And now, Ponyville Villains Hospital. The continuing story of three former agents of bad who are doing their best to do good.
Nurse Chrysalis and Dr.Tirek were examining Pinkie Pie who was brought in to the hospital after she was feeling not so right. Soon, Nurse Cozy Glow flies in.
"I'm sorry I'm late, Dr. Tirek." Cozy said. "I was busy operating in the other room."
"I know." Tirek replied. "It's the talk of the hospital."
Using a stethoscope, Dr. Tirek checks Pinkie’s heart. The party pony yells in the stethoscope. "BOOGALA! BOOGALA!"
Recovering, Dr. Tirek pushes her back on the table. "Now, cut that out!" He then turns to Nurse Chrysalis. "Let me have the ear thing."
Chrysalis gives Tirek an otoscope. "Ear thing, Dr. Tirek."
Tirek uses the otoscope to scratch behind his ear. "Feels good." He puts it down and turns to Nurse Cozy Glow. "Stick?"
Cozy gives Tirek a tongue depresser. "Stick, Dr. Tirek."
He throws it far. "Fetch!"
Cozy Glow flies out to fetch the stick. Pinkie raises her head up. "What's that all about?"
"She's my laboratory retriever." Tirek answered.
Cozy flies in with the stick in her mouth. Tirek praises her. "Good girl."
"Thank you." Cozy replied as Tirek takes the tongue depresser back.
"'Well, what do you think, Dr. Tirek?" Chrysalis asked.
"I think this pony is sick." Tirek answered. "She ought to see a doctor."
"But, Dr. Tirek, you ARE a doctor."
Pinkie Pie sat up quickly. "That's your opinion. I'm getting out of here!"
Tirek pushes Pinkie back on the table. "No you dont!"
"You can't leave, Pinkie." Cozy Glow said. "Dr. Tirek is the only one who can save you now."
"She's right." Tirek added. "I saved over 500 last year."
"Patients?" Pinkie wondered.
"No. Dollars."
😂🤣😃😊
"Of course," Tirek continues, "I lost over 200 pounds."
"In weight" Pinkie asked.
"No. In England."
😂🤣🙂😊
"Dr. Tirek, you should be ashamed of yourself!" Chrysalis protested. "You call yourself a doctor, Dr. Tirek?!"
"I never call myself a doctor." Tirek replied. "They don't come when you call anyway."
Tune in next week when you'll hear Nurse Chrysalis say....
"Dr. Tirek, you're losing all of your patience."
"I can't help it." Tirek replied. "I have a short temper!" He holds his hand at his waist. "It's about this high."
The nurses looks at him, understanding what he's saying.
It is time for "Ponyville Villains Hospital". The continuing story of three former agents of bad who are doing their best to do good.
Inside the Operating Room, Bulk Biceps laid down on the table as Dr. Tirek starts singing. "Hut-Sut Ralston on the rillah with a brawla, brawla, sooit."
"Dr. Tirek," Nurse Chrysalis protested, "you can't be singing at a time like this."
"I'm not singing At a Time Like This, I'm singing Hut-Sut Ralston. An oldie but goodie."
Bulk laid on the table, getting worried. "How did I get myself into this story collection?"
Tirek tried to comfort his patient. "Take it easy, Bulk."
"Dr. Tirek," Nurse Cozy Glow said, "The patient is sinking."
Dr. Tirek then speaks with a German accent. "Vell, I Vander vhat he's sinking about."
😅😂🙂😜😝👀👅
He speaks regularly again, comforting Cozy. "Laugh it up, Nurse. These are the jokes!"
"The only joke around here is YOU, Dr. Tirek." Cozy Glow said angrily. "This patient needs your assistance."
"Well, you're my assistants. But, what's he going to do with the two of you, I'll never know."
"Look!" Bulk said. "Either you help me or let me out of here!"
"Well," Dr. Tirek wondered, "what seems to be the problem?"
"I keep breaking out in a cold sweat."
Tirek looks under the sheet. "Oh ho. Well, I see." He comes out from under the sheet. "You have a clear case of Pentransitphobia."
Bulk and the nurses were confused. "Huh"?
"That's a dread fear of traveling through the state of Pennsylvania."
"Enough of your pitiful jokes, Dr. Tirek." Nurse Chrysalis said. "You dedicated yourself to saving lives."
"You're right." Tirek replied. "I saved 6 lives last week."
"By operating." Bulk asked.
"No, by NOT operating."
✖➿❇⁉️⏬
"Dr. Tirek," Nurse Cozy Glow said, "you give this hospital a bad name."
"You're right." Tirek replied. "Fred is a terrible name for a hospital."
WAA WAA!
"Our hospital needs a better name. How about Eunice." Tirek added.
"This is impossible!" Bulk said angrily. "Do you have a license?"
"Of course." Tirek replied. "Most creatures cared for have licenses. The leash laws in Ponyville are very rough."
BOO!!
"You dummy!" Bulk said. "I mean, do you have a license to practice?"
"Yes." Titek replied. "And, I am going to practice on you." He then turns to Nurse Chrysalis. "Bongos?"
"Bongos, Dr. Tirek." Chrysalis said as ahe brings out small bongo drums."
"Bongos?" Bulk gasped.
Putting the bongo drums on Bulk, Tirek drums away.
And so, Dr. Tirek proceeds with his bongo practice. Tune in next week when you'll hear Nurse Chrysalis say....
"Dr. Tirek. It's too late. You lost him."
"Well, he couldn't have gone far." Tirek replied. "He was just under the sheet just a second ago. "
Chrysalis and Cozy Glow were annoyed as Dr. Tirek chuckled silently. Bulk Biceps didn't like that last line either.
Time once again for 'Ponyville Villains Hospital'. The continuing story of three former agents of bad who are doing their best to do good.
Dr. Tirek, Nurse Chrysalis, and Nurse Cozy Glow arrived in the Operating Room where a large midnight blue dragon lays on the table.
"Okay," Tirek said, "where's our next case?"
"He's right here, Dr. Tirek." Cozy Glow answered, pointing to the dragon.
"What's he in for?"
"A stomachache, Dr. Tirek." Chrysalis said."
"Stomachache. Check."
Grabbing a small mallet, Dr. Tirek hits the Dragon in the stomach, making him growl in pain. Tirek is pleased. "There. That should ache for some time."
"He's also in for a sore throat." Cozy Glow informed.
"Easy." Tirek replied as he raised his mallet.
"WAIT!!" The dragon yelled, stopping Tirek. "I HAVE a sore throat. I just want it to go away."
Tirek realized his mistake. "We'll, why didn't you say so. Open up."
Looking inside the dragon's mouth, Tirek made a discovery. "Oh ho. I think I see the problem."
"What is it, Dr. Tirek?" Chrysalis and Cozy Glow asked at the same time.
"There's something in his throat that's making him sound a little hoarse."
"Are you certain?" Chrysalis asked.
"Positive."
Suddenly, out pops Twilight Sparkle looking at the trio. She is annoyed at Tirek's comment. "Very funny. Just see if Mr. Sheil will ever make another chapter of this story collection for fimfiction.net again."
Twilight pokes her head back down.
And so, Dr. Tirek discovered a patient with a bad case of ingrown Equestrian Princess. Tune in next week when you'll hear Dr. Tirek say...
"All right, let's clean up around here. This operating room us a mess!"
Twilight Sparkle pokes her head out of the dragon's mouth again. "That's nothing. You should see what it's like in here."
As Twilight smiles, Tirek shoves her back down, not too thrilled for her comment.
Time once again for "Ponyville Villains Hospital". The continuing story of three former agents of bad who are doing their best to do good.
After drinking some water from a water bottle, Dr. Tirek looks at the sheet on the operating table. But, he is upset.
"No! NO!" Tirek said. "Sorry, my companions. But, I'm afraid I can't perform this operation."
"Why not, Dr. Tirek?" Cozy Glow asked.
"Frankly, I'm chicken."
"No," Chrysalis said pointing at the sheet, "that's a chicken."
Tirek lifts up the sheet, and sees it IS a chicken. "So, it is."
"Besides," Cozy said, "this should be right up your alley."
"You're right." Tirek replied. "Ever since my reformation, I've been studying the habits of birds."
"Really, Dr. Tirek?" Chrysalis asked.
"Yep. Every year, I fly south for the winter."
RIM SHOT
CHRYSALIS, COZY GLOW, AND CHICKEN: Don't your arms get tired?
RIM SHOT
Tirek places his hands in a prayer position. He speaks softly. "There will now be a moment of silence."
Cozy Glow got confused. "What for?"
"For that joke that just died in the Operating Room."
😃😁😅🤣🙂😛
"Seriously, Doctor." Chrysalis said. "What about your paitent?"
Tirek realized that Nurse Chrysalis has a point. "We'll, we have a choice. We can do a chicken appendectomy, a chicken tonsillectomy, or a chicken curry fricassee."
The chicken slowly crawls away. Tirek quickly grabs it and put it back on the table. "Hold on. We gotta do something about this turkey."
"It's a chicken!" Chrysalis said.
The chicken soon clucked nervously. "I'm a chicken. This whole chapter is a turkey."
RIM SHOT
So, Dr. Tirek runs afoul of a fowl. Tune in next week when you'll hear Nurse Chrysalis say,
Time once again for "Ponyville Villains Hospital". The continuing story of three former agents of bad who are doing their best to do good.
In the Operating Room, Chrysalis and Cozy Glow are waiting for Tirek to arrive.
"Dr. Tirek." Cozy Glow called out. "Dr Tirek! Your next paitent is waiting for you!"
Tirek enters the Operating Room and greeted his nurses. "Hello, ladies. I was tending to an emergency. One of Octavia Melody's friends in a symphony orchestra fell through his harp."
"Where's the paitent now?" Chrysalis asked with concern.
"In rooms 9, 10, 11, and 12."
🎺🎻🎹🪗🥁🎷🎵🎶🎼
"Now," Tirek said, "where's my next paitent?"
"Over here, Dr. Tirek." Cozy Glow said.
Tirek fondled with the sheet. "Little fellow, isn't he?"
He soon discovered a loaf of bread with a face.
"Wait a minute!" Tirek gasped. "This isn't a paitent. It's a loaf of bread!"
"And, a very sick one." The bread said in a weak tone.
"Good grief!" Chrysalis gasped. "Talking bread!"
"Dr. Tirek," Cozy said, "what do you make of it?"
Tirek gave the girls a sneaky smile. "What else? TOAST."
🍞🍞🍞🍞🍞🍞🍞
So, Dr. Tirek has discovered edible paitents. Tune on next week when you'll hear Nurse Cozy Glow say....
"Dr. Tirek, should I prepare the anesthetic?"
"No," Tirek replied, "just stand by with the marmalade."
It's time once again for "Ponyville Villains Hospital". The continuing story of three former agents of bad who are doing their best to do good.
The Operating Room is in the dark. Chrysalis comes in with a flashlight on hoof. "Where are you guys?"
"We're over here." Tirek replied.
Chrysalis saw Tirek and Cozy Glow at the table. Fortunately, their halogen lanterns gathered enough sunlight to light up the room.
"Dr. Tirek," Cozy Glow said with concern, "it's so dark in here, you can't see your hand in front of your face."
"Don't worry. I remember what it looks like." Tirek said. "It's red, has four fingers and a thumb."
"Let's cancel the operation." Chrysalis suggests. "It's too dangerous. Nopony can see a thing."
"It it includes the readers, this'll be the safest chapter we ever did."
😂🤣😅🙂🤪😄😁😆
"Just a minute." Tirek said as he ducks under the table. He rises up with a helmet with a light on it.
"That's a miner's helmet." Chrysalis realized.
"Yes!" He holds up a proper object. "And, a pick! Now, where's the paitent?"
"You can't use a pick on a paitent?"
"I can on the patient's pockets."
💰💰💰💰💰💰💰💰
"Now, where is he?" Tirek asked.
Cozy Glow points to a yellow pony with a black mane and tail, and wearing a blue outfit. "Over here, Dr. Tirek. He was trying to fix the lights when he got a severe shock."
"When he sees who his doctor is," Chrysalis said, "he'll get a bigger one."
😱😱😱😱😱😱😱
"Not that kind of shock." Cozy Glow said. "He got hit by 10,000 volts."
"Wow!" Tirek gasped. "That's enough to get him elected. What was he running for?"
"The hills, if he had any sense." Chrysalis answered.
WAA WAAA!
Cozy Glow got annoyed. "Not votes. VOLTS!"
"In that case," Tirek said, "run some volts through him again."
"Again?!"
"Sure. That's called REVOLTING!"
⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡
CHRYSALIS AND COZY GLOW:It most certainly is.
And so, it's lights out for another episode of “Ponyville Villains Hospital". Tune in next week when you'll hear Doctor Tirek say.....
"Listen, if it's still dark when he comes to," Tirek pulls out a pen, " give him this."
Chrysalis was surprised to see this object. "That's just a ball point pen with a little light. What good is that?"
And now, "Ponyville Villains Hospital". The continuing story of three former agents of bad who are doing their best to do good.
It's another day in the Operating Room as the three reformed baddies are ready to get to work again.
"Okay, Nurse Cozy Glow." Tirek said. "Where's the next paitent?"
"He's right here, Dr. Tirek." Cozy Glow replied.
Tirek flifted up the sheet, and sees a dog lying on the table.
"It's a dog!" Tirek realized. "I hope it don't have fleas."
"Why not?" Chrysalis asked.
"I'd hate to start from scratch."
🐶🐕🐩🐕🦺🐶
"What kind of dog do you think it is, Dr. Tirek?" Cozy asked.
"Ask him what time it is." Tirek answered.
"Why?"
"Maybe it's a Watchdog."
⌚🕛🕛⏱🕛⌚
"Or, it could be a guard dog." Tirek said. "I spoke to Spoiled Rich recently. She told me that one of her marefriends was attacked by her own guard dog."
Chrysalis got intrigued. "Doberman Pinscher?"
"No, Doberman BIT her."
🐶🐶🐶🐶🐶
"Nurse Cozy Glow," Tirek said, "where's did you find this little fella?"
Cozy gave Tirek a comical answer. "At the Lost and Hound department."
😆🤣😅🙂😁
"I wish this dog was a daschund." Tirek said.
"Why?" Cozy asked.
"I'd like to get a long little doggie."
🤠👢🤠👢🤠👢
And so, once again, Dr. Tirek has taken the bulldog by the horns. Tune in next week when you'll hear Nurse Chrysalis say...
"Dr. Tirek, it looks like this poor little puppy is running a fever."
"In that case," Tirek replied, "go get some mustard."
Time once again for "Ponyville Villains Hospital". The continuing story of three former agents of bad who are doing their best to do good.
"Well, Nurse Chrysalis." Tirek said. "Are you ready to save another life?"
"Yes, Dr. Tirek." Chrysalis replied.
"Good. Send the paitent to another hospital."
🏨🏨🏨🏨🏨🏨
"Dr. Tirek," Cozy Glow interrupted, "this is a special paitent."
The doctor looked at the paitent. It was a light brown pony with a dark brown mane, tail, and beard. He has on a helmet with horns and a black tribal outfit.
"Hmm." Tirek said. "Looks like an unfortunate bullfighter. Gored through the gourd."
🐮🐮🐮🐮🐮🐮
The paitent rose up. Tirek pushed him back down. "Down, boy!"
"Dr. Tirek," Chrysalis said, "those horns are part of his helmet. He's a viking."
"I know all about vikings." Tirek informed. "They come from Denmark. I have an ancestor who's a viking. He had a faithful dog with him."
"This isn't going to be a Great Dane Joke. Is it?"
"Well, it's a Dane joke. But, I wouldn't call it great."
🐶🐶🐶🐶🐶🐶
"Please, Dr. Tirek." Cozy pleaded. "No jokes just because he's Danish."
"Don't blame me." Tirek said. "I ordered a roll. Not a danish."
🍥🍥🍥🍥🍥🍥
"Come on, Cozy." Tirek said. "Got to keep 'em fast and furious."
Cozy looked at the doctor. "How about fast and funny."
😄😄😄😄😁😁😁
The viking rose from the table. "Look. Would you hurry up? I got to get back to my plundering and pillaging."
"Down, boy." Tirek said as he pushed the viking down again. "My ancestor, the viking, was terrible at plundering and pillaging. He blundered his plundering and was stupid at his pillaging."
The nurses and viking asked, "How stupid was he?"
"They called him 'The Pillage Idiot'."
😝🤪😜😝🤪😛
And so, another chapter of "Ponyville Villains Hospital" is setting sail. Tune in again next week when you'll hear Dr. Tirek say....
"Good night. And, may the lord take a viking to you."
At the Ponyville Railroad station, a male lime green earth pony with a blue mane and tail makes an announcement "Arriving on Track 3, Ponyville Villains Hospital. The continuing story of three former agents of bad who are doing their best to do good."
As many remember from last chapter, the Hospital roof was damaged and is being fixed. So, Tirek and his nurses are making a house call. A train conductor is laying on a makeshift table.
"Here's your next paitent, Dr. Tirek." Cozy Glow said. "He's a conductor."
"Well, he's not getting any symphony from me." Tirek replied.
🎶🎵🎶🎼🎺🎻🥁
"You mean sympathy." Chrysalis said.
Tirek gave a nasty remark. "He's not getting any of that either."
😅😅😆😆😆🙂
"Dr. Tirek," Cozy said, "he's a TRAIN conductor."
Tirek made a statement. "Well, I will not operate on any person or creature who works for the railroad!"
"Why not?"
"I have a very poor track record."
🛤🛤🛤🛤🛤
"What's the matter with him?" Tirek asked.
"I don't know." Cozy replied. "He keeps saying the same thing over and over."
CONDUCTOR: All aboard!
Everybody reacted as if a train is ready to leave.
"See what I mean." Cozy said with concern. "Dr. Tirek, that's all he ever says."
Tirek looked at the paitent. "He must have a one track mind."
🚂🚂🚂🚂🚂🚂
"Dr. Tirek," Chrysalis said, "that was your second track joke."
"So what!" Tirek replied. "Who keeps track?"
🚂🛤🚂🛤🚂🛤
"That's three." Chrysalis informed.
"Well, it's too late to change." Tirek said. "You can't teach an old creature new tracks."
😶😶😶😶😶😶
"Well," Chrysalis said, "three and a half."
The Conductor rises. "All aboard!"
The crew reacted again. Nurse Cozy Glow is getting concerned. "Dr. Tirek, this poor soul has worked on the railroad for too long. I'm afraid it's affected his mind."
Tirek then becomes elegant. "Well, my dear nurses. The strain on his brain stays mainly on the train."
Chrysalis applauded the phrase. "By Dr. Tirek, I think you got it."
CONDUCTOR: All aboard.
The crew reacted again. The railroad worker makes another announcement. "And so, another episode of 'Ponyville Villains Hospital' is set to depart. Tune in next week when you'll hear Dr. Tirek say.."
Time once again for "Ponyville Villains Hospital". On this special chapter, our trio of former agents of bad doing good are paying tribute to William Shakespeare.
The trio are ready to examine a young female pig. And, I'm not taking about Miss Piggy.
"Pray, thee nurse." Tirek said. "Who be-eth our next paitent?"
It is time for another episode of "Ponyville Villains Hospital". The continuing story of three former agents of bad who are doing their best to do good.
As today's chapter begins, Chrysalis walks in when she sees a cow on the operating table.
"Dr. Tirek." Chrysalis said. "Where did we get this paitent from?"
"Well," Tirek explained, "she was found with a bunch of cows."
"Not bunch. Herd."
"Herd of what?"
"Herd of cows."
"Of course, I heard of cows."
🐮🐂🐮🐂🐮🐂
"No. No. No." Chrysalis said. "I mean the cow's herd."
"I don't care if the cow's heard." Tirek replied. "I haven't said anything to be ashamed of."
😆😅😆😅🤣
"Dr. Tirek." Cozy Glow interrupted. "Aren't you going to operate."
"No," Tirek replied. "I think we milked this chapter long enough."
🥛🥛🥛🥛🥛🥛
"Look!" The cow shouted. "I have a 'steak' in this too, you know."
🥩🥩🥩🥩🥩🥩
And so, another episode of "Ponyville Villains Hospital" is stampeding off. Tune in next time when you'll hear Nurse Chrysalis say...
