Moving in
The trip to Ponyville was, for Gilda at least, predictably uneventful. The nearby residents of the forest had long since realized that the griffon was no easy prey and the only creatures that could truly pose a threat to her lived much further in the forest.
Damien seemed to be having a grand time though. He was inspecting every little plant and animal that passed underneath them and had swooped down several times to grab an interesting looking plant. The only plant he avoided completely was a small patch of poison joke.
Gilda was slightly disappointed at that, when pressed he muttered something about bright colors meaning stay away. It was a pity, she had been wondering what it would do to him if he did grab it.
Soon enough they reached the edge of the forest, the edge that Gilda had yet to cross in all her time in the Everfree. Out of pure habit she swooped down to land on the sturdy branch that had held her so many times before and stared out at the town. It was finally going to happen. She was finally going to leave the forest and go into town. Not that she was scared. Why would anyone be scared of a bunch of loser ponies?
“Might you be scared?” Damien asked from right beside her.
Gilda gave a rather undignified squawk as she nearly leapt from the branch she had been perched on. Seeing there was no way to save face after that she settled for glaring at her companion. “No I’m not! And don’t sneak up on me like that!”
“Bah, you were so focused on the town there that I didn’t have to sneak. That was more like creeping… Skulking? Lurking! No… Slinking?” His rebuttal quickly devolved into a long list of synonyms for sneaking and their relative value of sneakiness.
Seeing that her normally impressive glare had, once again, proven to be completely useless against Damien’s apparently perpetual insanity Gilda leapt off the tree and glided to the ground. “Come on freak. We’re walking the rest of the way.”
Gilda’s jab snapped Damien back to reality just as he was entering the twenty-second synonym for sneaking. “Why? We’ve been flying the whole time and that’s much faster than walking. Pit, I'm starting to wonder how I managed to live so long without wings in the first place!”
Gilda’s beak opened and closed several times as she tried to figure out a response to Damien’s latest casual revelation before deciding to ignore the matter completely. “Because flying in will attract too much attention.” She glared up at him. “And that’s a bad thing. There are a couple of ponies living there I don’t want to meet yet so don’t screw this up for me, got it?”
“Ah, so you were already planning on heading into town then?”
“What?”
“You’ve obviously thought through how to approach the town and you said there are ponies you don’t want to meet yet, as in you want to meet them later but only on your own terms.” He smiled, not a condescending smirk or a haughty grin this time, but a simple genuine smile. “I can’t make any promises that my plans won’t interfere with yours but I won’t intentionally upset them.” He leapt down from the tree and gestured melodramatically towards Ponyville. “Now shall we go into town m’lady?”
Gilda just shook her head confusedly at his sudden change in demeanor and began the long walk to the town outskirts with Damien contentedly trailing behind.
<-[XXXXX]->
Their entrance into Ponyville was, in Damien’s opinion, surprisingly quiet. His surprise was partly because he hadn’t been in a major town where people didn’t either run away screaming or collapse to the ground begging he spare them for a very long time. However most of his preconceptions about how the town would receive him were because he had observed, several times, the entire town shutting down because a zebra came by for a visit. Later viewings showed that they finally accepted the zebra as something that they didn’t have to live in constant terror of but that had taken several months. He assumed that with the presence of two griffons, creatures known in his world at least for eating horses, there would be a bit more commotion.
What he got instead was little more than a brief glance in their direction by some of the more curious townspeople. He was actually feeling a little short changed by the time they got into the town proper. His disappointment was mostly mollified by all the various sights around town. Seeing things in person was quite a different experience from scrying it after all.
“Hey, you said someone was waiting for you right? You know where to find ‘em?”
Gilda’s sudden question snapped Damien’s attention back to the irate griffon at his side. “Of course! Been observing the place for some time now, made sure to memorize the layout and everything. The place we’re looking for is just down the street and on our left.”
Satisfied that he knew what he was doing Gilda let herself fall behind and follow him as she got lost in her thoughts. She had managed to get into the town but she would still have to find some way to get Dash to come to her, there was no way she was going to be the one apologizing first. After all she did deserve an apology too. It’s not like she was the only one that acted like a jerk. Was that freak going to be staying in Ponyville? He hadn’t said. He was meeting someone here but what if he was just visiting? No, he had to be staying. She’d be able to offer to help pay for rent or something, he didn’t look like he had any bits on him anyway and she could just say it would be better than living out in the woods. That much would be true at least. She couldn’t count the times she’d woken up with all sorts of tree crap in her feathers. She distantly recognized the sound of a jingling bell but paid it no mind as she continued working out how to stay in Ponyville without losing face. This was quickly interrupted when a shout echoed around the store she had followed Damien into.
“What are you doing here Meanie McMeaniepants?!”
Gilda’s eyes widened as she recognized the voice. It couldn’t be. There was no way he had managed to lead her to one of the two places that she had been planning on avoiding while here. Her head whipped around as she took in her surroundings. Pastries, cookies, and all manner of baked goods decorated the shelves and counters, and in the middle of it stood an angry looking pink pony pointing an accusatory hoof at Gilda.
Damien was glancing back and forth between the two with a look of amusement on his face. “Meanie McMeaniepants?” he asked Gilda with a barely suppressed chuckle.
“Shut it dweeb,” she growled back. “I’ll wait outside.”
Before she could turn to leave Pinkie somehow managed to cross the entire distance between them and plant herself firmly between Gilda and the door. “Not until you promise to apologize to Fluttershy and Dashie and everypony you were a meanie to!”
“Move it before I move you,” Gilda growled, crouching down slightly and clicking her talons ominously against the wooden floor.
“No!” Pinkie said as she too began to move into a more aggressive stance and pawed at the ground.
Damien was torn between being slightly hurt that everyone was ignoring him and amusement at the scene before him. He had figured that there was some sort of history between Gilda and the town but he hadn’t expected Pinkie of all people to be enraged at her. For a brief moment he considered letting the two go at each other. He hadn’t seen either of them actually fight before and it was almost bound to be an extremely interesting diversion. The moment passed when he realized that letting the only person that had helped him and the only person that knew him fight, maybe to the death, was not a good thing, no matter how entertaining it might be.
“Girls, girls could we please just calm down for a moment!” he shouted as he stepped between the two angry quadrupeds. “As entertaining as it would be to see you two kill each other I think this isn’t the best place to do it, might get blood on the rolls after all.” He turned a hurt look to Pinkie. “Besides, you said there was going to be a party when I finally showed up.”
This sentence caused Pinkie’s entire body to lock up at once. Damien stared at her for several seconds wondering if he had somehow broken the poor thing and how he was going to talk his way out of it when she burst back into motion. She rocketed forward and pressed her forehead directly against his, her eyes bulged out as their gazes locked.
Damien was too shocked to figure out how to respond, caught between confusion, knowledge that she wasn’t going to, purposefully, hurt him, and his centuries old instinct of striking down anything that got this close to him so fast. The conundrum was thankfully disposed of as Pinkie shot into the air with a gasp that Damien felt certain left no air for the rest of the shop.
“Mister Scary Overlord Guy!” Pinkie cried out as she hung at the apex of her jump, far longer than anything should be capable of.
He smiled at her recognition. “I usually go by Damien.”
“I’m so happy you finally decided to come! You were watching Ponyville and Equestria for so long and then I got a twitchy twitch that meant somepony was coming that I had been waiting to see for a long time and I thought that meant you and then you did show up!” Her eyes widened to impossible proportions as she gasped again. “I need to get your surprise welcome party ready! Don’t tell you that I told you about the surprise part cause then it would just be a party instead of a surprise party and I need to go get ready! Bye Scary Overlord Damien! Bye Gilda McMeanipants!”
As soon as Pinkie finished speaking she was gone, leaving behind nothing but a pink outline, the faint smell of cotton candy, and a pair of slightly confused griffons.
“That went pretty well,” Damien finally said into the silence.
“I thought you said you weren’t going to mess with my plans,” Gilda replied acidly.
“I said I would not do so intentionally. That was a coincidence. Now if you had told me you didn’t want to see Pinkie Pie I would have warned you. There wouldn’t happen to be any other ponies that you’re avoiding are there?”
Gilda’s eyes shifted back and forth as she contemplated what to tell him. “Rainbow Dash,” she finally conceded.
“Right, I’ll make sure I don’t go to her for something without warning you first. But for now, the hunt begins!” he shouted as he leapt through the open bakery door.
“Wha-? Wait up freak!” Gilda cried as she chased after the fleeing griffon.
<-[XXXXX]->
“Two. Hours,” A disgruntled, disheveled, and slightly bruised Gilda grumbled as she and Damien sat in the town hall waiting for the mayor to become available.
“Come now, it wasn’t that bad my dear,” Damien chuckled. “Besides, I and those fillies had fun with all this, why can’t you?”
Gilda fixed one twitching eye on Damien. “You could have asked anyone in this town for directions on where to get residency. They would have told you right away, those dweebs do things like that to try and make you lower your guard.” A dark look passed her face. “Just like that party Pinkie is setting up for you.” She spat the word party like a curse before she shook her head and got back on track. “No. You had to ask them.” She shuddered visibly.
“It wasn’t that bad. Besides, now they know that none of them have special talents involving griffon catching, griffon bothering, griffon tripping, griffon medical care, defending the town against griffons, trapping griffons under avalanches, or digging griffons out of aforementioned avalanches.” He grinned as Gilda picked out another loose rock from her feathers.
“I’m going to be preening out rocks and gravel for weeks,” she grunted as she flicked the offending rock at Damien.
He merely laughed again as the rock bounced off his head.
“Miss Mare will see you now,” came the soft voice of the receptionist.
“Excellent! Thank you very much for letting us know my dear,” Damien called out to her amicably. “Just straight down the hall correct?”
“Yes,” she replied as she looked back down at the magazine she had been reading.
“Then away we go,” he said with a smile as he headed down the hall.
<-[XXXXX]->
“So why exactly do you want to live in Ponyville mister…” Mayor Mare glanced down at the residency application in front of her. “Damien?”
“Well my last job was rather… Stressful if you will. I figured that your town would be the perfect place to relax and spend my retirement.”
The Mayor hid her look of shock behind the quickly lifted residency application. Ponyville? Relaxing? Sure it was usually pretty quiet but there had been that incident with the Parasprites, and the one with the Ursa Minor, then there had been the whole dragon fiasco, and that didn’t include all the things that happened on a daily basis from Dash’s tricks, Pinkie’s parties, occasional visits from royalty, or, she shuddered, the Cutie Mark Crusaders. In fact there were probably only about one or two relaxing days a week. And even those usually saw at least somepony causing trouble or getting hurt. There was a reason most ponies preferred to visit instead of move here.
“I… see,” she said as she regained control of her expression. “And you are aware of the fact that the bearers of the Elements of Harmony are here? And our proximity to the Everfree Forest? Not to mention-”
“I see what you’re getting at,” he chuckled softly with a shake of his head before raising it again to look her in the eye with a smile. “Tell me, what are the chances that someone will try to kill me while I sleep during my time here?”
The Mayor looked shocked at the question. “No one here would ever even think of murdering anyone!”
“And the chances of someone breaking into my house to steal everything I own?”
“Non-existent! Ponyville has one of, if not the, lowest crime rates in Equestria!”
“Exactly! Back in my old home I couldn’t go through a week without at least one murder attempt! You’re promising me that I can actually relax here! Something I haven’t been able to do in centuries!”
“Centuries?” she asked before she could help herself. She quickly held up a hoof to stop any forthcoming response with a resolute, “never mind.” A few careful presses from a rubber stamp that sat on one corner of her desk later the residency application was approved. “Do you have anywhere to stay set up or..?” she left the question hanging.
“I was actually hoping to find out what houses are available for sale while I was here.” As he said this he reached into the satchel at his side, somehow managing to fit half his forelimb into a bag only slightly larger than his hand. “Found one!” he crowed triumphantly after rummaging around in the bag for a few moments. Before the Mayor could ask he pulled a massive solid gold bar out of the bag and dropped it on her desk with a dull thud. “Think this’ll be enough to get me a house?”
The Mayor could only stare at the gold bar in front of her. “Y-yes. I believe that will be more than enough,” she finally managed to force out. “I… I think there’s a house on Bridle drive available. Three bed, two bath, very spacious. Still has the furniture from its previous owner.”
“Excellent! I’ll take it. Do I take care of that here or..?”
Her eyes snapped back to the griffon in front of her, glad to be back on a subject she could handle. “Yes, the house was left to the city after the previous owner passed away. We should be able to take care of everything right here if you have the time,” she said as she started getting out papers and forms.
“Sure, don’t see why not,” Damien responded, throwing an uncomfortable glance at the growing stack of papers.
The mayor smiled as she saw the griffon staring in mounting horror at the ever growing stack of paperwork. Yes, this was definitely more familiar ground.
<-[XXXXX]->
Gilda was sleeping peacefully on one of the chairs in the waiting room when Damien came out of the mayor’s office obviously favoring one forelimb. “I am never. Buying. A house. Again,” he muttered resolutely. Self-righteous heroes? Overzealous gods? Annoying peasants? He could handle those. Paperwork? Of that magnitude? Never. Again.
He poked Gilda awake with a grimace. Not even the idea of tormenting her was enough to get his spirits back up.
“Huh? Whuzzat?” Gilda grunted as she made her way back to consciousness. “You finally done in there?” she asked as her eyes focused on him. “What took so long?”
“Bought a house. Signed paperwork. So much paperwork,” he responded with a shudder.
“You bought a house?!” she cried. There was no way he needed any help if he was able to just up and buy a house. She would never be able to stick around under the pretense of helping him out now!
“Yeah, apparently it’s pretty nice. Thinking of renting out the extra bedrooms.” He smiled slyly at her. “Could give you a special rate for being such a big help. Wouldn’t want you running off before you finish whatever you came here to do after all.”
Gilda’s beak snapped shut with a crack. “Why are you doing this?” she growled as her eyes narrowed dangerously.
“You helped me, I help you. Pretty sure that makes us even. I don’t like being indebted to people that aren’t part of the game.” He pointedly ignored her look of confusion at the mention of the game. “Besides, if whatever you’re trying to do will be half as entertaining as the fight between you and Pinkie would have been I’d be a fool to miss out on such a show.” He glanced off to the side. “That and I actually know a grand total of two people here. I'm not giving up anyone that could be of use to me when I have so little to work with.”
“So… you have lots of selfish reasons for this right?”
“Gates yes! Given your personality and temperament they’re pretty much all I have. You don’t exactly inspire altruism in others my dear.”
Gilda snarled at his jab but decided not to rise to it. “Good. Everyone is only out for themselves. Some just lie about it more than the others.” She paused for a moment. “Where is this place anyway?”
“Got the address on the deed and the keys right here,” he said as he pulled the items in question out of his satchel.
“Good, let’s get going before the sun sets.”
<-[XXXXX]->
The trip to the house was mercifully short for Damien’s still cramping talon. It was a simple two story affair with a quaint garden out front and a small balcony for letting pegasi easily land and enter. Damien admired it for a moment before he walked up to the door and put the key in the lock and unlocked the door. For some reason Gilda seemed content to stay back and check the house out from a distance a little longer.
“Welcome home,” he happily said to himself as he opened the door.
“SURPRISE!”
The explosive shout nearly blew him on his back as all the lights in his house burst into life at once to reveal what looked like half the population of Ponyville crammed in his house. He looked dumbly down at the key in his hand and thought to the other one in his bag, the only two copies in existence. There was a party in his house, a house he had not officially owned until less than half an hour ago, a locked house that he and the Mayor were the only ones to handle the keys in recent memory. He looked back at the partygoers and zeroed in on Pinkie. Just blame her and it will all make sense he told himself resolutely as he regained his composure.
Among the ponies were scattered various tables of every snack food imaginable, streamers and balloons covered every inch of the walls and ceiling, and a massive banner reading ‘Welcome to Ponyville Damien!’ dominated the back wall.
Pinkie leapt out from the throng and dragged Damien into his house, intent on introducing him to everyone that had come to the party. Everyone was so intent on either greeting the new resident or getting as much food and punch as they could handle that they didn’t notice as a second griffon slunk into the house and started making her way towards the stairs, no one except for a certain rainbow maned pegasus.
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Fantastic! Please, continue, if you'd care to.
I really like Damien!
It's not that often I find myself grown on a character as quickly as Damien 
-Glassed
Really liking the concept here. It is a fun look into a villain's retirement.
I love it
Also, you put pagasus instead of pegasus in the last sentence.
fantastic
I love this story, moar plz
Pinkie: lock picking skills +25
Oh, Pinkie.
My favourite: "Just blame [Pinkie] and it will all make sense"
977078
Oh really?
*Cough* Sombra *cough*
1690660
There are exceptions but, on average, it's true because, with villainy imposing fewer restrictions on a character's nature and motivations than heroism, it's easier to write a fresh, interesting villain.
(Think about it. As long as the villain's methods satisfy a fairly short checklist, their goals and personality are almost completely unrestrained.)
A rather interesting aprouch to entering pony ville very refreshing to read and quite amusing a definite thumb ups
1690660 You do realice sombra is a good villan.
Let's describe him shall we: He is power hungry. He has mastery(to a large degree) in dark magic. He is completly mad after spending over a millenia imprisoned in ice. He is a slaver.
I admit that he lacks a little personality, I just need to say that if you take his madness into account he is a good villain without question.
Isolation is a terrible thing... very terrible thing.
3783870 He had also set the only thing able to destroy him atop an endless staircase, behind an impenetrable, dark-powered door only he (or another powerful dark magic user) can open, beneath a hidden staircase built into the throne room that only dark magic could detect, in a castle in the middle of an empire that he controlled. He had no reason to believe that angling could get past all that, and even THEN he had that spike tap and anti-magic trap. The only thing he didn't pan for was Spike the Dragon being with Twilight.
658980
Why pick the lock? Simply pop out of the trash can, and open the door from the inside!
Yep. Just blame Pinkie, it'll all work out.
I'm reading Damien's voice as Brian Blessed's. Its awesome.
This alone earned you a thumbs-up.
Also, I have to wonder if all of that paperwork was for the house, or if any of it was personal safety waivers, or the like.