Fortytwo
"Do I really need the drip?" asked Twilight and glared at the offending IV.
"You lost much fluid through necrotic dethaumisation, Lady Sparkle," said the earth pony physician that was examining her. "You’ll need days of rest anyway, and you’ll recover faster and safer this way."
The vaja that hovered next to him nodded nervously
"Exactly, Lady Sparkle!". She was wearing a white robe with a yellow and orange trim and winged white cap.
The earth pony glanced at her with irritation. He was here as a Yeomanry volunteer, but in his civil life Doctor Arnica was a very skilled physician from a long line of physicians. He had worked much abroad with disaster relief and the like, but this was his first time in Tarandroland. Hence he was unprepared for the local staff. Twilight couldn't help but giggle.
Twilight had been placed in the Royal Hospital in Sarvvik after Celestia had brought her back from the forest. The hospital was staffed with what she had to describe as “nuns” from the Temple of Skinfaxi. The reindeer doctor that had been assigned to assist Doctor Arnica was technically a priestess of the cult. Having Celestia herself checking in a patient was the greatest honor of her life. The whole staff viewed the Equestrian doctor as some sort of prophet on account of this and hung to his every word, constantly afraid their hospital wouldn't be good enough. This annoyed the doctor immensely.
He swallowed his irritation and proceeded to check Twilight's bandages carefully. They had recently been changed by the reindeer staff, which the head nurse-cum-priestess unbidden pointed out to him.
"Yes, Sister, I can see that," he gruffed. "Add two more units CLW to the intravenous drip one hour after lunch. We want to enhance vital recuperation while the patient has plenty of nutrients in her blood."
“Mother,” corrected the vaja, but half-heartedly.
"Will I have scars?" Twilight asked.
"No," the doctor said. "Well, except for the neck one. That will probably leave a short, faint line under the fur. Her Royal Highness applied enough healing magic to ascertain there will be no permanent harm."
The reindeer made a pious sign.
”The Princess could probably have completely healed your wounds instead of re-sealing them, but that would have been bad for your health in the long run, Lady Sparkle," the doctor continued when Twilight moved as to speak.
"I wasn't going to ask that, I know perfectly well how healing magic works," Twilight said. "I was going to ask if I can... do something. I know you want me to rest, but I know myself, and just lying here doing nothing will only make me stressed."
"As long as you stay in bed, and use no magic, you can do anything you want," said the doctor and proceeded to strike a thin metal rod against Twilight's horn and feel its vibration in his teeth.
Twilight winced at the pain in her horn.
"No magic?" she said.
"You need to rest that horn," the doctor said sternly. "What you did yesterday was like running with a broken leg."
"Can I read?" Twilight said.
"If you don't turn the pages magically, yes," said the doctor. "Just remember to rest as well and relax."
Twilight sighed and watched her hooves.
Yeah, that makes reading less fun.
She prodded her swollen muzzle with her hoof.
“Can I at least hornblow my nose?” she said.
“What?” said the doctor.
“Use telekinesis to, er, clear my nose from the inside,” she said. “Er, it’s a unicorn thing. You get rid of more mucus, it’s more hygienic, and its hurts horribly to blow my nose with my hooves right now.”
“No magic, Lady Sparkle,” said the doctor. “If I let you blow your nose even once, you will do it by instinct the next time your schnozz fills up with mucus, and then you will forget yourself and do other everyday magic. You must avoid all that for a couple of days. I’m certain the staff will help you will with... keeping your nose clean.”
"We’ll help you wash your muzzle when you wash up, Lady Sparkle,” said the vaja. “With tepid water and soft cloth.”
“Thanks, Mother Disa,” said a disappointed Twilight Sparkle, carefully poking her swollen nose.
“And you'll get visitors later, Lady Sparkle," said Disa, smiling. "That will cheer you up."
"I suppose you're right, " said Twilight. "Except I'm actually not that... down. I'm mostly restive. I might possibly be a little... nervous. That's strange, because yesterday was not cheery in the least."
"Ah," said the obviously curious vaja, though she tried to hide it.
"I failed a major task given by one of my rulers, put people I care for at risk and might have killed somepony... someone for the first time in my life," Twilight sighed. "Well, I left him to die, at least."
"Oh my," said Mother Disa.
"The killing... you might need to talk to somepony about that," said the doctor solemnly.
Twilight nodded.
"Not me," he quickly added, "but I know there will be ponies here later that can help you."
"And it was the first time?" the reindeer said, wide-eyed.
"Yes, you shouldn't believe all you read in the newspapers," Twilight said laconically. "By the way, speaking of newspapers..."
"Yes, Lady Sparkle?" said the reindeer.
"Could you please have one of your sisters gather the most recent newspapers, including an Equestrian one if you can find it?" Twilight said. "And could you have her read them to me?"
"Of course, Lady Sparkle!" said Mother Disa, happy for something she could easily help with.
“Twilight!”
Spike ran up to her and gave her a hug. He needed to climb halfway up the bed to do it, even if Twilight leaned over to meet him. The nurse that had been reading the papers to Twilight and the nurse that had been escorting Spike smiled at each other.
“I’m so glad to see you!” said Twilight.
“I’m so glad you’re awake!” said Spike to her shoulder. “You couldn’t talk much yesterday...”
“I was so tired and hurt... and I think the doctor gave me some... really strong painkillers,” said Twilight. “I remember you being there... and Celestia... and a bunch of nurses...”
“Yeah, they sort of booted us out so they could work when they patched you up, except Celestia helped them with some things, and then we could get in and I tried to talk to you but you were mostly babbling, and then you fell asleep, so we didn’t want to disturb you,” Spike said, very quickly.
As he caught his breath Twilight watched him and saw the worry on his face. Scaly skin could be quite expressive, strangely enough.
“Did you get any sleep?” said Twilight. “And did they check on you? You were hurt as well.”
“Twilight, I was bucked off a donkey into soft snow,” Spike said. “I wasn’t poisoned and had my throat cut and my face bashed in with a mace!”
“Did they check on you?” Twilight said.
Spike looked down into the floor.
“Yeah,” said Spike. “There’s nothing wrong with me. Except, stress, the doctor said. He said I could have some medicine to help me relax and sleep, but I wanted to be able to get up, if, if... if you woke up... or if you didn’t...” Tears started to well up in his eyes.
“Spike, don’t cry!” said Twilight and hugged him again. “I’m much better than they thought. There there, it’s over now...”
They just held each other a while.
“Did you get some sleep?” Twilight said to Spike’s shoulder.
“There’s... Celestia got us a room here at the hospital, like they have for the families of the patients, okay?” Spike said, wiping his eyes. “She couldn’t be there all night, she said she doesn’t really need sleep, so she was up here checking on you, but she got someone to stay with me.”
“A nurse?” said Twilight and smiled at Spike.
“Saga, actually, for some reason,” said Spike, got some tissue from Twilight’s bedside table and blew his nose. “Excuse me.”
“It’s okay, I wish I could blow mine,” said Twilight and grimaced. “But... Saga?”
“It was okay, really,” said Spike. “Luna fetched her from the temple. I mean I know her, she is almost an adult, and it’s not like Celestia could have conjured up one of the maids from back in Canterlot or somepony from Ponyville, y’know, ponies I know better. She is really good when you need to cry, actually.”
“I suppose so,” said Twilight. “That’s good to hear. I wondered what happened to those two after that ghastly night...”
“She’ll have to tell you later,” said Spike and looked a bit guilty. “She needed to cry a bit herself, actually.”
“Oh,” said Twilight. Suddenly she looked guilty as well. “You know, what about Princess Luna...?”
“She was here as well... she wasn’t in the room with us tonight,” said Spike. “I think she sat outside your room all the time, watching over you, except when Celestia sent her to get Saga. She left again a little while ago, I think Celestia told her to clear her head or something.”
Twilight looked a little morose. “Oh.”
“What is it now?” said Spike.
“It’s just that... I failed her,” Twilight said. “I guess she’d be disappointed in me.”
“Twilight, she has no reason to be disappointed in you!” Spike said.
“But we failed!” Twilight said. “I failed, I mean!”
“Twilight, listen to me!” Spike said, grabbing her hoof. “First, we didn’t fail, okay? Luna and the king sent us to figure out where the rebel camp was, and how big and strong their army is. Fine, we know that now. That means we didn’t fail!”
“But we - “ Twilight said.
“I said listen to me, Twilight, please!” Spike said. “Please. Second, Luna might be more... intense than Celestia, but she’s no more unfair than Celestia, and she’s not gonna be disappointed with you for no reason.”
“Okay,” said Twilight. “Sure.”
“And finally, it’s not her fault either, but she’s the one who gave you this mission to begin with, so she’s responsible as well!” said Spike. “You almost got killed! That must count!”
“That’s just the thing, she trusted me and I let her down!” Twilight said and now it looked like she was the one who was about to cry.
“We succeeded with the mission despite, let me remind you, crappy circumstances,” Spike said. “You didn’t let anypony down! You didn’t put Vigg up to that crazy stunt at the club, you couldn’t know they had a guy that had special training to spot your secret weapon, and it’s not your fault that the official guess for how big that rebel army is was completely wrong!”
“I should’ve aborted the mission at the club!” said Twilight. “Then we could have tried again, somehow, but I panicked. And me trusting that trinket was just as stupid as when Lord Eminence trusted his invisibility! And I helped making that estimate for the rebel army and I should have done so without wishful thinking! I can’t... blame others for my mistakes!”
Spike just opened his mouth to speak, exasperated, but nothing came out. Then he found his words.
“But you think Luna will?” he said. “Blame others, you mean? Blame you?”
It was Twilight’s turn to open and shut her mouth, fish-like.
“No,” she finally said. “I guess not.”
“Good,” said Spike. “Don’t... don’t worry about it. Relax. Luna will soon be here, and then you can talk to her about it. If you want to, I mean, you can wait until you get stronger...”
“I’ll talk to her, I’ll talk to her,” said Twilight.
“Good,” said Spike.
“How are you yourself with... what happened?” said Twilight after an awkward pause.
“With you nearly getting killed and fleeing for our lives and so on you mean?” said Spike. “Well, it was scary and all, but I mean, it’s over now, and...”
Twilight looked at him skeptically. Spike looked away.
“Okay, I was terrified, and I still am,” he said. “I mean, what if I’d found your toilet stuff in the tent?”
“What?” said Twilight.
“If I’d found you toilet things, I wouldn’t have dragged the saddlebags to the bathhouse, and then you wouldn’t have had those grenade things,” Spike said and wrung his claws. “Then... you could... I could... we never could have fought them off, you know? What would have happened then?”
Twilight looked to the roof.
“Well, I hope we would have had surrendered,” she said. “I hope we would have been that smart, I mean.”
“And then?” said Spike.
“We would have had to get free,” Twilight said. “I don’t know how, but we would have had to try.”
Spike sighed.
“Don’t think about that,” said Twilight. “You can’t go around and think what if and what if all the time. So much can happen at any given time. What if Sudden Gale had used another coat dye? What if Puddinghead hadn’t felt that grateful that day? What if Ahto and his deer had arrived twenty minutes earlier, when we were in the bath?”
“Yeah, but...” Spike began.
“You can’t think like that,” Twilight said. “If you think like that, everything becomes meaningless. Trust me. I plan too much, all the time, so I should know. If you think like that, nothing becomes safe. What if a book falls from a shelf at home and hits me in the head? There are ponies who’ve died from that.”
Spike still looked miserable.
“Don’t you remember, there’s a memorial in Canterlot library?” Twilight said.
“No there isn’t,” said Spike, and his mouth bent into a weak smile.
“Oh yes, a wall of white marble, with the names of the deceased in gold, and every day there will be ponies there putting flowers there...” Twilight said, mock serious, sweeping her hoof across the room to indicated the monument.
“Stop it, “ said Spike and started to giggle.
“I should know, there was many a study session I didn’t starve to death because I ate all those white lilies...” Twilight said.
Spike cracked up and started to laugh. Twilight joined in.
The nurse-nun looked a mixed of confused and appalled.
“So,” said Spike and wiped a different kind of tear off his face, “what were you doing when I came?”
“The Sister here was reading me the papers,” Twilight said. The reindeer smiled weakly. “I’m not allowed to use my horn, and I’m so clumsy with my hooves.”
“Well, since I’m here I could read for you,” said Spike. “I’m your assistant, right?”
“That’s nice, Spike... except you don’t read Poatsi,” Twilight said. “And these are mostly local papers.”
“Oh,” said Spike. “But... “mostly”. I could read the Equestrian papers!”
“It’s really only one,” said Twilight. “One week-old Equestria Daily. And the Sister here already read it for me.”
“But... I bet she missed something,” Spike said. “So I could re-read it. In a funny voice!”
Twilight laughed again.
“Alright Spike, let’s do that,” she said. “Re-read Equestria Daily for me, but in a funny voice!”
“As you wish!” said Spike and started to rummage through the papers. The nurse excused herself and snuck out the door.
“I’m so happy you managed to escape, Twilight,” said Princess Celestia as she hugged her student, “and that you are already doing so much better.”
“Me too, Lady Sparkle,” mumbled Luna and hugged her hoofmaiden from the other side of the bed. “I was so worried when I received Master Spike’s message.”
“Thanks for healing me, Princess,” said Twilight to Celestia and returned the hug. “And thanks for saving me, Princess!” she added, but to Luna.
“I was the one who put you in trouble in the first place!” Luna groaned. “I shouldn’t have sent a scholar and a child to confront violent fanatics!”
“No, Princess, I should have aborted the mission at Klubb Niffelhel!” Twilight said. “I have only myself to blame!”
They looked at each other with worry and shame,.
Celestia cleared her throat loudly.
“Sister,” she said. “My student. I am truly glad that you aren’t throwing blame at each other, but blaming yourself like that, even when it has a ring of truth to it, isn’t much better. Just remember that when you talk about this. It might even be helpful to tell each other what you thought the other did wrong. If nothing else, it will make further exercises in this vein easier and more fruitful.”
The princess and her hoofmaiden did not answer. Celestia sighed.
“Luna, the child you sent was a dragon child, not a foal or fawn,” she said. “With nigh-impenetrable scales, flaming breath and jaws that can cut metal.The scholar you sent is the most promising mage of a generation, and I have routinely sent her against evil trickster gods and insectoid succubi queens that I myself have no hope of defeating. Now, you’re right that they aren’t really trained in intelligence work, but you worked with what you had, Luna. You always have, to great effect.”
Luna didn’t look convinced but didn’t protest.
“Thanks for the recognition!” said Spike, though nopony took much notice of him
“Twilight, that was a reckless and thoughtless stunt, yes,” she said sternly. “However, acting under stress has always been your main weakness. With that in mind, you actually exploited the situation well, and, if I have understood Spike correctly, you can actually deliver the necessary information to Luna and Ukko. If you want to make up for your mistakes, concentrate on using that information wisely instead of regretting what’s done and gone.”
“Yes, Princess,” said Twilight Sparkle. “Do you want to hear a report now?”
“Great Wheels in heaven, no!” said Celestia. “Please tell us what happened to you, but no formal report. You and Spike can put one together and deliver it to the reindeer when you leave the hospital. I’m sure Luna will help you, since she knows how to interpret such data.”
“I will,” said Luna, “and my sister is right. The formal debriefing can wait. I mean, it is always good to have it fresh, but you should also be in shape to give it...But as for ‘further exercises’...”
She sighed.
“There will be no more, Lady Sparkle,” she said. “I’m sorry I dragged you into this mess, causing you shame, danger and sorrow. You have served the best you could, but after that report you and Master Spike you can go home to Ponyville.”
“What?!” squeaked Twilight. “You’re... sending me away?”
“Are you firing us?” said Spike.
“No!” said Luna. “It’s just that... after what happened there, with the camp, I cannot bear upon my conscience to employ you as my agent, Lady Sparkle.”
Twilight’s lips quivered, then she had tears in my eyes.
“I understand, “ she sobbed. “I fouled up. I wasn’t good enough. I - I’m so sorry, Princess! I’ve let you down! And... and, Equestria, and all the reindeer, and...”
Twilight began to cry, rather noisily. Spike glared at Luna, and then he went and hugged her.
“So there,” he said. “Don’t worry about it.”
“No!” said Luna. She looked desperately at Celestia, who merely looked back sadly. “Explain it to her, sister! We discussed this aforehand... Lady Sparkle, listen to me, forgive me!”
Twilight sobbed a bit quieter.
“I’m doing this for your sake!” Luna continued. “I truly mean that I forced you into things you were not prepared for, that went against your nature. I put you to this charade to exploit the natives’ prejudices... all this nonsense. I can’t imagine that you would like this to continue. I can’t imagine you don’t miss your friends! Please, Lady Sparkle... I mean... Please, Twilight!”
She put a hoof on the unicorn’s shoulder.
“If you want to stay, I’m happy to have you here,” she said. “I’d trust you with my life and all my secrets, and all I ask it that you only do it because you truly want to, Twilight.”
Twilight sniffed.
“Okay,” she said,”I’m sorry for being such a crybaby. I didn’t mean to. I’ve just... there’s been so much the last few days... And I’ve... been afraid I’ve failed you.”
She wiped her face, touched her crushed nose by mistake and winced.
“I’d love to stay,” she said, looking around her at her assistant, her teacher and her mistress. “I want to know how it ends, want to help it end, and I don’t want to let the reindeer down. Also... I started something, when I took care of Lord Eminence, and I have to see it through.”
“Then stay,” said Luna and smiled. So did Celestia.
“There’s just one thing,” Twilight said.
“Yes?” said Luna.
“Next time you send me out on a mission, I decide the cover story, okay?” she said.
“As you wish,” said Luna and smiled again.
“Nopony is gonna ask me?” said Spike.
“Oh my!” said Twilight. “Oh, I’m so sorry, did you want to go home?”
“Not really, but you could’ve asked,” Spike admonished her, and bopped her on the nose.
“Ouch!” said Twilight and shied away from him.
“Sorry!” said Spike. “I forgot about your nose. But it was kinda rude!”
“Your nose was badly hurt,” Luna stated, not asked.
“Yes, but the worst part is it gets... sorry, it gets filled up with mucus and blood and I’m not allowed to hornblow it, and it really hurt to do it by hoof,” Twilight said and looked sheepish. “I realize it’s no big problem compared to blood loss and poisoning, but...”
A bunch of tissue paper levitated up into her face. Luna gently touched Twilight’s horn when her own.
“Just blow,” she said.
Telekinetically assisted, Twilight snorted and cleared her nose without pain. Luna casually disintegrated the tissue paper so nopony had to confront its disgusting contents. Twilight breathed freely through her nose for the first time since she woke up.
“Thanks,” she said, as Luna wiped her nose once more with fresh tissues to be sure.
“It’s nothing,” said the princess acting as a nurse. “I’d love to stay and help my handmaiden as long as she cannot use her magic.”
“Oh, if it’s okay with the nurses...” said Twilight with embarrassment.
“They actually protested when Luna wanted to enter the hospital, since this is all sacred ground to the Sun or some such nonsense, but of course I told them to be sensible,” said Celestia.
“She later told them I kept going into her room and taking her hairbrushes, so she is used to it,” Luna snorted.
“But it’s true!” Celestia said.
“Only because you keep taking mine and putting them in your boudoir!” Luna retorted. “It is true, Lady Spa... Twilight! She sends her hoofmaidens to plunder my dresser!”
“I’m the victim here!” said Celestia with mock seriousness. “Look at this: they dedicate this whole building complex to me, and then I can’t decide who gets in and out!”
Twilight shook her head and watched a nurse hastily leaving the doorway when she must have been peeping in on them.
Well, I don’t have to play that role any more, but as long as I keep their Goddess of Nightmares blowing my nose when I’m sick, it’s not like they’ll stop staring like that, she mused.
“I still think the storehouses were closer to the beach,” said Spike.
“They just look further away because of the way the bay is drawn,” said Twilight.
“Well, Twilight, if you have any problems with how I drew the map...” said Spike.
“No no,” said Twilight, shaking her head. “The distance given is the important thing. Besides, I’m sure they have a real map they can compare it too.”
“Excuse me,” said a timid voice, a little cracked and hoarse, as if from too much smoking. Or too much crying.
A brown vaja, more fawn than doe, stood in the door. She was carrying a little white package on her antlers.
“Yes?” said Twilight and put away the papers she and Spike were working with (with her hooves, of course, curse Dr Arnica).
“Mistress Twilight!” said the little vaja and ran up to her bed. “Oh, Mistress!”
To Twilight’s later shame, it was the half-pretentious title that told her who the reindeer was. She didn’t look like herself very much.
“Saga!” she said and accepted a hug. “Thanks for coming by!”
The fawn gave her the package.
“Some sweets,” she said. “Oh, I hope you can eat them...”
“Thanks,” said Twilight. “You look, uh, different.”
The reindeer was wearing no makeup, no jewelry and no clothes except a blanket over her back, black with silver borders, that made Twilight wonder if it was an equivalent of the nurses’ gold-on-white clothes.
“I was i-in mourning,” the reindeer stuttered. “And I w-wasn’t in the m-mood anyway.”
Saga started to cry and Twilight hugged her because that is what you do.
“Mourning?” she said with confusion. “Oh Celestia’s sun, did your grandmother die?”
Spike had started to open the package of sweets, quaintly rolled into a little cone. He was by his position invisible to Saga but right in front of Twilight, and he rolled his eyes and pointed to her.
“I-i thougt you were d-dead,” Saga hiccoughed. “O-or w-w-worse!”
“Me!” Twilight said. “But I... yeah, I understand how you could think that was possible.”
They didn’t tell her! Twilight thought, and then: Of course not! It was a state secret!
“So, so,” she said, “I didn’t die, nothing really happened!”
Saga let go, looked up, and sniffed as her eyes sought out the IV, the bed, Twilight’s battered body.
“Okay, something happened,” Twilight admitted. “But it turned out okay, I will be fine...”
“Here, have a tissue,” said Spike and gave Saga one. She wiped her eyes and blew her nose.
“They... they actually told me the day before yesterday,” said Saga who looked a bit perkier. “When my Goddess came to tell me about the Quest for the Sampo...”
“The what?” said Twilight.
“Oh, I thought you were going?” said Saga. “My Goddess of the Night told me you were going... Aren’t you, Mistress Sparkle?”
Saga sounded despondent again, but Twilight thought she could hear a bit of a pretention in her voice as well.
As long as she is putting on her own very peculiar brand of airs, Saga still has some hope, Twilight thought. I just need to strengthen it. And if Princess Luna said that... she must have panicked about me being in her employ right here, right now, when she saw me...
“Princess Luna hasn’t told me anything about it,” said Twilight, “presumably because I was on a mission and she hasn’t had time to discuss the matter yet. I can guess what it’s about, but please tell me the details.”
“Oh,” Saga said, “apparently Princess Skinfaxi thought that there... my prophecy... that I was a seer after all. She convinced her sister and King Ukko, and she wants some deer, and some other people, to get up on Joukulvakt and get Sampo back because she thinks it really can save Tarandroland!”
“That’s... but that’s great, Saga!” said Twilight and smiled. “Of course I will come, if Princess Luna and Princess Celestia wants me to! I mean, that’s the thing I usually do when they ask me to save people, not this... intelligence work!”
Saga smiled back nervously.
“Oh so you are going?” she said. “And you want to go...”
“Why, magic is my special talent!” said Twilight enthusiastically. “I love stories of old artifacts and magicians, and...”
She trailed off as she realized something Saga had said.
“Look, Saga... I’m sorry if I ever doubted your Sight, or just sounded like if I did!” she said and took the reindeer’s hoof. “I mean, that’s your talent... seeing what’s possible. We grownups should probably have caught on earlier!”
“Thanks,” said Saga and looked down. “That... that’s really nice of you to say that. But it isn’t you who thought I was a false prophetess. It was... it was me. I... I still don’t really think I was right... before I wanted to convince everydeer, now it sounds weird when they tell me they believe in it... I mean, I guess I always thought it was a silly form of Sight anyway, not the kind a real priestess should have...”
“Wait wait,” said Twilight, “slow down. When did you become convinced you were wrong?”
“After the club,” she said. “When he... when that bucking rat lied to me, and to everydeer, and took all those stupid risks and almost got you and little Spike killed and all those poor deer in the club...”
Twilight grimaced at the swearing. Spike grimaced at being called “little”.
“Yeah,” Twilight said, “I can see why you wouldn’t want to do anything together with him...”
Except the deer in the club... she thought ...it might be his fault everything happened, but it was you, Twilight Sparkle, who bolloxed up a spell again under stress and caused that panic... How many was hurt? Did... did anypony die?! The papers didn’t say anything, but that was some time ago...
“That’s not it!” Saga said, interrupting her thoughts. “How can somedeer that dishonest, selfish and stupid be a hero who saves a country like that?!”
“Yeah,” said Twilight, “I understand how you’re thinking...”
“Exactly!” said Saga. “So if he cannot save Poatsula, then my vision wasn’t a vision. It was just a... a fantasy! It was my imagination going wild, it always does... it was just my sub-, my subwhatever trying to make myself important... I never had a real Sight fit for a priestess, like Gramma has or even like he has...”
“Subconscious,” said Twilight, “but if he can save Poatsula, then your vision was a vision, right?”
“Yeah...” said Saga and looked miserable.
“And Princess Celestia thinks so, and she has managed to convince her sister that it was a vision as well,” said Twilight. “I’m sure they do so with good reason, right?”
“Yeah...” Saga said. “For instance, My Goddess told me her Sister thinks the vision was a message from Karhu-Akka... like Her thinking very loudly when somedeer who could hear was nearby. She thinks the Mother of all Reindeer... and Trolls, I guess... she’s, she’s that kind of being that isn’t more straightforward than that.”
“And you believe her, right?” said Twilight and smiled.
“Yeah, sure...” said Saga, “but is that because she has a point, or because I’m selfish and vain and want to believe her?”
“I don’t think of the Princesses as deities like you do, and I... I trust them,” said Twilight. “Do you really think any of them would want to fool you?”
“I dunno,” said Saga, “I’ve... I’m turning into some kind of heretic... I’ve started to think that it’s like some of those fake sugar pills doctors give out, that they give everydeer this quest to believe in, and in the end it turns out we had it within us all along to save everything with friendship or something...”
Twilight laughed.
“Hey now, I’ve seen friendship save the world several times... though ancient artefacts, you know, magical thingamajigs...”
“I know!” said Saga and smiled.
“...were usually involved as well,” said Twilight. “But while that might be the case, there’s something which I have to tell you is much likelier. The princesses could have more information they cannot tell you, because you knowing it would screw up the prophecy! Nopony really predicts the future! Well, almost nopony... What they do is see or hear or understand what is most probable at any given time, and there are cases where knowing every details make you act so that what is prophesied becomes more improbable... and never happens!”
Saga looked confused.
“Can you explain that again, mistress?”
“Alright... when Princess Celestia knew that the return of Nightmare Moon was near, I had been reading prophecies about it,” Twilight said. “She knew all about them, she knew the background, she knew what would happen. But when I came to her and was worried, she dismissed my claims. She told me to go perform some chores in the podunk town Ponyville - oh, and make some friends in the bargain, since I was such a shut-in.”
“Oooh,” Saga said, “so that’s what..?”
“Well, I went under heavy protest, but right in Ponyville was where Nightmare Moon would return!” Twilight said, punctuating for emphasis with her hoof. “Right in Ponyville, because as far as I understood either fate or Celestia herself had manipulated things, lived the other five ponies who were most likely to fit as the bearer of the Elements of Harmony. In the chaotic Everfree Forest, just outside Ponyville, were the old ruins where the physical remains of the Elements of Harmony were hidden!”
“But she didn’t tell you where to find them, or even that Nightmare Moon were real...?” said Saga.
“No, because she knew me back then,” said Twilight and smiled. “While I was a likely candidate for bearer of the Element of Magic, I could never have managed to find the other five bearers if I did so consciously.”
“She would have forced everypony to fill in triplicate questionnaires based on some psychology textbook definition of ‘loyalty’, and so on,” said Spike, grinning.
“And even if she had told me who they were, both I and them would have behaved completely different and we wouldn’t have bonded like we did under a crisis,” Twilight continued. “I... I won’t say that I sometimes wonder whether she was right in not telling us more... but she definitely believed she thought she was right. So my guess is, that if she knows something that makes her certain what you saw in your prophecy was the likely future, and she isn’t telling...”
“It’s because she thinks me knowing exactly what will happen will make me acting so that what will happen will exactly not happen?” said Saga.
“Yes,” said Twilight. “You have to... figure things out for yourself for them to work.”
“That sentence gave me a headache,” said Spike. “Does the injured want some candy, or can her grieving relative have some first?”
“I think candy is essential for my recovery, in fact,” said Twilight and took some sweets and munched on them. “Take one yourself Saga - don’t be too greedy Spike.”
The youngsters helped themselves to some candy, Spike greedily, Saga a bit reluctantly.
“These are great!” said Twilight. “That was very nice of you, Saga! Imported candy must be expensive, and I didn’t think you had much money...”
Saga smiled, a bit too thinly.
“It’s okay, Mistress,” she said and unwrapped a second piece of candy carefully. “I just invoked an old pact with a powerful being. I’m usually... I don’t want to deal with him too much.”
“You conjured it up?” said Twilight. “I didn’t know you knew such a spell?”
“You asked your dad, right?” said Spike and carefully folded his candy wrapper.
“Yeah,” said Saga. When Twilight looked a bit confused, she added: “Dad knows how to get things like imported candy, and he can afford it. I don’t let him give me much otherwise.”
“Well,” said Twilight, “thank him from me!”
“You didn’t tell him the candy was for Twilight Sparkle, right?” said Spike.
“No,” said Saga, and added, to Twilight’s confusion: “None of his business.”
Yes, I'll continue to use FIMfiction as a publishing venue... for now. I'm still not happy with it, but I can never get the support I've built up at this place anywhere else. I'm talking about you readers, of course, a wonderful bunch who keep me doing this. Thanks!
Meanwhile, manure keeps piling up in real life. That's the reason (not the excuse) I'm publishing this now instead of polishing it further. I'm far from 100% satisfied, but letting it sit only blocks my creative processes. I need a bit of creating to weather this, and this creation who you are making possible is the best kind.
As usual, even more thanks to my proofreaders (this time, LadyMoondancer and Lurks-No-More) for their support with grammar, wording and understandability!
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Quote of the week:
And I love how Luna and Twilight interacted in this chapter. I can imagine the confused and terrified look on Luna's face when Twilight started crying.
Too bad we won't have more evil Twilight, but I hope a more confident Twilight will follow now, that she's been through a lot and faced so many dangerous opponents. Still, a quick session with someone to talk to about the possibly killing or hurting a certain giraffe will be in order. Maybe with Luna?
I thought this was a great chapter. I'm a sucker for little character-bonding scenes, and this chapter was filled to the brim with them! We had Twilight x Spike, who have such a great sibling bond, Twilight x Celestia, showing the motherly, warm care Celestia has for her student, and Twilight x Luna, who have quite a complex relationship going on. Hoofmaiden and Princess, mortal and deity, but above all, two slightly socially awkward ponies who are friends. It was a delight to read. It was very nice to have them adress their griefs. Twilight's usual feelings of failure (I expected nothing else of her), but Luna's guilt of making Twilight to act like something she wasn't, and so on. I've suspected this sort of talk was coming for a long time, and now it finally got here, and I enjoyed it. The Twilight x Saga scene was great as well, helping to develop your lovely original character further, while putting a positive, good spin on the "Celestia manipulates everything" claim that this fandom so often shouts. I thought it was all very enjoyable, and I'm glad to see you're sticking with us for now. I think both a "Thank you!" and a "Congratulations on a wonderful chapte" are in order. So, there you have them.
And now we can go questing for magic thingamajigs, which is what twilight does best! Probably will mean some more world and mythology building, too, and I love world and mythology building. 
Indeed, lots of great inter-character moments in this chapter.
Also, congrats for making it into the Featured box again!
...and then Twilight and Luna kissed. That's what happened in my fan fiction of your fan fiction. This story is great, I'm looking forward to the build up to the sampo quest. I think a change of pace from the pirates will be good, even though they made for entertaining chapters.
Just a guess but .. I doubt that Luna or Twilight told Celestia about Twily eating meat as part of her disguise.
I would love to see Celestia's expression if she ever does find out.
This chapter is great!
I love the conversations among Twilght-Luna and Twilight-Celestia.
Of course, I like the wise Spike in this fiction.
I agree with what woytaq and KoJ said
"Well, I don’t have to play that role any more, but as long as I keep their Goddess of Nightmares blowing my nose when I’m sick, it’s not like they’ll stop staring like that, she mused"
This sentence is so good!
Thank you for the awesome chapter and great story!
====
I really enjoy the silly dialogs between two goddesses..
“She later told them I kept going into her room and taking her hairbrushes, so she is used to it,” Luna snorted.
“But it’s true!” Celestia said.
“Only because you keep taking mine and putting them in your boudoir!” Luna retorted. “It is true, Lady Spa... Twilight! She sends her hoofmaidens to plunder my dresser!”
Glad to see more and sympathies on manure piling up. Curious to see Saja handling things more too.
wait who was saga's father again?
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That hasn't been mentioned actually. We know he grew up in the abject poverty of Sarvvik's slums, but is now very rich and well-connected in an unspecified way. We know he and Saga don't get along, but not exactly why, though the expensive presents he buys her shows he knows very little of her tastes, and Saga is somehow ashamed of her family. We know he didn't get along with his mother, and they didn't even talk to each other regularily until Saga's conflict with him was solved with her quitting school and becoming a novice at the temple.
After the last few chapters, this story needed a breather.
So now what? Are we going to see what Saga and Prince Vigg have been doing all this time? Some of it I can kind of guess.
I may have squealed like a little girl when I saw this update, but thankfully no one else was in the house at the time. So happy to hear that you're sticking around for now.
Excellent character chapter, nice to see Twilight and Luna get their issues out in the open. Bit sad to see the end of the Evil Sorceress Twilight role, but it has probably served it's time.
My favorite part of this story might actually be the hilarious contrast between the reindeer viewing and treating (or trying to at least) Celestia and Luna as goddesses and the two of them just acting like sisters. The bit about hairbrushes was wonderful.
I hope we get to see Vigg and Saga together again. I wonder how Saga will react when she learns she still has to work with him.
Have I mentioned how much I love the fact Spike is not only getting a starring role, but getting to be badass as well?
Excellent work, as always.
Incidently, on reading your blog post, I have to say I very much agree with the sentiment. I've been bemoaning the presence of so many dark/sad fics myself (while some of the ones I'm reading probably do now qualify, they at least do it well.) Indeed, if it helps, this is one of the few stories that keeps me ticking over. (In fact, today has been a very good day, as four of my current favourites updated today.) (Earth&Sky - which I assume, as Windfall is on your top list, you must be reading if not - jump too it! - Lost & Found (which falls into a similar vein to this and Dangerous Business), and the conclusion to Secrets and Lies (though that granted, falls into the darker category, but at least for a good reason, and probably isn't that much "darker" than the last chapter of UtNL..!)
So know that your efforts are deeply appreciated by those of us who feel the same way, but like the drive, time and/or ability to write something ourselves.
Hopefully, once the pony-drought is over in a week or few, we'll have a resurgeance of new stories working off season three. Until then, let is carry on and hope for better times...
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I love this chapter, and the story, really, because of the numerous little details that make it such great writing. Little sentences here and there about how a character reacts, or some non-sequitor that ties the scene together, they are brilliant and make me happy inside. Magical nose-blowing? Brilliant. I would TOTALLY do that if I had telekinesis, and I can't believe this is the first story where I've even seen the concept! This chapter also reminded me of what a fun character Saga must be to write, especially the catharsis that must be felt when she can explain a concept but can't for the life of her remember what the word is. I can not tell you how many times I've been writing something, formal or otherwise, and had to pause to try and recall exactly what word I needed to fit my concepts. Placebo is what she was looking for
My only critique is that Twilight's little cry session, and it seems you've added a little meta acknowledgement to it (I actually get a lot of those *wink wink* vibes from this chapter, including a paragraph on friendship
), is a little short-lived and thus it feels out of place. I know they've all been on the emotional brink the entire chapter, but the sobbing seems to come and go like a Florida thunderstorm. If you ever do come back to this chapter, that's where I'd focus, everything else is pretty dead-on.
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A+ for Lost and Found, and you guys should come join us over at Austraeoh if you're doubting the community a bit, we're having a blast in the comments section! For what it's worth, I woke up this morning to 15 story updates (ok, 6 were L&F), with most of them from stories that are in the "epic" category, not the "reading because I'm bored and need brain candy" category. While I'm here, I'm going to plug Harmony Theory for some solid, solid Adventure and time displacement. Thus far it's extremely well written and the dark tag only comes into play since the concept is, well, dark. No gore or anything, mostly seems to be applied because of the backstory that drives the adventure.
Alas, there has been a bit of a decline in story quality over the last few weeks, but I've solved a lot of that by unchecking "view mature." Moreover, most folks around here still seem to appreciate quality and office solid advice and comments and such, I'm glad Lights will continue to get updates here.
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Thanks for wanting to help me, but let me make a few things clear. I thought I made them clear, but apparently I can't write.
I have no problem with quality or declining quality or whatever. I have problem with the kind of stories told. Hence, telling me a story is "good" does nothing to convince me to read it. Most people have read my post as "oh sieurin thinks there is lots of bad stuff here! oh, I'll tell him what the good stuff is, that is, the stuff I like, because everyone else must like it!" That doesn't mean I don't prefer well-written stories, but I despise most of the well-written hyper-popular stories here, because the author and his hordes of adoring fans have such different tastes than me.
I have no problem with porn and don't look down on it. I even write porn. I actually have not much problem with gorn either, it's other dark themes like cynicism, the deep need to explain everything in great detail in the most negative fashion, character assassination, and the great, not-so-dark deal of proclaiming that all antagonists are totally excused for all their actions. Hence, turning off Mature does diddly-squat for me.
I said that I don't want recommendations along the line "I know you said X, but while this is X, you should read it anyway, because it is totally different". Those are generally well-meaning attempts to change my tastes, which just makes me ornery. Hence, I won't read Harmony Theory. Sorry.
Again, sorry for apparently being unable to write out what my problems are. I thought I did but I cannot have done that; I for instance wrote that black-painting Celestia is the worst thing I know, and basically every other list of suggestions I got had a fic like that, often with a comment about how awesome it was.
1363373
...
Perhaps I was not paying enough attention, then. It seems you're much more particular than I, and apparently many of us, thought. People give recommendations less on the predication that "if I like it, everyone must like it!" and more on the "this is a good story, you might enjoy it since it has some themes you seem to like." I don't like romance or shipping in fics, but I read stories with those elements if those themes are outweighed by more interesting ones in the plot; I have a feeling most people bend their own rules in this way. I didn't realize how strict I had to be in recommending things to you, and I apologize if it came off as patronizing.
That seems a little harsh, not liking something is one thing, but actively disliking is another. I don't like Justin Bieber (or the Jonas Brothers or N'Sync or the Backstreet Boys and all the way down that list), so I don't listen. But I do not begrudge people who do for simply enjoying something I find empty, and I do not begrudge the music quality because lots of people like it.
It's not about the clop, it's that there's a strong correlation of the things you mentioned disliking and those themes appearing in the "mature" stories. The themes of needing to be extremely negative, Tyrantlestia and the like are all things I refer to as "crutches." It's easier to write "dark" because it gives you inherent conflict, and has the illusion of being "edgy." If you're searching for specific, positive traits then turning off mature will make the search easier, that's all.
Like I said before, it's not a personal affront to try and get you to like broccoli even though you've said you tried it and don't like it, it's more along the lines of people, me, not quite understanding how hard the line is. My caveat with Harmony Theory was only that it had the "dark" tag and thus warranted an explanation. These things:
do not appear in that story. The dark tag only applies because there's a death and some fighting and the universe had a war in its past. I'm not telling you to read it, only that it's out there if you want to. I wouldn't ask someone to change what they like if they weren't willing to, but we are getting a little bit into "Green Eggs and Ham" territory.
Don't have to apologize to me, it's not my story just one that I think is interesting. Think of us recommending things like one would think of Amazon or Netflix recommending things: "we see you sort of like X, here's a few things that have X in it" and then you get a list 100 long.
I can count on one hand the number of (good) adventure stories that fit your initial criteria, and that includes Northern Lights. Add in some slice of life stuff and that number jumps to the low double-digits. Just because a list of recommendations had a fic like the one you describe above on it doesn't mean you have the throw the baby out with the bathwater, lots of people add "fringe" things to their recommendation lists. To that end, it's entirely possible you've read all there is to read in the realm of high-quality, non-cynnical writing. After I read Dangerous Business I couldn't find anything like it for months, not until I found Lights, I think. If you're still willing to click on links I post then you should look through the things this guy has written. You've already favorited one of his stories, so I assume that you may already have gone through his authored works.
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I used to be less strict, but overexposure to the dominant themes on this sit and in this fandom has made me oversensitive. And it's probably my fault for not successfully carrying across how much I really do not like "darker and edgier" themes.
Yeah, but that's the point, the one I didn't carried across: it's not just that I don't find anything I like, it's that while searching for something I do like, I find so much that I actively dislike - that yes, I despise. After trying to read some of these things, I don't just feel boredome or disappointment; I feel anger and sadness and frustration. If I try to read some fic during my lunch break of one hour, I end up being unneccesarily grumpy and unhappy to customers; if I do it before I go to sleep, I cannot. At this point, it is that bad. I know I have only myself to blame for my feelings, but that's how it is. I do try to not hold that against those who like it (hey, my two best friends in the wold are immense fans of this stuff!), but I do despise the actual material. I can't put it any other way. I also need to point out that I don't hold popularity as a negative sign of quality - if anything, it's probably the opposite. In fact, I need to repeat that low quality has nothing to do with my dislike, and high quality will generally do nothing to make me like things right now. Just so that is clear.
I'm sorry, but I had found no such correlation. For instance, with the villainification of Celestia I'm not just referring to works when she acts like Hitler, but all the works which uses her as a hatesink, which includes a fair amount of stories that are Teen or lower. We're probably looking at different things.
Yeah, perhaps. I'm just a bit literal-minded, and thought "Please don't recommend broccoli, now matter how tastily it is prepared!" would be take as such, not as "I need to work hard to sell this broccoli gratine!" :(
Well, the apology is not for dismissing the story, it's for dismissing your effort to help me. Which is quite rude.
See, my finicky problem here is that not all stories have a clear declamation of exactly what they will be about in the first paragraph. Likewise, genre tags are vague things. So often you're not hit - hurt - by a story until after chapters into it. Since at this stage every such hit makes me less likely to want to hang around (and yeah, I KNOW I am completely ridiculous and that I shouldn't feel that way, but just bear with me), doing as you say increases the risk that the baby is a baby shark. Believe me, I tried with the first ones. I know it's a ridiculous prejudice, but at least it isn't inborn. I had some hope of avoiding this by asking for recommendations, but no such luck. I probably shouldn't have asked in the first place, given how bad I am at getting my tastes and feelings across.
WOW!!! I just finished ch 42, and I am VERY much impressed by your story telling skills. This one has me hooked, and I can tell that it will be a torturous wait for each update. The wait will be worth it though, where it is that good!
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I'm glad to hear that, if I ever blow my fuses and get out of here (or rather, get out of here so I won't blow my fuses). However, I'm sad to say you're probably in a minority, and the comments section of Fanfiction.net isn't nearly as good as this one, discouraging the better sort of discussion.
1385287
"Reviews", I should have remembered that. Well, I did plod along there, but I never really imagined I would try to finish the story until I came here, and it reached the critical mass where people speculated on the story, trying to guess what would happen next. Then I realised there were people who had read and managed to understand my scribblings, whereas "Ooooh! New chapter!", "Great job!" and "First!" are of course encouraging but not nearly in the same way.
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It was published first at fanfiction.net, a little over one year ago. You might very well have read it last autumn!
1385409
I didn't ever mention it over at fanfiction.net...?
Anyway, I can see why. This is not a very popular fic, and except for a few happy times when I just published a chapter it is never in the feature box. It's not easy to notice a very minor fic like this unless you're looking for it...
1361305
I'm very happy that you and others like my work. Thanks for the praise. However, lack of appreciation has absolutely nothing to do with my despair over this site. I suck it up like a sponge, but I'm not contemplating leaving the site because I'm unappreciated. I am relatively "unappreciated", comparing to other fics as long and as old, but that's still plenty enough for me!
As for recommendations, that has turned out to be troublesome. I thought I described my issues, but I must have done it very very badly.
Earth & Sky - I stopped reading when it took off in a for me unwanted direction. I don't dislike the fic, as most others on this site, but I lost interest. Still, that's a plus.
Lost & Found - The description of the fic contains the phrase "Twilight must face the stunning truth about her long-time mentor." Do not want. I'm so tired of all the Celestia-shaming on this site, and that phrase sets off all the alarm buttons. Almost every single one of the fics I have been recommended (despite saying its the one theme I hate most in fanfic) that concerned the Sisters was like that, combined with saintly Luna. Sorry. I'm perfectly aware you'll say I'm overacting and "but those flaws only make her more human!" or something like that, but no thanks. I know this fic had almost unanimous praise in the comments, but as I know 99% of the site's readers have completely different tastes from me, that's no big help. :( (As an aside, despite being famous myself for world-building, it's nothing I'm looking for in a fic. I appreciate it when it's well done, but I won't read a fic just because it is said to have great world-building.)
Secret & Lies: Sad, Dark, Pony Psychology. Three reasons to not read it (though you couldn't know the third). Sorry. I'm not looking for "incredibly well-written fic adored by thousands" as much as "decently written fic which doesn't share the common trend of darkness and dread, which is followed by the around ten people here who actually have similar tastes as me.". I apologize, again, for being a hard person to help. Thanks for trying!
I wish you'll be right about new fanfic after next season, but fear you won't. Of course, that's because I'm selfish: I have no problem with lack of quality or imagination, as I said. I have problem with the inevitable dominant darkening of all themes and stories, and they are not going to start emulate the actual mood of the show just because they have a new season. For other fanfic readers, however, there'll hopefully be new material.
I quite enjoyed this story. I liked the shout-out to It's a Dangerous Business.
1412405
I guess you were the one adding to the TVtropes page...
Thanks!
I think It's a dangerous business is basically the best FiM fanfic ever - or rather, in the cathegory of "fics meant to be exciting", as opposed to slice of life, romance or sitcom shenanigans. This fic exists because of it. I'm sort of Eddings to Tolkien, so to speak.
1412435 Yeah, I got interested in this fic from the TVTropes page. A good portion of the fics I've read have TVTropes pages. Didn't read it for the longest time, though.
1461665
Doesn't matter - it's still a good line.
1505607 typo, sorry. failed BARD, and not failed either. i got the bard Taliesin that i believe was mentioned mixed with another druid who was just bad luck. i just checked my Big Book of Mythology and caught my mistake. but that was a name that i vaguely remembered reading about.
1505678
Oooh, then I see! Yeah, Taliesin isn't as known as Merlin, but he is a famous Celtic Wise Dude, so I thought a ponified version would fit as an actual ancient wizard Twilight would like to talk to.
1505728 yep. i love mythology.
Wow, the sheer amount of worldbuilding is beyond awesome!
//dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Luna_lolface.png //dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/lolface_Celestia.png //dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Twilight_Sparkle_lolface.png //e.deviantart.net/emoticons/t/trollface.png