Crashing Clouds

by mylittleescape

The Clouds Crash

Every detail of him was Thunder Dash. From his jet black mane with silver highlights to his stylish cutie mark. It was a full moon with storm clouds around it. She had always been jealous of it, even though her cutie mark was cool too. Anyway, if this was a hallucination it was a darn good one.

The guilt that had consumed her earlier returned. Thunder should hate her, but the stallion only seemed upset. The disappointed expression he wore towards her seemed to tell all. However, Rainbow Dash believed that she fully deserved his disappointment. The rest of the Dashs would agree.

“Thunder Dash, you may be a figment of my own imagination but I have a few things I want to say to you,” Dash said, putting one hoof forward.

“There’s nothing to say. If it weren’t for you, I’d still be alive. You changed the course of our family’s history forever, and you can’t take that back,” The mirage replied.

“But brother, I didn’t mean to it was an accide-“ Rainbow was interrupted by the abrupt disappearance of her brother, and appearance of someone else she knew.

This, however, was not the same as the last. It did not have a mind of its own, for it was a memory. The ponies in front of her were her ponyhood self and her mother. It was a memory from the funeral of Thunder Dash, she knew that much. The scene seemed very different to her because the surroundings from that day were missing. It was simply her and her mother, hooves planted on The Everfree Forest floor.

Mrs. Dash turned to her young daughter and whispered sternly, “What you did was unforgivable. You took my only son away from me with your poor judgment. I cant see why Celestia didn’t take you with him.”

Baby Dash’s eyes welled up with warm tears. That day marked a life of hatred and ridicule from her family. She would live a ponyhood quite like the one of Cinderpony. She kept quiet and did what she was told as a filly. Her grandmother had forgotten that Rainbow Dash had existed all together. She would not speak to her or cast her eyes in the same direction as her poor granddaughter.

After such a horrible upbringing her family got tired of her and sent her blank flank to flight school. For once, she felt free. She had never used her Pegasus wings at home because she was too busy with housework and chores. Flight school taught her something amazing about herself that she had never considered. She absolutely, positively loved to fly. This was, in her opinion, the best thing that had ever happened to Rainbow Dash. She could let go of all her stress and insecurity and simply take to the sky. She would have been top of her class if she hadn’t gotten tied up in the wrong crowd.

Gilda was the first person to ever approach the shy little filly. She was a great flying and helped her get her hooves off of the clouds. Dash was so eternally grateful for that and was determined to be a great friend to the griffon in return. Even if it meant helping her make trouble.

Her friend had also taught her a new way of living. As Rainbow recalled that another hallucination appeared. Her memory with her mother disappeared and in its place was one of her and Gilda. They were standing in the cafeteria of Cloudsdale High in front of a meek little filly cowering over her lunch.

“I’m hungry, twirp. Let me have some of that,” Gilda demanded of the filly.

“ It’s mine,” Said the young one.

“I don’t care, I said give it! I want to eat,” Gilda raised her voice.

“Gil, leave him alone, he just wants to eat his lunch. We can buy something later,” Dash intervened.

“Don’t you get it, Dash? This is how we assert our authority. You’re weak now, but you’ll understand soon. This is how great flyers get stronger. We need to separate the weak from the strong. You need to decide if you’re with me or not,” Gilda talked down to her.

“But, I don’t want to be mean to others to make myself strong. Isn’t there another way?”

“Were not being mean. It’s all in good fun. Isn’t it, small fry? Isn’t this funny?” The griffon addressed the shy little flight student. He nodded.

“Now, Dashy, go confiscate this dweebs lunch so the big kids can eat. Show him your rank in this school.”

And Rainbow Dash did.

Rainbow galloped away from the figments of her imagination. She was done with the forest toying with her mind. The memories were too painful for one pony to bear. Especially a pony with so much suppressed insecurity. She went in search of some water to clear her head. Finally she stumbled upon a small stream.

The water flowing through the veins of the stream seemed to have a flow to it. The sparkle of the water seemed so inviting that she dove right in, wings and all. To the pony’s surprise the water was delightfully warm. All of her muscles relaxed themselves, one by one. It made her sleepy, and her eyelids began to flutter. All of the sudden everything went dark.

Her body floated gentle with the current. It drifted on until it reached a bump in the road. More specifically, it was a large rock that emerged almost suddenly from the stream. The impact woke the slumbering pony like an electric shock. Her vision took a minute to repair itself, but when it did she had no idea where she was.

She quickly got to her hooves and pulled herself out of the evil waters. Her mane and coat were somehow dry when she arose. She shook the confused feeling it gave her and walked in search of shelter.

“This is the third time I’ve passed this rock,” She said to herself after a while. “I must be going loony. What have you gotten yourself into this time, Rainbow Crash?”

She walked as far as her tired hooves would take her, then collapsed.

“I see a pony oh so tired in need of being quite inspired,” said a familiar voice.

“Huh? Where’d that come from? Am I hearing things again?” Dash asked to the empty looking forest in front of her.

“I am not a hallucination you see. My pony friend, it is me,” replied the voice of Zecora.

Dash’s head spun around so that she could see behind her. And sure as day, there was the real zebra, Zecora, with some plants resting on her rump. She must have been collecting something for a potion, Rainbow thought. Maybe she can help me with my problem. Zecora has a way of doing that.

“Zecora, oh hi. I was just, uh, taking a power nap,” Dash stuttered.

“Dear Rainbow Dash don’t you see? You cannot hide anything from me. You are in the forest destiny, and there is a reason that you have crossed paths with Lady Z. Follow me through the trees.”

The Zebra took a few steps away, then turned her head to make sure the pony was following. Dash caught the hint and got up to follow. She hadn’t been a follower since she was a filly following in Thunder Dash’s hoofsteps. But, here she was, letting someone else lead her. Letting someone help her, which is something she had never let happen before.

They approached Zecora’s hut and the zebra knocked three times with her front hoof. Just as Dash was realizing how odd it was for her to knock on her own hut door it swung open. Answering the door was none other than Rainbow Dash’s most faithful disciple, Scootaloo.

“Rainbow Dash! Oh my gosh, its so cool that you’re here!” The filly squealed.

“Hey Scoot,” Dash faked a smile. “What are you doing here?”

“That’s top secret. The more important thing is what are YOU doing here, Rainbow Dash?”

“I’m here on an official weather team research mission. I’m studying the weather patterns of the Everfree Forest,” Covered Dash.

“If it’s a secret then why did you just tell us?” Asked Sweetie Belle from inside the hut.

“Well, uh… why are you guys here?”

“Were mixin’ up a brew with Zecora. She gonna help us get our potion making cutie marks!” Applebloom exclaimed.

“Hey, Rainbow Dash? Are you okay?” Scoot asked with one hoof elevated in submissive concern.

“Yeah, of course. I can handle anything,” Dash stuck up her snout.

“I see into your pony eyes. These words you say are plainly lies,” Zecora rhymed.

“It’s okay to be sad, Rainbow Dash,” Sweetie Belle tried to comfort her.

She couldn’t break. She wouldn’t let herself. She had tried far too hard to build this barrier between her and everypony else. The wall was tall and strong, virtually unbreakable. Just come up with something else, Dash thought.

Then Scootaloo nuzzled her muzzle under Dash’s neck. This was the moment that Dash would always remember as the day she broke. The kind of affection she had never got before shattered her titanium wall to a thousand jigsaw puzzle pieces. Somepony cared about the stubborn mare and that was more than she could handle. Warm tears drizzled down her cheek.

Comments

[mylittleescape]

177654 Thunder Dash is Rainbow's brother. That was mentioned in the story. Shortly before his appearance. Thank you for the comments though . I guess i wanted to keep it short sour and to the point on that conversation. I feel as though Twilight is the kind of pony who doesn't have the time to deal with ponies that hold her back.

[Dash Is Best Pony]

178027 Thanks for clearing that up, I read the story last night at like 12am, so I guess I missed it.

"Anyway, aid this was a hallucination it was a darn good one." Hmmmm? Should the 'aid' there be 'if', or am I missing something?

"Cinderpony" YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHH!

"... her family got tired of her and sent her blank flank to flight school." You make me laugh so much, Escape. Even though that's supposed to be sad, I can't help but imagine a big black woman narrating this and saying, "an' den dey sent huh blank flank ta flahght schoo'!"

"She was a great flying" 'Flyer', may haps?

"The water flowing through the veins of the stream seemed to have a flow to it." ..... Well yeah. Streams flow. Maybe pattern, or another like synonym, would have been more appropriate?

"All of the sudden everything went dark." All of 'a' sudden.

“'Zecora, oh hi. I was just, uh, taking a power nap,' Dash stuttered." But she didn't stutter . Inconsistency alert!

Sorry for putting out so many corrections, my friend. I felt like you would want to see them though.
The thought just occurred to me... If you would like, I would be really glad to do some proof-reading for you. I like your story a lot, but feel like it could be better with some help. No offense intended, of course.

[mylittleescape]

179567 ummm so you are basically a life saver. I was never really the greatest in my spelling and grammar classes.. Sorry for being so sloppy. I really really REALLY do appreciate all of your help though. I believe I've edited all of the problems you found. A thousand thanks to you, my good brony. I would love your help in the future. As long as you dont get meeeean

[Dash Is Best Pony]

179598 Haha! Never . That's the fastest way to make people hate you, FOREVER!!!

PM me whenever you want and I'll help you out.

[SatoshiKyu]

It's rough, but I like the premise. As Dash Is Best Pony said in their first comment here, Twilight's lines sound completely robotic. Even when she's supposedly sad and/or enraged, I feel absolutely no emotion from her lines. The same can be said of Pinkie, actually, which has to be a crime in some country or another. She berates Dash on being so carefree or whatever, and again I feel no emotion at all.

The concept is good, but it just needs some cleaning up and a bit of fleshing out. In other words, try adding more detail to your descriptions and maybe try reading your dialogue out loud to yourself to see if you can feel the emotions you're trying to convey. Better yet, let someone else read it for you--your story could seem perfect to you, but someone else will likely be able to spot anything you may have missed.

[mylittleescape]

181615
Yeah. I think it's because I just find it extremely hard to connect with Twilight's character. She's nothing like me. Shes organized and studious and very focused, which are all qualities that I lack in. Could you give me an example of something she *would* say?
Sorry if I'm lacking in the personality department for certain characters. But I will say that Pinkie's lack of emotion was intentional. She is a generally peppy person, which means that her achieving her maximum anger is to simply be neutral.

[SatoshiKyu]

It can be harder to write those characters you can't relate to, but you've gotta find a way to get around that eventually, or those characters will always feel two dimensional in your fics. Best advice I can give you is to read some of the stories here and to just study her character a bit more. I could give you lines for this situation, sure, but that really wouldn't help you in the future, y'know?