lonelywhitefox
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Shadow: Finally! A displaced story with my favorite Sonic character! I do have one I'm creating too, I'm only finishing the third chapter before releasing it, so let's see where this one goes!
I like where this is going!
Interesting I look forward to seeing how this develops.
Good story so far.
This is definitely interesting.
Also, word of advise, try not to go overboard with the crossovers. I'm fairly curtain that to many crossovers from other displaced stories, to close together is what most people don't like about them.
Aside from grammar this is a very good story so far.
8306255
Yeah I was always better with math than English though I am glad you are enjoying it so far. Hopefully, my grammar will either approve over time or I will need to look for a proofreader.
Excellent chapter
Needing more story here!
Also, you’re switching between he, him and I alot.
Great so far. Though there are a few errors I saw.
Good to see Tails being used as a Displaced. ^^
Some places you change from 1st to 3rd person, like "had to stop MY hands from trying to use HIS boss' metal to make MY own inventions".
Oh I LOVE this story so far and can't wait to see what happens next, it would be cool if Tails beats old man Starswirl, heck it would be funny to see how Celestia and Luna will react if Starswirl were to tell them he lost to a young 2 tailed fox and describes how he looks and they would remember he was the one who stole one of Discords Chaos Emeralds. So what will Tails do once he has all 7 Chaos Emeralds, will he go after the Master Emerald too or just leave that with the Alicorns, I would think he would try to use the 7 Chaos Emeralds to make his version of the Floating Island then so he will have a place to call home along with it being his own personal base to go off to when he doesn't want to be found.
Despite few errors here and there, this is probably one of the best beginnigns of a story, and definitely the best for the displaced one.
Shadow: This is going to be a Mortal Chess Kombat, in my opinion.
(Disclaimer I don't own Mlp or Tails the fox along with the image used as the cover which was made by EvanStanley from Deviant art.) (A Displacer story for those who don't like them to know.)
I have never been one for interacting with people or well even one that deals with violence I have always been one that would usually avoid it while I could. I am still hoping to keep it that way even know I will seem to need to hang around people much more then hoped. All because of a single statue I wanted to add to my collection I have.
Then with some time to think one single thought went through my head "What am I going to do without technology?" Then I thought I have a genius' mind why not use it to help their technology along a bit faster. Though the main question I have is which nation to start in it and how to keep it from going to certain areas of technology that I would find unfavorable.
You should probably add another empty line between the part where you write as the author and where you start writing in character.
I hope this was helpful to you
Thre grammar seriously needs work, otherwise its great. Also some things seem to be laxking details, I didn't even figure out the tournament was Chess until the very end! Rather confusing.
8390436
Well I am going to start looking for a proofreader to help and yeah I was going to save most of the details for the tournament next chapter. So the last round with Starswirl will be more detailed.
Ok... He's picking up on what's going on really fast.... Like, how does he know he's 8 without really looking himself over? And why not take his clothes? It'd be more fun if he was naked for a while...
He also used chaos control reeeaaly easily, considering how it's supposed to work. You should probably read up on stuff like that before implementing it, and have a bit more explanation as to how it's happening, especially if you want to write about invention.
I'm finding the concept interesting so far, but I feel like the execution needs polish, and you already told me about your English skills. I'll read the rest later...
8392891
What I think the author was thinking is that, it was more a accident that he used chaos control
8391237
The grammar isn't that bad I honestly didn't notice that that much but I think it's really good. This is the only human turned into tails story I can find.
ERMIGERD!!!! I NEED MORE!!!!!
Good story is good 'like'
Love this story
Tails is such a badass
That was an epic chess game.
Awesome chapter. It seems Starswirl is a sore loser.
How about a Ratchet and CLank clop story
Is the ore plants a nod to the the ore bush mod on minecraft cuse that's the first thing I thought of when I saw that
Your welcome
8602104
That and basically all games where ores, seem to grow or just re-spawn after a certain amount of time.
i hope to see more soon
Great chapter
Is this story dead?
8813248
No, I'm halfway done with the next chapter. I'm job hunting again so I have been a bit distracted, my posting schedule well being truthful I have no schedule I write when I feel like it. That is why there are just large gaps between my chapters.
8813961
That's good to hear
I love this story
8835377
I'm glad you are enjoying it.
Another good chapter
8835377
I do to
So wait, is Star-swirl trying to find tails so he can make him his student or to kill him?
or threaten to kill him unless he becomes his student?
I don't really understand the wording very well...
8838305
That is the point I want it to be confusing just in case I change my mind of what I want to do with it.
8838647
That’s not a good idea to do. I’d say figure out a plan and stick with it. Put together a synopsis for the rest of the story. Your basic plot points, then flesh it out.
8859176
Tails a student of star swirl that’s an interesting idea. Make it happen author
I wonder if this will continue?
9134854
It is I just have been either procrastinating or the few times I was going to start typing something came up and I forgot what I was doing in-between that time. I'm already over two thousand words I just have been trying to find a spot I think it would be best to stop the chapter.
9135540
Well that is ok, good to know that it’s still going.
Plus I’d like to see some music being played, just something to consider for the future.
Yay an update.
It lives!
A future rune master than, not bad.
Did you mean the guard captain?