Having the power to sense all the love in the whole of Equestria, but how do you deal with it when you fall in love your self. Join Cadence and Twilight as they battle their feelings while trying not to lose their friendship.
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Hey I really enjoy where this is going, but Cadence's explanation of the test was much too drawn out and rambling. Other than that you seem to be a rather good author and I look forward to the next chapter.
Please write more, you have me very interested. But I do agree that the explanation of the test was too drawn out. It could have be done with out the side story in the description.
intrest piqued i'll be waiting
Interesting, Looking forward to more. You get another good chapter out, and I'll fave it~
I like this but pay attention to the commas! in some dialogue there are well-placed but in other it's like reading yahourt
Fic and chapter titles...
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Loving a emergent goddess, either as a brother or a sister (or, in time, as their special somepony), is a hard thing to do. Shining Armour deserves our sympathy for having to deal with what his sister is and what she would inevitably become.
You've got some capitalization issues:
Things like this;
There's no reason for 'sighed' to be capitalized.
Admiring isn't a Proper Noun, and it doesn't start a new sentence so it doesn't need to be capitalized.
And punctuation issues:
There should be a period after 'bloom', since the next line is a separate sentence. If a line of dialogue is by itself and not paired with a speech tag(things like 'he said', 'she asked', and things like that) it can end in one of three ways: a period, a question mark, or an exclamation point.
When there is a speech tag, the dialogue can end in one of three ways: a comma, question mark, or exclamation point. In dialogue followed by speech tags, the comma replaces the period.
There are also a few speech tag errors. Things like this:
Shining Armor asked a question, so it should be 'he asked.' Speech tags also aren't capitalized. 'Said' is for lines where a character states something, not asks a question.
And finally, it is Shining Armor, not Shinning Armor.
Your story is definitely interesting, and with a bit of polishing it could be amazing.
Punctuation and spelling errors run rampant in here. That being said it's a great start, although i keep getting tripped up by the errors.
Chyssi and Cadance were friends, hmmmmmm.
I know this is years later, but Shining doesn't have 3 Ns in it.
8894617
Sorry good sir. That sentence was a reference to Shining Armour, and I apologize for the spelling mistakes. I started this story a while ago before I started studying better writing techniques and haven't edited the first few chapters.
Kind Regards
OnTheTrot