OnTheTrot
Joined 21st Oct, 2012 ·
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Hey I really enjoy where this is going, but Cadence's explanation of the test was much too drawn out and rambling. Other than that you seem to be a rather good author and I look forward to the next chapter.
Please write more, you have me very interested. But I do agree that the explanation of the test was too drawn out. It could have be done with out the side story in the description.
intrest piqued i'll be waiting
Interesting, Looking forward to more. You get another good chapter out, and I'll fave it~
I like this but pay attention to the commas! in some dialogue there are well-placed but in other it's like reading yahourt
Fic and chapter titles...
cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/15107247.jpg
Loving a emergent goddess, either as a brother or a sister (or, in time, as their special somepony), is a hard thing to do. Shining Armour deserves our sympathy for having to deal with what his sister is and what she would inevitably become.
2528467
Thank you for your kind comments sir i have taken those notes into account in the second chapter i hope it have vastly improve let me know what else you fine please
Your Regards
OnTheTrot
Is this a Twidence story?
A Twidance fic of Twilight being adorable? Yes please, dood.
I'm going to go off on a limb here and guess that the next chapter will be titles 'Nobody does it like a prophet'?
Keep the good work sir!
2546967
Yes it is good sir although it's one were the realtionship with grow and progress with time
Your Regards
OnTheTrot
D'aawww, very sweet.
2547914 Well that sounds interesting.
2547307
No Pony but good try sir...
2580629
Was that sarcasum good sir
Hmm, this bodes ill.....
Poor Twilight. I feel really sorry for her. I am ready and able to wait for the Twidance to happen. I am also glad that you are writing this story.There is so little Twidance. To see an addition to it is a nice change. Keep up the good work.
Wow, ...just wow, dood.
You had Twilight raped just to make Cadance become hatred incarnate, dood? That's messed up.
So...Can I get the names of the pricks that did this? We have a game in the Netherworld called "An Hour in a Soundproof Room" we like to play with asshats, dood. It's a lot like "Seven Minutes in Heaven" but you have to choose between a Rifle Demon, A Tree Golem, and a Serpent Demon, dood.
It's fun to watch if you're into it, but mind-shattering for everything else, dood.
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Sorry good sir i will sort it soon
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I don't have any name's yet but i will by the next chapter....Dood
Holy Shit man! pardon my language, but this is impressive. Minus the grammer errors though i didn't really catch any this is just wow. I like how to are changng the the world to make it almost sound legit.
This almost shattered my heart after what i heard happen to Twilight, i can not image how Armor is going to take this. Just wow it took a very dark turn but i'm still increadibly impressed with what you had done. I also just like how you are opened minded in ways of different pairing like this on. i don't see a lot of these and it is nice to find someone else who is willing to explore other possiblities in regards to pairing.
On a side note if Cadence did what i think she did then i would hate to image what shinning or Faust forbid Celestia got a hold of those 3 foals.
Keep up the good work i what to read more of this.
2581347 Oh I am hoping celestia gets ahold of them.. also I really hope they also get a slap of attempted Deicide thrown in because of what they did might as well have tried to kill cadance... Now ON WITH THE TRAIL.. please i really want to see some punishment for this. I read the story got up and broke my walll.... by punching it... so please we must HAVE VENGEANCE!!!!
Vengance shall be had... SPOILER: but not by Cadence the blood on her hooves was the blood from Twilight not the foals.. Although the foals have an even worse fate coming
Your Regards OnTheTrot
This is flowing perfectly with the next two lines of the song, bravo.
I'm deeply sorry, but I'm afraid I can't read anymore....
Your story is extremely well written, expertly paced and easy to follow. You are undoubtedly a skilled writer with a great imagination.
But.... I can't read on after this chapter. The very idea of 'that' happening to Twilight, a filly, to anypony..... It's just not right. I can't read on, I just can't.
I'm sorry, and I wish you all the luck in the world.
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I Apoligise if this story upset you... sir. I did state that this would become less dark from now onward... but if you still feel uncomfortable still i thank your auidence for the short time i had it
your Regards
OnTheTrot
2582918
I have been notified of that and i'll edit them as soon as i can along with the 'shinning armour' thing good sir i'll get onto that too
Your Regards
OnTheTrot
You, my friend, just made my favorite list.
This is so epically dark! I love it! Looking forward to the next chapter.
I saw the dark tag, but even so... This story is good, but that almost made me quit. It's nothing against you or your writing, that's just a hard topic to read about, especially to a child. I'm personally hoping that this is as dark as things get (excluding the retribution for the bastards that did this), or I might have to leave at the next stop.
Still, my personal tastes aside, this story is interesting. So I'm hesitantly looking forward to what happens next.
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It will become less dark I assure you good sir.
2546877
Every orphan twilight story ever
This is a very well written story, I really love the interpretation of Cadence in this fic and Twilight was written expertly. This chapter, was, well written but, i'm sorry to say it feels a bit contrived.
Rape is a complicated and serious issue, that doesn't remove it from being used in a story but it makes it harder to use well, as it's being used here it feels a bit like "rape as drama" As for why I felt it was a bit contrived, it just seems a bit surprising/convenient that Cadence would send Twilight off to play with the three children who turned out to be rapists, why were they at the castle, why do that to Princess Celestia's student of all ponies.
Sorry as I said I've really liked everything up to this point, Cadence's adoration and love for Twilight and her reasoning behind it was fascinating, Celestia was well written and wise, likable and in control. And i'm rather curious about this change in Cadence, so i'll likely keep reading, but still I just thought I should note that, i'm sorry if this seemed rude.
2660794
not at all good sir this entire story was more of a 'spur of the moment' kind of thing. And well I just right as I feel I should but it will explain further reasons in Twilights adulthood/marehood of why she doesn't want to make friends and find them a waste of time. I won't reveal everything but Twilight won't remember the incident due to Celestia's intervening. Which will cause cadences new view on life to affect how Twilight grows up. As well as Shining Armours view. Its a sort of 'there's some things so rare that they must be protected' and you can imagine what will happen when they have to let her go (ponyville) that's all I will say and I hope this give's you clues as to how and why I've written it like this.
Your Regards
OnTheTrot
2663122
I'm glad you feel that way, TY for saying it I was a bit worried.
Sorry this sort of confused me. Do you mean Twilight being raped explains her unsociable behavior later in life? It's an interesting idea, though i'm not sure it was necessary if that's the case, she was already showing a lack of interest in socializing. Sorry if I misunderstood.
hmm Celestia intervening, I can only assume by wiping/blocking the memory, I tend to be extremely uncomfortable with that sort of thing, but it's your story, given the prologue I guess this means that the story will be made to fit canon? Interesting theme behind letting Twilight go.
I'm still rather confused by some things, but it's your story, so I wish you the best of luck regardless.
2665303
It's okay good sir all I meant is Twilight didn't want to make friends, but Cadence insisted. This caused Twilight to get hurt. So Cadence blames herself and now understands why Twilight didn't like talking to just anypony. While Celestia thinks it's too much for a filly to handle and doesn't want to let Twilights future be ruined by a painful memory. So I'll make it stated that Cadence wants Twilight to remember and not trust anypony again. While Celestia wants her to forget and find true friendship which will cause an argument between Cadence and Celestia. When Celestia sends Twilight to ponyville this will cause a sort of break down for Cadence. Which will inspire how she got wrapped up into the changeling affair. There will be a lot of inbetween work in here too. So i'll show Cadence trying to stop Twilight from making friends while Celestia trys to spur her on this will create the cannon part.
Your Regards
OnTheTrot
Stripped of magic, expelled, unknown sentencing from the third most pissed off pony in Equestria (maybe fifth if Twilight's parents know), and a group of ponies wanting to beat the shit out of them, dood? I guess I could accept this, I still like my "hour in a sound-proof room" idea, dood.
Or let me beat them with Yoshitsuna, dood. (One of the strongest swords in Disgaea history, or the Ultimate Space Battleship; either will work for my situation, dood)
Vengeance has been served, I like how this turned out though hopefully Twilight doesn't hear about it she may be more worse off with the knowledge that those three had suffered through. Also I seriously suspect that Twilight isn't going to try and make friends for sometime now, and I bet Celestia, Cadence, and Shinning aren't going to push her to make friends any time soon either.
On a side note I can see why his name is Reaper.
Hope you update sooner this this chapter because I'm just been hooked since I first starting reading this. I don't really care how dark it is I will still keep reading. Again update soon.
Why cant we have this for the real life too. Any time somebody hurts or rapes somebody else their faces HAVE to be bought out in the open so everyone know who that bastards are. The victims are out in the open but so many times this dirty freaks dont even get fully named so we know who they are.
Aw, we wait for forever and that's it? I WANT BLOOD!
And to see how Twilight's doing. 
Update again sooner than this one was?
they got off a bit easy I really wish I could have seen a bit more of what happened.
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Don't worry it will all be explained at a later point good sir
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My apologies for not responding sooner,thank you for explain sorry I didn't understand before, though I don't exactly agree with your rationale, at least, I don't think Twilight did not want to make friends to avoid being hurt/raped. Her being damaged in such a way would explain Cadence becoming more protective though. I don't really know if Celestia would erase a memory, given her canon behavior, but it's your story and a difficult to know or debate the issue and I don't want to tell you how to write. Wouldn't Celestia also do something for Cadence given the circumstances?
As I said I still have difficult with some of the things, but it's your story is well written and very immersive, sorry if I was bothersome, I wish you the best of luck.
ahhhhh Justice is bitter... but Sweet.... Those foals decerved to lose their horns......
with that Said.... I like Reaper.... Hes honest... and willing to take punishment for what he does... even when he thinks he did the right thing...
for you I give you 4/5 Raritys
I agree, it may have been a harsh punishment, but if they were that malicious as children, they would have grown to be even worse adults.
don't know what to said
kill...them..all
my personal prodigy.
Those words do not belong together. Yes, Twilight is a prodigy. But she is Celestia's protégé.
Writing 'my personal prodigy' implies : a) Twilight is a prodigy (true), and b) Celestia owns Twilight (false)
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AHH Thank you good sir I knew their was a different word but couldn't find I searched for it and couldn't find it thank you for giving me the correct word good sir
Your Regards
OnTheTrot