Rainbow Dash lives an exciting life and is swiftly becoming the most daring, awesome pegasus in all of Equestria. She would gladly give it all up, though, just to confess her love to Applejack.
"Look, could you not buzz my head so closely?"
"YES."
"Then would you mind giving me some breathing room?"
"NO."
"You have any friggin' clue just what this place is?"
"YES."
"Does it attach to—like—the rest of the alicorns' dreamscape?"
"YES."
"Do you think I'd be able to... uh... find other dreamers by going through here?"
"YES."
"Could you explain to me how to get there?"
"NO."
"Unnngh!" Rainbow Dash stopped in her tracks, spun around, and growled at the floating geodesic sphere. "Then if you're not going to be of any more help to me than the stupid flip of a coin, would you kindly make like a donkey's butt and split?!"
The sphere twirled to form a red star. "NO."
"I mean it!" Rainbow spat, pointing an angry blue hoof. "Get out of here!"
"NO. NO. NO. NO."
Rainbow sighed in frustration, twirling about to swat and whip at the floating thing with her tail. "Buzz off! For realsies! I've already had my fill with annoying pint-sized sidekicks in the real world! I don't need any of that crud here, and I'm most definitely not gonna be taking binary sass from a geometric turd that got doped up on helium! So, unless you can turn into someone or something that can help me find my way around the dreamscape, I want nothing to do with you!"
Just then, the geodesic sphere locked in place. It twitched, twirled, then spun-spun-spun, growing brighter and brighter with a pulsing gray aura.
Rainbow Dash backed up, ears folded with a wincing expression. "Er... look, take it easy. I didn't mean to make you divide by zero or nothing." She shielded her eyes with her outstretched wings as the light became blindingly bright. "Jeez! Lay off the glowing, will ya?!" Just then, she blinked. "Huh?"
With a final strobe of energy, the sphere unfolded, rolling its golf ball features back and then expanding to six times its original size. Legs grew, along with a glittering black mane and a white coat. A grayish-lavender uniform unfolded with matching pant-legs. Finally, with a bright blink of soft purple eyes, an earth pony landed on the floor right in front of Rainbow Dash and leaned forward with an ecstatic grin on her muzzle. Plop! "Hey!"
"Luna Poop!" Rainbow Dash fell on her haunches and scooted backwards until she was leaning up against a steel railing. She grimaced and shivered in the cold neon lights of the air-conditioned chamber. "What gives?! Why are you a pony all of the sudden?"
"Heeheehee! Because you requested service beyond my initial form, which means you must be among the waking! But you need not fear, my little alicorn!" The mare adjusted her uniform, reached forward, and hoisted Rainbow back onto her hooves. "EPCOT is here to escort you back to your Sim!"
"Uhhh..." Rainbow squinted at her. "What did you say your name was...?"
"Hehehe! Why, EPCOT!" The mare stood tall and proud, brandishing her "Cast Member" name tag. "The Experimental Pony Chaperone Of Tomorrow! But—hehe—of course you know that." She rolled her eyes, giggle-snorting. "You made me, after all."
"I... made you?" Rainbow Dash squinted.
"Hmmmmm..." Epcot rubbed her muzzle, squinting quizzically at Rainbow's fuzzy blue forehead.
"What, you see something there that you like?"
"Hehe! Maybe! I was just noticing that you're missing a horn." Epcot grinned. "No worry! I can take you to Lost and Found if you like!"
"Uhhhh... no... I'm good." Rainbow Dash cleared her throat. "And I'm not an alicorn—"
"You're not an alicorn?" Epcot blinked her purple eyes. "But... how can that be?"
"Look, all I know is that I took a sip of this crazy goblet thingy and the enchanted cider brought me here—"
"Wait, do you mean to tell me you're a mortal?"
"Uhhhhh..." Rainbow Dash fidgeted. "...yeah?"
"Duaaaaaaaaaaaah!" Epcot gasped, her jaw exploding in a wide, wide grin. "A mortal!" She danced around in a giddy circle. "I can't believe it! I can't believe it! I can't believe it!" She hopped up and down. "I've always wanted to meet a real flesh-and-blood mortal! Tell me!" She leaned forward, beaming. "What's it like to excrete fluids? Have you foaled yet? Are you color-blind? Do you feel nightly heart-stabbing pains of existential unrest?!"
"Whoah whoah whoah..." Rainbow Dash waved her hooves, backing up from the grinning mare and her glittering black mane. "Easy up on the meat-speech." She cleared her throat. "At the risk of sounding lame, could we dumb things down a notch? I mean, one second you were a ball who couldn't talk and now you're a bunch of talk having a ball."
"Ohhhhhhh... I just can't help myself!" Epcot trotted in place, gradually nudging Rainbow backwards across the line. "I've wanted to talk to a mortal in forever!" She blinked aside, simpering. "Granted, I've wanted to talk to anypony in forever, but hey! Who's counting! Besides me, of course... Heehee!"
"Wait..." Rainbow pointed. "You mean—all this time—you've been alone here?"
"Yup!"
"For how long, exactly?"
"Roughly for hundred thousand seven hundred and twenty-two days!" she sing-songed. "But don't worry! The Future is Now! Isn't it great?! Hehehe!"
"Uhhh... yeah... sure—Whoah!" Rainbow Dash gasped as she stumbled onto a moving platform. She looked around to see a series of bright orange seats gliding along a magnetically propelled track. Each "car" faced in one direction, moving in time with the gliding platform. "The hay is this?"
"Something I've been wanting to use for a long, long, long time!" Epcot said, squeeing. "A Tutorial! It will teach you all the ins and outs of Cider Space!"
"The ins and outs of what?"
"Cider Space!"
"The buck is that?"
"Why, it's where you are! It's where all the dreamers are!" She winked. "And if we can dream it, then we can do it!"
"Uhhhhh—"
"Oh! By the way." Epcot took a deep, deep breath. "Are you in any way pregnant, disabled, diabetic, epileptic, claustrophobic, or prone to motion sickness?"
"Er... none to all of the above."
"Perfect!" Epcot spun, smacking Rainbow with her uniformed flank.
"Gaaah!" Rainbow fell back into one of the seats. "Ooof!"
Fl-Flash! In a blink, Epcot turned into the geodesic sphere, shot over, and rematerialized in the seat just left of Rainbow Dash. "The doors of your vehicle will close automatically. Please! Remain seated with your legs, hooves, tail, and wings inside the vehicle at all times." She gasped. "Oh! And no smoking, please."
Rainbow squinted at her. "Who says I'm the one smoking?"
"Shhhhh!" Epcot squirmed in her seat as the car carried them into a dark corridor full of glittering lights. "It's about to begin! Phweeeeeee! Holy Figment this is the best slice out of subconcious eternity everrrrr!"
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Funny how all those immortal alicorns are now dead.
Doofus suits her better.
Pun on Cyber Space. I won't point out that the contents of the Chalice was irrelevant; it could have been full of milk for all the difference it would have made.
...Skirts, I've gotta ask you a serious question, buddy.
What are you on?
'Cause I need to get me some of that shit...
Sooooo uuuh.
And then I completely lost my shit.
5545611 Yeah, especially that last one. I think Doofus was confusing Rainbow Dash with Lyra.
5545659
With whom?
5545664 Don't ask. You'll just forget anyway.
5545437 At least we know a little more about why she was created.
5545699 Forget who?
Anyway, since this is all a dream, can Luna visit it?
Can we keep her?
5545512 Me too... Unless the trips last more than a couple of minutes.
5545443
Spoiler didn't work, lol.
5545512
I doubt he can share with you. You can't have any of mine, either.
5545786
Wuss.
5545659
Is Doofus just your nickname for this epcot mare or do you recognize her from another of SS&E's fics?
5546025 It's how Rainbow Dash initially referred to Epcot, before she learned her name. It remains to be seen if RD will use her correct name.
5545947 Well, excuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuse me, Princess! Some of us have busier lives than simply being an almighty, pants-shittingly terrifying king of dragons.
5546086
I won't argue with that. You win this round.
She's worse than Pinkie Pie...
I love it!!
Thanks to science!
5546086
I changed my mind. I will argue with that.
What makes Aatxe scary? Just the unknown? All you do know is that I have a brood of nincompoops, I am a King of Dragons, and I value my privacy with extreme prejudice. Otherwise, I have been mostly been keeping to myself. While falling victim to spectacle creep allows me to Birg to an extent, I also corf because "my character" is most likely in opposition to Rainbow Dash, and to that extent, Applejack. I don't know how to feel about that.
5547331
Hot, Portal potatoes and a Willy Wonka ride.
I think GLaDOS 2.0 is going to make this arc veeery interesting...
Wait... Wrong fandom there. Ah well. ESPOT (or whatever her name is) is now GLaDOS 2.0. You may not argue or present your own ideas for I will not listen. As is the True Brony Way(tm)
5548264 What makes you scary is that you're a giant fucking dragon. We all know that your privacy is very important, and that you do... Stuff. But I'd like to think that being king of the dragons comes with the benefit of bossing around. Something not many of us have.
5549016
Song.
FIGMENT
So this is pinkie's mindscape on a daily basis.. Huh.. Cool..
*stares of into space
So, this is Epcot. I should have guessed, I suppose.
I heard Cider Space and immediately thought of Cyberchase. Maybe The Hacker will be the villain of this arc.
By the by, I like Epcot a lot. She reminds me of Minuette from the recent episode. You can't not like her bubbliness.
I'm getting some serious Guilty Spark vibes from EPCOT here.
6386448 ...I agree...and disagree...this is like what would happen if 343 somehow merged his personality with Pinkie.
an Omniscient being that can predict the future and is hell bent on having as much fun as possible while doing it.
That is no way to speak about Scotaloo, RD
This is actually quite a short time, only 276 years.
7331038 I think that "for" was a typo meeant to be "four" Which would make it "Four hundred thousand seven hundred twenty two days" Or closer to 1100 years give or take
Wait, that's... just under 300 years, isn't it? Way too short for most prehistoric Alicorn stuff.
EPCOT?
This is where the discord bot got her name?
I love this so much
Goddammitskirts
... Now I get why Epcot is best pone.