Sparkle No More

by furrypony

Why Did It Happen?

The door swung open in a loud thud. Spike and Rainbow darted in, closely followed by the others. With bated breath, Rainbow pressed her ear on Twilight’s chest, listening for any sign of life, while the rest waited in dread. After what seemed to be an eternity, she slowly shook her head, “…she’s gone…”
Applejack removed her cowgirl hat as a symbol for respect, while Rainbow Dash wept on her shoulder. Spike sat down, hugging his knees wordlessly. Rarity lay down on her abdomen next to him, holding him tightly for comfort. Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy sat next to each other, both trembling and wailing in deep anguish.
"Twilight…" Applejack sobbed.
"I can't believe she's gone…" Rarity sniffed.
"How could this happen?" Rainbow Dash's voice broke.
Suddenly, a bright light emerged and shone all over the room. The light subsided to reveal an ivory alicorn with flowing spectral mane and tail. Applejack spoke up, “Princess, Twilight, she…” Princess Celestia shook her head, “I know. Spike sent me the news just now.” She slowly walked over the disorderly books and scrolls, to where the lavender unicorn lay immobile.
“Oh Twilight…”with a trembling voice, Princess Celestia whispered as she tenderly stroked her mane, “It was all my fault. I had no idea how much stress you were going through…” Her teardrops fell onto the lifeless unicorn's cheek.
Rainbow Dash turned to her, “I… I don’t understand… Princess, why did she do that? Why?!”
The white alicorn sat down, head hanging low, wings draped on the ground. “It was my fault. I pushed her too hard.” Tears rolled down her face, dripping into the pool of blood. “I gave her a test that she could not possibly pass, not realizing how strongly she would react to this.”
Applejack was agape. “You gave her an impossible test? YOU drove her to suicide?” The others gasped at Applejack’s incrimination, but Celestia didn’t show the least signs of anger.
“Yes…in a way… After the ‘want it need it’ incident, I’ve always been concerned about Twilight’s stress resilience. Over the time, she seemed to be improving in this aspect, so I planned this stressful event out for her to cope with. I thought she would sail through this tempest with friendship and learn to handle such stress, but I terribly misjudged her situation… It’s all my fault…”
“Um…girls? I found something…” Fluttershy took notice of a parchment on the writing stand. She suddenly gave a small squeak, “It’s her note…” Celestia brought the note in front of her with her telekinesis. As she read on, her body began to tremble in emotional pain.
“No…you were wrong, my dear Twilight.” Tear marks spread on the parchment. “You did better than the best professors in Canterlot College could, certainly more than enough to pass your test. I was indeed unhappy that you hurt your friends’ feelings, but that was all because how much my words must have broken you…” She took in her magic aura the photo of her and Twilight smiling together, pressing it against her heart, “I will never forget you… Oh…my poor, poor Twilight…” Her suppressed sobbing joined that of the rest.

Dear Princess Celestia,
Now I know what went wrong. I’m the one who is to blame. I have dug my own grave.
I was too ambitious, not realizing the limits of my intellect. Like Icarus, I tried to reach for the stars, only losing everything I worked hard for.
I am, after all the friendship lessons, still a flawed, unsociable, selfish pony. Now I have lost my friends.
There is only one way left for me. Soon everypony will be better off with me gone.
Princess, I know you must be very disappointed at me, and I know I deserve this. Please, forget me; find a new protégé, somepony who is more worthy of your patronage.
The library can be handed back to the town hall. The Elements of Harmony are in a chest on my bookshelf. My savings—about 300 bits and some gems—can be found in the chest beside my bed. Give them to Spike.
I need somepony to watch over Spike. Rarity or Fluttershy will probably accept him.
Please forgive me for what I’m about to do.
Your faithful stu ex-student,
Twilight Sparkle

Author's Note:

Motivated by my heavy studying (at least in the past), my suicidal tendencies, several suicide cases in my high school, and this anonymous poem written on the side of a staircase in Carnegie Mellon University:
(http://thetartan.org/2012/12/3/forum/mentalhealth)

If you're feeling like a jerk
'Cause your project just won't work
Go ahead and take the leap
Then you'll finally get some sleep.

Wrote this to vent. Didn't work. Oh well.

Borrowed some paragraphs from this http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8666246/1/Sparkle-Suicide

Comments

[Hurgusburgus]

Oh wow.

[SuperGiantRobot]

NO.

[Jphyper]

I don't get it. This isn't enough to push Twilight over the edge. The emotional progression in the first chapter is rushed and the emotion in the second chapter is cheesy. I'm pretty sure this isn't how it works. I fail to see how she could possibly interpret "relax and enjoy your friends" as "you're a total failure and don't deserve to live". No matter how she feels, she wouldn't brush her friends off like that. Even if she did, she'd try to fix it right away instead of doing this.

Last time this happened, she didn't try to suicide. All she did was enchant a doll.

I suggest you try writing stories that are lighter in tone. Not only does this not seem to be your strong suit, but I notice that both your stories are about the same subject. I'm no psychological expert, but I'm pretty sure writing about nothing but suicide is not healthy for you. For your next story, you should try Comedy, Ramdon, and/or Slice of Life. Dr. Jphyper's orders

(*okay, I'm not really a doctor, but still...)

[Private Riften Guard]

I hate that spider on my wall, he just sits there like he pays rent

[SuperGiantRobot]

2192718

How do you know he isn't? Maybe the cheque just hasn't reached you yet.

Anyway, it's not like parties all night or anything.

[themanesix]

jpyper's right, Twi would go crazy over this, but it ultimately falls short of pushing her this far. To be fair this was a tough concept. This kind of emotional break can be a great story, but what this ultimately comes down to is Twilight's experiences and her friends. She would be distraught but with the importance she puts on friendship now and the fact that her friends would physically intervene if needed....ehh

[Celestias Paladin]

2192766
Spike would tell Rarity and Celestia, Rarity would tell the others and Celestia would grab Shining and Cadence.

[punzil504]

*hugs the author*

[GetJinxed]

[Iron Nebula]

Right in the feels. In a good way. Twilight gets dangerously obsessive very easily, so I can actually see this happening. Personally though, I could do with more Celestia-angst.

[Mineingcreeper11]

Ow.

[Wages of Sin]

Yup, that was awesome. Most writers go for the happy "saved just in time" ending, I applaud you for going the whole way with this. The more I read the more I dreaded the possibility this would have one of those types of endings, so once again, thanks for the great story.

(Personally I think a kitchen knife would have fit better in context)

[cherylee]

This story was good it made me tear up a little bit reading the note great story

[furrypony]

So before I reply individually I'd like to clarify something. I know this is not that much bad that Twilight had only one way out, but Twilight wasn't in the best of minds when she decided to kill herself. She was seriously stressed, sleep-deprived, and self-secluded. Also, in my headcanon, Twilight has some form of depression (mild dysthymia or cyclothymia), which seriously affects her thinking when she is under stress.

Throughout the series, Twilight has been showing signs of psychological issues. She is very likely to be mildly maniac, concerning her behavior near the end in "Swarm of the Century", "Feeling Pinkie Keen", "Lesson Zero", "It's About Time". In "Lesson Zero", "A Bird In the Hoof", she demonstrated a vivid imagination for worst case scenarios. She may also have OCD, concerning her extreme sense of order (for example, in "Spike At Your Service", she was scared when Applejack moved her extra-extra ink bottle). In "The Crystal Empire - Part 2", it was shown that her worse fear was to fail her study and be abandoned by Princess Celestia, which is exactly what appeared to be happening in this story.

Depression can greatly increase the likelihood of suicide, as statistics has shown. When in a depressive state, the mind is prone to making misjudgments and irrational decisions. It is also noted that most cases of suicide are impulsive. To quote Erwin Stengel, "Most people, in committing a suicidal act, are just as muddled as when they do anything important under emotional stress. Carefully planned acts of suicide are as rare as carefully planned acts of homicide." Indeed, a frequent reaction to suicide is "That's not worth dying for." But, as one anon said, "It seemed like a good idea... at the time."

OK, with that out of the way...

2192713
"This isn't enough to push Twilight over the edge."
I hope what I said above can give you an idea of my thought on this issue.
I'm sorry you felt that the emotion progression was rushed; I'll try to make the progression more developed next time.
Thank you for caring about my mental health, but I just like to think about death and depressing stuffs. It certainly doesn't help curing my depression, but I'm not trying to change that.

2192766
I know my story has a lot lacking, but several days ago when I thought about this idea, I did an extensive search and only found one fanfic about Twilight Sparkle committing suicide, so I thought better write a mediocre one than not write one at all. I gave my story some serious thought, revised the plot for several times before deciding on this one. I did my best as a newbie, non-native writer.
(Fun fact: in my search for suicide ponyfic, I have found Scootaloo suicide, Spike suicide, Pinkie Pie suicide, Fluttershy suicide, and TONS OF Rainbow Dash suicide. What's more, the pegasus either used falling from great height or hanging herself, both of which require extreme willpower to close her wings shut)

2192981
Thankyou... I'm so happy... *hugs back*

2193001
2193446
2195162
2196743
I'm glad you enjoyed it... Sometimes it feels good to cry a bit...

2193181
That was what I had in mind: Twilight getting dangerously obsessive, then tragedy ensues. But what is "Celestia-angst"?

2193965
Your comment is my personal favorite. I absolutely HATE it when a "saved just in time" ending happens (unfortunately, about half of the suicide ponyfics I found have this trope), and I'll probably never use that, because I'm a sucker for downer fic.
I know the dread. I felt exactly the same way when I was watching "Dr. Strangelove", fearing that the film would go for "apocalypse averted in the last minute". I was overjoyed when the world was doomed mercilessly in the ending! (morbid euphoria)
Kitchen knife? I guess the choice of weapon doesn't really matter. Much more ridiculous suicide methods have been used: swallowing coins/gold bars/underwear; injecting peanut butter/mayonnaire/paraffin; piercing heart with corkscrew/darning needle; hugging stoves; etc etc.

[themanesix]

2197068
wow...ok then. I can appreciate your effort and I concede your point. Apologies if I came across as too picky.

[Iron Nebula]

2197068
Princess Celestia being way more upset at Twilight's death, especially since she feels responsible. Like, Nightmare Flare-grade upset. You ever read The Empty Room, or Breaking Twilight? Yeah, like that. Celestia-angst.

[MidnightTwister]

2218459 Oh... Makes sense why she didn't use it now.

[furrypony]

2193965

Oh and BTW, here's some information I found about types of weapons used by suicidal cutting/stabbing:

In Sweden, kitchen knives were used in about 1/3, razor blades in another 1/3, and other knives in 1/5 of cutting and stabbing suicides. There is similar data from Japan, where the same three categories accounted for 78% of cutting and stabbing suicides.
The length and shape of the wound track usually give a good, but not infallible, reflection of the weapon used. Obviously a wide blade cannot make a narrow wound track, but a slim blade is certainly capable of expanding a narrow cut into a wider one. Similarly, and 4-inch blade cannot make an 8-inch-deep cut, but an 8-inch knife can easily make a shallower cut by the simple expedient of not thrusting to the hilt. It is possible for the track to be an inch or more longer than the blade: It the thrust is made with enough force, it will compress the body. This was the situation in a fatal stabbing in the heart with a small pocketknife.

[Xaldon Ajide]

I found this story morbidly hilarious, though it's premace is quite similar to one of the ones i'm going to be writing soon(2weeks-1year)

[furrypony]

2394377

You know, for sharpening quills. See below.
Reference
flick.com/~liralen/quills/smtools.jpg

(BTW, I didn't think about this when I wrote this, and now it makes perfect sense! thank you for pointing this out.)

Fridge Brilliance.

[furrypony]

2491315
1. From Geo Stone's Suicide and Attempted Suicide, which I consulted extensively while writing this:

A cut-throat wound most often causes death by hemorrhage. Severing either the left or right carotid artery or the nearby jugular vein will cause fatal blood loss within about 5 min. Since blood flows into the head via carotids, unconsciousness might occur a couple of minutes after cutting one; perhaps a minute or two longer if the jugular veins are sliced instead.

2. Consult this comment. 2395508

[Metroid Prime]

YESSSS!!!!!

LET THEIR BE BLOOD!!!!!

[Legiondude]

Motivated by my heavy studying

I'm still in the college circuit, so I could really tell

[LordOfTheField]

What was the math problem that Celestia gave Twilight? Fermat's last theorem?

[furrypony]

3692530
Archimedes' Cattle Problem
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Archimedes'_cattle_problem

[Deltafire34]

When things become such a distress, dont worry one step puts everything to rest.

[CrossoverFanficReader]

4147456
(im sorry, i'm jumping on the bandwagon)
A broken mirror
A bleeding fist
A silver blade against a wrist
Tears falling down to lips unkissed
Ignore her and she won't exist
She's not the kind you'll come to miss

[V8]

10138447
10 years later, she resurrected, just like Micheal De Santa.