Rainbow Dash lives an exciting life and is swiftly becoming the most daring, awesome pegasus in all of Equestria. She would gladly give it all up, though, just to confess her love to Applejack.
WHAM! A hairy paw slammed onto a table beneath a spotlight inside a dark room.
“Mangy hound?!” Top Dog snarled, accompanied by two other surly canines brandishing spears. The diamond dog's other arm was slung in a cast, and his body still sported over a dozen heavy bruises. “I paid good money to be here, ya stupid hay-stuffer!”
“Watch your tone with the Don!” a suited stallion snarled from the far side of the table. “He's only entertaining you mutts because we have a common interest! So stick your tail between your legs and shut up!”
Schiiing! Top Dog unsheathed a large blade. “I'm not the only creature with a tail that can be removed and shoved somewhere else, pal!”
“You wanna make something of it?!”
The room filled with angry noise and commotion from every stranger around the table. Hooves clopped in frustration while diamond dogs snarled. On one edge of the table, a glass jar contained a flickering Baslisk eye marinating in bubbling green liquid. The pupil spun around, its container rattling in consternation.
“Quiet, everypony... quiet!” a wheezing voice snarled. Everyone settled down while an old, obese stallion leaned towards the table with thin eyes. “Everypony's capable of making mistakes, but rampant stupidity is completely inexcusable.” He adjusted his silk suit and waved a hoof for emphasis. “Take my organization, for example. We're usually very careful and calculated in every business decision that we make. However, in this day and age of returning lunar princesses and mares farting rainbows, it's very easy to be distracted. That's the only reason why we made the mistake of thinking that this Photo Finish dame was the one responsible for taking what belonged to me, Don Canter, when in fact it was this... third party pegasus, solely and exclusively.”
“I know!” Top Dog snarled. “She and some rampaging minotaur destroyed the Big Bitchin' Bitch!” He punched the table again. “I want her dead! Don't you too?!”
“Shhhh... patience... patience my tail-wagging friend.” Don Canter rasped, “Killing her simply won't do. If she has your shards and mine, then it's simply a matter of finding out where she's collected them.”
The reptilian eye rattled in its jar, making a faint squeaking noise.
Don Canter struggled to not roll his eyes. “No... she wouldn't have put it in your old lair. Besides, that place is overflowing with bone-headed buffalo now.” He glanced at the others. “What we need to do is figure out where she lives and that way we can stage a delightful little welcoming party together. We invite all of her friends, family... everypony she'd love to see and would hate to see their guts hanging up over the ceiling fan, Capiche? Then when she's right in the corner where we want her, we get her to cough up what's ours. Everypony—and dog... andsquishy eye thing goes home happy.”
Ponies applauded. Dogs barked. The glowing jar hopped in place.
“Then where do we begin?!” Top Dog asked. “I'm down to my last pike-wielding puppy!”
“My stallions who failed in their latest business venture confessed the name of a place right before I sent them down the Haydson with cement horseshoes,” Don Canter wheezed. “A kingdom allegedly called 'Awesometopia.' Right now, as we share this table of community, friendship, and daggers, my more professional hitstallions are hitting up every embassy in Manehattan for info.”
“And they'll end up with a lot of manure!” screeched a voice from the shadows.
Everyone turned to look—then gasped as a thoroughly bruised pair of henchstallions were tossed like meatbags onto the table-top. Thud! The eye-in-a-jar fell on its side while the two thugs moaned.
Th-Thap! A set of talons and lion paws landed on the table's edge.
Top Dog and his fellow canines brandished their polearms. “Bark?!”
As the murmurs of surprise quieted down, Don Canter calmly cleared his throat and spoke. “What brings you to my table with two of my most trusted business associates so thoroughly bruised?”
“They were mince meat from the beginning,” Romulus hissed, his feathery body once again clad in full mercenary regalia. “I could easily have torn my way through this whole party if I wanted.”
“And instead, you came here with a purpose.” Don Canter pointed. “A creature of determination. I like that... even if I have to stare through a dumb pigeon's beak to see it.”
“Shut it, you Bitalian-Equestrian fatso!” Romulus snarled. An angry thug galloped up to his side, but the griffon had an arm-mounted crossbow with a razor-sharp barb aimed at his gullet in under a second. Glaring at him and the others around the table, the bounty hunter spoke on: “Believe it or not, I'm at my wit's end too. There are several employers who need me to gather the shards. If we work together, we might just be able to do that before the likes of Aatxe and his brood gather them all up!”
“Oh yeah?” Top Dog squinted. “And just what's in it for us? We need the shards too!”
“You'll forget about the shards once my employer pays each and every one of you with enough gold to buy out the Canterlot Treasury ten times over...” Romulus' hawkeyes narrowed on the jar. “...or even a way out of Tartarus for all your brimstone buddies.”
The reptilian eye squeaked and blinked.
“Hrmmm...” Don Canter rubbed his cheek. “I'm listening.”
“First thing's first...” Romulus frowned. “There is no 'Awesometopia!' I've checked!”
The thugs and criminals gawked at one another, murmuring in shock.
“Second...” Romulus sneered. “... this pegasus... this supposed 'Madame Firefly'... she's been working with one of my former associates, a sarosian by the name of Noir.”
“You know a sarosian?” a thug asked. “And yet you're still breathing?”
“In case you haven't figured it out yet, I'm good at what I do.” Romulus turned towards the others. “And what I do is hunt ponies down. You want to bag this mare? Fine. We'll do it.” He hissed as he retracted the crossbow. “But we'll do it my way. And we'll start in Fillydelphia.”
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I don't really think the dogs want money...
Oh goody! Exactly what we need. Every one of Rainbow Dash's enemies form an alliance in the sole goal of annihilating her with the shards as an incentive.
4954185
I don't think lancie's idea of slice of life arc will go exactly as he pictures it...
Squishy! My good old friend. I thought you melted away in a gooey puddle somewhere with buffalo skulls and basilisk entrails... Instead you are with a bloodthirsty mafia boss. What worries me is I can't tell which is worse.
Also, more info on Aaxte. Yay!
Why Fillydelphia? Because that's where the cheese is. And everyone knows cheese tastes delicious on horse burgers (oh, sorry... I meant beefburgers... (Beef my arse))
I'm sure her family and friends all would love to have front row seats to Dashie's gruesome death. At least AJ can still talk to her head on lonely days. I guess.
Well, Lunapoop.
4954385
How can you forget Squidgy's name?
Anywho, if I had to guess, I'd say it's Durandal's other eye (could it be all that's left of him?).
A boss rush is coming. That usually happens just before the final boss.
4954541
I know, right? It's just plain wrong. Sparky needs to go East, and quickly.
4954488
Autocorrect. Every time I type everyone's favourite eyeball's name it changes. Be thankful I got it close
I never would have thought about that! See, this is why we need you here. To help poor old Skittle monsters (young or old) actually use their brain.
Speaking of which, haven't seen you around in a while. Maybe that's just me though. Either way, hi again!
EY!
That's Squidgy to you, pal!
4954500 RivalsTeamUp
So Romulus isn't working for me. Or is he? Romulus claims he's working for several employers and to add more to the mix would just cause a lot of trouble in the long run. There are also not a lot of employers outside of dragons that would have a hoard like the one he describes that could pay off potential trouble or help those escape Tartarus. Regardless, I smell a huge double-cross coming up if they can get their hands on Lancie(they apparently don't know he's working on restoring himself). Romulus' statements also make me think that I'm a bit more successful than the others at gathering shards despite having a brood of nincompoops(My headcanon is that dragons eat their young when they threaten the status quo or plan to overthrow their progenitors. No need for blood-related rivals.).
The next step for them is to gather information. Romulus' next stop should be the sarosain. Maybe he's here to get assistance for that. Though I'm sure the sarosain has associates that'd be willing to help him out in a pinch.
4955023
Nevermind, most of them are old or can't leave their environments. With the exception of a brother of the local Ponyville librarian. Had to do a little research.
Yay! Squidgy!
Fillydelphia, Ponyville. Classic mix-up.
So I guess the continuum is broken in these last three chapters: Coco Pommel doesn't work for Suri.
I guess narrative karma works both ways. Rainbow may be less George Bailey and more Beatrix Kiddo at this rate. I still remember that dream Rainbow had of Sweet Apple Acres burning. I don't know how much Noir knows about Rainbow, specifically, but all he has to do is tell them the name of that dude at the delivery company, and suddenly Ponyville's looking more like the set of a Scorsese film.
4954587
Oh, don't you worry. I've been around this whole time, I just don't usually comment as often (or as early) as some others do.
If this is a different eye it could be named Bulbajer.
Or Squidgy 2.
4956163 Maybe this story actually is, as has been hinted somewhat, a prequel to Austraeoh.
If that's true, then anything from an episode after The Return of Harmony won't be happening in this universe, so our author fixes what those episodes fixed in a different way.
4957431 You forget who is narrating: previous chapters have Scootaloo reassuring us that Dash has a happy ending. So HA! Your suspense doesn't work on me, Skirts!
On to fillydelphia
Squidgy!
Also, how in the dilly dally dandying Fuck is this a slice of life arc when a group of idiotic phsyco murderous death ponies/griffons/dogs/squidgy are going to try to fail at murdering Dashies friends?
please reply.
Squidy, you traitor! ...Or are you a double agent..?
Yah, late comment, I know.. Too many work hours, I feel about as noodle-esque as Dash.
Finally the arc ends....
350 more chapters to read...
Life sucks...
That name cracks me up for some reason.
I read the title and cringed, in the oh noes way
Well shit
Oh... crud...