Ohhhhh. Snnnaaappppppp IT'S AWESOME

3047810 wow you read it all that fast?

Yepppppp

Ima fav and like because THIS IS FREAKIN AWESOME
dude I need more i mean like 50 more chapters

You have my interest good sir.

3047951 well forchanly this is only ch 2 of of a llllllllllllllllloooooooooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnngggggggggggggggg ass journey of war new comrads maby some love a boat lode of one linners

3047810>>3047819>>3047951>>3048635
Ponies just learned where they stand in the Pecking Order.

3049556

3049556hoollllyyyy crappppp I like

3051306 Lower than worms.

3051633 No problem.

Spike a lone dragon has finnaly found his true fammily but will he go with his brother and learn the ways of the Dragon or stay with his friends in ponyvilie.

lol wats a sentence amirite?

jorny into the unkown

lol

3053485fixed it

Description is addled.

3072614?????

3072641 Look the word up.

blogcdn.com/www.mandatory.com/media/2013/02/7ab.png

3185267 not cool dude not cool I just have trouble and I work as best I can and get any help I can for I will make this fic great one way or another

3187942 blogcdn.com/www.mandatory.com/media/2013/02/85e.png

3188104 I can understand getting jugged harshly but if you don't have a reason behind it I will just straight up ban you from here. are we clear

3188173 Oh, there's perfectly good reasoning, first and foremost that you don't seem to have ever encountered the English language before, much less have ever written it down.

3189277 yes I know I have a typing and a writing diffshensy but I am doing my best to improve other than the grammer is their any thing else that was wrong or will you just spote more unessery comments

3219543 where exactly?

3220594
Everywhere.

I have some questions, and please know that these are sincere requests for information and are not intended to denigrate you in any way. Please, I must know. It would tell me so much and just might enable me to help you.
- How old are you?
- What is your native language?

3221549 soon to be 17 and English but with a spelling diffshensy

3223011

Well if you have a spelling deficiency I can suggest getting a few editors to help you out

3222442
We're nowhere near the level of Grammar Nazi yet, trust me. We're a couple of Spelling Crossing Guards, and once we're past that, we can always scrounge up a Grammar Election Day Volunteer Poll Worker, maybe as high up as a Grammar Meter Maid. Once we get past the basics, we can look at possibly helping the writer make some more sophisticated refinements -- if he's willing to work with us.

3223149>>3223940 when do we start?

3224455
One of the very first comments on your story had a link to an online spell-checker. I believe that would be a good beginning.

3224566 thax

3224455

Look at this group:

Looking for Editors

You should be able to find one or two people willing to work with you.

this story, i like, though you may wanna slow down a bit

3440423 good to know

Seriously, tone down the dragon OC; or better yet, consider taking him out entirely. He's as genuine a God Mode Stu as I've ever come across, and it's really detrimental to the story. He turns every scene he's in into a joke by virtue of the sheer bluntness his 'power' and 'coolness' are presented with, which is probably exactly the opposite of what you intended; and as the narrative is so fixated upon pushing him, it's impossible to overlook the problems. And that's a shame.

Spike having a dragon brother whom he can accompany on adventures is an interesting concept, but the way his brother is written sadly ruins it.

3460455 that's the thing who says Blaze will help Spike on his quest directly

3461844
I just want to explain one of the problems with the dragons presented here:

If your dragon OCs aren't lying about their power, they trivialize everything merely by existing.

More magical than Celestia, faster than Rainbow Dash, can juggle a mountain, 10,000.5 trillion years old, which on its own sound ridiculous... and the list goes on and on. It's—well, it's not interesting. The canon cast, with the possible exception of Spike, has been reduced to a joke, and for what? Just to make a bunch of dragons with a chip on their shoulder look cool?
Remember what Golden Vision wrote? He had it right: introducing new characters who are better than the canonically best is usually a no-no; and back when he wrote it, we didn't even know the full extent of their supposed power! It can be done right, but it's difficult to pull off, and these dragons definitely don't. Instead, they reminded me of this:
static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/GodManVsThePurpleBeetle_3147.png
That's not a good sign.

Look, I don't know how much stock you'll take in my words. We were in disagreement over the presentation of Spike's power in White Squall, and I completely understand if you're now hesitant to accept my criticism. But please believe me, here it's not that they're dragons, or that it's Spike who's to become powerful, those are pet peeves and I'll admit it: It's the fact that the showcasing of your OC's wisdom/power/age/overall superiority in every way imaginable is drowning out the actual narrative. And even if that's never going to be an issue from here on out, why do it in the first place? It's hanging over the collective heads of the characters like the Sword of Damocles now.

I apologise if this sounds like an attack; it's not meant to be. I also don't want to discourage you from writing—just by having published something on FimFiction, you've already surpassed my own efforts on this site. I just wanted to point out the one flaw that I, personally, found too jarring to overlook.

If it turns out, though, that they aren't actually this overwhelmingly overpowered, that they were just bulsh*tting the ponies, then I'll tip my hat and salute you.

3473964 No they are OP for a good reason and it's Spike's story every one else is just to move things along like that one side chater you see once then never again but they help keep the story moving

Find an editor really fast, because the whole story is riddled with typos, grammatical errors, missing capitalisation, etc.

And if you have an editor, fire him and take a serious one.

Spike a lone dragon has finally found his true family but will he go with his brother and learn the ways of the Dragon or stay with his friends in ponyvilie. And will his journey be fruitful or will he regret going on this journey into the unknown.

How can someone miss this in a description ? And the whole story is like this.

Dude. Get an editor.

Yeah... you should really fix the description, mate. You've had the grammar, which is very basic grammar, might I add, pointed out to you at least twice as far as I can see. It's not difficult to go into the description and fix it up

Personally, I would flip if somepony told me my description held errors, even some of the less simple grammatical ones. I'm still mulling through my stories that I forgot to edit because I'm ashamed of my mistakes. That's a good thing for a writer, to be ashamed of mistakes, at least a little bit. It's that shame that motivates you to fix those errors and work harder to prevent them in the future.

Also, this is a good premise, and I truly look forward to reading it when it's been better edited. I'll likely put this on my Read Later so I can check up on it occasionally. I see promise here. You just need to bring it out.

~CC

Are you even trying to write something worth reading? I can get beyond some of the spelling errors but you're really bad at spelling and even a spell check can't help you when a word is spelled correctly but it's the wrong word. For example "mock" means fake, false, not real, etc. This is different than "mach" which is a measure of speed. My guess is you're trying to spell by means of phonetics which can work but often times doesn't because English doesn't really work by means of actual rules.

But no, my problem is with the storytelling and how it is you're trying to get your point across. These "dragons" you're talking about are seemingly so stupendously powerful and amazingly amazing that nothing can stand against them. They are practically the definition of a Mary Sue. Overpowered to the point of ridiculousness. A dragon bigger than Canterlot who can magically change his size and mass? Basilisks that are so strong they can juggle mountains and jump miles into the air at Mach 4? Do you even know how fast Mach 4 is much less what Mach 4 is?

Sorry but there's suspension of disbelief and then there's sh*tting all over it and hoping that people don't see the difference. Guess which one you're trying to get us to accept?

3511557 are you willing to edit

3512848 I might be, but my schedule is a bit Hellish at the moment, so don't expect anything any time soon. I will get back to you on it when I find time, though.

3513180 kk pm me

3512218

Lol yeah.

The fastest plane we have today is the SR-71 Blackbird, which can go Mach 3.

At full speed, the plane gets so hot, that they had designed it's titanium platings to stretch.

By the way, Mach 4 is 1,361.16 meters per second.

3514640
I know all about the SR-71 Blackbird. Friction alone gets that baby up over 600 degrees when she's cruising at top speed. It's crazy, I know.

It's just that things like that can pull a reader out of the story which is what most writers don't want to happen. I guess it just comes down to what sounds impressive against what suspension of disbelief will allow. And unfortunately this story just went beyond my threshold.

3516322>>3514640 will fix that

3937473 I like your story.  Why does it have down votes?

4242026 grammer and first fic soo it normaly gets a lot of votes down. + i am a tad pride full and make quite a few enammys also i am in like 50 groups with this story so it gets around

4242072 I feel the same way.  My story Ace Combat: Divided Feelings also have down votes.  Want to check out my story?

4242717 naa i'll pass sorry