Rainbow Dash lives an exciting life and is swiftly becoming the most daring, awesome pegasus in all of Equestria. She would gladly give it all up, though, just to confess her love to Applejack.
THUDDD! Wheel after stone wheel pounded against the walls and buildings that filled the ravines of Dredgemane. Frightened citizens huddled beneath granite overhangs, clinging to one another as dust and sediment fell from the fractured ceilings.
Trixie's destructive wake oozed from trench to trench, smashing windows and sending chunks of debris flying out into the streets. She hovered slowly down the steep avenues, standing upright in the middle of her levitating platform.
“Hey, Trixie, sort this!”
SMASH!
“Hey, Trixie, shovel gravel!”
CRASH!
“I used to be an artist!” she sputtered, shaking an angry hoof beneath the levitating shard. “The most dazzling magic act in all of Equestria!” Her glowing eyes narrowed. “And that was all taken from me. Why?!”
THUD!
“Because a couple of pre-pubescent punks thought it would be fun to let an Ursa romp through town and blame it on Trixie!” Her horn pulsed with electrical blue energy as she grinned. “Well, now Trixie is the reason for all the destruction? How do you like it, Equestria?! Is this not the Trixie that you wanted?!”
She brought three wheels together, rotated them like a drill, and aimed them for an apartment full of cowering ponies.
The citizens of Dredgemane flinched.
“Behold!” The unicorn gritted her teeth. “Watch as the Great and Powerful Trixie makes the population of Dredgemane... disappear!” But before she could command the pulverizing wheels to surge forward—
Thwissssssssh! Bonk! A pith helmet ricocheted off her skull.
“Gaaah!” Trixie leaned back on her wheel. “Who dares defy Trixie?!”
“Y'know...” Daring Do perched on a rooftop besides Rainbow, Maud, and Pinkie Pie. Snatch! She grabbed her helmet and slapped it back on her head with a smirk. “...when all is said and done, you make a lousy supervillain!”
“Yeah!” Pinkie Pie bounced. “Turn back to being a blue ball of grumpy cuddles!”
“What she said!” Rainbow growled.
“Rocks,” Maud droned.
“Today is a good day to die,” Trixie said, then snarled. “For self-righteous ingrates!” She flung a hoof forward, commanding a squadron of wheels to slice their way over the stone rooftops. “Decimaaaaaate!”
“Heh...” Daring smirked. “What is it with possessed ponies and their proclivity towards using crazy vocab words?”
“Uhhhh...” Rainbow winced. “Dodge much?”
Daring grabbed Maud and Rainbow grabbed Pinkie. All four plunged off the rooftop before the wheels could smash the upper portion of the building to bits. Zig-zagging across the gravel-laden streets, they dodged three more wheel swipes and pulled up, ascending past Trixie's line of sight.
Rainbow spun around. “Alley—”
“—OOP!” Pinkie leapt from Rainbow's grasp, spun, and landed on the wheel right next to Trixie. She twirled and ran her fluffy pink tail beneath Trixie's belly. “Tickle-Tickle-Tickle!”
“Snkkkkt!” Trixie's glowing eyes quivered as her face contorted into an awkward smile. “Grkkkt—Stop it! Snkkkkt! Cut it out! Hahahahaha—The Great and Powerful Trixie is the Destroyer of All Living Things! She does not LAUGH!”
Swooosh! Rainbow touched down behind Trixie's writhing figure and reached for the stone dragon's tail. “Keep her in stitches, Pinkie! I've almost got it—”
“Hahahahaha! Trixie—hahahaha—said... enough with the FUZZ!” The unicorn commanded two wheels to slam hard into each other overhead. Their thunderous clap sent Rainbow off balance.
“Gaaaaiiie!” Rainbow landed on a third story patio.
“Hey, if you're going to applaud, at least use your hooves!” Pinkie frowned.
“Haaaugh!” Trixie blasted Pinkie in the face with a beam of chaos magic.
“Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!” Pinkie went sailing across the street, where she crashed through a second story apartment window. Three seconds later, she stuck her head out with a grin. “Hey! Three points!” Her eyes crossed. “Owie.” THUD! She slumped over the vacant window pane.
Meanwhile, Daring sailed around and around Trixie's wheel with Maud in tow. “You know, for a mare possessed by chaos and wheels, you really don't check your surroundings much.”
“We'll see about that!” Trixie's horn glowed. Every wheel under her command closed in tight then began spinning in a cyclonic fashion. The wind whistled as a veritable tornado of stone billowed in the center of Dredgemane. Daring and Maud were lost in the mix, and all Trixie managed to do was spin her own disc from the furious feat. She eventually stopped, rotating still with dizzied eyes. “Unnnnghhh...”
Th-Thap! Maud landed on the stone. “Hello, Trixie,” she muttered with dull eyes.
“Y-you...” Trixie rubbed her head, horn strobing. “You would attack the Great and Powerful Trixie, your rock sorter friend?!”
Maud shook her head. “A very long time ago, I took an oath to never hurt members of ponykind.” She reached into her blouse and pulled out a tiny rock. “But Boulder didn't.” WHAM! She flung the thing against Trixie's skull.
“Aaaaugh!” Trixie reeled from the blow.
Th-Thud! Several wheels crashed to the streets, dull and dormant. Trixie's magic fluctuated, as did the glow from the chaos shard.
“Way to go, Macy!” Daring pumped a hoof from where she hovered. “You're doing it! You're doing it!”
“Grrrrrrrrr!” Trixie teetered back forward, aiming a bright horn at Daring's forehead. FLASH!
Maud flew off the platform. “Oomfa...”
Daring winced. “You're not doing it!” She spiraled, spun, and dove low. She grabbed Maud's body as the two of them crashed through a wooden market vendor below.
“Mwahahahahahaha!” Trixie levitated the stone wheels back into the air as she ascended once more towards the overcast heavens. “This puny town isn't worth my time!” She grinned. “Now Ponyville... on the other hoof...” Her platform began surging its way southeast over the canals and ravines.
“Nnnngh...” Rainbow Dash sat up, rubbing her head. She looked up from the balcony where she had collapsed. “Ah jeez.” Her pupils shrank as she saw the direction in which Trixie's armada of flowing wheels were headed. “Are they headed where I think they're headed?”
Lancie poked his head out Rainbow's saddlebags. “No shame in performing a hasty retreat, Sparky.”
“Lancie...!” Rainbow hissed. “She's gonna trash my home!” She sputtered, “Harming everypony I know and care for!”
“I'm sure Princess Frecklestasia will bounce back.”
“I'm not kidding!” Rainbow frowned. “I gotta get that shard or else all of Equestria is doomed and it's totally my fault!”
“Oh, come onnnnn...” Lancie shrugged. “At worst, it's only... hmmmm... sixty-six percent your fault.”
“Lanciiiiiie?!”
“What do you want from me?!” He shrugged. “I've only been a bit character this whole arc.”
“You're the expert on chaos!” Rainbow stood up, pointing skyward. “How the heck do I get your tail from her?”
“Well, you could bring me closer to her so that my presence my nullify the chaotic possession.”
“Uhhhhhh... okaaaaay.” Rainbow gulped. Wings flapping, she ascended into the gray sky. “So, like, how do I do that?”
“It's really simple!” Lancie smirked and gestured. “First thing you gotta do is—”
SCHLIIIIIIINK! A dagger flew by, ripping the straps of Rainbow's saddlebag. Lancie went sailing down into the debris-riddled streets below.
Rainbow gasped. She looked behind her.
Romulus perched on the edge of a building, juggling another dagger. Several henchstallions stood behind him, cocking their rifles.
Rainbow's ears folded. “Oh no.”
“Oh yes.” Romulus kicked off the roof and sailed straight at her. “Rrrrrrrrgh!” Schiiiing!
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Who else is hoping to see Maud go Buck Norris on some wheels? Punching them outta the sky, ooohhh yeahhhh. Maud is the cream of the crop, baby. And cream rises. I'm feeling the Maud Madness.
Gene oakerllama, this here is a crying towel. And Trixie is gonna need it when Maud lays the clopdown on her wheels later tonight!
And that damn pith helmet. I'd really like to see how Daring would cope with losing it. She's like a cross between Indiana Roan, Lara Croup (from Tomb Trotter) and Captain Amareica.
... Her personality is reminding me more of Zapp Brahmagan.
Just catching up on puns. Everyone else is making puns and I'm feeling like the only sober person at a party . Or are they portmanteaus?
INDEED.
Geez, dude...bugger off already.
Damn it, Lancie, breaking the fourth wall is Pinkie Pie's job!
5207501
On the bright side, he missed. I can think of a much worse place that dagger could have ended up.
IWTCIRD jokes would have been very awkward afterwards.
... Or hilarious, depending on your outlook.
Hopefully Don Cantet's thugs have equally poor aim. They seem like a general bunch of screw-ups. Heavy on the meat, light on the brains. And they go down hard.
5207574
...It took me a minute to piece together that acronym...
Ouch.
Romulus, stop channeling Shell!
5207720
I'm so glad I'm not the only one who thought that.
5207840 It's like there can't be two recurring antagonists missing an eye going after Rainbow Dash without them being compared.
Keep it up, Maudie! Bash her a few more times and go after that freaking irritating chicken of a griffon. Seriously, Rom, give her a break. She's already had a sort-of breakdown with Pinkie earlier about help, don't give her more to stress about!
Also, that title! Genius.
Romulus, you have the worst timing!
I love it!
WheeEEeeEEeeEEeellsss.
There's a lot of body-grabbing in this chapter...
I think you mean 'Maud's', yes?
That's Rainbow's job.
It's EXTERMINATE you sorry excuse for a Dalek.
I like the story!
10508237
so do i, sam.