The Great and Powerful Trixie does not get flustered. Or at least she didn't use to. But then Adagio Dazzle stepped up to the stage.
The Great and Powerful Trixie does not get flustered. She does not get shaken or upset. Not once has she allowed herself to become disconcerted or confounded. This is what makes her a great performer.
And no two bit trio of singers walking into her school cafeteria is going to change that. In fact, she'll let them know just that, as soon as her heart stops racing.
The Great and Powerful Trixie did not get flustered.
Every performer knew how stressful and unpredictable a live performance could be, how volatile. A thousand decisions based on a million silent calculations coincided with each breath taken on stage, and each misfire could spell ruin for even the sturdiest of productions.
When it comes to live performance, risk is unavoidable. Perfection is a myth.
Therefore, the best performers focus not in controlling the riptide, but in navigating the currents. Rolling with the punches, seeing opportunities, mastering improvisation, these are the skills with which good performers maintain the illusion of control.
And Trixie was definitely a good performer, so there was no way she had been shut down by something as simple as a hand softly touching her chin.
Trixie was simply caught off guard, she thought, breathing hard through her nose. After all, even she could admit the trio were indeed talented. It was also not often that Trixie found people that could match her in charisma and presence, but in that too she had to give the three their due.
Especially their leader.
If she thought back to that moment in the cafeteria, she could still picture her clearly, could still see her sauntering from table to table with such confidence that even Trixie’s own exuberance was shaken.
Trixie had always been confident in the spotlight, but this was different. Where Trixie basked and blossomed in the crowd’s gaze, this girl moved through the attention as if it was a lowly thing—too far beneath her notice.
And maybe it was.
If Trixie allowed the memory to run further, she could see the moment those raspberry eyes locked their hungry stare on her. “Deer in the headlights” couldn’t begin to describe it, to be caught in the view of someone, of something, with such a commanding aura behind them.
Breathing had been difficult, she remembered, and looking away impossible, as the girl stepped closer and caressed Trixie’s face with an expression that made it clear Trixie should have felt honored at the contact.
And maybe I should have.
“No!” she shouted, breaking from her thoughts and spooking a few nearby students in the process. The sound of lockers slamming shut as said students rushed to class and away from her registered in her mind, but she couldn’t worry about them now. She was on a mission.
That girl is not better than me, thought the clearly not flustered Trixie. She had been off guard, that was all, and even that was inexcusable. Though it had been hours since the incident, the embarrassment had managed to remain undiluted throughout the day, stalking her whenever her mind had a chance to wander. Or at least she thought it was embarrassment, for what else could it be? Even now, she could still feel the heat coming from her face, a burning blush that refused to dissipate as the memory began to replay once more.
The Dazzlings need to learn their place, she thought, rounding a corner. That way we can avoid further ‘embarrassments.’
With this goal in mind, Trixie had gone about the school with the task of finding the trio. When she did, they weren’t sitting in a classroom, or standing by a locker but, rather, walking away from her down a mostly empty hallway, with the clear intention of skipping class.
Probably for the best anyway, considering the conversation we’re about to have, Trixie thought as she caught sight of them. She made a move to call out but her eyes fell on their leader. It was hard not to after all, with her bright lavender outfit and vivid orange hair which made her the center of attention no matter the crowd. Even amongst her peers, it was clear that there was something to this girl. Trixie continued to stare and that feeling that had frozen her in the cafeteria reasserted itself, keeping her in place. She didn’t know what it was about this girl that triggered such embarrassment in her, but this was the second time this had happened. She knew she’d need to tread carefully against someone who could stop her from moving altogether.
She must have still made some movement or noise, however, as something seemed to alert the Dazzlings to her presence. One by one, the girls turned to look at their pursuer, ending with their leader, who appraised her with a lingering look and a smoldering grin. She stepped forward from her companions.
“Looking for an autograph?” she purred. “I normally don’t give them out, but for you I might just make an exception.”
Trixie tried to swallow and found it difficult.
Why am I so sweaty? she noted. The other two girls had at this point begun snickering to themselves, but their leader kept her confident grin focused on her, adding to her discomfort. They’re just performers like me. This shouldn’t be this hard.
“I..um.. T-T-Trixie is not l-looking for,” Trixie began to say, before stopping to take a breath. Come on, get it together. You know what you came here for. Now look them in the eye and—
“No need to be so intimidated,” the girl said, cutting off Trixie’s train of thought. She reached into her pocket, pulling out what looked like a cafeteria napkin. “I know it must be daunting to be in the presence of so much talent, but don’t worry. We don’t bite.”
The world flashed red.
“You are not better than me!” Trixie yelled, more a reaction than a response. Her breathing was rapid and eyes unfocused; however, she saw no point in backing down now that the adrenaline had helped her break through the stupor. “The Great and Powerful Trixie is the top performer in this school: magician, musician, actress, you name it. She has let you have your moment, but you three would do well to remember that!”
Silence followed her outburst, at which point Trixie’s world began fading back into focus. Two of the Dazzlings exchanged a quick glance at each other. A furrowed brow and widening eyes. Frustration? Confusion? Both their hands went to their matching necklaces, slowly, seemingly out of habit.
A nervous tick, perhaps? Trixie mused, feeling no small sense of satisfaction at learning that, despite their above-it-all nature, these girls could indeed be taken aback. Curiously enough, when they turned back to look at her, their eyes had a cold predacious quality to it that sent a cold spike into her gut. Their hold on their necklaces tightened.
A quiet chuckle rang out, breaking the tension.
“My my, well that’s enough of that, I believe.”
The voice was playful, teasing still, and yet so very dangerous. Trixie, who had begun to take a step back, found herself once more frozen in place. Meanwhile, the two other Dazzlings dropped their arms down to their sides as if commanded to attention by the crack of a whip.
“But Dagi,” said the more aloof of the two. “She resisted—”
“The need to act like a fangirl, yes, Sonata, I can see that,” their leader said, cutting her off. “And honestly, I am sorry for pulling the whole diva act. I should have known from the get go that I was dealing with a fellow artist.”
Trixie blinked.
That’s not how I thought this would go.
“Well..” Trixie began. “As long as it’s understood. Trixie is not one to be upstaged.”
“And I wouldn’t dream of it,” the girl, Dagi, if Trixie had heard correctly, said through a smile. “I mean, an actress, magician, and musician? Not to mention the way you confronted us just now? You must be a very willful person; I admire that.”
Trixie was vaguely aware of a sound, a gentle “oh” of understanding coming from Sonata but she couldn’t analyze it at the moment. As Dagi had been speaking, she had also been getting quieter and stepping closer to compensate, so that by the end of her sentence she was within breathing distance of her. Trixie stared into those raspberry eyes again, saw that hunger again, focused on her exclusively, and felt that same burning heat from before.
“T-Thank you,” Trixie answered. “Trixie appreciates your humility.”
“Of course,” Dagi replied airly. “In fact, with students like you at this school, the upcoming battle of the bands should make for a very interesting display indeed. Not that any of them could stand a chance against you, of course.”
“Oh, I’m not…” Trixie trailed off, the rest of the sentence dying in her throat at the thought of disappointing the girl in front of her, who continued to pile on the praise.
“We’ll be competing as well, but we’re only looking for some friendly competition, so hopefully there’s no hard feelings or anything? I know I wouldn’t mind if it ends up being us at the finals. The Dazzlings and the Great and Powerful Trixie and her band sharing a stage back to back? That would be quite a performance, don’t you girls think so?”
The other two Dazzlings nodded their agreement and Trixie found herself nodding along, despite herself. Adagio took notice and broadened her smile.
“In any case, thank you for introducing yourself,” Dagi said. “I know you don’t really need an autograph, but I hope you’ll take this anyway. Think of it as a reminder of a silly misunderstanding. Until next time. Girls?”
She smoothly placed the cafeteria napkin she had been holding into Trixie’s grasp, softly tracing a finger across her skin as she let go of it. She then flashed Trixie one more smile as she walked past her and back towards the rest of the school, the other two Dazzlings following suit.
Trixie, meanwhile, stood rooted in place—frozen yet again.
She looked at her hands, shaking slightly, and at the napkin held within. It was slightly crumpled, with a purple lipstick stained kiss in the corner. In a flowing script was written the name: Adagio Dazzle.
Twelve seconds passed before Trixie remembered to breathe. When she did, the full spectrum of senses came back to her: the flickering of an overhead light in need of repair, the smell of the cheap disinfectant that the floor had been mopped with, the sound of Adagio Dazzle walking away from her.
Trixie frantically turned around to catch sight of her, but the trio were gone; all she had was the napkin in her hand and that increasingly familiar burning on her cheeks.
She stood there for a few minutes longer, replaying the conversation in her mind. She could still hear Adagio’s laughter, the musicality in her voice, the daring in her tone. The more she focused on the memory, the more that emotion from earlier grew, as did her confusion.
I thought I’d figured this out, she thought, rubbing her thumb along the side of the napkin. But “embarrassment” doesn’t feel quite right. Not after all that.
There was something she was missing here, something obvious. She just knew it. She looked at the lipstick stain again and imagined Adagio planting that kiss on the paper. She pictured those soft lips. Her heartbeat quickened.
“No matter!” Trixie exclaimed, shaking her head. “I’ll figure it out later. I have other much more important things to worry about right now.”
With great care she folded up the napkin, placing it into one of the secret pockets in her skirt, next to her deck of cards and a pack of gum. She then began heading back the way she came, a new mission in mind.
A cacophony of sounds followed Trixie’s outburst, rebounding off the walls of the school auditorium’s backstage area, as her startled bandmates dropped the various containers they had been carrying. Fuschia Blush yelped a quick apology and got to gathering her equipment off the floor. Lavender Lace, however, had always been the more irritable of the pair.
“Hey Trix, mind getting your life together? We have a show to get ready for!”
“Trixie is doing just fine, thank you very much,” she responded, doing her best to keep her tone even. “You’d do much better focusing on your own affairs than worrying about mine.”
Lavender raised her eyebrow and Trixie decided it would be better to not face her bandmate at that particular moment, in the interest of still needing said bandmate for the next few hours or so. Not being able to see her did not stop her from being able to hear her, however.
“Right. Well, the talking to yourself thing was weird ten minutes ago, it’s scary now, and it’s not helping you pack your gig bag, is it?”
Trixie looked at her still opened bag, and the random assortment of wires and picks still scattered across the backstage area floor.
I hate it when she has a point, she grimaced, before making a noncommittal sound in response while still refusing to turn around.
“Thought so. Look. Your guitar is packed up and we have enough stuff for at least a sound check. We can head to the amphitheater and take care of it. Why don’t you stay here and meditate, or whatever it is you do, and then meet us there in a few minutes when you’re more ready? We kind of need you at your best and this ain’t it.”
Lavender then gave her a moment to think of her answer, during which Trixie’s mind normally would be filled with snarky retorts at being spoken to in such a manner. Instead, that moment was filled with images of the Rainbooms falling down a trapdoor and by the question that had been hounding Trixie ever since that moment.
Why did I do that?
Being given the time and solitude to sort out her thoughts became much more agreeable to her at that moment.
“Trixie finds this acceptable,” she said, begrudgingly. “She will meet you there.”
Though she did not turn around, she could hear the sounds of her bandmates gathering their stuff and heading out of the room, though not before one of them placed a hand on her shoulder.
Probably Fuschia, Trixie wagered, making a note to thank her when she was in a better mood.
Before too long she heard the door open and then close. Then there was silence, and it was at this point that she finally allowed herself to turn around. With slow steps she walked to the middle of the backstage area, dragging her gig bag behind her, and upon reaching it she gently sat on the floor. A deep sigh escaped through her lips.
It seems like we’re doing this, she thought, scanning her surroundings as she had done countless times before. The familiar sights of the lamps, the curtains, and the props table brought a sense of calm to her stress-filled heart. Might as well be here of all places.
Trixie was a performer, yes, but more than that she was a magician. That meant days of practice, months of rehearsal. Every minute on a stage showing off a trick was the result of hours backstage, learning and practicing the trick until she could showcase it on a whim. When the music room was taken, it had been the obvious choice to host her band.
And now it will help me solve another problem once again.
Closing her eyes she saw the Rainbooms falling through the trapdoor, saw herself pulling the lever that triggered the mechanism, ensuring her act would be the band performing at the finals.
Why did I do that?
Trixie was not blind to her own flaws. She knew she could get carried away sometimes and she certainly had a thirst for fame and glory. And here was a music competition where she had a chance to be crowned a winner, a chance to perform in front of hundreds of people, and really show what she could do. Surely that was answer enough?
So why does it feel wrong?
It was too simple, Trixie figured, and nothing had been simple as of late.
For one thing, it left too many other questions unanswered. If all she cared about was winning, why had she gone after the Rainbooms and not the Dazzlings? Why had she never resorted to outright cheating before? She certainly could have tried something like Sunset had done during the Spring Fling. But she hadn’t, so why here? Why had she gotten so upset? She may be a lot of things, but she was not a sore loser. And, possibly most pressing of all, why did she care at all?
Trixie stopped to consider that last question for a moment.
She loved music and was a great musician because of it, her guitar skills were proof enough of that, but Trixie’s greatest passion would always and forever be that of magic. She hadn’t even had a band a few weeks ago when the event had been a musical showcase instead of a battle of the bands. In fact, the only reason she even decided to join in the first place had been…
“Adagio!”
Shooting to her feet, Trixie began playing back the events from the past few days, her racing mind putting together a puzzle she had been too distracted to even notice needed to be solved until now. Adagio was the key to all the weirdness that had been happening, she just knew it, and as the pieces fit around her a picture began to form.
Why did I resort to cheating?
Trixie thought back to that announcement, when the Dazzlings and the Rainbooms were announced as the finalists. Adagio had been there, a gentle hand on her shoulder and sympathetic words on her lips.
“The Rainbooms don’t deserve to be in the finals,” she had said. “Not when your band was so much better in the semis.”
Trixie could still feel the pressure from her touch, even now–an encouraging warmth that led to the actions that followed.
Why did I go after the Rainbooms?
That was Adagio too. She thought back to their first conversation where they made plans to meet in the finals. Not to mention the Rainbooms not earning their spot, which is something Adagio pointed out as well. Of course Trixie targeted them. As for why she got so upset...
“Because I would disappoint Adagio,” Trixie said simply.
Wait.. That’s not right.
Trixie’s voice had sounded foreign in her ears, as if spoken by a stranger. And yet, those had been her words and it had been she who had said them.
“Because I want to win,” Trixie said, loudly and desperately, a slight echo bouncing back at her. It sounded staged. She would know.
Do I even want to win?
Thinking back she noticed that all her plans for the competition ended with her sharing the stage with the Dazzlings, with little thought to what came after.
A tremor began to grow through her limbs as a cold realization began to take root. She began to pace.
Okay, so you seem to really like Adagio, Trixie thought rapidly. That’s fine, maybe she hasn’t noticed. You can still salvage this and maybe still be friends? Just figure out when this started and how far your fixation goes so you can control it before it gets more out of hand.
Trixie stopped her pacing for a moment as a memory resurfaced that caused her to chuckle.
And to be fair, it’s not like you’re the only awkward one, she thought with a smile. She straight up gave you an autograph…
That thought brought Trixie’s mind to a complete standstill. Then it began to spiral out of control.
I kept that autograph. I’m fixated on her. I just wanted to perform on the same stage as her. I didn’t want to disappoint her. The hand on my shoulder. The words of praise. Willing to cheat. The embarrassment. No—
Trixie dropped to her knees as her thoughts continued to ramp up in speed.
It really wasn’t embarrassment. I was blushing. I was frozen. I was– I am– I am...
Trixie scrunched up her eyes and she felt that same familiar heat rising in her cheeks. She knew what this all meant. She understood what it all added up to. And yet, it was still such a huge step for her to say out loud.
Memories from a much younger Trixie flashed through her mind as the familiar panic began to set in. A racing mind. A galloping heart. Loud voices. Yelling. Crying. Confusion.
You’re not that child anymore, she reminded herself, you know what to do.
First she took deep breaths as a way to slow her heartbeat and center her thoughts. The thrumming in her ears lessened and she realized she’d been gasping for air. The hectic memories gave way to calmer ones, of her dad holding her in a much too big house, one they would manage to make feel like home again. Trixie then opened her eyes, which had begun to water under the revelation she had yet to vocalize, but which still felt so real to her regardless.
This too was familiar in a way. Though much older, this was not the first time her identity had been challenged. She remembered the fear and trepidation, but tried to keep in mind the happiness that had followed. She clutched tightly onto the hem of her sleeve as if it held those memories woven within its fabric.
Finally, she opened her mouth and, with a shaky voice, she breathed a new truth into the world.
“I’m.. gay?”
Like a newborn truth, it was shaky and uncertain, but it was out there and once out there it began to grow and take root. The deep breaths continued as she savored the way it sounded in her ears, the way it tasted on her tongue. Trixie thought back to the last few weeks and allowed herself a sheepish smile at how obvious this seemed in retrospect.
“I’m gay,” she said again, with a bit more confidence. “And I have a crush on Adagio.”
She let her head collapse into her hands.
This is going to take some adjustment.
Trixie thought back through her life for any other signs she may have missed, anything that may have clued her in to this part of her identity, but came up short.
I guess I’ve always been more focused on magic and performing, she thought ruefully. No time for romance or feelings or crushes, so no reason to think I wasn’t straight. And then you had to come along, lucky me.
Feeling fidgety, Trixie reached into her hidden dress pocket and pulled out her deck of cards, which she began to fiddle with as she thought.
Okay, so what does this change? she mused. I guess I’m going to have to come out to people. Or, I guess, come out to people again...
She frowned, drew the Jack of Spades, and put it back into the deck.
I mean, I had to come to terms with the trans thing and everyone was supportive then, Trixie thought. Even as she did though, memories of a woman walking away as she watched from a window quickly flashed across her eyes. Or most of them at least. But yeah, dad should be supportive, so should my friends. I hope. Ugh—I really thought I was done with worrying about what people think. I swear, it never ends. What else?
Queen of Diamonds.
I guess I might start getting other crushes as well. Might start dating too. That’s normal for high schoolers to care about right? Might have to deal with people caring about being me gay too, if I’m dating someone and they know about it. But things are getting better so maybe not...
Seven of Clubs
Or maybe I’ll be too busy. Not like I’ve cared about dating until now anyway. Which just leaves me with what to do with Adagio.
Ace of Hearts.
Trixie stared at the card for a good minute as she tried to sort out her feelings for the girl and realized just how out of her depth she truly was. She’d never had a crush before, never felt like this before, and on top of that she was trying to reimage an entire component of her identity.
That’s certainly more than she could hope to accomplish in—
“Fifteen minutes!” Trixie shouted, looking at the clock mounted on the wall. In one fluid motion she collapsed her deck of cards and pocketed it in her dress. She then set about quickly collecting all of her stuff and shoving it into her gig bag. “Ah, I wasted so much time!”
Giving one last look at the room before leaving, Trixie noticed that in her shock and hurry she had dropped one card onto the floor. She swiftly walked back into the room to pick it up—the Ace of Hearts.
She still didn’t know what to do about Adagio. She still didn’t know how to handle things moving forward.
But I did figure something out, didn’t I?
“I have a show to perform at,” she whispered to herself. “Everything else can wait until after that is over.”
And so it was that she stepped out the door, but not before saying:
Any performer worth their salt was familiar with failure and disappointment. After all, great performances were built on closed doors more so than open ones. A stiff upper lip, an unwavering resolve, the ability to shrug off the hurt and sting of things not going their way—these were the marks of a great performer.
And Trixie was definitely a great performer.
Yet, here she was. Maybe she wasn’t as good as she thought.
Still, she was not crying, or at least that’s what she told herself as she leaned against the side of the building, locked out of the side-entrance that would have led her to the school’s auditorium. She was frustrated, understandably. She was tired. She was confused. And as she sat on the cold concrete floor and curled up against herself, she could even admit to being embarrassed and ashamed.
But Trixie, even now, would not admit to crying.
In the distance she could still hear the sounds of celebration, music and lights distilled like spectres in the night, carried by the wind as if to haunt her for her foolishness.
And she had been foolish.
When the Dazzlings had been defeated by the Rainbooms, Trixie had felt the shockwave wash over her, cleansing her from their influence. Most in the crowd had blinked dazily, unaware of what they had just experienced, but for CHS students, for Trixie, the experience was disturbingly familiar. With the mind control gone, flashes began to assert themselves through her memory, hazy dreamlike images of impossible creatures and spectral unicorns, and of her classmates once again performing feats of magic unlike anything she could hope to replicate with her illusions.
As was the case with Sunset’s takeover, the memories were blurry and it was hard to focus on them for any real measure of time, but it was enough. Trixie knew what the Dazzlings did to her, what Adagio did to her.
While the whole of the crowd cheered and celebrated to pumping music and a lightshow, Trixie was forced to endure the shattering of an identity she had barely begun to grapple with, as the object of her affection scampered away from her, possibly forever. The cheering, the smiling, the laughter, had been too much for her then, and so she had fled, seeking comfort from the one place she thought she’d find it.
I guess this spot isn’t too bad a substitute, she thought, hugging her knees closer to herself.
What Trixie needed right now was solitude and, if nothing else, this space provided it. Every once in a while, a wayward student or two would walk by on their way to their ride, but they’d been too busy and distracted to notice a tearful girl on the edge of a breakdown. Which had suited her just fine. And at the very least, it was quiet, comparatively.
She pressed her hands to her ears, hoping to deafen herself against the dregs of music slowly drifting through the night, finding it useless.
At least the laughter won’t follow me here.
“Trixie? Are you crying?”
A moment passed in silence during which various unkind phrases crossed through Trixie’s mind, before she slowly raised her face, meeting the gaze of two of the last people she wanted to see at that moment, Sunset Shimmer and Pinkie Pie.
“Yeah, you’re not looking so good,” Sunset added, a look of concern on her face.
“Trixie is fine,” Trixie said, wiping at her face, mascara staining her sleeve. “And no, she is not crying. You are delusional.”
“Right,” Sunset said, crossing her arms. She took a short breath. Took a quick glance at Pinkie and then at the path they’d probably been walking on, all things Trixie noted.
“You don’t seem fine,” Pinkie said, crouching to be face to face with Trixie. “People who are fine tend to smile more. Trixies who are fine also tend to yell more too.”
Trixie bristled at the increased closeness and maintained her silence, looking away from the inquisitive blue eyes that seemed to peer into her.
“Is it because you didn’t win?” Sunset asked, inserting herself back into the conversation. “Because that’s not really a fair fight. Your band did really well, but you were up against two bands with literal magic. You shouldn’t take that personally.”
“Maybe it’s because I’m tired of being mind controlled,” Trixie snapped, locking eyes with Sunset, a snarl on her face. “Ever think of that?”
Trixie wasn’t sure why she said it, but she knew what result it would have as the words left her mouth. The effect was immediate.
“Right, that makes sense,” Sunset mumbled, turning around. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”
Trixie maintained her glare as Sunset began to walk away, but dropped it at Pinkie’s sad expression. The girl stood up and stopped Sunset by the hand.
“She didn’t mean that,” Pinkie said softly. “She’s just upset and wanted to upset you. Whatever has her all frowny has nothing to do with you.”
“You don’t know that.”
“Yeah I do,” Pinkie continued, stepping closer and giving Sunset a comforting hug. “So would you if you weren’t always so ready to take the blame for things that aren’t yours. You’re so selfish sometimes.”
Sunset shrugged in her arms and Trixie noticed Pinkie wince. Pinkie then turned to look at her, a pleading look in her eyes. Trixie began to feel the impulse to roll her eyes in response, but stopped before she could begin.
Looking at Pinkie, really looking at her, something seemed wrong about her eyes. There was such sadness there, sadness that didn’t belong. Those eyes weren’t made for pleading.
She could feel her bitterness cooling by degrees.
Oh fine, Trixie took a deep breath.
“She’s right,” Trixie said loudly. “Trixie was trying to hurt you. It’s obvious you’re still self-conscious about the Fall Formal so she took a cheap shot at you. You’re not why she’s upset. You should listen to your friend.”
“Oh.”
“See!” Pinkie exclaimed, tightening her hug. “You don’t get to be upset today. Not after what we all just did!”
A small smile appeared on Sunset’s face as she melted into the hug. However, that smile creased into a frown as her eyes landed on Trixie once again.
“That was pretty messed up,” she said, disengaging from the hug.
“Yeah, guess it was,” Trixie responded with a shrug.
“But it’s over now,” Pinkie interjected, sensing the tension. “Listen Sunny, she isn’t feeling hunky dory right now. She’s going to say things she doesn’t mean. It’s probably not fair to hold her to everything she says when she is mad, is it?”
Pinkie stared at Sunset for a moment, an unspoken conversation that Trixie could not decipher taking place through eye contact alone. Eventually, Sunset gave in.
“No, I guess not.”
“Right,” Pinkie continued. “I figured. So, since Trixie is still upset and is probably going to keep getting on your bad side, why don’t you go meet the girls and I’ll stay here and cheer her up. I’ll meet up with you all later?”
“You sure you want to—”
“You still want to help Trixie?” Trixie exclaimed, cutting off Sunset’s question. “Why?”
Sunset stared at Pinkie with a look that very much implied she wanted to know the same exact thing, but Pinkie smiled and answered as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
“Because you’re still sad.”
“But Trixie hurt your friend.”
“Yeah,” Pinkie seemed to consider that for a second. “And you should probably apologize when you’re feeling better. But to be fair, she hurt you first by bringing up the non-magical-power-having performer thing. You’re obviously self conscious about that and feel like you can’t compete sometimes, being a magician and a musician against those odds, and it was very tactless to throw that in your face on top of accusing you of being this upset because you’re a ‘sore loser,’ which must have felt really really really insulting.”
Behind her Sunset visibly winced while Trixie remained momentarily stunned, but only momentarily.
“But I hurt you all first!” Trixie argued back, standing up as she did so. “I pulled the lever and trapped you all underneath the stage. You all could have gotten seriously hurt, but I didn’t care, just because I was so obsessed with pleasing Adagio of all people!”
At this she let out a yell of pent up frustration into the chilly night air.
Very mature, Trixie.
“Wait, you remember that?” Trixie turned to look at Sunset’s expression. It was looking at her with confusion, a cocked eyebrow and tilted head. And yet, her first was clenched and muscles were slightly tensed. A hint of apprehension?
Ah, right. The yell just now.
“Of course Trixie remembers, she laughed at your face as she did it,” Trixie replied before turning to look at Pinkie. “And it doesn’t matter that she was mind controlled into doing whatever that Dazzling wanted. You all should still be upset it happened, so Sunset upsetting her is all fair game. Trixie took it too far. So are we done?”
Trixie expected a couple of possible reactions: acceptance and denial amongst them. Maybe shouting that her apology wasn’t good enough or something along those lines. What she observed, however, was something else entirely.
Pinkie and Sunset looked at each other, locking eyes. Eyes widened. Understanding. Sunset frowned and turned to look at Trixie. Pinkie pulled on her sleeve. Pinkie shook her head.
“But she…” Sunset began, her complaint trailing off at Pinkie’s determined expression.
“I’ll take care of it,” Pinkie said. “Go meet with the girls and I’ll see you later. Ok?”
“Okay.”
Meanwhile, Trixie watched the exchange closely, taking in every detail, and came to one very solemn conclusion.
I have no idea what is happening right now.
Resigning herself to her fate, she sat down against the wall again as Pinkie waved Sunset goodbye. The redhead mumbled some form of farewell as she walked away, but Trixie didn’t quite hear it and, before long, the only presence she could feel was that of the energetic party planner.
“Mind if I sit?” Pinkie asked, standing next to Trixie and leaning against the brick wall.
Trixie shrugged.
Sliding down, Pinkie deposited herself into a sitting position next to the magician, about a foot and a half away. Trixie could see her through her peripherals and was surprised to find that Pinkie was not in fact staring at her, but rather at the lights in the distance which still illuminated the nighttime sky.
“I think this is what makes it worth it.”
“Uh– What?” Trixie stammered, caught off guard by the sudden statement.
“Moments like this,” Pinkie continued. “See how the lights make the clouds all pretty even though it’s night? And how the spotlights make it look like a movie premiere? And how it all glows like it’s some fantasy world or something? And the moon is out and the stars? It’s quiet but there’s music playing and I know there’s people out there having fun and being happy, and that makes me happy too. And everything is just so beautiful. You see it too right?”
Pinkie turned to look at Trixie then, bright blue eyes filled with mirth and vim so intense that Trixie struggled not to recoil. Turning to look at the horizon, Trixie surveyed the sights again as Pinkie had, and found to her surprise that she could, in fact, see what Pinkie meant.
Maybe she’s contagious, Trixie thought as she stared at the stars through the patchy cloud cover.
“It makes it worth the scary times,” a somber voice broke Trixie from her reverie, and it took her a moment to realize it was still Pinkie’s voice. “I mean, both times it felt like we were definitely going to lose. Like the bad guy was going to win and like I was going to be… well, gone. And it was scary. Both times it felt like we won by luck. And what’s the chance that there won’t be a third or a fourth? I’m not really sure to be honest. Math is more Sunset’s thing.”
Trixie watched as Pinkie hugged her knees, much like Trixie had been doing.
“Still,” Pinkie smiled. “I get to help people. I get to help my friends. This is here because of me. So, if there are a few more scary times ahead. If I had to live a few scary times to get here. I think it’s worth it.”
Pinkie closed her eyes and leaned her head back as far as it would go against the wall, a calm smile across her face. Trixie, meanwhile, continued to stare. Confusion grew as one thought became two, became three, became five, each struggling to be voiced, the loudest of which eventually was.
“What was that?” Trixie yelled at her companion. Pinkie, however, merely giggled.
“I told you what was on my mind,” she said calmly. “Now you should tell me what’s on yours.”
“It’s not like I asked you to tell me.”
“No, but I did ask you,” Pinkie replied. “And so did Sunset and you were mean to her. So something must seriously be wrong.”
“Oh please,” Trixie scoffed, looking straight ahead. “She was in a hurry to leave pretty much as soon as she got here.”
“But she was going to stay anyway. She wanted to help anyway. Now stop dodging and spill.”
Trixie looked at Pinkie through her peripheral vision again and found her looking straight ahead.
Probably doing the same thing you are.
“Fine!” Trixie whined, much to Pinkie’s amusement.
And yet, she didn’t begin speaking straight away. For three minutes, Trixie thought to herself on how to best word her thoughts and feelings, what to share, what to keep to herself, how to best voice her frustrations. Pinkie, meanwhile, did not rush her and simply continued to stare dead ahead in silence.
Another minute passed before Trixie finally gave a sharp nod and began to speak.
“Trixie… I– I thought I was gay because of the Dazzlings,” Trixie said, taking a deep breath afterwards. “It was only for a few weeks, and I only realized what it all meant today, but yeah, that’s what’s got me all upset.”
“You do know there’s nothing wrong with being gay right?”
“Of course!” Trixie yelped, an indignant blush darkening her cheeks. “My dad raised me to be proud of who I am, no matter what. And I’m obviously going to be ok with LGBTQ identities. You do know about… well… me. Right?”
“Maybe I do, maybe I don’t,” Pinkie shrugged, surprising Trixie at her blasé response. “Let’s say I don’t know anything you haven’t told me yourself and that all I’ve heard is that you were upset you thought you were gay.”
“I wasn’t upset I thought I was gay,” Trixie mumbled. “I mean, I had never thought about it before. I had never had a crush before. I never really considered anything about who I’d date someday. Too busy with magic you know?”
Pinkie nodded.
“And then here comes Adagio and bam!” Trixie exclaimed. “Suddenly I’m doing everything she says, and I’m thinking about her all the time, and the most important thing in the world to me is making sure I can find some way to impress her so she can keep giving me compliments.”
“Sounds like a pretty serious crush,” Pinkie said, giving Trixie a smile.
“It was!” Trixie covered her face in her hands. “And so I realize it’s a crush and suddenly I have to come to terms with the fact that I might be gay. And I do. And you know what?”
“What?”
“I was actually pretty happy about it,” Trixie said, a fond smile growing on her lips. “I was a bit confused, there were things to work out, sure. But it was ok. I was figuring myself out. My dad always told me that was a good thing. And… I don’t know, it felt nice to have this crush.”
“It does sound nice.”
After a moment, however, Trixie’s smile turned into a frown.
“But then I found out it was a lie,” Trixie said. “Mind controlled, again. Played like a fool. All so I could stand in your way. A pawn. A tool.”
Trixie gave a melancholy sigh.
“Before I hadn’t even had to think about who I was attracted to, but now it’s on my mind and the truth is that I don’t even know, and it bothers me so much. I’ve never felt anything for anyone before and this seems like such a big part of myself to not know anything about. It used to be fine, but now…”
“Like being told you can’t have ice-cream after having tasted it for the first time?”
“Sure,” Trixie said, dismissively. “And then there’s the part where the first crush I ever had was just manipulating me. It’d be one thing if those feelings went away when the brainwashing faded, but it’s insulting to still have to deal with them.”
“Oh, right! You weren’t being mind controlled.”
“What!?”
“What?”
Trixie turned to look at Pinkie who was licking a lollipop Trixie had to assume she had gotten from some of her hidden stashes, and with great restraint repeated her question.
“What did you just say?”
“That you weren’t brainwashed,” Pinkie repeated. “Or at least not before the Dazzlings performed at the finals. Pretty sure they brainwashed everybody then. Before then I'm certain you were mind-control free though! Probably should have started with that, huh?”
“No no no no no,” Trixie stammered, an eye twitching. “I heard Sunset talking to people as I was leaving. Mind control. That’s why everyone tried to sabotage you and did what the Dazzlings wanted.”
“Close,” Pinkie nodded. “That’s why everyone else sabotaged us and did what the Dazzlings wanted. You did that on your own.”
“No,” Trixie argued. “I remember the pull, the compulsion. I remember the need to do things for her. The last few days specifically have been the absolute worst for it, just constant thoughts and the spell forcing me to make sure I impressed Adagio.”
“Uh huh,” Pinkie said, still sucking on her lollipop. “So you remember all that.”
“Yes.”
“And the things they made you do.”
“Yes!”
“Like how you trapped us under the stage.”
“I already apologized,” Trixie crossed her arms. “Kind of.”
“And I accept your apology,” Pinkie said, gesturing to herself. “Hey, interesting thing. Wanna hear what Flash described his last few days like? He said all he remembers are blurry dreams, like watching a bad movie with a lot of scenes cut out and where he gets tired if he watches it too long. I think he said he felt he lost whole days of his life. I asked him if he checked his pockets but he didn’t answer me.”
Trixie began to sweat, dreamlike images from the concert emerging in her memory before fading into the background once again.
“I just thought that was an interesting thing to share,” Pinkie continued. “But yeah, I’m pretty sure you weren’t mind controlled when you did all those things. Don’t worry though, I won’t tell. Though Sunset might know, you kind of blabbed on yourself earlier.”
“That doesn’t make any sense though,” Trixie replied, getting to her feet. “Like Sunset pointed out earlier, I don’t have any real magic to protect me like you girls do. How did I avoid getting controlled?”
Pinkie also got onto her feet and then seemed to ponder Trixie’s question before answering.
“That’s a good question,” she said. “Vinyl avoided it by wearing headphones, but you don’t wear any. Maybe you do have some secret magic we don’t know about? Or maybe you’re too stubborn to be possessed? Or maybe you ate too much ice cream and the brain freeze shocked you out of their control? Honestly though? I don’t think it’s any of those. Especially when there’s an explanation that makes way more sense.”
“And that is?” Trixie asked, leaning in with curiosity.
“Adagio didn’t want to control you,” Pinkie said with a soft smile. “She was obviously the leader, so if she said no, then the other ones would have left you alone too. And it’s not like she didn’t get you to do things anyway. Sure, it would have been easier to just control you and get it over with, but… if she liked you, maybe she wanted to keep you around instead of some zombie drone thing that just said yes to everything.”
Pinkie nudged the blushing Trixie with her shoulder, giggling when she almost toppled her over.
“So…” Trixie began, as she righted herself. “Do you think I might still be… You know—”
“Gay?”
“Yeah.”
“Wanna find out?”
Trixie’s subtle blush blazoned to a deep crimson as she tried to stammer out a response. Pinkie laughed loudly, taking this as an answer, grabbing Trixie by the hand before the former could protest and, with surprising speed, Pinkie led her to the front of the school.
“Unhand Trixie this instant!”
“Fine fine,” Pinkie said, still laughing as they arrived. “We’re here anyway. Okay, here is your test.”
Trixie glowered at Pinkie, who was gesticulating towards the front entrance of the school where various posters for bands had been plastered all across the entrance. Immediately, Trixie could make out posters for the Rainbooms, for Flash Drive, and for her own band Trixie and the Illusions, which meant if she looked further she would find…
“Uh uh uh”
Trixie yelped as she was swiftly blindfolded by Pinkie, and then pushed forward about four feet and then moved three feet to the left.
“Okay,” Pinkie said from somewhere to her left. “I’m going to remove the blindfold and you’re going to be face to face with Adagio Dazzle. Now, Sunset explained their magic to us and, with their necklaces broken, their magic is kaput. Donezo. That means that whatever you feel when you see her is all you. No magic. No brain controlly mumbo jumbo. Nada. If you feel something then, congrats! You’re gay and you found a little bit about yourself. I can even throw you a coming out party to celebrate—”
“No party,” Trixie cut her off, but she couldn’t hide a small smirk. It wasn’t long before the fear set in though. “And if I don’t feel anything?”
“Well, then you don’t feel anything,” Pinkie said, nervousness tinging her voice as well. “Then you get to keep searching for your identity, which isn’t all too bad. You might still end up gay, which yay! Or you might end up straight, which also yay! Or something else, which third time yay! You’ll just find out later instead of today. And I know you’ll be disappointed but, if you want, you and I can go to my place and eat some ice cream until you feel better or have so much brain freeze you stop caring about it. Whatever comes first.”
“And your party?”
“There’ll be other parties,” she said. “You’d be the one that needs me. The girls would still have fun without me. So what do you say? Wanna roll the die and find out what the universe is cooking?”
Trixie let out a giggle despite herself and gave a nod.
Let’s do this.
She expected a countdown or some sort of warning, but before she could get ready Pinkie had already removed the blindfold and Trixie found herself face-to-face with the image of Adagio Dazzle. Every instinct told Trixie to look away, and yet every impulse held her gaze in place.
Trixie’s eyes scanned those raspberry eyes and she remembered the hunger with which they had looked upon her, a hunger the poster just couldn’t replicate. A shiver ran down her spine. She looked at her soft lips and remembered the autograph, still stashed in her room, and she blushed as she pictured just how soft the lips of a singer must be. She looked at her hair, her outfit, her vibrance and, while the poster did not do the real figure justice, Trixie found herself with just one thought.
She’s so hot.
“So… What’s the verdict?”
Trixie nearly jumped at the voice but managed not to react more than a simple startle. Looking slowly to the side she saw Pinkie, who had been apparently studying her with a smug grin and half lidded eyes.
Trixie decided this look did not suit Pinkie either.
“So… um..” Trixie coughed as she attempted to regain her composure. “It appears you were correct and… um…. Trixie is indeed… um… gay—”
A crushing hug enveloped Trixie and she found herself surprised at Pinkie’s strength as the party planner picked her up off the ground and spun her around four times in quick succession.
“Oh my gosh!” Pinkie yelled. “Congratulations! I’m so happy for you. You must feel so relieved.”
“You know, I really am,” Trixie said as Pinkie put her down. She closed her eyes and tried to center her thoughts, a sense of peace enveloping her once again.
It feels good to know myself, she mused.
“Thank you Pinkie, I…” Trixie began, trailing off as she opened her eyes. Standing in front of her was Pinkie holding out a rolled up poster. The Dazzlings poster was conspicuously missing from the wall behind her. “I closed my eyes for a second. I am not taking the poster.”
“Why not?” Pinkie said, her smug grin returning. “Think about it. Boys all get posters of hot girls right? And girls get posters of boy bands? This is a hot girl band! And it’s your crush? You have to get it.”
“I’m not getting it,” Trixie crossed her arms.
“Think about it, ok?” Pinkie said, sticking out her tongue before placing the poster at Trixie’s feet. “Anyway, I should probably get going. You’re welcome to come, by the way. It’s a sleepover party, but we always have extra stuff and no one would mind another extra guest. We already have Twilight, after all.”
“Thank you, but no,” Trixie said, shaking her head. “I really should go home. Maybe some other time.”
“Okie dokie,” Pinkie said, waving goodbye before walking away in a northeastern direction. Trixie just stood there waving until Pinkie was out of sight and then, and only then, did she bend down to pick up the poster.
It would be a shame to leave this lying around, Trixie thought, holding the poster under her arm. A small blush grew on her face to match the smile on her lips. And besides, a friend gave it to me. It would be rude to refuse.
And so, Trixie began her trek home, though it was not long into her walk before she received a phone call, which she answered as she continued her journey:
“Oh hi, Daddy. How was your show?”
“Uh huh. Uh huh. That’s awesome.”
“No, just heading home. But guess what? I actually have some big news too!”
“Well, no, I didn’t win, no. But that’s not what the news was about anyway. No, so guess what. Turns out I’m gay.”
“Yeah, this girl at the competition. It’s just a crush, but that’s how I found out.”
“No! No! I don’t need another coming out party!”
“But—”
“....Okay, but if I have to have one, I get to choose the party planner.”
