Navy Vet working IT, I usually write about whatever inspires me.
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All her life she has had responsibilities and high expectations of her as the personal student of Princess Celestia. For most of her life she was pushed by her family and pushed by herself far beyond the limits of any unicorn short of the great Starswirl the Bearded, but is it too much?
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I have to admit, when i read the description i thought this was gonna be a badly written story that is going for shock value like all the suicide fics i have read on this site, but i actually liked this story, i liked the way you show Twilight going to meet her friends to say goodbye without them realizing what Twilight plans to do, hell i liked almost everything in this story except for these two lines.
But that is because Pinkie also tried to kill herself and got help from a doctor in the hospital, a doctor that from the way Pinkie talks also helped other ponies who tried to kill themselves, hell if suicide was that rare then Pinkie's attempted suicide would have been all over the news to the point where i doubt Twilight would not have heard about it but i guess i am just nitpicking.
P.S:Are you gonna do a sequel to this story? Because i would love to see how the rest of her friends react when they learn that she tried to kill herself and that they did not notice, i would also like to see how her family and the princess would deal with the fact that she tried to kill herself, especially Spike's reaction since Twilight has been with him since his birth.
Well. I'm going to try and regain the color in my face...
Great story! And well-written as well!
It seems rather strange that Twilight would opt for a rope.
She has a well-stocked alchemy laboratory right in the house - it would`ve been a child`s play for her to mix herself something to to to sleep and never wake up again from.
Very touching and gripping story here. Any chance for a sequel? I think it could be interesting to see Twilight's visits to the doctor and how she attempt to rebuild her life.
The fact that this is based on your own experiences gives it a... darker tone, if that's the right word. English isn't my main language so sometimes it's hard to express myself.
2026514
.
.or Applebloom and Scootaloo stalking Twilight because they do not want to deal with the death of another loved one,especially if it is because of a suicide)hell,just they learning that ponies can or try to kill themselves without them noticing is already a good idea for a story.
At least your english is better than mine
But anyway,if there is a sequel i would prefer to see how the others will react after learning that she tried to kill herself,undoubtdely they will blame themselves for not noticing anything,especially Spike because he lives with Twilight,Rarity because Twilight was talking about being gone and entrusting Spike to her and yet she did not notice,Applejack because she gave the rope that Twilight used to almost kill herself and Princess Celestia after realizing that she was giving so much work and pressure to Twilight that this happened.
Hell,i even want to see how everyone treats the CMC,i want to see if they avoid telling them what happened or their reaction after being told that one of their adult friends tried to kill herself(probably either trying to gain a cutie mark related to suicide through Twilight
2024773 You found the two lines i had the hardest time with, and for me that's pretty much how it happened. Also, suicide is a serious thing and not many talk about it in Equestria, i tried to imply that
.2025980 i figured chems was anti-climatic, plus the story Pinkie told just came out of the left field, so i think overall this way is better.
2026514 2026654 a squeal is possible but ill have to brainstorm on how to do it properly.
2027097
To be fair,those two lines were really the only thing i didnt like because the ending made it seem that suicide was really not that uncommon but now i see it is just because i didnt get the meaning,but really,you would think that since suicide is a very serious thing it would be discussed and not fall into such obscurity that Twilight,a mare that spent all her life reading scientific books,some of which were probably social sciences,has never heard of suicide.
Also i just want to say that even if there is no sequel this is a pretty good one-shot and it stands well by itself,although it makes me want to read what happens next.
P.S:Have you ever heard of Kamen Rider Wizard?(the guy in my avatar),it is a series where monsters are created through the bodies of people with magic potential,more specifically people who after losing all hope in life killed themselves and then are replaced by a monster that retains their memories and can change beetween monster and human form...yeah,every single monster in that series was pretty much born out of suicide,and since the villain has a cliched plot of replacing mankind with monsters(or so it seems,they havent really explained what the villains objective is),the series is pretty much monsters finding people with magic potential and ruining their lives and destroying pretty much anything that keeps them going in life,for example,in one case a monster tries to make an 8 year old boy lose all hope in life(the show talks a lot about hope) by trying to kill the boys parents while saying that it is all the boys fault.(long story short,the monster gets to both parents and gives them such a beating that they end up going to the hospital and need to go to surgery from which they may die,while kid is in the same room as his parents the monster appears to kill them in front of him,hero appears and they have a kickass fight because this series has really good fights and kills the monster)
I just ask because the show is about a guy fighting monsters born through suicide while trying to stop other people from killing themselves.
This is good. I'm not really sure what to say. I do have a complaint, however.
Please try to fix up the tenses. For the most part, you are in present tense, but a few times you switch to past.
I have never gotten so low as to think the unthinkable but I would be lying if I didn't say I had gotten to a very low point in life. But then something happened. I found happiness again. In a place I least expected. MLP and the brony community. It was thanks to them that I found happiness and I felt that Life still had much to offer. So thanks you to all Bronies. Who knows where my life could have been at had I not come across you guys. Thanks
drop the tragedy tag. none of the main characters died. yes it is sad and depressing to all hell but the ending is too happy to require the tragedy tag. Now if twilight died or she killed pinki for saving her then It would be a tragedy.
2027097
The problem is that rope is out of character for Twilight. Given that ponies don`t seem to practice public executions by hanging, and haven`t done so in a while, there`s no way for her to get the idea. Applejack might`ve had that idea, since she uses the lasso often and would be familiar with the fact it can strangle if thrown around the neck, but Twilight is likely not to think about it unless hinted to.
Twilight`s most likely resort, as I already mentioned, would be poison. Or possibly some kind of magical action (but that`s a card blanc as is).
2029437>>2029167 Good news! I was mulling it over and decided to make some alternate endings that way everyone is happy.
2027413 Are you talking about when she is referencing the past? if shes talking about the past then of course it's past tense. other than that i'm sorry, i thought i got them all. you should have seen it before i edited lol
2032534 No, there are a few other times.
Could should be can
Remained should be remains and was should be am.
I think that is it for wrong tense, but you also missed a capital at some point.
Sorry if it seems rude that I am pointing these out, but improper grammar really bothers me.
I hope you feel better.
you know this feeling that you wrote down for Twilight is usually how i feel every single day. Thing is though, I can't even cry, try as I might the tears won't come. I admit i have thought about suicide but there's to many things I want to do and see. I keep telling myself that everyday that goes by, it will get better....
2032605 Thanks, i usually write in past tense so this presented a bit of a challenge
2039789. I know it might be hard, but I myself am now seeing a therapist and she wants me to start writing down all the thoughts and feelings i experienced during the most traumatic events of my life. ironically, she told me this a few days after i wrote this, then i told her i wrote this story and she encourages more. so i suggest writing about your own hardships like i have done, and seek a therapist at the very least.
2043895 In truth, I don't really have any true dramatic experiences. It's just that I'm usually alone, and I can't be alone. I'm kind of like a herd of horses or a pack of wolves, I need company...ya know? It's just hard to find company that I feel comfortable with because in the past I have had so many "friends" who have turned their backs on me. Truthfully, if it wasn't for MLP FIM, my dog, music, and writing, I don't know what I would do. They are the things that I turn to when everything goes wrong. I'm kinda like you, I write stories to let out my emotions. and Thanks very much for the advice, but at the moment the only therapist I can have right now is my dog. Which works because I can pour everything out and know that she wont be able to say anything to anyone.
Dayum this was chilling, really captured the emotion. Awesome writing skills right there, man.
Since this is based on your own experience... I hope everything's alright. :c
Your story is much better than mine. The progression is much smoother, and Twilight's emotional pain is much more believable. Although I was kind of disappointed when Twilight got rescued. I certainly was hoping for her to succeed in killing herself.
I wrote my story also as an emotional outlet, based on my feelings. As a top student (or rather, used to be a top student until a few months ago), I have spent all my past 17 years over books, especially those on physics and math. But now I'm just so sick and tired of them (a long story), I haven't touched a physics book for months.
I'm thinking about suicide a lot, and I was chilled when I found the exact thoughts going through Twilight's mind.
2239372fret not, I'm taking tomorrow as a writing day to finish the epilogue and add deleted scenes, such as the different ways she could have killed herself.
2243230
Take your time. I'm awaiting the day you finish with bated breath.
interesting alt endings
I guess, um well not bad definantly deserves the dark tag
are you going to continue the main though? that sounded like it could get good
I wouldn't mind seeing how the main storyline plays out. It looks like dash might also have some hidden issues, which defiantly intrigues me
I vote for main story to continue too, although the first two alternate endings are interesting too(the third is not very interesting to me because i am pretty much tired of evil Twilight stories by now, seriously, it seems that when most people want one of the main six to be evil, they pick Twilight)
The main story had something going for it. would be neat to see that go on.
2285554>>2285495>>2285475 The main story will end here, because really, i could write an entire chapter of boring therapy that could easily be summed up in a paragraph
2285356 Sorry, one of the comments mentioned something about Twilight being more angry toward Pinkie, and I saw it as a plausible alt ending. Granted I probably did go a bit over the top but whatever.
Also, I plan on doing each chapter as a short story for various ponies and their attempted suicides, they will be basically telling Twilight that she's not alone much like how Pinkie told Twilight. So far I have ideas for Fluttershy, Rainbow, Applejack, and Princess Celestia.
2286457
That's too bad. I was looking forward to seeing celestias reaction, as well as what dash's problem was
2286642 *Facehoof* you didn't read my entire comment. I am writing their stories but the story will no longer focus on first person Twilight.
2286689
Oh wow, I feel like a complete idiot now. I guess I burned my brain out studying for midterms.
Certainly didn't expect more chapters
Small thing though, dragged is the past tense of drag, rather than drug
Anyways, Onwards and upwards~
It sounds strange, but I enjoyed reading the extra chapters, except alt ending 3. Sorry, but I really hate it when Twilight goes to the dark side.
The Day After gave me quite a scare. I think I'm going to avoid mental haspitals as much as possible.
The alt ending 2 was very in-character, considering Twilight was a scholarly pony. In fact, I thought that given a bit more time, she would attempt to make a simple "exit bag" and fill it with nitrogen (assuming that she had some compressed Oxigen Free Nitrogen in her basement lab) to achieve inert gas asphyxiation.
Some relevant statistical data: about 3% of male and 6.5% of female US physicians’ deaths in 1986 were suicides; 35% of premature deaths among physicians were due to suicide; suicide is the leading cause of death for physicians under 40 years old; and the suicide rate for psychiatrists is almost twice that for other doctors.
Also, a typo:
should be "skull of a pony"
And why did you start using past tense in the very last paragraph?
2291890 because first person present is only from Twilights perspective, and I decided third person past for spike and the other characters because I was tired of going through everything for accidental past tense words.
Sad face.
Applejack's reaction really makes this alternate ending work.
Heck, it would make a pretty good first chapter for a story which focusses on the rest of the cast in the wake of such an event.
2286689 hope you continue this soon
I really enjoyed this story, it's fairly well written and does its job to evoke an emotional response. The ending with Dash not understanding despite going through something similar was a very nice touch, given the way Twilight went through something similar toward herself with the old pony in the hospital.
My only gripe is, and maybe this is a case of Real life is unrealistic but, the whole thing feels very fast in the second chapter. The first did a really good job of showing how the stress had been building over time and reaching a breaking point, but the turnaround over the course of one day feels a little too sudden.
All though the second ending was very powerful because of Applejacks response, I'm not sure why the multiple endings were necessary.
3088936 looking back I could have done more self reflection while she was in the hospital but at the time of writing it I just wanted to push it out. The alternate endings was me playing with ideas suggested in the comments
3089151 I personally liked the story and the alternate endings. I wanted to give Twilight a hug though, and Pinkie.
If you happen to continue with the others, I'll look out for them... I wonder why they would try to kill themselves though... suicide is a terrible thing.
And reading that the main story was based off of your own experience.... you need a hug too. *hugs*
It's a coward way out you have no idea how many lives you destroy yours then everyone else's lives implodes because they see you for the first minute of every day,only to realise your no longer there.
This was a great read, i never knew these kinds of things were so universal... I will say its pretty accurate to what i went through too.
anyway thats all!
"Pinkie!!? How the buck did you get into my house!!?
2243230
The different ways she could have killed herself!!? You are one sick fuck!!!...and I love that!!!
Did.... You write alternate ways for twilight to commit suicide?
That's fucked up.
*le sigh* nothing against you, but the death-by-hanging trope is kinda overdone don't ya think?
9710949 I guess death-by-strangulation-while-masturbating is more 'in' these days but I don't think that would fit with the theme of the story.
9711439
eh, i'b say it's 'out' rather then 'in' (GET IT?). But i was thinking along the lines of something more painless, like OD'ing on Nyquil, or some other sort of sleeping meds.
7648149
My mother tried to commit suicide, everyone said it was selfish, but I still support her.
Nothing changed, in fact she still gets treated like shit, maybe more so now. She attempted to run away, but people dont change, we all begged her to come back, we were devastated every time, and then it just went back to s#@%. Despite everything, I now have a little sister, and I know that between the two of us we can help her. Sorry for the rant, but I too have contemplated suicide, and known how it feels.
Beat part is they never put a magic blocker on twilight, so at literally any point she could just teleport out of the hospital and there would be fuck all anyone could do about it
>last updated in 2013
>"on hiatus"
damn