When Twilight asks Rainbow Dash for a favor the Pegasus' careless ego puts the wound on their friendship that may never heal. This causes Dash to go deep inside of herself and pull out the roots of her self-absorbed personality.
Chapters (4)
mylittleescape
Joined 30th Jan, 2012 ·
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Hmmmm. "Leave." It was sort of a disappointing conversation, but readers can't be choosers... at least not for the introduction. Twilight's reaction seemed very artificial. Meeeeeh.
Onwards to chapter 2!!!.... errr, chapter 1!!
Soooooooooo..... Thunder Dash is her father? I mean, I could assume that but it wasn't very clear. Pretty cool name, actually. THUNDER DASH COMES TO SAVE THE DAY!!! That has cinematic potential right there.
177654 Thunder Dash is Rainbow's brother. That was mentioned in the story. Shortly before his appearance. Thank you for the comments though
. I guess i wanted to keep it short sour and to the point on that conversation. I feel as though Twilight is the kind of pony who doesn't have the time to deal with ponies that hold her back.
178027 Thanks for clearing that up, I read the story last night at like 12am, so I guess I missed it.
"Anyway, aid this was a hallucination it was a darn good one." Hmmmm? Should the 'aid' there be 'if', or am I missing something?
"Cinderpony" YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHH!
"... her family got tired of her and sent her blank flank to flight school." You make me laugh so much, Escape. Even though that's supposed to be sad, I can't help but imagine a big black woman narrating this and saying, "an' den dey sent huh blank flank ta flahght schoo'!"
"She was a great flying" 'Flyer', may haps?
"The water flowing through the veins of the stream seemed to have a flow to it." ..... Well yeah. Streams flow. Maybe pattern, or another like synonym, would have been more appropriate?
"All of the sudden everything went dark." All of 'a' sudden.
“'Zecora, oh hi. I was just, uh, taking a power nap,' Dash stuttered." But she didn't stutter
. Inconsistency alert! 
Sorry for putting out so many corrections, my friend. I felt like you would want to see them though.
The thought just occurred to me... If you would like, I would be really glad to do some proof-reading for you. I like your story a lot, but feel like it could be better with some help. No offense intended, of course.
179567 ummm so you are basically a life saver. I was never really the greatest in my spelling and grammar classes.. Sorry for being so sloppy. I really really REALLY do appreciate all of your help though. I believe I've edited all of the problems you found. A thousand thanks to you, my good brony. I would love your help in the future. As long as you dont get meeeean
179598 Haha! Never
. That's the fastest way to make people hate you, FOREVER!!! 
PM me whenever you want and I'll help you out.
It's rough, but I like the premise. As Dash Is Best Pony said in their first comment here, Twilight's lines sound completely robotic. Even when she's supposedly sad and/or enraged, I feel absolutely no emotion from her lines. The same can be said of Pinkie, actually, which has to be a crime in some country or another. She berates Dash on being so carefree or whatever, and again I feel no emotion at all.
The concept is good, but it just needs some cleaning up and a bit of fleshing out. In other words, try adding more detail to your descriptions and maybe try reading your dialogue out loud to yourself to see if you can feel the emotions you're trying to convey. Better yet, let someone else read it for you--your story could seem perfect to you, but someone else will likely be able to spot anything you may have missed.
181615
Yeah. I think it's because I just find it extremely hard to connect with Twilight's character. She's nothing like me. Shes organized and studious and very focused, which are all qualities that I lack in. Could you give me an example of something she *would* say?
Sorry if I'm lacking in the personality department for certain characters. But I will say that Pinkie's lack of emotion was intentional. She is a generally peppy person, which means that her achieving her maximum anger is to simply be neutral.
It can be harder to write those characters you can't relate to, but you've gotta find a way to get around that eventually, or those characters will always feel two dimensional in your fics. Best advice I can give you is to read some of the stories here and to just study her character a bit more. I could give you lines for this situation, sure, but that really wouldn't help you in the future, y'know?
meh
199895 yes, kind sir?
Rather Anticlimactic. I was expecting... well, more. Maybe expand it a bit? It's a great story, but I definitely was kinda disappointed. 4.5 stars, and a nice story overall.
~E.C.
199991
needs about 20% more best pony luna..
Ooooooooooh can't wait to see where this is going
This story was awesome I love it and it certainly brought things into perspective well for me at least but anyway it was amazing
Something abou this story made me favorite it after this reread, when I hadn't after other times.