- Member Since 1st May, 2020
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The Warrior Of Darkness
Hearken unto me, Crystal Bearers. Thy foe is clad in infernal Light. If thou wouldst triumph, thou must look to the Dark.
The Warrior Of Darkness
Joined 1st May, 2020 ·
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Twi, that was not one of your best ideas...
curious where this is going
Don’t make it too similar to the broken and the damned but I am interested in what happens next
I don't like stories where Twilight is banished. The Elements of Harmony won't work without Twilight anyway.
Love it so far
10328682
Though if you think about it, none of them being banished would ever be good. The elements wouldn't work with any of them gone. I'll let you all on a little secret that I had while drawing up this story. I initially decided on Rarity being the one to get banished, but I couldn't think on a justifiable reason as to why she would attack "Princess Cadance" (It was Cadenza on the drawing board). I thought of the main 6 that could possibly do something like this and decided on Twilight, since she has shown that she's a little crazy. She wants to be right even needs to, this is why I settled on her. I didn't feel like doing RD would be a good idea (seeing as where the influence of this story comes from) and I thought about Fluttershy being thrown into banished lands, and her nature slowly doing a 180 from it's previous state.
10328675
Oh trust me, I plan on trying to stay away from the ground rules set in that story. It's better to come up with your own, but I do plan on introducing new races since this doesn't follow prime-eques (Established show rules). I'll attempt to keep the similarities down, and as such, I think I'm currently fighting on which 'culture' to establish in this new area that I'll eventually get to. Currently, I'm settling for medieval like equestria currently has, east asian setting (perhaps??), Greeco-Roman (This is my bread and butter. Grew up learning everything about it.). I actually just had a great idea, and I think I'll settle on that. No Peeking!
10328572
Glad that you found it intriguing! And I hope you enjoy what's to come.
10329027
But Twilight is right about Cadence: The one they're listening to was a Changeling in disguise. Even if they banish Twilight and find out that she was right about the imposter, they'll deeply regret banishing her!
10329364
Hmmm... Yes, while you are correct upon that, there has been some liberations taken. You will find out more, trust me.
for some reason this reminds me of 'the broken and the damned', so I hope it can reach its level of being amazing.
on a comparison though, twilight's friends didn't lay into her or accuse her of going against her element. Don't know what's worst, silent acknowledgement that your friends think your guilty or them thinking your going against your element and lay into you like 'the broken and the damned'.
Only ones on Rainbow's side were her parents and Scootaloo, while here everyone has wrote off Twilight as guilty even her family except for Spike who I want to assume wouldn't have been against Twilight as it wouldn't feel right. He also didn't turn on Rainbow dash when the principal cast did.
10329567
Hmm. Interesting. You've noticed my thought process... Interesting indeed. For your inspection of detail I shall present a hint to everyone: Asian-Greeco-Roman Fusion. That is all. And yes, I do hope I can reach Centurion Pike-Wall's level of amazing with this story. Silent acknowledgement is always much worse in my opinion because the main character knows they could've done something better.
Chrysalis reveals herself and laughs at Celestia, Luna and everyone; calling them fools for believing her and passing judgement on Twilight Sparkle who was right about her all along, and saying that without Twilight Sparkle, their precious elements of harmony won't work anymore! They realize their mistake and the princesses lift the banishment on Twilight and go off looking for her, only to find that she turned dark (Midnight Sparkle) for their betrayal.
10329643
(In Zavala's voice)
Indeed.
But real talk, there's another thing at play. You'll learn it eventually. I ain't spoilin' it!
More?
10329901
Yes. There shall't be more. However, I do not plan to run myself ragged releasing five chapters in a row within a day.
I did not mean that. I just meant with "More?" by when will the next part come out.
10329973
oooh. I'm an idiot. I've got another in the works, and I doubt it'll be completed before I sleep tonight so it will probably go up tomorrow afternoon sometime then. this chapter may be longer because of the transitioning and other stuff. Short answer: Tomorrow. Long Answer: See above to read the idiot bot's comments.
another banished fic. oh yes
I'm hoping the elements flat out refuse to be used. Their the elements of harmony and her friends not being there for her and them still working is contradictory. I hate banishment fics where celestia just replaces twilight and bamn there working again so please dont do that I mean it's your story do what you want I'd just have to suffer through it. Are the elements aware in your story like the show? What's the chances of there being a empress twilight eventually. I hope she runs into tempest shadow.
10330047
While this will loosely follow show logic, I don't have any plans on the elements letting their "bearers" use them. The path to friendship has been abandoned and it won't ever come back. I won't say too much about it since it's planned somewhere in the ol' noggin but no villain will be "tasting the rainbow" for a long time.
Good lord, I think that's the fastest kangaroo court I've ever seen, ficticious or otherwise. How long did that span, thirty seconds?
I want Twilight to come back with a grand imperial army of bureaucrats and smite all Equestria with the cleansing fire of due process.
10330068
Hahaha! That got a laugh out of me, although I didn't specify it, the decision was already made, and she had been waiting for more than just a couple of hours. Perhaps I should go back through that and add that so it is specified. You have indeed gotten a laugh out of me, and for some reason, I'm going to remember the words "cleansing fire of due process" for a substantial amount of time. It may come back to haunt you!
10330057
*pumps fist up and down* ....Yes.
Mmm, just out of curiosity, are you getting inspired by the Green Lantern oath for your chapter titles?
10330074
Excellent... excellent... the seed of my idea has been planted. Soon, ponies everywhere will believe that they should have rights granted to them by the law. They shall say that defendants shouldn't have to self-incriminate, or suffer cruel and unusual punishments! Then they shall rise up, cast off the shackles of their noble oppressors, and replace them with a chamber of elected senators that represent the will of the people! Then, THEN, sapient beings all over the world will look at that and say, "yo, that's pretty neato my dude", and build similar systems with regionally appropriate variations stemming from their own cultures and local needs, and noone can do anything to stop it!
Muahahahahahahahaaaa!
10330089
I did not get inspiration from the Lantern Oaths but I realized after I made the Chapter how close it fit with one of them. I kinda of surprised myself.
(suggestion) When the mane 5, Celestia, Shining Armor, Luna and the Real Cadence go to the vault to get the Elements of Harmony after the Changelings are defeated and sent away, they are met with pure rage from all the elements.
"Traitor!"
"Ignorant wretch!"
"Wicked brat!"
"Liar!"
"Misery maker!"
"What happened to the Elements of Harmony?" Rarity asked, taken aback by the rage and the words.
The chest opened and the Element of Magic glowed violet as it spoke in a simple voice.
"'What happened to the Elements of Harmony?' you ask? Simple, you brought this upon yourselves."
"Twilight Sparkle sought your help at the rehearsal when she warned you about the fake Cadence, and you all turned your backs on her and betrayed her!"
The ponies were taken aback. The Elements knew what happened at the rehearsal?
"We...we didn't want to betray her." Fluttershy stammered.
"Twilight came into the rehearsal, claiming that Cadence was evil without proof." Rarity said.
The Element of Generosity glowed purple.
"That may be true, Rarity, but as her friends, you girls should have stood beside her no matter what. Especially since you promised her when she couldn't find a friendship problem that you'd take her concerns seriously. Then after the rehearsal at her judgement before being banished, you stood there and watched her get banished; and did nothing!"
The Element of Kindness glowed a soft pink, directed at Fluttershy.
"You are a kind mare, Fluttershy. But at the rehearsal and at Twilight's judgement by the Princesses, you snubbed her like she wasn't worth your time. What kind of friend does that?"
The Element of Laughter glowed blue.
"Pinkie Pie, you were born with the desire to spread happiness and cheer wherever you go. But at the rehearsal and at the judgement of your friend, you went against your element. All of you did. Without the bearer of Magic, we won't work at all. Plus, when Twilight was left alone; she cried. How could the bearer of Laughter make a dear friend of hers cry and not try to stand up for her at her judgement, and watch her be banished?"
Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy and Rarity were already looking at the ground, ashamed of themselves. The Element of Honesty glowed orange.
"You have an older and younger sibling yourself, Applejack. You should have known what Twilight was going through. And yet, you too had your own suspicions about the false bride; but ignored Twilight's completely. Twilight knew what her foalsitter was truly like, she would never take her frustration out on anypony directly. Even Celestia knows that and didn't see through the fake Cadence's poor acting!"
Applejack took her hat off and held it to her heart. The Element of Loyalty glowed a dangerous red towards Rainbow Dash.
"As the Element of Loyalty, Rainbow Dash, you should have thought about your friends before yourself! Whenever your ego inflated, I had to hold in my frustration against you for it. And you chose your ego over the concerns of a friend, and even let her be banished! What kind of loyal friend does that anyway?!"
Rainbow Dash lowered her head as well, close to crying. Celestia and Luna looked at the Elements.
"We admit we were wrong to banish Twilight." Luna said. "But don't you want her back?"
The Element of Magic glowed violet, proceeding to speak about it's former bearer.
"We actually do, Princess Luna. You and Celestia should have thought about us Elements of Harmony and our connection BEFORE banishing Twilight Sparkle in the first place! With her gone, everything done with us will end. Including Discord's 2nd imprisonment!"
Everypony nodded.
"As of now, we refuse to be used unless Twilight Sparkle returns to Equestria with a warm welcome and she is happy. Otherwise, Equestria will forever be defenseless." Magic continued. "And, as quoted by Princess Celestia to Twilight Sparkle before she and Luna banished her: You all have a lot to think about."
(end of suggestion)
Color Key:
Honesty: Orange
Kindness: Pink (The Pinkie Pie color)
Laughter: Light Blue
Generosity: Purple (labeled as Violet)
Loyalty: Red
And Magic: Violet (The Twilight Sparkle color)
10329979
Thank you!
I sense Midnight Sparkle coming. Embrace the darkness, Twilight. Punish those fools when you decide to.
10330191
That looks like great suggestion. But we have to wait and see the author does agree with this.
Hmm.
10330843
Yeah.
10330191
That's much closer than what you think. I'll leave it at that
10330856
Okay.
when will the new chapter come? please release these every 2 days instead of every week, i cant wait!
besides waiting every week will be hella annoying and most people would just lose interest
10330874
Next chapter is tomorrow. And I thought I put it as two new chapters after chapter 5. My bad. I'll update that
Well hopefully Twilight and sometimes each other and hey Twilight could head too the dragon lands and find spike.
10330884
You've also got to remember that Dragon Lands are technically still within Equestrian borders, like an allied land. (Despite the dragons not carrying what they do). If she were to go there, it would be long after her banishment.
10330888
Well that is odd and yes I found some non pony lands are see as part of Equestria which dose not make sense but with the dragons since they never sent a true border I guess it make sense. Also dose Chyrlis show up or was Candace just Candace the whole time? Cause I'm assuming the changing attack did not happen. Oh yeah maybe add a male pony that Twilight meets whom is also exiled from Equestria for a minor crime or a crime he did not commit. He dose not hate Equestria but he is disappointed in his wrongful banishment.
Also with Twilight gone ponies who knew Twilight well suffer something is missing cause Twilight is gone. I say that cause either can happen nothing is the same and their this feeling of decline and decay and disunity as ponies slowly stop trusting each other and start showing more anger too another blaming one another.
I'm sure their are gonna be also ponies whom don't agree with Twilight banishment.
10330880
aAAA CANT W A I T
Also if my idea of Twilight meeting a exiled male pony is used his back ground he is an a young adult male blank flank earth pony whom seems emotionless and always has a poker face, he would look like my profile picture without the hazard armor, he speakers when he must, he dose not laugh or smile unless he must and has a reason too, he dose not cry or grief unless he has a reason too. His own banishment is unknown as even the exiled male earth pony dose not know why he was exiled as he was young when it happen. His only joy is collecting stuff he can find. The male blank flank earth pony only objective is mostly too collect, and explore everywhere he can. And when he meets Twilight he gets her too follow him and shows her a wider world too explore and see, that their is more beyond Equestria.
Twilight would attempt too help feel his emotions he has be detach from. And try too find out why he was banished. Also the male earth pony is not so concerned with returning too Equestria as its because of him being exiled he found a calling beyond his homeland and he being attempting too get Twilight too follow her own path, and find herself and be who she chooses too be not what the elements of harmony or the princess and her friends want her too be never look forget the past but that don't let the past hold you down. Move forward and be free from what wronged twilight sparkles.
10329643
I somewhat agree with that, except for her going dark.
Logically ruthless, maybe. But dark, no.
I find it more fitting as in some other banishment fics, where when they find her again, they find out that she have moved on and made herself a new life.
A new life, with new family, friends, subjects?, joys, responsibilities and duties.
Them learning that she don't need them, but they need her.
That is a problem that they can't just use force on to fix, and make her ''light/good'' again.
Also it is less egdy...
Ps:
I would think that Chrysalis would adapt her plan a little more long term...
Or as I believe was her original plan, until Twilight derailed it (by finding Cadance and then stop the wedding) and forced Chrysalis to initiate the invasion earlier than expected.
Don't just go guns blazing at the ceremony, but to go through the wedding and change out the guards with her changelings.
Imagine the changeling invasion with no guards defending at all...
It would be a round up of ponies.
And when they do find the real Cadance, she is not just tired and dirty, but actually malnurished and traumatized due to prolonged captivety and isolation.
And then Shining Armor being effected someway due to prolonged magical brainwashing.
10330926
I have to agree with you there, while Twilight revenge fics are amazing. The few ones where she moves on and considers her “friends” irrelevant definitely have a special flare to them. I can’t remember the name of the story, but their was one where she became a crime “boss” of a forgotten city. When her friends finally found her, she didn’t really care much about them, beyond being an annoyance. She only gave them a second chance to make amends, but didn’t just up and drop everything because they said sorry. When they blew that, all bets were off and she had a great reason to get revenge, because they dared mess with her memories, new family, and city.
But don’t judge this story just yet, I have a feeling the author will surprise us, so far I’m impressed with how he’s depicted Twilight. I’m also curious of just how badly she actually hurt “Cadence” since she didn’t seem to be in the right state of mind. I feel he’s hinted if only a little bit that “Lesson Zero” Twilight is still under the surface. So while she might be right, she’s still a bit unstable which makes me wonder if the writer is going to throw a curve ball at us.
10330972
Hmmm. Interesting. We shall watch your career with great interest. I also know the story you speak of. It showed in my recommendations AFTER I made this story and I found it inspiring. It gives me a couple more ideas in lieu of ones that are fairly used.
10330926
I find banishment fics where a character acknowledges that an apology is made but doesn't forgive them always mystifying. I always wonder why authors decide to make them forgive the "friends" for their transgressions, surely they realize that someone being banished has a large effect on the mind? Think on that diagnosis. It's like saying oh, we convicted you of murder and locked you up in prison for 20 years but then we found out the evidence was falsified. By then, the damage has been done, friendships lost, state of mind changed, new bonds have been forged. The person you knew is long gone, so why try to reconnect with someone that is gone? And why not try reconnecting with the new person? I always remember this quote with plots where that happens. "You spend so much time looking at the past, looking for someone that isn't there, that you don't notice the other person standing in front of you, ready to kick your teeth out."
I'm enjoying reading this, it's the first mlp fic I've read and enjoyed this year, in recent memory at least.
I'm looking forward to more!
10331083
Why thank you, glad your enjoying it and I hope you enjoy what's to come.
10330972
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/174091/the-forgotten-and-exiled
This is the story your thinking of if I am correct