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Yet Another Mask

Joined December 2011
209 followers

Groups

Stories (4)

  • Retired to Equestria
    Retirement has never been this much fun

    110,768 words · 8,776 views · 832 likes · 21 dislikes
  • Scootaloo's Secret
    Why is Scootaloo always an orphan? Let's give her a family for once shall we?
    4,364 words · 3,627 views · 114 likes · 2 dislikes
  • How She Does it
    Pinkie tries to tell Tiwlight how she does what she does
    2,209 words · 1,519 views · 126 likes · 3 dislikes
  • Project Harmony
    Celestia meets with her superiors
    2,270 words · 406 views · 24 likes · 8 dislikes

Blog Posts (2)


Retiring isn't always easy.  Especially when your job title is Evil Overlord.  Most of the time retirement from that particular position comes on the sharp end of an opportunistic hero's sword.  But Damien didn't survive the past six centuries by playing by the rules.  His retirement plans involve running.  Running from his country, his continent, and his very universe to escape Fate's long reach.  And what better place to run to in an attempt to live peacefully than the utopian land of Equestria?

Currently being edited by the ever amazing Frederick the Saiyan.

Since I've had a number of comments on this I figure I should clear it up here.  This is not a crossover witht he overlord game series.  Note the lack of a crossover tag.

<subtle hint>I am open to submissions for a better title image</subtle hint>

First Published
29th Jan 2012
Last Modified
21st Nov 2012

Comments ( 677 )

#1 · Chapter 1 · 137w, 3d ago · · ·

Very, Very good first chapter. I really enjoyed it, no problems as far as I can tell. You wrote it really well, good premise, good characters, good story. All very enjoyable too.

Keep up the good work, I would love to read more of this story :heart:

#2 · Chapter 1 · 137w, 3d ago · · ·

Only thing that caught my eye was this line:

"'How does she even know you’re watching her?' the woman asked confusedly."

"Confusedly" just doesn't sound right, maybe something like "asked in a confused manner" or "quizzically", possibly even "the women questioned, hints of confusion evident in her voice".  That was the only thing that I can remember making me twitch.

Also, interesting premise, I mean, how hard must it be for a villain to retire, heroes carry all sorts of weird grudges.

#3 · Chapter 1 · 137w, 3d ago · 1 · ·

An evil overlord moves to Equestria for his retirement and shape-shifts into a Griffon? If this isn't the coolest plot ever, I don't know what is :pinkiegasp:

-Glassed

7-4
#4 · Chapter 1 · 137w, 3d ago · · ·

Something about this just clicks. Like, this is the fic I was destined to find and read. I don't get that feeling about alot of first chapters, but if you don't update within the next month I WILL FIND YOU AND DESTROY YOUR ETERNAL SOUL- I mean send you cookies.:rainbowwild::heart: (I still want a Gilda emoticon)

#5 · Chapter 1 · 137w, 3d ago · · ·

Glad to see that everyone is likin' it so far.  I honestly didn't expect to get so many positive comments so quickly.

The second chapter is already written so i just need to read through it a couple dozen times over the next day or two to make sure I catch all the errors I can.

#6 · Chapter 1 · 137w, 3d ago · 1 · ·

Evil overlord who survived 6 centuries? Must be the damned author of the Evil Overlord's handbook.:rainbowlaugh:

Well you certainly have my attention, this looks like it could be a lot of fun!

#7 · Chapter 1 · 137w, 3d ago · · ·

my lord teach me your dark ways:pinkiehappy::pinkiecrazy:

#8 · Chapter 1 · 137w, 3d ago · · ·

I found a few mistakes

"But are you sure you can pull of a Rainboom so close to the ground?" - of should be off

"I am the best flyer in Equestria after all" - flyer should be flier

"She as tall and inhumanly thin" - as should be was

"He had tired that before and it didn’t work." - tired should be tried

#9 · Chapter 1 · 137w, 2d ago · · ·

♫♥I look forward to reading what happens next in your story♥♪

#10 · Chapter 2 · 137w, 1d ago · · ·

Fantastic! Please, continue, if you'd care to.

7-4
#11 · Chapter 2 · 137w, 1d ago · · ·

Continue OR ELSE THE EYES WILL CATCH YOU AND SCOUR YOUR MIND. They are watching you. They see you. SEEING YOU.

#12 · Chapter 2 · 137w, 1d ago · · ·

I really like Damien! :rainbowkiss: It's not that often I find myself grown on a character as quickly as Damien :pinkiehappy:

-Glassed

#13 · Chapter 2 · 137w, 1d ago · 1 · ·

Really liking the concept here.  It is a fun look into a villain's retirement. :rainbowlaugh:

#14 · Chapter 2 · 137w, 22h ago · · ·

I love it :pinkiehappy:

Also, you put pagasus instead of pegasus in the last sentence.

#15 · Chapter 2 · 137w, 2h ago · · ·

fantastic  

#16 · Chapter 2 · 136w, 6d ago · · ·

I love this story, moar plz :derpytongue2:

#17 · Chapter 3 · 136w, 6d ago · · ·

I LIKE IT

#18 · Chapter 3 · 136w, 6d ago · · ·

Damien's my kind of Griffon, great character and great story so far :heart:. I look forward to reading more.

#19 · Chapter 3 · 136w, 6d ago · · ·

A game of manticore and pony is a-hoof.  :pinkiegasp:

#20 · Chapter 4 · 136w, 4d ago · · ·

ʸᵃʸ :heart:

#21 · Chapter 4 · 136w, 3d ago · · ·

Damien is really growing on me. I'm enjoying the hell out of this.

7-4
#22 · Chapter 4 · 136w, 2d ago · 1 · ·

Right. This line made me almost die from laughter.

There aren't any herpes trying to kill you here.

And I forgot my generic threat to get you to update.


They are always watching you. They know you. They see you. They saw you. They own you. Do you see them? I see them? They see you, how can you not see them? They are always watching you. I have always seen them.

You will see them if you do not update. And trust me. There are things you do not need to see in this world.

(I still want my dang Gilda emoticon)

#23 · Chapter 5 · 136w, 2d ago · 1 · ·

This was an awesome chapter! Lets break it down. :rainbowdetermined2:

1. first time Damian does magic as a griffon

2. He does the magic to take a picture of 2 ponies and a griffon in a precarious position

3. Later, He punches Gilda Right in the face!:yay:

:heart::heart::heart::heart::heart:

#24 · Chapter 5 · 136w, 2d ago · · ·

I'm rather curious about how Twilight will react when she realizes Damien used magic.

#25 · Chapter 5 · 136w, 2d ago · · ·

Damien is a total badass :pinkiegasp:

I know he was a dark overlord, but dauwmn! :rainbowkiss:

-Glassed

#26 · Chapter 5 · 136w, 2d ago · · ·

I really like the concept, but I worry that he won't really try to stay in retirement. I mean yes he can do all these things but those are indicative of evil overlord/extraplanar traveler that will draw attention to him self. His use of magic and other non-traditional actions can be contributed to the lack of scryable griffins in the area but he still either a) avoid drawing attention to him self or b) have a confrontation with lunas task force. It would be a real shame if this  turned from evil overlord wanting a relaxing retirement and shenanigans occuring to him trying to take over the world or what ever his goals were where he came from. But hey that's just me and you are the one actually writing the story while I sit back in a armchair and pontificate from it.

#27 · Chapter 5 · 136w, 2d ago · · ·

>>193255

Don't worry, Damien is staying retired this time. Luna and Celestia would end up curbstomping him if he tried anything anyway.

#28 · Chapter 5 · 136w, 2d ago · · ·

Wow this story is awesome :D I really how you use gilda as a plot device so that damien can be awesome :D

#29 · Chapter 5 · 136w, 2d ago · · ·

Awesome as always, but...

"unto your house" - Did you mean into?

"Gilda strained against Twilight’s magic as she tried t make her way towards Pinkie" - to

"your concussion should go way shortly" - away

:twilightsmile:

#30 · Chapter 5 · 136w, 1d ago · · ·

>>194657

Aaaaannnnnnnnd fixed!  Thank you for yet again finding all the spots where I messed up

#31 · Chapter 5 · 136w, 20h ago · · ·

♫♥I look forward to reading what happens next in your story♥♪

#32 · Chapter 5 · 135w, 6d ago · · ·

The new dark overlord demands to see more of what happened to the old dark overlord:pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiecrazy:

(PS: great story)

#33 · Chapter 6 · 135w, 6d ago · 2 · ·

"She put her hoof to her chin ass he pondered" Hahahahahahahaha :rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh: Oh, oh my stomach! :rainbowkiss:

Such a simple little typo, yet so incredibly funny :rainbowlaugh:

Carrots? THE HORROR! :fluttershbad:

-Glassed

#34 · Chapter 6 · 135w, 6d ago · · ·

"But most off all they were only used and useable by unicorns." - Did you mean of?

"To make things worse she unlike when a unicorn used their magic she couldn’t sense anything when he used the satchel." - Remove the first she

#35 · Chapter 6 · 135w, 6d ago · · ·

I saw a few really, really small errors in this. I suggest reading it aloud to yourself and fixing anything that sounds bad before posting it, that's how I catch most my own mistakes. Other than that? New track and favorite here. Can't wait to see where this goes :pinkiehappy:

#36 · Chapter 6 · 135w, 4d ago · · ·

Yet another entertaining chapter my good fellow, it appears as if this Damien enjoys a good head game or two.  :trollestia:

#37 · Chapter 7 · 135w, 3d ago · · ·

Oh boy, new chapter! *squee* :pinkiehappy:

#38 · Chapter 7 · 135w, 2d ago · · ·

We need more Damien :rainbowlaugh: Oh how I love that guy, ALL HOMO! :rainbowlaugh::pinkiehappy:

Gilda is coming along nicely I see :twilightsmile:

-Glassed

#39 · Chapter 7 · 135w, 1d ago · · ·

Damion has REALLY grown on me at this point. Nice to see Gilda given some character growth as well but...I can't lie I'm here for awesome Damion hijinks. That or awesome dark magics. Really I'm fine either way :pinkiehappy:

#40 · Chapter 8 · 135w, 10h ago · 3 · ·

Damian destroyer of smoke alarms

#41 · Chapter 8 · 135w, 9h ago · · ·

This chapter was brillaint. Good humour and good additions to the story, I loved it :heart:. I look forward to reading more.

#42 · Chapter 7 · 135w, 9h ago · · ·

"Gilda may not have tried to do anything in the marketplace where there were witnesses but maybe she would do something now that the two of them were alone." - You have two spaces after this sentence

"Gilda glanced at the ground before muttering, “fine." - Should there be a capital letter here?

"She briefly considered telling Lyra about Damien as thought back to her meeting with Twilight" - Y U MISS WORD

"He had come in here to aquifer a simple cloak" - What does this mean? :derpytongue2:

"Now he was being fitted for a cloak the Atinian Emperors would have donned at the height of their power and wealth!" - There's two spaces after this sentence, too

You're also missing a lot of commas :twilightangry2:

#43 · Chapter 8 · 135w, 9h ago · · ·

"I was going to know on the door!" - knock

He FUS RO DAH'd the smoke detectors! :pinkiehappy:

#44 · Chapter 7 · 135w, 8h ago · · ·

>>223323

"Gilda glanced at the ground before muttering, “fine." - Should there be a capital letter here?

Actually no.  Since the non-dialogue portion of the sentence ends with a verb pertaining to the dialogue, in this case muttering, the dialogue is considered part of the larger sentence and not a new one in it's own right.

It's like how you don't capitalize he in: "That's nice," he said.  Just reversed.

#45 · Chapter 8 · 135w, 7h ago · 1 · ·

Smoke detectors: can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em.

#46 · Chapter 8 · 135w, 7h ago · · ·

>>223368

Ah, okay. I wasn't sure :derpytongue2:

#47 · Chapter 4 · 135w, 7h ago · · ·

...the p and the o are right next to each other.

#48 · Chapter 8 · 134w, 6d ago · 1 · ·

smoke detector, my old arch-nemesis :trixieshiftleft:

#49 · Chapter 9 · 134w, 4d ago · · ·

Lol, Damian is such a smart cookie!:trollestia:

#50 · Chapter 9 · 134w, 4d ago · · ·

Should've know Damien would be genre savvy

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