Retired to Equestria

by Yet Another Mask

Chaos Begins

“You’ve been visiting me every night for the last two weeks. Why?” Damien asked as yet another memory played out before him.

“Thou art entertaining and we enjoy your presence,” Luna responded with a smile as the memory of the day Damien was declared to be a hero of Moorehead played out around them.

Damien grimaced as the memory played on. Of course Spring would have declared him a hero alongside Martin. She had loved to get under his skin. He had paid her back in full whenever he could though so it wasn’t all bad. “How do you enjoy my presence? I despise you and all you stand for! I’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned that several times.”

“Exactly!” Luna shouted. “Thy hate for us is not hidden behind a mask of politeness. Thou art frank with thy displeasure and do not hide it behind a courtly facade. You care not for protocol or rank, unlike far too many of the nobles that infest our court of late.”

Damien nodded at this. “Nobility,” he spat. “An inescapable plague that shows up everywhere, even across worlds.” He shook his head. “But you do realize that despite the openness of my distrust and dislike of you it is still just that. Distrust and dislike.”

Luna smiled. “But it is a distrust and dislike born not from our actions as Nightmare Moon but for being myself. Most of the ponies we meet fear that we will fall back to our old ways, that we are plotting something, that we are still the tyrant we tried to become. They tread lightly so as not to give the vengeful goddess a reason to hurt them or watch covertly to make sure we are not going to strike down our sister. We are surrounded by doubters and deceivers all wearing their courtly mask to hide their true feelings. All feelings stemming solely from my time as Nightmare Moon. They do not see our redemption as anything but a hoax. But thou dost not care for any of that. You see us as we are and not as we were. Thou hast no idea how much it means to us.”

Damien snorted. “You almost make it sound like we’re friends.”

Luna laughed. “Perhaps not in the way that you were with your old companions but perhaps as you were with Fate.”

Damien glared at her. “We were not friends.”

Luna shook her head slowly. “But thou were old enemies. Enemies that knew each other well enough to call upon the other with the same casual air a friend might have.”

Damien glared at her. “If you’re willing to accept something like that your standards are far too low. Go meet Twilight or some of the other elements. I’m sure they won’t turn you away. They’ll even like you!” He scowled as the dreamscape turned to another memory. One of Martin’s climactic battle against Aldred. “And why are you watching memories of my last retirement? They can’t be that interesting!”

“They are far less predictable than the ones of your time as overlord.” Luna waved a hoof and several images formed from the mist. “Hero receives quest to slay you.” Each image spoke to someone or heard something. “You receive news of their coming.” Each image shifted to Damien doing something, each one showed the same bored look on his face. “Each one has you face the hero and play into their trap.” The images showed Damien alternating between toying with the hero and going along with whatever their plan for killing him was. “Then you reveal that your countermeasures were already in place and they had chosen to step through the gates the moment they fought you.” Each hero died, in some cases rather painfully. “The same each time.” Luna sighed.

“Not all of them were the same,” Damien pouted.

Luna turned to face him. “It is true not all of them were as such. Would you like to relive the day you won the game?”

Damien’s eyes grew hard. “No.”

Luna smiled sadly as she returned to watching the memories flick by.

“Why do you keep letting us in?” she finally asked.

“Because if I didn’t you would do something else to try and get to me or you’d think I was starting to hide something.” He waved dismissively. “Besides, it gives me more time to familiarize myself with your soul. Keep these visits up and I might be able to craft spells specifically designed to defeat you in only eighty or ninety years.”

“But that would not help you against our sister,” Luna reminded him with a smirk.

“No but it would probably help me make your life miserable. How do you feel about waking to discover your coat is bright pink?”

Luna narrowed her eyes at him. “Thou would never dare-”

“Keep up these visits and we’ll find out in a century.” Damien smiled back sweetly.

Luna huffed and turned back to the dreamscape. “We have heard that several fillies and colts from Ponyville will be visiting the royal statue gardens tomorrow. You should go with them.”

Damien’s eyes widened. “Are you inviting me to the castle?” He shook his head in wonder at her silence. “You really are desperate for some form of companionship aren’t you? Well if those children are going to be there why not meet with them instead?” His eyes gleamed. “I’m sure the crusaders would have a blast meeting you and trying to get some sort of royalty related cutie mark.”

“They are the three fillies you have mentioned several times correct?” Luna looked around pensively. “Dost thou truly think they shall not fear me?”

Damien smirked. “Yeah. And if you can actually manage to drop the entire lapsing completely into old Canterlot when you’re nervous things’ll go even better.” He chuckled as he watched Luna sputter for a few moments.

“It is almost dawn,” she finally said.

“Yeah, yeah. Go tend to your deific duties and let a poor griffon get a few hours of actual sleep.” Damien waved her away dismissively.

Luna looked at him for several moments before smiling. “We thank you again for entertaining us this night.” She bowed deeply and dissolved into mist.

Damien shook his head and muttered, “at least she’s polite. Better than most other gods and goddesses I’ve met.” He yawned hugely as the dreamscape faded to a deep black and his form began to dissolve. “Now for some real rest,” he muttered as everything faded into the darkness.

<-[XXXXX]->

As usual it was a sunny and beautiful day in Ponyville as Gilda and Dash looped lazily through the air.

“There’s no way you can pull it off,” Gilda said for the twentieth time that day.

“Hey! I can do it! After all you’re looking at-”

“The only pegasus to pull off a Sonic Rainboom,” Gilda finished with a smirk. “I think that’s only the third time you’ve mentioned it this hour. Might be a new record.”

“Ha. Ha,” Dash deadpanned. “Like you never bragged.”

“Yeah, but not even I brag this much,” she returned with a grin.

“Whatever, you’re just jealous you can’t pull off a Sonic Rainboom,” Dash mock pouted.

Gilda smirked and smacked her on the back of her head. “You found out if the weather team needs anyone yet?”

Dash’s face fell slightly at this. “Yeah, we’re all full up right now. Cloud Kicker finally managed to straighten up and we’re back to meeting our quotas each day. Don’t need anyone new.” She looked apologetically at Gilda. “Sorry about that.”

“Nah, it’s fine. Damien’s been finding me odd-jobs when I need a little scratch. Pulling carts isn’t glamorous but it helps get me drinks. I’m just glad he set up the while vial of blood in exchange for room and board thing. Weird but what else can you expect from him?”

Gilda’s half-hearted acceptance was cut short as a cloud shot through the sky between them, sending them both twirling through the air. “What the buck was that?!” Gilda shouted as she glared after the cloud in question. Confusion quickly replaced anger as she got a good look at her attacker. “Is that cloud pink?”

“Yeah, I’ve never seen one like-” Dash stopped suddenly and pointed off to the distance. “Hey there are more of them!”

“The weather team has things under control eh dash?” Gilda quipped as she glared at the two groups of pink clouds.

“Don’t look at me! We didn’t have any clouds scheduled for today! And definitely not pink ones!” She glared around determinedly. “That group looks like it’s heading for Sweet Apple Acres. I’ll take care of it while you get rid of the ones around here.” She shot a glance and a grin to her friend. “Impress the right ponies with this and they’ll probably let you join the weather team.” With that each of them shot off after their respective quarries.

<-[XXXXX]->

“What the pit was that?!” Damien screamed as he picked himself up off of his knees. That… whatever it was had ripped right though his spell noise canceling wards like a battleax through a piece of waterlogged paper. He glared out the window in an attempt to see what had happened but was met with nothing unusual.

Seconds later another wave of magic ripped through his house and sent him back to his knees. Whatever was casting these spells was strong, far stronger than any creature had any right to be. Not even the gods and goddesses of his old home had wielded this much power. Worst of all what little he could tell about the spells seemed to hint at them being little more than casual conjurings. Cast with the same thought and effort he might give to a spell to keep his tea warm. Throwing around that sheer amount of magic like it was nothing…

He shuddered at the implications of the thought. Only to be stopped mid-shudder as yet another spell tore through his arcane senses, sending him to his knees as he writhed in pain. “That’s enough!” he screamed. Not even bothering to get up this time he began to chant as quickly as he could. The usual cloud of sigils formed in the air around him and quickly condensed to a single point that affixed itself to his forehead.

Just in time too. He felt another wave of magical energy rip through his house and crash against his new defenses. The spell still made him wince but at least he was still standing. He glared back outside and redoubled his defenses with another, more carefully cast, spell. When the next wave of magic came he still noticed it but it didn’t impair him in any way.
“These ponies must be blind and deaf to magic if they can’t feel this,” he muttered angrily to himself as he threw open his door to see what exactly was going on. He immediately stepped into a puddle of… chocolate milk? He leaned down to inspect the puddle in question just as a torrential downpour began over his head, soaking him in the brown liquid.

He didn’t have the emotion to rage at this latest development. Things were obviously going downhill from here and would likely only get worse. Grumbling angrily he cast a spell to clean himself off and headed right back inside, locking the door tightly behind him. Some days it didn’t pay to leave the house.

<-[XXXXX]->

Luna woke to find the castle in shambles. The guards had all been transformed, corrupted, or otherwise incapacitated. She raced through the corridors searching frantically for her sister. She winced as she felt the moon shoot into the sky only to be replaced by the sun within minutes.

She burst into the throne room with a resounding crash to the sight of her sister crumpled on the floor. “CELESTIA!” she shouted as she rushed over to her prone sister’s side. “WHO HAS DONE THIS TO YOU?”

Beneath her sister’s hooves Celestia slowly shook herself awake. “Luna? Could you tone it down a bit? No need to use the royal Canterlot voice with just the two of us,” she chuckled weakly.

“WH- Who did this to you sister?”

“You already know who it was Luna.” Celestia groaned as she slowly made her way to her hooves.

“But that’s impossible! We sealed Discord millennia ago! He couldn’t have escaped!”

“But he did. When Twilight and the others took up the elements they lost their connection to us. To us and to the spell that kept Discord sealed.” She shuddered and almost collapsed as she tried to make her way down the hall. “Twilight and her friends tried to stop him but they failed.”

“Then… is there no hope for us?”

“There’s still a chance. One chance left. But we can’t let Discord know about it. We need to distract him.” Celestia turned to her sister. “You’ll need to distract him.”

Luna reeled back in shock. “But... We are no match for Discord without the power of the elements to help. What can we possibly do to stop him?”

“It’ll be up to Twilight and her friends to stop Discord. You just need to distract him long enough for Twilight to get ready. He’s in Ponyville right now. Go there and… do what you can. Please.” Celestia had finally reached the long stairwell leading to her room, her room and her collection of personal treasures.

“We cannot simply abandon you! We must-”

“You must go to Ponyville and help me by distracting Discord! Do whatever it takes! I’ll be fine here.” She looked morosely at the stairs in front of her. Why did her room have to be at the top of a tower anyway? She grimaced and started making her slow way up the stairs before turning back to Luna. “GO!” she shouted, utilizing the royal Canterlot voice for the first time in centuries.

“Y-yes sister!” Luna stammered as she turned and galloped towards the window.

<-[XXXXX]->

Discord was having a blast. It had been millennia since he had had such fun. Been millennia since he could actually move too but that didn’t matter right now. All that mattered was the chaos! The glorious glorious chaos! He skated down the soap roads and pirouetted through the air as something caught his eye. He paused mid spin and mid-air to gaze curiously at the scene before him. It was a house. A simple ordinary house.

He glanced left and right at all the other houses on the street. Yes, they were all cardboard cutouts now. He smiled as he remembered that little bit of chaos. But this house was a normal three dimensional house. His eyes widened in surprise as he noticed that it even had grass on its lawn. Not the wonderful checkerboard pattern he had decided to use for these acres of Ponyville but normal boring ho-hum blah grass!

He was just about to snap his fingers and change it all to be like the rest when he reconsidered. Sure it was a normal drab little house now but it did clash beautifully with all the cardboard cutouts and checkerboard grass. In fact changing it now would make it the same as the others! Make it conform to them! Make it, he shuddered, ordered! Yes, it was better like this after all. But he couldn’t take credit for it though. Apparently somepony, probably a unicorn, had been strong enough to protect their little house from his magic and that just wouldn’t do.

He narrowed his eyes and snapped his fingers before vanishing in a flash of light. His teleportation spell tore through the wards surrounding the house like tissue paper or a sandcastle. Mental note, make giant sand castle. With a flash of light he burst into the house and fireworks boomed out behind him. However instead of applause, gasps of recognition, or even a good old terrified scream he was met with an angry shout.

“Who the gates are you and what are you doing in my house?!”

Discord blinked in surprise. No one had actually stood up to him since he had taken care of Celestia’s guards and even they had been afraid of him and hesitant. He cocked his head in interest as he studied the griffon before him.

Damien’s rage at having his wards so easily brushed aside was slowly being replaced with fear. This was it wasn’t it? This was the creature that had been nonchalantly assaulting all of reality with its insane magic all day wasn’t it? He steeled himself; fear would do no good here. He would have to run for it. It would take time for him to redirect the energy that had been powering his wards to a teleport spell, precious minutes he might not have if he angered this creature in front of him. As he opened his beak to try and talk his way into more time he was interrupted by Discord.

“You’re a human!” he cried out in glee. “I haven’t gotten to play with one of you in forever!” He looked pensive for a moment. “Never really understood why you people stopped visiting. That was some prime chaos and entertainment for all!” He shrugged. “To each their own I guess. But we can’t have you join the party like that! Formal wear only I’m afraid.” Discord grinned as he pulled out a stopwatch and held it in front of himself, completely covering Damien from his point of view. With a creaking sound the watch’s hands began to turn backwards.

Damien stared in confusion at the creature for several seconds before he felt it. A burning pain spread throughout his body as the bones and muscles began to fall apart and shift. Organs disconnected and moved freely inside his body. His wings rotted and his fur fell from his body. The agony seemed to last for an eternity, every fiber of his being was on fire. Just as suddenly as it had started it ceased, leaving Damien a shuddering wreck on the floor.

He slowly opened his eyes as he felt the cool air on his skin. His eyes snapped open in shock as his mind processed this information. The air. On his skin. His skin. He quickly looked down at his hand to see elaborately decorated blackened steel covering a five fingered hand. He hesitantly brought the hand to his face to find it smooth and hairless He shakily stood up to stare at the creature in confusion and fear. It had just turned back time on him and completely undone the transformations he had put so much effort into.

“So… what do you think?” Discord asked sweetly.

Comments

[Shpoople96]

Interesting!
*Rubs nonexistent beard*

[just moar]

moar, por favor

[MyLittleBurger]

Well Damien is obviously not going to like Discord....

[The First]

FRICKIN TRACKED. FRICKING MOUSTACHED. FRICKIN THUMBED. FRICKING SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY!

The First

P.S.

[iloveportalz0r]

"I’m just glad he set up the while vial of blood in exchange for room and board thing." - What?
"The weather team has things under control eh dash?" -

[Ozymandias]

I'm sad that we timeskipped past the scene where Damien explains to Gilda that she can pay for room and board with her blood.

[PieisGood4U]

oh chaos.
WONDERFUL CHAOS.

[werewolf435]

319011 Damien wanted to get vials of blood from Gilda in place of money for her rent so he could use it to cast his blood magic.... Since she apparently doesn't have that many bits, she was probably pretty relieved about that. =3

As for the second one
maybe Gilda is mad at Dash for some reason and is getting revenge by not capitalizing her name?

[youtube=GhMvKv4GX5U]

[iloveportalz0r]

721955 dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Rainbow_Dash.png

[Airship-King]

So, is this an alternate universe or something?

[Menoshe]

Now, didn't Damien greatly reduce his power when he turned into a griffon?

Discord, you've fucked up.

[Ephedianroyalty]

833580
What gave you that idea? Maybe damien existing? Or was it gilda coming back to ponyville? Maybe gilda having been living in the forest? Or maybe the idea of lyra and bon bon working as covert operatives for celestia and luna? Or did you notice the fact that the cutie mark crusaders regularly visit zecora? Ah! It was the idea of damien coming to equestria in the first place, wasn’t it. Yeah, it couldn’t possibly be the fact that rainbow dash somehow has no idea that discord had excaped at all. Or the fact that humans used to frequently travel to equestria and be either turned back or made to blend into the populace.