She hates the humans. She hates their roads. She hates what the world has become...but most of all she hates her job.
Join Pinkamena Diane Pie (just call her Pinkamena) as she struggles through her day with stupid customers, and dumber management.
Don't look in the satchel.
[Now comes with Rage Review!] *warning: spoilers*
[Credit to Party Pop for new cover art]
[special thanks to JoeSFX for english to spanish translations in chapter 6.]
[Not a Cupcakes rewrite]
[Note: Fic is a dark comedy, and is AU. Expect characters to be different from their original canon roles and misanthropy abounds. May not be your cup of tea.]
[Previous Cover Art Below]
Alos88
Chapters (8)
3966532
"What's next? Sequined Milkshake? Bowtie French Fry?
Too close to real life for some.
3966532
I loved it, but like your last one, there are small mistakes in it. I can over look them, but some other people can't... for some reason.
I won't lie, I thought to myself as i read the title 'Another rewrite? Huh. This uses burgers though. Could be interesting.'
I'm glad i read it. This storyvis hilarious and best of all...
It's not a rewrite! I applaud you sir or madam. Have a like and a fav.
MORE PLEASE! THIS IS GOOD!
3966969
*looks at user name*
Squee
no words can express -- bzzt -- [file not found][system failure]
3966894
Glad you liked it. I work at Whataburger. You could say it my work inspired me.
I know there are some errors, but I'll get around to fixing them sooner or later. Might get a proof reader at somepoint. I'm leaning towards making a couple of more chapters of this, so stick around. (I wrote this in one day, so that's a new record for me)
3966646
Don't I know it?
3966532
3966565
You pieces of shit. You beat me to it.
3972042
3972065
Ditto.
Good work! Man, I am enjoying this story SO MUCH! Looking forward to MORE! Keep up the good work!
3974819
Thank you! By the by, If you havn't, go back to the first chapter. I changed up the beginning a bit and its worth rereading.
3974821 No problem! When can we expect more of your story? Can't wait for more!
Nice to meet ya btw! I'm new on this site.
3974843
Nice to meet you too :)
You can probably expect another chapter or two this week. After that, it may slow down a little bit. I've got work and 12 hours left of community service to do and some other things in my life that need doing, but I'll probably be updating fairly often on this...until I hit a block or something.
3974851 Ah okay. Well, I hope you keep updating man, this story is AWESOME!
Sombra = King Troll
Funny, though I really gotta wonder why you went with pinkie's creepypasta name. I can see it was a point of humor in the story...
Nonetheless, at least I was not disappointed. Indeed, you rolled this one all the way up the hill. :D
Oh noes... Pinkie found the book from Death Note and Final Destination! D: Quickly Lyra, change your name!
Not as funny as the first chapter, but hey, the humor is still there.
As a soulless drone that works in Retail for +20 years, I have to say this is far too accurate for what happens when humans grow unchecked in Equestria.
Fav and thumbed up.
To all the folks who've read this story and liked it, be sure to leave a thumbs up. To those who down voted, please explain why in the comments or pm me.
I wanna get these down votes off my back one way or another. I feel like most are coming from folks misjudging the story by the cover art, but if not, please tell me what I'm doing wrong.
Why is this it featured its so good
Alos88 made a good cover, but I've been messing around with this in gimp and decided to use it instead. Link to Alos88's in the decription though. Do ya'll think I should switch it?
This is quite honestly a great fic that more people should read. With the exception of a few cuss words outside of the character's speech and thoughts, it's very well-written. You presented a good AU society of Ponyville, and I really like how you wrote the characters, as it fits the style of a true Dark Comedy AU fic.
Perhaps what I like about this chapter is that it accurately portrays a character who absolutely hates her job. I wouldn't blame her, since it is widely considered that working minimum wage at a fast food restaurant for your life is the filthy scraps of the job barrel.
In Pinkamena's verbal shot towards Tom, the phrase should be 'your dick size that' to make it grammatically correct.
Also, at the end, it is spelled 'off-course'
Other than those two, this chapter was enjoyable to read through. I think the genre is what turns people off, but it honestly isn't a problem for me since you executed it in a very believable fashion (i.e. Change is something that characters can be happy with or unhappy with. Regardless of the circumstances, both sides have to learn how to cope with the change). I also do like the symbolism with Lyra and Pinkamena representing coping with change in this chapter.
I'd have said the skull belonged to Gummy but it's a pony so... who was it? No mention of a horn. Maybe a stallion that wouldn't take no for an answer?
3990370
Appreciate the input!...honestly I didn't know I put any symbolism in that chapter..
I think I agree with you about the genre though, so I guess I'll just have to deal with the auto downvotes. *shrugs* I'm okay with this being an obscure gem if that's all I can accomplish with it.
Well, at least you gave Pinkie Pie a reasonable exception for Megan.
Plus, I found Lyra's freak-outs to be funny.
This is why I am polite and quick with fast food workers. And I always try to park and go inside. Face to face is better usually.
Wow, this is getting weird.
Too long, Pinkie Pie it is
3999780
Good weird, or bad weird?
I'm with Pinkamina, if anything paid their half of the rent and didn't trash the place, I'd make an exception for them too. Human, pony... tentacle monsters.
I know, right?
sigh...if only I could move in with a tentacle monster that payed half the rent.
How did you like the interactions between Pinkamena and AJ? Did any of the jokes seemed forced to you?
You really outdid yourself with this chapter. By far the most well-written chapter. I really adored that view into Pinkamena's insanity from working at Rainbow Burger.
This is the worst job! That first customer needs to be killed!
Customer: "An order of pain? How much does it cost?"
Pinkamena: "It only costs you your life sir!"
4030779
Glad you liked it! It's not perfect. I think I fell a little flat in introducing Rover and Diego. I might need to go back and put more define their characters a little bit more. I've been wondering what to do with them, really. Make em just side characters or something more? Then I had an idea of what to do with Rover...but that's a secret.
In the next chapter I'm going to introduce Rareza Quintana Campana. If you're any good at Spanish then the name is a dead give away.
4002727 Yes, but Meghan from G1? And she can't dress herself?!
Chapter 6 is coming out as soon as I get some lines translated into spanish! I can't wait!
There's one minor problem I noticed with the translation:
Since you introduced a new subject here in the 3rd person, poder should be puede.
Also, in the first paragraph, there is a bit of verb confusion with the word drug. I'm not sure if you are referring to 'drag' (If this is the case, the proper verb should be 'dragged'), 'drugged' or 'dug' but it is a bit glaring in the beginning.
I do like how Rarity is of Mexican descent here, Iron Law has some props going for him, and I'm sure that Lyra will eventually warm up to Gummy. It's a really good chapter.
4082661
Thank for pointed out those errors
The drug thing as past tense of drag is probably due to the way I talk. Southern. *shrugs* I use it every now and again in speech.
My translator did a really good job with the spanish lines, but no ones perfect. I had no idea you spoke spanish! If you told me sooner, I might have asked you to translate for me instead and had this out a day earlier.
Oh well. Glad you liked the chapter!
Okay.... what the heck just happened and why is Rarity speaking Spanish?
4082697
This is a really really alternate universe, where Rarity has always spoken spanish.
As for what happened, what do you mean exactly?
4082687
No problem and always happy to help. I wasn't actually anticipating you using the Spanish language in the fic, so it just seemed like an unnecessary skill so far.
And yes, I really do like the chapter
4082703
Like what the heck did she say?
4082720
I have been considering putting in foot notes or a link to a gdoc for translations. Spanish speakers will know what she said, but english speakers are sorta left in the dark and have to draw on context clues to understand what the conversation was about. At this part of the story it's actually not vital for the reader to know what she said. The obscuration of the dialogue is a writers tactic used to leave the reader wanting to know more, though it can be sometimes be agitating which is why authors tend to leave an index of translations in books that the reader can go to, to sate their curiosity (the smart ones at least.)
To paraphrase what went down, Rarity wants a job at Rainbow Burger, however Sombra is skeptical because of the language barrier. Rarity is dejected, but remembers to mention the name of the pony that referred her to Sombra. Pezunas. Which is hooves in spanish. Upon hearing the name, Sombra suddenly realizes what is really going on and he is more than happy to have her aboard.
The reasons being reserved to be revealed in later chapters.
What did Rarity just say exactly? I didn't understand a single word of that.
4082842
See my comment to seether.
It's not vital yet to know what she said exactly, though I do plan on putting in footnotes or something for the translation.
And now we need a translator here.
4082886 ok then. good story btw. ^^