- Member Since 13th Jan, 2013
- offline last seen Saturday
Futile Task
I'm just a simple writer sharing his hobby with the world, hope you all enjoy.
Futile Task
Joined 13th Jan, 2013 ·
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“Divine alicorns such as myself can not get impregnated by normal ponies without magic from said divine alicorns.” Didn't she give Twilight the genital with HER magic?
2443876
Different kind of magic my dear, different kind of magic, it will all be explained in the book.
Yes please! I really enjoy submissive Celestia/dominant Twilight... I don't see that too often.
---
Obvious point may be obvious but Tia is totally going to ask Cadence to help her and Twi have a foal. (unless you decide to make Twi an alicorn in her own right)
Also, Cadence should totally help Twi dominate Tia... could be fun
---
I found some potential errors in the text... do you want me to post em here or send 'em along in a PM?
Some spelling mistakes, but pretty good otherwise
Finally, next installment. Read and BAM! Cadence..... Cadence..... This is exactly what it looks like. I thought that was hilarious.
Few grammar mistakes but not enough to go ARGH!!!!
Clop-free chapters!? Are you insane?
Nice Chapter! To bad, nothing "real" could happend between our two Lovebirds! But it is ok.
.
.
.
.
Hmmmm, but maybe it could work the other way around. I could think, if Celestia knew now Twilights litte "Fun" Spell......she could be.......well.....hehe
Awww. That ending.
Well that was a surprise, all the twists and turns and not one of you raised an eyebrow to the fact that they slept with the two of the woderbolts, for shame. Anyway onto the comments.
2445428
Yeah, I thought it was a cute ending myself, though not originally intended the way it came out.
2445309
They already tried, but Celestia discovered she prefers being on the receiving end of said fun spell, not that Twilight is complaining any.
2444623
Yep, I always figured Celestia would just be the kind of girl to roll with the punches and tell it like it is, probably much to Cadance's regret XD. And of course I'm insane, what sane mind could come up with this I ask you?
2444532
.....Thank....you....?
2444487
Glad you liked it
2444069
First: I don't know if their is ever going to be a Tumbler, I am a pretty horrible artist myself, the only thing I am really good at is writing stories.
Second: the would be a nope, Celestia already knows how to do that, but more of that will be explained when Twi gets to read that book she mentioned. Also if you remember from the description this is a side story to one of my larger stories, and in that one they are not only together but Twi gets her pregnant near the end of it.
Third: please do, I hate it when I miss mistakes.
2446069
Kinda wanting more clop chapters here. I love DomTwi with any SubPrincess
And yea, why raise the point about the Wonderbolts? Spitfire and Soarin' are usually portrayed as sex-addicts, etc. Seemed logical to me.
2446083
Well you don't have to worry, I think the most you will have to suffer through is Twilight reading a book and then a brief cuddle session between the two love birds in the next chapter, then more sex will be had.
2446069
Expect a PM sometime today with the stuff I found.
---
As for the other story, yes I remember... but I kinda quit reading it 'cuz it got too gore-y so I didn't realize that she got Celestia knocked up anyway
Good to know though.
2446103
yeah, sorry about that but that scene had been planned out since the stories very beginnings, and their was no way I could pretty it up without ruining the impact the scene was meant to have.
Noticed
a fewsome things that could be fixed.I would fix this with italics.
her, not here.
There are three things here. worse than a normal pony's, from everything
I think there is descriptor word missing here. Twilight <missing word> doing...
crotch, not crouch.
she had inside her while
These are two different speakers, and should be in separate paragraphs.
This little 'k' seems out of character, changing it to 'okay?' fits the scene better.
you're, not your. There is no item possession here, it's 'when you are older Spike,'
Letters are usually italicized, when referenced in text.
Spike is a dragon, and his name needs to be capitalized.
It reads like there should be a comma after 'heat' there.
This isn't possession either, and the 'won't's need their apostrophes. If you're in heat... won't... won't
Stallionhood is generally one word. Like manhood. It's just a term replacement.
Capitalize that first 'r', as it's the first letter of a sentence. 'Re... really, that'
THIS is possession here. her student's lower
Possession here. 'help relieve your precious student'
More possession, one typo. 'lost in each other's bodies as the scent of heat'
Typo. 'except the feeling of her'
Twilight is a pony and her name needs to be capitalized.
One typo, and forehooves is generally considered one word, like forearms. 'forehooves in front of their crotches'
I think this is a typo, I think you mean 'fricking' or 'fucking'. I'm not exactly sure.
No possession here. 'and you were the'
This doesn't read quite right. I think it reads better as, 'it to accidents when' or 'it to an accident when'
Typo here, no possession. 'birds and the bees discussion when'
This is poor grammar. It should be 'Tia and I have' When two characters are being named, and one of them is the speaker, it's correct english to use the other character's name first, then adding 'and I' instead of 'Me and <X>'
First letter of a sentence needs to be capitalized.
I explained this one a bit ago. 'Celestia and I were'
Possession here. 'on Twilight's brother'
Possession here. 'look at him, it’s the same' Its and it's has always been odd. Usually, an apostrophe signals possession, but in the its/it's case, it does not. Its means possession, while it's means 'it is/was'. So this one flies in the face of all other possession arguments here.
Two typos here. 'you possess the same courage'
Typo. 'up a drawer and pulling'
Two typos. 'She felt Cadance shake as she sobbed, feeling tears fall'
Just a final typo. 'a knight in shining armor' Also, that whole sentence is cliché as hell too, but it's alright.
All in all, most of these are just little minor typos. Nothing that completely breaks my immersion. Now, I've not done any comma correction, but I know there are quite a few to be done, and to add them would probably triple this comment in size.
Now that that's over with...
None of the above was done out of hate, anger, or the like. I'd love to see you get better as a writer, Fuedra, and I'm hoping this comment helps!
I like both this story, and Truth Behind Harmony as well. I'm glad to see them both continued, and am eagerly awaiting more. If you need me to go over the rest of this story, and Truth Behind Harmony as well, I can! It'll have to wait until at least monday before I can get to it, though.
2446069
's still good.
2446131
Thanks for the corrections, and I am glad you like both stories. as for future corrections, take your time.
Well, ok. can you give a hint, what happend next maybe?
2446244
Well Celestia did mention a book, and you know how Twilight is with books.
Hmmm, what kind of Book could it be.....
Include it some naughty and kinky spells maybe?
2446272
"An In Depth Study on Divine Alicorn Mating and Reproduction, by Heart Song"
I have said nothing!
2446839
Well thank you for the complement, and don't worry, its only going to get stranger from here.
2446870
The fourth chapter is still in the works, Its going to take a while to finish.
Speaking of which I might as well get back to work on it now, I'm not busy.
2446894
Well I'm juggling this story, Her Royal Suitors, and at least 3 other stories in the background, so I have to pick and choose a lot of times.
2446958
I luckily have a lot of time on my hands, so I got a lot of time for stuff like this.
Way to one-eighty Cadance there, Celestia.
2464407
Hey, she has got to get her off the topic of Twilight was rutting me silly somehow.
2464447 Your story was alright, if not a little forced, but I'm alright with that. (Which I rarely am) Good story, now I must go back to scraping by on bad stories and ones of lesser interest.
2464462
oh don't worry, the next chapter will be here before you know it.
2464468 I'll hold you to that.
It's good to finally see a fic where Celestia is a virgin, for once. 
I always thought it would be that way.
2464601 Me two, plus it just opens up so many possibilities for how the relationship can evolve
Why would we beat you to death over a small amount of sex? You are trying to tell a story here, dood; not throw us smut all the time like the ponysex is meat and we are all carnivores and if you don't give us enough sex we'll eat you alive.
That's barbaric, dood. Do what you do, it's a fine chapter.
2503153
I know you wouldn't, but others might, you never really know.
Well, assuming Twilight ever does become Immortal (really it's up in the air, I've seen people who've done it both ways, and both have their merits and downfalls; both are quite interesting in their own rights) It'll be interesting seeing her be protective of Celestia since she'd probably be the one that was impregnated.
No lesbian pony sex? *sighs* ok
2503219
It will be, but could you imagine the mood swings Celestia would be going through.
2503236
Hey they were having a lovey dovey moment, sex comes next chapter.
2503260 not to mention if Celestia starts to backseat drive the sun while Twilight takes it over
the longer the wait the better the sex will be
2503281
and woe to all the cakes once Celestia's food cravings kick in.
2503290
Oh you will only have to wait as long as Celestia will have to, the poor dear.
2503295
"Don't make me turn this celestial body around!
"
2503311
2503824 It's done, dood. A proof-reader is looking at it...I hope.
2503824
I'm working on it ok, I had to finish this first. And I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter.
2503990
I realize, but be prepared, the next chapter is going to be a bombshell.
So are we gonna get alicorn babies or what? Don't tell me you include a book on it and then don't deliver. So the 'male' does she grew to something like if Big Mac or Snowflake became an alicorn? That would be funny if Twilight became that.
Twilight Smash, puny ponies! YEEARH!
2504092
Yes their will be alicorn babies, just not yet, that will come in another book.
as for size, think more along the lines of size comparison between Celestia and Luna, Twilight will be bigger then Celestia by about that much.
the suspense is killing me, get to the baby making
2504804
Patients young one they will get to it, just not this book.