Celestia's worst fear is realized when she finds out Exetor isn't dead and is on his way to Ponyville to take back his old stomping grounds. The town has been evacuated, however Pinkie Pie decides to stay.
Adaption of a Zen story. [link to story in author's note]
[rewrite pending]
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There it is Pinkamena Diane Pie at her finest, you have earned something rare from us
4098525
I always thought Pinkie was a zen master.
I don't get it
4098636
http://users.rider.edu/~suler/zenstory/nofear.html
Original story.
I like this story though I can understand the confusion. While the original story isn't incomprehensible to those outside of its source culture I do think you will find a lot of people wondering about the ending because of its strong connection to its origin culture.
I do think you made a great choice to represent the zen master in reference the shows dynamics.
The only way to make the ending more comprehensible to everybody may unfortunately kind of ruin the feel of the ending though seeing exactly what the dragon is thinking at the end may be interesting in its own right.
4098728
You know I thought the exact same thing, but I was extremely hesitant to do that. I wanted the story to have as much of a zen feel as I could, paying respect to the source material. If I added in Exetor's thoughts I was afraid I'd kill that. *shrugs*
I found this hilarious. I didn't get it until I read the original story, but it was still a very good adaption.
4098784
I agree that it would likely kill that zen feel which was why I said it could "ruin" the ending even if it would make more sense to more people.
I think the disconnect is that the Japanese really appreciate such a poetic ending to a story despite the fact that the result is actually highly unlikely (though extremely funny, awesome and philosophically great as it is now). This ending was designed to show off a philosophical idea rather than a more real life feeling idea.
HOWEVER that said one could make a case that the statement also appeals to the dragon because it plays to its ego that it is so great that it could destroy you with so little thought. There are ways to interpret the ending outside of the standard zen idea.
Hrmmm... It gets the point across but it feels a little bit off. Maybe a little more like this?
“You fool! Don’t you realize I could kill you without blinking an eye?”
“Well, obviously!" Pinkie giggled, but then she composed herself and looked stern. "Did you know I could die without batting an eyelash?”
And just like that, the cacophony of fury suddenly ceased. Exetor stared helplessly and she stared back.
In the distance, the single note of a bush warbler could be heard.
Exetor blinked. Placing Pinkie gently back on the ground, he backed up a few steps to contemplate. She gave him a warm smile in return.
He glanced away, up into the calm sky, pensive. Then without a word, he walked out of the town, unfurled his wings, and launched himself into the air, never to be seen again.
I read the original Zen story afterwards, and I believe you nailed it. But I agree with 4102849 that the last exchange could be better to get the point/feel across better.
Well, that was interesting. Have an upvote, a fave and a stalk.
This is why Pinkie Pie is the best.
4102849
You brought up a good point, so I edited the ending so It'd flow better. Tell me what you think.
4103369
changed ending to make it flow better. Think this versions better?
4104663
It is better, but I'm just unsure about the emphasis on him blinking his eyes. I think that clouds the meaning that you're trying to get across. Maybe I'm wrong though?
4105006
I'm kinda unsure myself. I don't think it really hurts it, but the story could work just the same without it. I figured it was symbolic, in that after he blinked his eye, he didn't kill Pinkie.
4105195
No, I see what you're saying, but I was referring to the dialog. It makes it sound as if she's referring to his capabilities, rather than her own, when she says he can kill her without blinking. I think it still works, but it kind of clouds the original meaning that Pinkie is not afraid to die, which is why I changed it the way that I did.
I'd get a few more opinions on that, though. I may just be reading too much into the phrasing and others may understand it exactly how it was intended, even without reading the original zen story.
4105388
I understand what you're saying, but the thing is she is referring to his capabilities. Basically, he's saying he can kill her in the blink of an eye, but Pinkie's like "Pssh...you wouldn't even have to blink! It's that easy!"
Also it's a closer quote to what's originally said in the source material.
4105409
Not quite.
The former has the master emphasizing that he won't budge. The latter has Pinkie suggesting that he doesn't understand his own strength. That's how it seems to me and it's a completely different lesson, even though it has a similar line of logic.
4105487
Well to be perfectly accurate, when I first read this story it was a different version that used the line that Pinkie used.
"Don't you realize you could kill me without blinking your eye?"
I wasn't paying attention to which version of the story I was using...but in the end I think it's a moot point, because at this point were really splitting hairs. To me it really says the same thing.
4104672
This confused me because they're practically the same sentence, so I got lost on what the point was supposed to be. Personally, you could go for that Pinkie sentence you said in the comments (this one: "Pssh...you wouldn't even have to blink! It's that easy!"). It would clear things up for me, show that Pinkie's not bothered at all about the idea of death and acknowledge Exetor's capabilities.
But that's just me. Anyway, it's your call, dear author. Still a great story either way.
4108138
4105006
UGH! I'm so stupid! I can't believe I missed that. Here is what is suppose to be said.
Dragon: Don't you realize I could kill you in a blink of an eye
Pinkie: Don't you realize you could kill me without blinking your eye.
Makes more sense now. Right?
Ugh...that was the most important two lines of the story and I flunked it. 151 ppl read the wrong frikkin thing...oh well. *fixed*
4108917
I think Matcha hit the nail on the head. The similarity of sentence structure is what was bothering me, but I didn't realize it.
Though I would make it "in the blink" because 'the' sounds better than 'a' to me (but that's purely a personal preference.) Or I would go with the alternative line ("Pssh...you wouldn't even have to blink! It's that easy!") Either one works a lot better.
4109105
How about this as a comprimise?
4109284
Sounds good to me! Just change "too" into "to".
4109348
Got it.
This was quite enjoyable!
Pinkie acknowledges how powerful the dragon s. she just doesn't care. I like how Exion has that realization: she's not mocking him, she fully comprehends how powerful he is, she honestly thought he would like the party, and she's not afraid of him at all. That is really mind blowing for the dragon.
Some achieve enlightenment through stillness and contemplation, quieting themselves to hear the world.
One does so through action and spontaneity, galloping so far into frivolity that she loops around and hits wisdom from the other direction.
All the strength in the world, all the power, all the fury will do nothing to protect the mind from the Zen of Pink.
So? It's not like unicorn magic requires preparation or components. She struck first, which means she had all the time she needed. Chrysalis may have had Shining Armor, but he was just one person. If Celestia was so powerful, it'd take more than that to defeat her.
Discord. Chrysalis somehow removed Luna preemptively. Tirek was dangerous enough that even with Twilight and Candace, they decided it was best to hide all their power.
A dragon is a considerable bit. He breaths fire, flies, is massive, has scales that are probably highly resistant to magic - AKA the Regal Sister's only weapon, and might have magic of his own. And Celestia and Luna aren't gods, Hell, they aren't even demigods. "Princess of the Sun"? Sure, she raises the sun, and people naturally assume that's a big deal. But it isn't. Not in their universe. Before she was around, normal unicorns raised and lowered the Sun and Moon. We honestly have no idea how much power it takes, but we can assume it isn't much. And considering it orbits that planet instead of the other way around, assuming the planet is about our planet's size, it would have to be a lot smaller than our sun. And that's assuming they do it telekinetically, which I want to just say is impossible. Unless the sun is really small in their universe, it's undoubtedly a spell, which would take a lot less power to use.
I would claim this as evidence that Celestia doesn't even raise the sun, but then I remembered this must be before she took over.
... what? That ending... what? Why? He's not even going to fight Celestia again? Though I am annoyed that he is the "mightiest dragon in the world".
6138256
In my defense, the whole setup could have been done better, and the ending is suppose to be like that since its just a zen story retold thru pony.
I think I wrote this in one night. Dunno if Ill ever do a rewrite since all I got is my mobile now.
6138453 I see.
Well, that's an interesting little tale.