The only human in Equestria has an awkward time in a bar. Mostly due to the massive language barrier.

She hates the humans. She hates their roads. She hates what the world has become...but most of all she hates her job.

Join Pinkamena Diane Pie (just call her Pinkamena) as she struggles through her day with stupid customers, and dumber management.

Don't look in the satchel.

[Now comes with Rage Review!] *warning: spoilers*

[Credit to Party Pop for new cover art]

[special thanks to JoeSFX for english to spanish translations in chapter 6.]

[Not a Cupcakes rewrite]

[Note: Fic is a dark comedy, and is AU. Expect characters to be different from their original canon roles and misanthropy abounds. May not be your cup of tea.]

[Previous Cover Art Below]
Alos88

Further wanderings through the Leroverse. This fic continues on after the Xenophilia main story so you'll need to read that to be able to understand anything that's going on here. This fic may not be clop (so no explicit man-on-tiny-horse action to be found here) but the original is so you have been warned.

Most importantly, a huge shower of gratitude goes to AnonAuthor and AnonponyDASHIE for granting me permission to play around in their pool. Hopefully they won't need too much extra chlorine once I'm done. I'd also like to thank all my co-authors and guest authors. You're fantastic, every one of you.

Being the mayor of Ponyville is not easy, not when you have the Elements of Harmony and the Cuite Mark Crusaders always causing trouble. Mayor Mare has a solution however, a Bachelor auction and Big Mac is the star of her little show. Follow Mac as he goes through his own personal hell, while the other stallions seem to be enjoying themselves!

Stallions on the Block: Big Mac, Soarin, Braeburn, Bulk Biceps, Prince Blueblood, Flash Sentry, Caramel, Thunderlane, Dr. Whooves/Time Turner, and Spike! Also two new ponies that you might be able to recognize.

Written by: Captain Unstoppable
Jake the Army Guy
Featured Story?! Thank you all!

Update: Since all of you have been debating the age, Jake and I have decided that the ages are as followed. Main Six are in their early twenties. CMC/Spike pre-teens 10-12. Mac mid twenties.

Thank you as always to jszellmer for the edits.

Thank you to KarmaDash for the idea bouncing along with Shrapmo as well.

Finally thank you mcwhale4 for the great cover art!

Also, here is what Auction has been like for Jake and Cap
Enjoy!