This looks very interesting, very well written. Love the worldbuilding.

Very clever. Sarvvik is an actual place in Finland(?) and Hrimfaxi is the "horse of night" in Norse mythology. I wonder if Luna knows Thor?

In Finnish mythology, Ukko is a god of sky, weather, crops(harvest) and other natural things. Also, in Norse mythology, Skinfaxi is the horse of the day(Dagr), as opposed to Hrimfaxi (Luna) being the horse of the night(Nott). Clever sieurin is quite clever.

So, Princess Sweet (Ljufa). Pousti means desert in Czech. Vaja means "need"(according to Google Translate), but I don't think that's right. Anyway, I'm loving this so far!

>>64866486

A "vaja" is a female reindeer and is the world borrowed by my native Swedish from the Sami languages, when we don't just say "renko", "reindeer cow". You might know the Sami as the Lapps. A male reindeer is a "sarv", hence Sarvvik. "Vik" means "bay" in my native Swedish. A castrated male reindeer is a "härk", but this is teen rated so king Ukko's court won't have any eunuchs.

"Pousti" is me not being able to read my own worldbuilding notes. It should be Poatsi (will correct this), and the reindeer call their country Poatsula. Poatsu is, again, based on Sami (which happens to be a bunch of very similar languages), where it means "reindeer".

The reindeer culture in the story have a mix of Sami, Finn and Norse elements. Hence I am mutilating several different languages.

Thanks for the nice words, btw.

poor reindear girl

Wonderful story!  I like how you go in depth with the various cultures, and also touch on the influences that Equestria has simply by being the influential country that it is.   Also, poor Spike at the foals' end of the table!   Vigg is a great character . . . His perception of Equestria as a sort of Hollywood backdrop rather than a real country makes sense.

>>2042620426

Thanks for you kind words.

Definitely a more serious chapter here. Luna certainly seems to have the harsher edge compared to Celestia.

>>2237222372

She is definitely (in my head-fanon) more passionate, which means she is harsher when she gets angry. Celestia would have just fumed quietly in the above situation and avoided actually pointing out that her host was kind of  a dicktard. It also means Luna is more likely to spread around hugs, spontaneous knighthoods and magical blessings out of nowhere for no bug reason, however.

I just love the fact that Twilight is misunderstood as some powerful evil sorceress. I like how quickly this chapter came out, after the last one was antsy for some more of this story.

-Unrelated to the story but its interesting there are a number of stories that send Luna and Twilight/Mane 6 on a mission/journey/quest(such as this story), but despite the fact Celestia is Twilight's mentor, you almost never see them together in a similar capacity.

>>2383023830

Thanks!

Besides Luna's much much higher popularity, it is hard enough writing her as an active person-pony from her perspective; even if they don't think her a molesting tyrant (which I personally finds silly, but so there) Celestia obviously have powers and knowledge beyond normal ponies.

When this story started to flesh out in my head to be something but a series of injokes about my home, I realised that how it was going to play out in the end was sort of like a classical, cliched Western epic fantasy; two young people (Vigg and Saga, natch) go on a quest to save their homeland from blah. On the way they gain a superhuman mystical mentor and some nonhuman allies. Except in this case, the "main characters" are side characters, and we are told most of the story from the view of the mystical mentor Gandalf analogue (Luna) and the cool nonhuman Legolas analogue (Twilight). And it can be darn hard to not make Luna too omniscient or powerful. I think Celestia would be even harder.

Another chapter, sweet!

1. You use ellipses, I love it. I use them in my writing as well but generally it seems others use them quite little.

2. I wonder what personally loathsome task Twilight has for Saga, I can't remember anything in particular she was dreading earlier.

3. Saga's daydream was utterly hilarious.

4. Out of curiosity where are you from? Judging from your last comment I'm assuming your from one of Nordic countries.

>>2505925059

1. I had to look the word up. I thought the word was a geometric shape...

2. It hasn't been foreshadowed enough. I thought of that when I wrote this chapter. My scheme for what is going to happen when is very sketchy, unfortunately.

3. Thanks.

4. I'm from Sweden, half Finnish, lives smack in the middle of actual Lappland. The heraldic symbol of my hometown is a reindeer. Yeah.

I agree the daydream was alot of fun, but what I'm really loving about this story is the worldbuilding.  Everything from the King's rant about how much Sway Equestria has via Media and the like to the characters you've populated the world with.

>>2547125471

Thanks for your kind words. Worldbuilding - though not neccessarily good such - is the thing I have written about most while someone actually smacking my head when I do wrong. It is good to see I have learnt something.

I love this story. Its kind of hard to read on the fimfiction site though. All the spacing is wonky. I'd also suggest getting rid of the breaks in the 2/3 part of the ninth chapter. Since there isn't any time passing between the conversation, and your not splitting to another scene, you don't need them.

BWAHHHHH-HAHAHAHAAAAHAAAAA!

Perfect last line.

>>2631426314

Re: Spacing: Yeah, I should probably look over that... Any tips on on how to make it better?

I... I don't even know why I put that break there... Hm?

>>2631526315

I aim to please.

It can be hard to see, mostly because I cannot write teenagers worth a damn, but Vigg is something like fifteen (fairly older than Spike, slightly younger than Saga). He has his moments of less-than-mature...

”Spike, your mom is really hot!”

And then Spike proceeded to punch his royal face.

I'm guessing a Saga-Vigg ship is incoming.

>>2834228342

Spike is at least a shipper on deck for one, that much I will admit at this stage.

Ohh I love this story. From the mythology and coffee crazy norwegians (No offense) to the way the whole thing is written. Keep up the good work!

>>2839328393

Thanks a lot, though the coffee craziness is more inspired by coffee crazed Swedes and Finns. ;)

This fic is great. Like... Awesome.

>>2844328443

Thank you!

I want to see the Alluring Dances for Egghead cover :)

I play too much Dungeons and Dragons, I was statting out the differences between unicorn magic and reindeer magic and caught myself thinking of D&D solutions to the eye rune.

Still, excellent stuff here, your writing sometimes reminds me of Terry Pratchett, and has a good combination of comedy and seriousness. I enjoy the differences in culture between the reindeer and pony civilizations, it seems very well thought-out.

>>2890128901

Since I like PTerry's writing a lot, that is high praise.

I must confess being an old roleplayer as well. My only lets call it professional writing, that is, where I had an editor and such, has been made for fantasy roleplaying games. I find myself spending a little too much on exposition, actually, so I'm glad people at least find it interesting.

I get both "Under The Northern Lights" and some delicious Scandinavian food in the same day, what a deal! My church had its annual "Norwegian" Supper(a bit of a misname since, due to the number of Swedes, there is food overlap), lots of Swedish meatballs, Lefsa, Kumle, Kringla, Spritz, Flatbrod, Ostkaka, and Lutefisk.

I love the blend of Norse mythology in this story, and this "War with Winter" reminds me very strongly of the Fimbulwinter, the legendary three winters without a summer that precedes the end of the world.

Wonderfully written, and a good blend of darker themes with more lighthearted moments.

Powerpoint uh? Where is Office, Excel, Access and Outlook? Now seriously, really nice chapter.

>>3121631216

They have actual careers!

And thanks.

So Twilight reverse-engineered an enchantment cast on an entire royal palace, using foreign magic, then mimicked it with her own magic and maintained the spell for ten hours. While half-drunk. She has no idea how impressive that is, does she?

But that's why we love her so much.

>>3127531275

Kinda. She used the existing enchantment, the spell she maintained with gallons of coffee changed her perceptions so she could use the enchantment. On the other hand, she basically hacked the enchantment and took control over it, using sock physics, so, yeah, it is meant to be crazy hard, and Twilight has no idea that it is impressive, since she is a bunch of neuroses held together with cuteness.

My favorite moments in this story are when Twilight and Luna interact, the way you write them they play off each other so well.

Neuroses held together with cuteness, I love that description.

One minor grammar comment- "have you drunk alcohol?" reads awkwardly "have you been drinking alcohol" is more natural.

>>3132431324

Yay, a Cyclone12 comment!

That is nice to hear! Characterisation is the one thing I dread the most, so it is nice to hit some notes!

Will correct Twilight's drunkenness.

Eyup a moose would look like a troll to tinier cervines  especialy with that bulbous honker of a muzle and the great big shoulders.

This is something I thought you should see. The lunar rainbow under the northern lights. Rainbow made from the lunar light http://io9.com/5859772/feast-your-eyes-on-a-rare-lunar-rainbow--against-the-northern-lights?tag=this-is-awesome

Sorry better version http://cache.gawker.com/assets/images/io9/2011/11/moonbow_vetter_1200.jpg

>>3271532715

Image: http://cache.gawker.com/assets/images/io9/2011/11/moonbow_vetter_1200.jpg

Nice, thanks.

Love this addition . . . Oh Saga, your friends are going to be so, SO jelly!

Oh Vigg. XD

I love the reindeer's interpretation of magic.  And also Spike clarifying that Twilight didn't have to sit on the gg.  

>>3353933539

Bucks will be bucks!

In my head-fanon, the times he or Twilight talk about such personal things, people keep thinking she sat on it like a hen, so he has got into the habit of correcting them.

>>3353033530

Thanks for your words of praise!

I like slightly drunk Twilight.

Alluring Dances for Eggheads . . . Ahahahaa!  

Poor Spike!  I can't help but laugh at his worries over having a reindeer dad who is his own age.  

<i>And she must never know what reindeer think of her, or we will never hear the end of it.</i>

Ahahahahaaaa, it's funny because it's true!  

Great chapter, you are great at capturing the essence of the surroundings, like the snowstorm.  I also loved how Saga and Spike broke the tension with their dramatic "ice sculpture" poses.  

Love this chapter and the notion of Luna and Celestia being the youngsters in an extended, powerful celestial family!  

Even in our world where we know moose eat vegetation, it can be scary to unexpectedly come across one.  They are just so. freaking. huge.  I lived in a really remote area as a kid and we used to see them wading around in the slough near our house.

The reindeer's Seeing magic is great, a subtle type of magic compared to unicorn magic it seems.  

A little fanart of a Reindeer I did for your story, http://d.facdn.net/art/keecoyote/1321847858.keecoyote_mylittlereindeer.jpg

My only criticism of some of the story is that the Spike-Vigg-Saga(SVS) chapters and storyline seem to lack focus. Twilight and Luna's storylines seem to have some goals in mind: The pirates and the Lord Eminence and the Winter issues. In contrast, I'm having a difficult time discerning if there's any sort of greater plot to the SVS chapters other than the youngsters adventuring a bit. Still could be coming though. Can't wait for more explanation why this winter is so severe

>>3686636866

The two storylines will converge, but the purpose is threefold (or threefold and a half):

It is one other source of exposition, varying who tells the crazy foreigners things. Elder kids telling a younger kids work differently than Twilight holding a lecture or the grownups probing a local for answers. Sometimes there is synergy: early on Spike is skeptical of the Sampo because Twilight told him you cannot make something out of nothing, then Vigg explains why magic is bad (it has consequences), then Luna lectures that even her powers cannot make something out of nothing AND they have consequences.

It is character establishment for later on. While I could have had the youngsters hang around Twilight/Luna, it was a little bit less realistic to have them there all the time just so we could learn to know them.

And it means someone is Out There actually encountering the reality The World's Greatest Sorceress (And The Most Evil!) and Our Lady Of The Moon only hears of; having someone present during a nidhogg attack instead of hearing about it is show not tell, but Luna and to a lesser extent Twilight could have dealt with that face on, so to speak.

The half is that any story with Twilight and Spike with Twilight as the heroine tends to end up with Twilight being adorkable and frighteningly powerful and Spike being a snarky buttmonkey. By separating them for part of the story at least, I avoid that with a cheap trick.

Still, if I rewrite this by some strange chance, I will establish earlier the fact that gives the youngsters a goal: that Spike likes to be with kids, and kids a bit older than him, and finally has the chance - at the same time as Twilight thinks her next weeks will be listening to boring people quarreling...

>>3679736797

Oooh, fanart! Thanks so much! *saves to hard drive*

I'm a shipping fan and I rarely read anything else, but I must admit the description drew me in. Adding to my track list to read at a more convenient time

>>3936839368

Thanks! No, I am afraid there is not much shipping per se. This is intended as a pure adventure story.

This should go up on Equestria Daily.

>>3954139541

I take that as a compliment. :) I have considered it, but I don't even have a prereader. I've always assumed they have high demands on quality like that.

>>3937339373 Oh don't worry! I understood that when I clicked on.

Hey,There's Karhu-Akka...Lets poke her with a stick!

At first I was hesitant in the slight redirection of the story but the current plot line is intriguing.

Thanks for liking my fanpic and using it as your avatar

>>4505645056

Thanks for making it! I was so glad to get a little fan art!

I did it in mypaint and gimp. Don't have the money for a program like Photoshop, would like to get it , well oneday

Twilight sure does like lists, doesn't she? Lists with lots of items on them, lists that make a nice scroll when rolled up. She's got some of her favorite lists hidden in a secret box under her bed, but she's not real picky. She'll take anypony's list, as long as it's big and thick.

ohgod i feel so dirty now

brb gotta take a shower, wash the shame off

"hoofmaiden of Hrimfaxi" "bride of Hrimfaxi"

For some reason I want Twilight to fall in love with Luna if Spike succeeds in bringing Saga and Vigg together as a romatic couple.

Oh Vigg....

I can't wait for the upcoming Luna and Twilight conversation, lot of interesting information to be discussed.

Apart from a few spelling mistakes, (please recheck the end) I think it's another great chapter! I truly enjoy your fic. Both for it's interesting concept and pleasant writing, but also because you invented a new country. Hooray for the reindeer!

Oh, and I enjoy your sense of humor.

That is all.

Guise out.

>>6366563665

Good grief, I think there were even more than usual! I really need a prereader... or at least write more often but post slower...

Thanks for your kind words.

This story is still going yaaaaaaa

>>6377663776

Thanks for your encouragement!

I'm surprised myself , I never finish what I sta

>>6379063790That makes two of u

>>6370963709

Well my English isn't perfect, but I'd volunteer as a pre-reader.... I've never tried it before though, and I fear that I'd be too slow to work my way trough the chapters.

>>6936369363

I would be very happy for any help whatsoever, and if you are uncertain of whether you could manage being a pre-reader there is one other, similar thing you could do that would help me very much.

I am considering committing this to Equestria Daily, but don't really think my grammar & spelling is up to their standards. (If my writing in general isn't there is nothing I can do). Even before you made your kind offer I was going to ask for help going through what I have already written to make this a better text. So, if you could, I would be so pleased if you could read through the already published chapters and point out and grammar, spelling or other strangeness to me. You can do it in a comment to the chapter, it is probably easier, or you can message me about it. i would be every so grateful for the slightest bit of advice - English isn't my native language, and so on.

I would really need a pre-reader as well, but I guess the job I mention above is easier because there is somewhat less of a deadline... What do you think?

Wonderful chapter as usual!  Ha ha ha, Viiiiiigg . . .

This chapter did seem a bit choppier than usual in a few places--nothing major, just little things.  I'd be glad to preread for you if you'd like.  

>>7011870118

I'm thankful for any help - send you a PM.

The number of scenes that were floating in my head is reduced now, and I am down to outlines for what happens. I can see the choppiness. While I should slow down the speed I should make it more regular.

Oh, you are a bastard for dropping a cliffhanger like that. You are a bastard and I love it.

Twilight you are now going to have to kill this man

:but I can't kill anypony, not in good conscience

He is responsibly for you getting an A in the fith grade

:Were is he

Question is are they really going to kill him or fake his death?

I wonder how Luna plans to arrange that? A stand in via illusions? Or will she somehow get Twilight to do it somehow?

Which ever it is, Twilight's reaction to this... revelation is sure to be priceless.

*Applause for Lady Moondancer's editing*

>>8198681986

An A not an A+? He must die!

She wold not mnd the A ts was that A- that got her realy angry. :)

>>8207682076

We should start a pool. Ten pence says he gets turned to stone.

>>8208782087$5 on him being sent to the moon

>>8206882068

Given Luna's question about hiding things from reindeer, I assume they're going to fake his death. The question is, how do you fool somedeer with the Sight? Mundane sleigh-of-hoof, maybe? I know how I'd do it, at least.

>>8220082200

sleight-of-hoof, not sleigh-of-hoof.

>>8220182201

Sleighs are required at Hearth's Warming! That's how Saddle Claus brings all the presents to all good little colts and fillies!

It will be a fake death.

In a non 'Alternate Universe', Celestia herself would be hard pressed to get Twilight to end another's life in such cold blood.  Luna would have a laughably small chance.

>>8296482964

Or fake Twilight, real death.

Given the serious nature of what the idiot was planning, I would not be suprised if the reindeer want to be sure he is really dead and that it is not a trick.

I'm enjoying your tale immensely, though awkward grammar occurs in a few places.  It would be funnier if the narrative flow was better.

Poor masticated fishy.. Poor Twilight!

>>9492794927

Thanks for your praise! As for your criticism, let's hope I improve by writing stories and having people comment on their faults so I learn things. At least from chapter 23, I have a proofreader in LadyMoondancer who unlike me is a native speaker.

Which reminds me: I forgot to thank her in the chapter! Will correct that AT ONCE!

This is such a fantastic story . . . reading it is like seeing the pieces of a puzzle neatly rain down into place to gradually form a complete picture.  This particular chapter was hilariously funny. Dark Enchantress Twilight--ohohohoho!

You are very welcome for the proofreading, happy to help!  

Creepy Twilight is fun Twilight. I wonder what the deal with the oil is?

http://tinyurl.com/brndv78

This pic I saw awhile back makes me think of Twilight's evil look she is trying to pull off.

>>9505995059

Have Spike send him to Celestia via magic fire but needs a bit more perhaps? Fake a death by dragon.

>>9528795287

That's a pretty good one, actually!

Okay, I'm not sure what Luna and Twilight's plan is, but it's probably simpler than mine. Twilight would make herself invisible and confront Lord Eminence in a semipublic place, where she could be sure there'd be witnesses. Twilight argues with Lord Eminence for a bit, then starts 'attacking' him with flashy, high-energy spells. Finally, she throws a huge fireball at him, then immediately casts spells to conjure a fake corpse, disguise Lord Eminence as herself, make him invisible, and teleport herself away. If the Sight works like I think it does, then the giant fireball should be able to temporarily 'blind' any observers just long enough to cover for Twilight's spells, and then when their Vision clears, all they'll see is a body that's been charred beyond recognition, and an invisible Twilight Sparkle running away.

This is great work! I was curious as to how they'd pull it off, and now we get to see even more evil twillight! Yay!

On a sidenote, sorry about completely ditching my offer on proof-reading some of the old chapters. I got started, and while I see some slightly illogical parts in some of the sentences your english is better than mine. No use having me correcting it into lesser quality.

-Guise out!