massive cake. A cake so gargantuan that it even dwarfed her palace.
In truth, she really did wish she lived in a cake. It would be a wonderful dream come true for her. If there was a possible way, she would have attempted it at least. However, such a thing proved difficult, even on a small scale. From keeping it fresh to preventing other unwanted beings from deluging into her own dessert, reality was a harsh mistress. But imagination was a wonderful, loving mother, so her colossal cake could be a reality to her.
She walked across the top of the cake, leaving hoofprints in the frosting behind her. Celestia smiled as took in the sights and smells around her. Massive strawberries and towers of frosting surrounded her. The alicorn was in heaven, and with all the crazy things happening to her, this was a welcoming sight.
“Why hello there, Princess Celestia!” greeted a chorus of voices.
The Princess’ ears perked up at the sudden outburst.
“Down here!” the voices said again.
Princess Celestia looked down, seeing a bakers dozen or so of donuts in front of her. They were all neatly packed in a pink box, each one with a beaming face with the widest of smiles.
“Oh my, what do we have here?” asked the white alicorn, putting on a smiling face of her own.
“Why, we’re donuts,” replied the donuts.
“Indeed you are, my little donuts.”
“We are here to welcome you to Cakeland! A wonderful place filled with sweetness and joy! Why, everything here is edible and all for you!”
“Me? Really?” asked Celestia, a dollop of drool dripping out of her mouth.
“Why of course! You are the best and most beautiful pony, and you have such a healthy, attractive figure! Don’t listen to those neighsayers, stallions love a pony with some nice curves.”
“Really?” Celestia sniffed, a tear rolling down her cheek as she turned her head and looked at her cutie mark. “But my sister, Luna, tells me that I am on the… how you say ‘heavy’ side…”
“Poppycock!” yelled the donuts, each one with a small scowl. “She is just jealous for not having such a fine ass like yours!”
Celestia smiled, wiping her tear away with a frosting covered hoof. “Why thank you, my little donuts, I needed to hear that.”
“Yay, turn that frown upside down! Come, eat one of us!”
“Eat one of you?” asked the Princess.
“Why of course, we’re donuts!”
“But… but I shouldn’t…”
A collective frown appeared on the sweet treats, their tiny eyes quivering. “Why not?”
Celestia turned her head away and blushed slightly. “While I do agree with everything you said, I don’t want to lose my figure…
“I know, I am ashamed myself. I am a vain pony. But even so, I don’t want to repeat my teen years…”
The donuts looked at each other and let out a sigh of relief. “Oh, is that it? I thought you were going to say you were on a gluten free diet. But if calories are what you are worried about, then you have nothing to fear!”
“Why is that?”
“We are calorie free!” the donuts shouted with a giant collective smile.
“Calorie free?”
“Why of course!”
The white alicorn rubbed her forehooves together, her face turning slightly red.
“What is the matter, Princess?”
“Well, I don’t know if I should say, I don’t want to offend you wonderful little pastries.”
Their tiny eyes widened and started to tear up, which just so happened to be sprinkles instead of actual tears. “Don’t worry, Princess, you can tell us anything! We won’t judge you.”
“Well…”
“Go on!”
“I don’t eat foods that have those fake ingredients. You know, the ones that have artificial sweeteners and stuff. They just taste… off. Oh I am sorry, my little donuts, I did not mean to offend you!”
“Oh is that it?” the donuts replied with a sigh of relief. “I thought you were going to say you were on some quack juice detox diet. But fret not Princess, we are made with 100% real ingredients!”
“But you said you were calorie free? How is that possible?”
“Why magic of course! Cheer up! Cakeland is made for you after all. Now c’mon and eat one of us!”
“Eat me!”
“No me!”
“I’m chocolate!”
“I’m glazed!”
“Screw them, I’m cream filled!”
Celestia looked down at the box, each donut bouncing happily and trying to show off their goods explaining why they should be eaten. “Hmm… I just don’t know, you all look so delicious. I just can’t decide which one.”
“C’mon, Princess, you can pick one!”
“Well, maybe if I close my eyes and pick one at random…” Celestia replied.
“Why what an excellent idea!”
“You’re so smart!”
“So strong!”
“So beautiful!”
“So independant!”
“Why thank you,” the alicorn said as she closed her eyes and picked a random treat with her hoof. She opened her eyes, seeing a plain glazed donut bouncing happily in her hoof. The one donut cheered while the others sighed in disappointment.
With a quick flick of her hoof she quickly devoured the donut in one bite, letting out a moan as she closed her eyes. Once she finished, she opened her eyes and said, “Fret not, for I have decided to live here! So cheer up, for I will eat you all!”
The donuts cheered in response, bouncing happily. “Why if that is the case, then come follow us, for there is much to see!”
With that, the pink box sprouted tiny stick legs under it, as if somepony drew them with a pencil. “Follow us, Princess!”
Without a question or care in the world, she followed them, a large smile on her face. I am finally home…
The box of donuts walked off, bouncing happily.
“To the river, to the river!
It is where we are heading.
To the river, to the river!
It is why we are moving.
To the river, to the river!
We are leading our Princess.
To the river, to the river!
Fair and beautiful is she!
To the river, to the river!
We must trot there faster.
To the river, to the river!
So why do we go?
To drink of course!
Now sound off!
Three chocolate!
Three cinnamon!
Three powdered!
Three glazed!
No wait, two glazed!
And one cream filled!
So where do we go?
To the river of course!
Our Princess is waiting, for that we must make haste!
So why do we go?
To drink of course!”
Celestia bounced her head with the rhythm, not really caring what it meant. The tune was so catchy, almost addicting. She hummed happily, a bounce in her step.
“We’re here!”
Celestia opened her eyes, letting out a gasp. In front of her was a large river, but instead of clear water it was an amber, bubbling liquid. How a river appeared on the large cake, she did not care. She was more surprised that it was there more than anything else.
“What is… this?”
“Try it, Princess!” urged the box of donuts, now a normal dozen.
“Wait, what do you mean?”
“Have a taste, we promise you won’t be disappointed!”
“Are you sure?”
“Why of course!”
Slowly and tentatively, she lowered her head near the flowing amber liquid. It smelled nice. She took a small sip.
Celestia jerked her head up, covering her mouth with a hoof. “It’s…”
“It’s champagne! We know you love it!”
“You mean there is a river made out of champagne…”
“Of course! Cakeland is made for you! Look, here is our ride!”
“Ride?” Celestia asked as she looked out in the river, seeing a large tube-like object slowly float towards her.
“Is that…”
“Why yes,” exclaimed the box of donuts, “it is an even larger donut! Have a seat!”
“A seat?”
“Yes, let us embark! Come Princess Celestia, explore your new kingdom!”
Celestia obliged as she reclined on a large inner tube that was actually a donut. A wine glass appeared out of nowhere next to the box of donuts. She let out a small sigh as she reclined back, dipping her glass into the river below her. “Well, if you say so.”
Celestia giggled loudly as she kicked her hooves into the air.
“Why, my little donuts, it is truthfully a marvelous kingdom,” she exclaimed with a smile, her face flushed red as she twirled the glass in her hoof.
“It is just me, Princess,” said the single remaining donut in the box. “But yes, it is truly wonderful, and it is all for you.”
Celestia gasped. “Only one left?”
“Fret not! For more will come!”
The now drunk Princess shook her head. “Are you not sad, my little donut? You are the last one.”
The donut smiled. “As they say, save the best for last. I am cream filled after all! Come on, stick me inside of you! You know you want to!”
“Why yes,” Celestia said lazily, a dopey smile adorning her face. “As you wish…”
She levitated the donut, bringing it to her muzzle, giving the donut the nibble.
It was crisp.
It was fresh.
It was absolutely tasteless.
The Princess’ eyes jerked open. Floating in front of her was not a delicious cream filled donut, but a piece of celery.
“Why hello there!” the celery shouted, googly eyes appearing on it. “Well that was not very nice, taking a bite out of me. You should learn some manners.”
The color drained from her face, leaving nothing but a pale white shell. She dropped the talking abomination, dunking her muzzle into the river to rid the taste from her mouth.
She gagged and jerked her head up as she tasted not champagne, but something foul. “W-what is this?!” Celestia shouted as she stood up on her raft.
“Why it is prune juice, dear sister!”
Celestia stood rigid as her head slowly turned to look behind her.
There was her sister, standing in what appeared to be a bowl of salad. Sticking out of it was a black flag with a pony skull with two bushes of alfalfa below it.
“Luna!”
“Why hello, dear Celestia!” Luna exclaimed as she waved her hoof. “Tis a fine wind, perfect for sailing, is it not?”
Celestia’s face twisted in confusion, then anger. “What are you doing here!” the white alicorn shouted.
“Moi?” Luna replied, a pirate hat adorning her head. “What ever do you mean, dear sister?”
“Why are you here?” Celestia shouted.
“To take care of you, of course!” Luna replied happily, an eyepatch over an eye. “The key to getting better is by eating better!”
“Indeed,” the piece of celery replied, sitting on Luna’s shoulder. “Eating healthy allows a quick and speedy recovery.”
Celestia blinked, gone were the white towers of frosting and strawberries, and instead pillars of carrots and broccoli took their place. The soft, velvety ground was replaced with crisp, fresh lettuce. The white alicorn started to hyperventilate. Gone was Cakeland, only to be replaced by some salad looking abomination.
“Really, oh sister of mine? Is this how your uncontrolled desire manifests? I mean if it was filled with stallions or a certain purple pony I would understand, but this? Cakeland?”
“Get out of my dream!” screamed Celestia as she wobbled on her raft. She looked down to see her giant donut had became a large carrot boat.
“Tsk, tsk, Tia,” Luna chided as she shook her head. “I am just trying to help you recover and improve your lifestyle. How else will you lose weight on thee fat backside?”
“Squawk! Fat butt, fat butt! Squawk!” the piece of celery cried out, now a celery parrot.
Celestia’s face contorted in anger, turning bright red.
“Something wrong, dear sister?” Luna asked with a smile.
“What's wrong, fatty?” squawked the vegetable parrot.
“STAY OUT!” Celestia screamed as she sent Luna tumbling face first out of her dream door. She stood in the doorway with her wings flared out, her mane and tail on fire. “I WILL PUNT YOUR ASS BACK TO THE MOON IF YOU DO THIS AGAIN!”
The dream door slammed behind Luna, chains and locks appearing all over the ornate door. Of course, Celestia’s dream door would be as decorated as her real one. A small note popped onto the door.
LUNA
STAY OUT!
OR ELSE!
-Celestia
Luna puffed her mane out of her face, her rump in the air. “Sheesh, was just trying to help…”
“Squawk! Moon Butt failed, Moon Butt failed!” the parrot blared.
Luna turned her head back at the celery parrot, staring into its googly eyes. She quickly bit its head off.
“Quiet,” she replied with a muffled chew.
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Well, this certainly surprised the hell out of me, thought it was dead, though I never bothered checking to confirm this. I'm glad I was incorrect, I recall enjoying this fic.
Wow,
Omg, is it real?
Is that an update?
Why yes it is!
So long story short, sorry about the MASSIVE delay. I was busy during that time working on a project. But after two years I finally completed it. So now I should have some free time to work on writing again. So yeah sorry bout that.
Anyway, hopefully updates will be coming MUCH quicker than this one XD.
I got nothing else to really say, except
To the river we must go!
...wut?
Celestia is so delusional, i'm surprised she hasn't lost mobility with all the sweets she eats.
Never dash the frosty cake dreams of Celestia.
Add this to the list of weirdest dreamscapes I've ever had the pleasure of knowing. I think I'll put it at number four...
Yes another chapter!!!
You now owe me one keyboard and one soda. One soda because I just about choked from laughing while reading the chapter and the keyboard because I spit soda from choking/laughing at the same time.
Cakeland sounds rather awesome! Shame I can't go to some magical foodland of delicousness!! @.@
ITS ALIVE
And lean.
Oh well. It was filling, at least.
keep it up I'm dying for the next chapter.
Funny. That's all i have to say. What were you expecting some criticism?
for some reason I expected a baywatch for mares joke
Cakeland? Really?!?
Also Where's Tiberius?
Missed a space. Unless good sex plaining is a thing, in which case you missed two spaces and I'm confused.
<gulps some papaya juice>
Nurse Luna Update: Hello!
<me>
5950228 only 1 space. showing of their goods explaining why they should be eaten. You just got a dirty mind.
Normally, I would frown upon Celestia threatening to punt Luna back to the moon. However, with what she did, I can't stop laughing. Don't worry Luna, your lesson to Celestia will sink in eventually! Right after the bathroom scale sinks thru the floor...
5949993 Princess Bubblegum would adore tis dream.
5950379 Or I enjoy a joke.
hahaha XD i blame my self for my dirty mindedness
Celestia has every right to be upset. I mean, it's not as if she were eating real calories. If we cannot be safe in our own dreams from pushy types who want to control us, then where can we be safe?
In any case, hilarious and silly. Very nice. Hope to see more soon.
I am totally on Celestia's side here, come on dream food doesn't have any calories, let her have some fun.
Luna's just jealous
Oh Celestia... XD
It's good to see this story back again. I do enjoy this story so. Hopefully it won't be as long until the next one comes out.
How else will you lose weight on thy fat backside?
Other than that itty-bitty error in archaic grammar...
Absolutely hilarious chapter! Cakeland!
But poor Celestia... she can't even eat sweets in her own dream! 
Curse having a sister with dreamwalking powers! 
well this story make me laugh so much hahaha
5953666
The first one is American. though ScribeScribbles was the one asking.
An enjoyable chapter. Good work.
5953777
Thanks
Welp I went and fixed some mistakes. Hopefully there should be less.
5953841
No. The errors probably occur because I am usually not sober when I write this story....
>_>
Short but funny!
*Celestia smiled as she took in the sights and smells*
Forgot the "she".
Also -
(internet's working much better now)
yes update! Woooo!!
(i can hopefully)
i can not wait for more
5953685 Uhm, the Daleks in the new series have quite a bit more capability than the old Mark III travel machines.
They can fly, generate vastly more powerful beams, and have quite an immense power reserve.
Those donuts were total vores...
This was hilarious. I can't stop laughing, “What's wrong, fatty?” ha-ha It would have been hilarious to see Celestia's face, I can't breathe
What a funny end it was. But I say Luna was a bit deadly with the poor old celery parrot:
"Squawk! Moon Butt failed, Moon Butt failed!” the parrot blared.
Luna turned her head back at the , staring into its googly eyes. She quickly bit its head off.
I thought thou liked thy names, Tis was most rude Moon Butt
10 out of 10 L.O.L'S
You did an exceedingly well story, well done!
P.S Tatsurou comment "...wat?" after your comment was a total crack up
YAY the Story Resumes once more
ummm... did any one else think of dirty things when that donut said ("put me inside you") not to mention it was cream filling to.....so wrong man.....so wrong
WRT Cakeland:
I have not laughed so hard in a long time. truly, your story is comedy gold!
I look forward to more, rest assured.
reactionface.net/reactionface/images/original/848.jpg?new=1
Geez, she really ruined a perfect dream there o.o
5974400 LOL
, wow what a creative mind you have there
I laughed out loud at the very end. Which normally would be fine, but when I'm pretending to grade papers while my students take a test, it's a bit less desirable.
Luna is such a pest, isn't she?
Oh man I missed this.
Just gonna...leave that one alone... and uh, yeah...
Sorry for bugging you but I was woundering if you know when you might be updateing your story?
6692166
I still plan on working on it. I am trying to deal with work though.
6693515 that is okay I understand I was just woundering if there was going to be a new chapter at some point or not thank you for letting me know
Hmm, an update will be nice