//------------------------------// // Revealing the Known // Story: Retired to Equestria // by Yet Another Mask //------------------------------// Damien sat in the hut, still nursing his aching hands. He was pretty sure he had gotten some level of frostbite there. And then there were the blisters from the burns as well. He shook his head. Frostbite and heat burns within minutes of each other. Still better than last time he’s had to do something like this. At least it was healing, far faster than was normal for any mortal creature. Unfortunately that healing was also almost as painful as getting the wounds in the first place. “Come now my griffon friend, you pain will soon be at an end,” Zecora told him as she trotted over with a jar of pale green ointment and began to smear it liberally on his talons. He nodded thankfully as he turned to glare at the crusaders. “Do they always do stuff like this when they’re here?” he asked Zecora. “Indeed they do, they often try to make a brew.” She spared a glance at the fillies who had the decency to look ashamed. “Never have they made one well, they always blow my cauldron straight to hell.” Damien chuckled as he looked over at the crusaders. “Haven’t even known them a week and I’m already surprised they haven’t got a demolitions or pyrotechnics cutie mark. They seem to be good enough at it.” He shook his head in wonder. “But enough about out little destroyers. Before I lost our little game I was asking about your alchemy.” “I remember your query too, it would be a pleasure to make a student out of you. Far too few wish to know, the old ways they often forgo. I can teach you herb and root, what tales are true and which to refute.” She glanced over at the crusaders. “Such knowledge is to be carefully applied, I’m afraid to them it must be denied. I know not what with it they would do, but I know it would not be good for me or you.” “Come back later without the impressionable audience lacking in forethought. Got it,” Damien translated. He turned over to the sulking crusaders with a chuckle. “You girls think Zest has finally gotten over our little mistake?” <-[XXXXX]-> They never had a chance to figure out whether or not Zest had forgiven them, or if he had managed to put out his mane, because the first thing they found when they reached Damien’s house was Pinkie Pie decorating the place for another party. As soon as she saw them enter the, until seconds earlier locked, house she gasped. “Applebloom! Damien! Scootaloo! Sweetie Belle! You’re here early!” she cried. “Early for what? Are ya throwing another party?” Applebloom asked as she nudged at a nearby balloon. “Yuppers!” Pinkie confirmed with a vigorous nod. “And you’re having it here because..?” Damien asked. “OH!” Pinkie gasped and hopped down form the ladder she had been using to help decorate the ceiling. “Well I ran into Gilda today and she wasn’t being a Meanie McMeanie and then I realized that I hadn’t thrown her a party yet well I had thrown her a break Gilda up with Dash party but I hadn’t thrown her a good party so I had to make it up to her with a good party and then she made up with Dash so I had to hold another party for her to celebrate and I had only thrown a welcome to Ponyville party for you and not for Gilda so I decided to throw both parties at once but they had to be surprise parties so I’m setting them up here because she’ll be with Dash all day and I can get everything ready and get everypony here before she ends up coming back and I know she’ll come here eventually because she lives here!” she explained in one massive breath. Damien waited a moment, or rather several seconds, as Pinkie took in massive breath to replenish what she had spent on her explanation. “And it didn’t occur to you to ask before you set up the party in my home?” “Well are you mad?” “A little annoyed but-” “Do you not want there to be a party?” “I never said tha-” “Then it’s okay!” “But I-” Pinkie didn’t wait for him to respond but turned to the crusaders. “Hey! Wanna try getting Party Planning cutie marks?” The three fillies immediately lit up at her suggestion and within seconds they were hanging streamers, filling balloons, and generally making a mess of Damien’s living room. Damien’s beak clacked shut before he shook his head in wonder. It seemed to be pointless to try and go against the force of nature that was Pinkie Pie Party Mode. “Fine. I’m going to head out to pick up some sweets. Is there anything you want me to pick up?” “Are you going to Sugercube Corner or Sweet Treats?” “Sweet Treats. I need to talk to Bon Bon.” “No thanks then!” Damien nodded and asked the same of each of the crusaders. Soon he had a small list of candies and sweetmeats to bribe the crusaders with to ensure good behavior while he was gone. As soon as he stepped out his door he felt a familiar pair of eyes staring down at him. He smiled and headed down the street, a cheery bounce in his step. <-[XXXXX]-> Lyra had been watching Damien’s house for the last hour, hoping to catch him doing something. She had rushed from the house earlier in the day in a fit of inspiration. She vaguely remembered Bon Bon trying to tell her something but had been in such a rush she hadn’t quite heard what it was. She would definitely get in trouble for that one but if she could catch Damien it would be worth it. Probably be worth it anyway. Her jaw dropped in a mix of rage and exasperation when she saw Damien, crusaders in tow, approach the house from the direction of the Everfree. Had she been watching an empty house all this time!? She ground her teeth in fury as she watched Damien enter the house. She schooled herself into silence by reminding herself that now at least she knew Damien was in the house. Several deep breaths later she was able to turn her eyes back to the house and resume her vigilant watch. She was quickly rewarded when Damien left the house within minutes of having entered. Her brief glimpse inside showed that Pinkie Pie had somehow managed to get into the house without anyone knowing. But then again that was normal for Pinkie. Pushing thoughts of the impossible mare from her head she saw Damien pause slightly before heading off down the street. Had he seen her? She had found several spells to disguise her presence but would it have been enough to fool Damien? She waited for several moments to see if he would show any sign of having noticed her. However even as she left her hiding spot and began to shadow Damien down the street she still felt a small needling doubt about the extent of her success. <-[XXXXX]-> Twilight skimmed over the list in front of her with a strangely relaxed look on her face. She seemed to almost glow as she mentally re-read the massive list of bulleted items. She ran a hoof down the now dry ink reverently. She had calculated every possible contingency for her confrontation with Damien. Her checklist had expanded beyond a mere listing of tasks to check off and into a complex roadmap of everything that could possibly happen as well as what to do in each circumstance. “Uhhh, Twilight?” a sudden voice asked from behind her. Twilight jumped a full foot into the air as she rounded on Spike, an embarrassed blush suffusing her cheeks. “NOTHING!” she squeaked. Spike rolled his eyes when he noticed Twilight’s massive checklist. “Just don’t go crazy this time okay?” “Hey! It’s not my fault they didn’t have any quills and we couldn’t complete the checklist!” Spike didn’t respond as he headed to the basement. He had a panic kit to scrounge up. Twilight huffed indignantly as she turned back to her masterpiece. He didn’t understand, no one ever understood the majesty of her checklists. With a massive grin she unrolled the checklist enough to see what the first item on the list was. Find Damien. Pretty straightforward but everything had to start somewhere. But where would he be? She could always just start at his house. That was the logical place to begin after all. “Spike! I’m going to be leaving for a while. Make sure to keep an eye open for any visitors while I’m out okay?” she shouted into the other room as she headed for the door. Spike sighed and rolled his eyes, she had just gotten back and was leaving already? “Sure thing Twilight,” he called out to her. “Thanks Spike!” she called back as she left the library. She felt a bit sorry for leaving him alone in the library again. Maybe she should pick something up for him while she was out. Maybe a snack? It would have to be something with gems too. Pinkie could be convinced to add gemstones to some of her treats. Bon Bon too now that she thought about it. It had been a while since she had gotten anything from Sweet Treats she realized suddenly, she usually ended up going to Sugercube Corner when she wanted something sweet. She might even run into Damien on her way there too. Reassured about her new plan she turned and headed down the street. <-[XXXXX]-> Bon Bon was rearranging the display cases when she heard the bell ringing. Her usual greeting died on her lips as she saw who had entered her store. “I was wondering when you’d show up,” she said with a smile. “Am I really that predictable?” Damein asked with a smirk. “Although I suppose this does answer the question I came here to ask. How did you figure it out?” “Apparently real griffons can’t use magic unless they’re something called a Mane. They’re supposed to be very distinct and the only ones that can use magic.” Damien’s eyes widened slightly at that. “Huh, guess I should have learned more about what I was transforming into then. Thought I was kinda hoping that anything weird I did would just be explained away by me being a griffon.” “WHAT!?” a shout from the corner echoed around the room. Bon Bo turned a shocked face to the corner as Lyra seemed to appear from nowhere in the corner. “You already knew!?” It took only a few moments for Bon Bon to reply to Lyra’s outburst. “Yes. I tried to show you the letter Luna sent but you were too busy trying to learn that spell to tail Damien,” she explained. Lyra blanched at the explanation. Not wanting to lose her momentum Bon Bon continued, “and the first time you came back after tailing him I tried to explain my suspicions but you blew me off.” Lyra’s face seemed to lose even more color. “You mean…” her voice trailed off. “Yes. If you had just listened to me in the first place you wouldn’t have had to deal with all that,” Bon Bon said admonishingly. “Are you two always this interesting or did I just catch you at a good time?” Damien spoke up. Lyra seemed to regain her composure at the sound of Damien’s voice. “Shut up. This is all your fault anyway,” she grumbled. Damien smiled innocently and shrugged. “Not my fault you didn’t listen to your friend here.” “Don’t start with me! If you hadn’t been hiding things-” “Who said I was hiding anything? Not my fault you didn’t just ask me straight up.” “Ask you what?!” “Pretty much anything. I would’ve answered,” he said with a smug grin. “But you said-” “Last time I said I would answer one question truthfully. I didn’t say I would only answer one question truthfully.” Lyra was silent for several moments as her mouth moved up and down. Eventually she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “I hate you so much right now.” She opened her eyes again and glared at him before turning to Bon Bon. “Sorry for not listening to you Bon Bon.” Bon Bon smiled happily. “Apology accepted.” This heartwarming scene was interrupted by the sudden jingling of the front door’s bell. All three of them turned to see Twilight looking back and forth awkwardly. “I'm not interrupting anything am I?” she asked nervously. “Nah, you just missed Lyra and Bon Bon’s resolution. Pretty standard set up,” Damien supplied. Bon Bon shot Damien a harsh glare for belittling the situation before turning to Twilight. “Can I help you find anything today?” Twilight gave a start as her gaze snapped from Damien over to Bon Bon. “Yes! I mean, yes.” She blushed slightly before continuing. “I was hoping to pick up something for Spike. He really liked those ruby cordials you made him last month.” Bon Bon nodded. “Sure thing! I’ll need to head out to get some rubies though, I usually don’t really need them for anything,” she chuckled as she turned to Lyra. “Do you think you can watch the shop while I’m gone?” Lyra nodded her assent before taking up a post behind the counter. “Sure. How long do you think it’ll take?” “Not too long,” Bon Bon called over her shoulder as she left the shop. Damien grinned as he sauntered up to the counter. “Soooooo, you done trying to stalk me now that you know the truth?” Lyra sighed and rolled her eyes. “Yes, I’m going to stop trying to follow you around to figure out that you’re really a human from another world that Luna is already aware of,” she said in a very loud carrying voice. Damien blinked in confusion as he saw a small triumphant smile drift across Lyra’s face. Recognition hit him as he turned to see Twilight doing her absolute best to try and look innocent and pretend that she hadn’t heard anything. Every so often her eyes would dart to her saddlebags longingly. He rolled his eyes and turned his back, pointedly beginning a conversation with Lyra. “So, back to one of the reasons I came here in the first place. I need some candy to bribe the crusaders with so they don’t accidentally destroy my house with lemons.” He smiled as he heard the sounds of a scroll unrolling from behind him. “Lemons?” Lyra asked confusedly before her eyes lit up with recognition. “Wait, that was them earlier today? Zest was ranting about how somepony had blown up his entire cart!” Damien smiled. “And now you see why I want them happy. They can do enough damage without any actual incentive. So I’ll need…” he closed his eyes as he began to recite his list. “Two chocolate roses for Sweetie Belle, a gummy apple for Applebloom, and something called a Rainbomb for Scootaloo,” he recited. “And that walnut fudge looks really good; I’ll have some of that for myself.” As Damien and Lyra continued their exchange Twilight scanned her massive checklist frantically. Her darting eyes quickly fell upon section 12, subsection e, contingency 14, titled: Apparently it’s not really a Secret. She sighed in relief at the title, for a few seconds she had been sure that Damien had managed to, accidentally, invalidate her entire checklist. And that would have been unforgivable. She quickly skimmed the, incredibly short, list of items for this contingency before rolling the scroll back up and trotting over to Damien. “So why did you come to Ponyville anyway?” she asked him. Damien was surprised by the brutal straightforwardness of her question, he had expected a more... nuanced approach from the studious unicorn. His surprised frown quickly became a grin as he responded, “retirement. Got bored of my job as overlord, tyrant, and general villain and decided to retire...” A dark look passed over his face. “Again. This time I decided to completely leave my home universe so that BITCH FATE COULDN’T ROPE ME BACK INTO HER GAMES THIS TIME!” he shouted at the ceiling as he shook a clenched talon in the air. He quickly turned his gaze back to his audience, who were staring at him like he was mad. “Sorry, old habits. Fate usually starts watching when I mention her.” He shrugged. “In any case I’m here to relax, meet new people and for once, not kill any of them. Hopefully anyway.” Twilight was silent as she considered what he had said. Even she could tell he was being honest about the whole thing, but what if he really was dangerous? He could end up doing all sorts of damage if that letter was right about how strong he was. But he didn’t want to do anything other than sit around and do nothing right? Her eyes widened as another facet of the problem arose in her mind. Here was a creature from an entirely different universe, a creature with magic that didn’t seem to be limited by what he was at the moment. Her eyes glinted with a sight hunger. This was an entirely new field of study she had never even known existed! Damien watched the emotions play across Twilight's face with amusement followed by a slight trepidation at the gleam in her eyes. He’d seen something similar back when Vilcine had learned that she would be able to learn magic from him. He hadn’t been allowed to sleep until she cast her first spell, a week after she had gotten that idea in her head. He slowly began to edge towards the counter and place his payment for the sweets next to his purchase. Moving slowly in an attempt to not catch the attention of Twilight he carefully lifted the bag and started to creep towards the door. Lyra wasn’t going to have any of that though. With a sadistic smirk she called out cheerfully, “do you need anything else before you leave?” Damien froze as Twilight came roaring out of her self-induced thought-coma and turned to face him. “Wait! I still have lots of question to ask you!” Damien’s eyes darted back and forth. “Well I need to get home soon so we’ll have to do this later.” Twilight smiled. “I could walk with you for a while, it’s no problem, I have Spike watching the library after all.” Damien quickly began to grasp at whatever straws he could. “Well you said you were getting that ruby thing for him right? Bon Bon still isn’t back with it so-” “Don’t worry Twilight, I can take your payment right now and deliver the ruby cordial to Spike as soon as it’s ready,” Lyra called out helpfully, a massive grin plastered across her face. “Thanks Lyra!” Twilight called out as she trotted over to the counter to leave her payment. Unbeknownst to her Damien shot a venomous glare at Lyra over the unicorn’s shoulder the moment her back was turned. “Come on Damien, I have a lot to ask you.” Lyra continued to smile and wave as she watched the pair leave the shop. Sure it had been kind of petty but oh well, it felt good. <-[XXXXX]-> “But that doesn’t make any sense at all!” Twilight moaned. “You can’t just explain magic as ‘it’s magic it just works’! Magic has strict guidelines that regulate how it works for everypony!” “For your magic maybe but not for mine! The guidelines are merely suggestions that do make the spells easier to cast but they are not required!” Damien retorted. “But it’s so… unorganized! How does anyone actually learn anything when you can just make it up as you go along?” “Because the more a method gets used the easier it gets to use. There are spells over a thousand years old that can be used to cast a spell for the merest fraction of the energy required to get the same effect with another method.” “Then what about your casting methods? How did they get so strong?” “By picking and choosing bits of folklore that already had belief behind them and using a carefully designed structure unique to me for the last five hundred years,” he explained “But that invalidates your entire argument! You claim that the methods of others are more powerful because they’ve been used by so many but you also claim that your methods are better because only yo use them!” “Because it’s a methodology that is solely associated with me by the populace. The magic is seen by others as my magic. Something unique to myself and no others. That belief makes up for my having to blaze the trail myself. After that consistent use over the centuries only increases its power.” Twilight shook her head. In some strange, convoluted, nonsensical way it all made sense. Her eyes widened slightly as a new thought occurred to her. “What if an entire town started explaining anything somepony could do that was strange or unusual as it’s them, don’t question it?” “Hypothetically it could end up making them capable of doing even more than they could before because everyone expects them to be able to defy normality.” Twilight’s jaw dropped in shock. “That just might explain Pinkie Pie!” she exclaimed. “Sorry but as far as I can tell she doesn’t use any magic at all to do those things. She just kind of… does them.” Twilight looked incredulously at him for a moment. “You can’t be serious.” “I am! My arcane senses have been finely tuned over the centuries to pinpoint precision and I can’t sense the slightest trace of a spell whenever Pinkie does… whatever it is she does.” Twilight sighed in exasperation and rolled her eyes. “Of course. Not even weird magic from another universe can explain Pinkie Pie.” She looked up. “Oh, we’re here already. That was fast.” Damien glanced around in slight surprise too; the time had flown remarkably fast. He had expected things to go a lot more… annoyingly. “Well then I suppose that means this is-” “Twilight! You’re almost late for Gilda’s surprise Welcome to Ponyville Party!” Pinkie shouted as she leapt from a bush in the front yard. “Hurry up and get inside quick! Gilda and Dashie will be getting here anytime now!” Pinkie quickly shoved them towards the house without giving them any chance to resist. With resigned sigh both Damien and Twilight headed into the house to wait. <-[XXXXX]-> Dash and Gilda swept down out of the sky at breakneck speeds only to come screeching to a halt just in time to land in front of the house safely. “Man, I’m starving!” Dash announced as she flared her wings. “Heh, maybe the freak’ll make something for you if you ask him nice,” Gilda responded as she reached for the door. She froze suddenly as she remembered her encounter with Pinkie Pie earlier in the day. “Something wrong?” Dash asked concernedly, noting her friends hesitation. “Pinkie said she’d be throwing me a party later today, so I’m guessing the moment I open this door the entire town is gonna jump out at me.” Dash looked at her friend incredulously. “I doubt it.” “Really? Why’s that?” Gilda challenged. “Because it’s what you think is going to happen. That means it’s predictable. And that means Pinkie isn’t going to do it.” To illustrate her point she reached out and opened the door. “See? Nothing inside except for-” There was a loud shout from behind the two fliers as Pinkie burst out of a bush, party cannon at the ready. Before either of them could react there was an explosion of confetti and streams and a loud shout of ‘SURPRISE!’ from inside the house. As soon as Gilda regained her footing she turned an icy glare on Dash. “You were right, it wasn’t the entire town that jumped out of the house, Pinkie hid in the bushes,” she grumbled. Dash grinned meekly and shrugged. “Whatever, I’m going to hunt down the snack table. Pinkie’s parties always have an awesome snack table.” Gilda glared after her friend for a few moments before her indignation was interrupted by a suger-propelled hug. “Happy Welcome to Ponyville Party Gilda! I’m super super SUUUUUUUUPER glad you managed to make up with Dash and stop being such a meanie!” Pinkie cried jubilantly. “Yeah… whatever,” Gilda responded as she eyed the stairs longingly. “Ah, ah, ahhhh,” Pinkie tutted admonishingly. “No hiding from the party this time Gilda! You need to stick around so I can introduce you to everypony!” “Oh yeah? And who’s going to stop me from leaving? You?” Gilda laughed. She stopped angrily when she realized that Pinkie was laughing along with her. “What’s so funny?” “I’d never be able to stop you silly! You’d tear me apart,” she chirped happily. “Stopping you is his job.” She pointed off to the side where Damien stood by, waving at the two of the happily. A massive grin split his beak. Gilda glanced back at Pinkie. “You really think the freak is gonna be able to stop me?” she asked incredulously as she took several steps towards the stairs. With each step Damien’s grin grew larger and his eyes became narrower. Gilda’s pace began to slow until it took her several seconds to take the last step to the stairs. She looked down at the first step and quickly glanced over at Damien, who was urging her to take another step with a look of barely restrained glee. Gilda lifted a shaky talon and moved it to hover over the first step. She threw another quick glance at Damien to see him nearly bursting with anticipation. With a heavy sigh Gilda withdrew her talon and turned to Pinkie Pie. “Let’s get this over with.” With a yelp of glee Pinkie shot over to the defeated griffon’s side and quickly led her into the crowd, naming ponies and shaking hooves all the way. <-[XXXXX]-> Hours later the party finally wound down and Gilda felt she could finally escape to her room in peace. After all this party was lame and she certainly hadn’t enjoyed herself in the slightest. Never mind that she had gotten completely caught up in the besting Dash at the various party games or that the food that psycho had gotten was amazing. It was her party and it was lame, end of story. She groaned at as she realized just how hollow those words rang, even in her head. “Enjoy yourself my dear?” came an annoyingly familiar voice. “Shove off freak,” she responded without even turning around to face him. “Oh come now, I saw you enjoying yourself as did everyone else here. You really need to stop clinging to that mask of aloofness. It isn’t working very well.” Gilda grumbled for several moments before speaking up, “fine! I enjoyed myself alright! This party was awesome, these ponies aren’t dweebs and some of them are actually pretty cool! Pinkie’s parties aren’t completely lame!” She turned to face Damien angrily. “Happy now?!” “Exceedingly,” he said with an enormous grin. With an air of immense smugness he tapped a small crystal he had been holding up in one talon. The crystal glowed slightly and suddenly Gilda’s voice emanated from it. Gilda’s face lost all color as she heard her ranting confession played back to her perfectly. “No…” she whispered. Her face somehow managed to lose even more color as a familiar pink blur shot across the room. “Did you get it? Did you get it? Huh? Huh? Huh?!” Pinkie asked excitedly. “But of course my dear Ms. Pie! I am a professional after all,” Damien said with a grandiose bow. “Easiest five bits I ever made.” He paused momentarily, tapping a claw against his beak in thought. “Technically it’s the first five bits I ever made but my point still stands.” He tossed the small crystal to Pinkie Pie as Gilda stared on in shock. “Just tap the crystal and focus on wanting to hear what’s stored inside to activate it.” “Thanks Damien! I need to go refill the punch bowl, later!” she remarked as she zipped off through the crowd. Gilda stared blankly into space for several moments while Damien watched on patiently. “Ya know what. I don’t care. I had fun and I know Pinkie isn’t going to spread that thing around. Just get rid of whatever you did to the stairs so I can go upstairs and go to sleep,” she finally said tiredly. Damien blinked in confusion for a moment. “Oh! That!” he said suddenly. “Never did anything to ‘em. Just needed you to think I had.” With that he drifted off to a game of five-card stud a couple of ponies had set up, time to see if he could turn this five bits into something more. Gilda stared dumbly at his retreating back for several more seconds before deciding it simply wasn’t worth the effort and headed upstairs. Going to sleep sounded like an even better idea than it had ten minutes ago.