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Blackbelt

Joined March 2012
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It's time for the school talent show! Let's watch how everything goes.

This story takes place in the Lunaverse, and takes place right after Scootalong to the Cheer

First Published
5th Feb 2013
Last Modified
5th Feb 2013

Comments ( 46 )

#1 · 81w, 2d ago · · ·

Nicely done.

Liked all the foal interactions and general foalishness. The other cameos -- Dinky and the Snips/Snails duo, Alula, etc., were all wonderful. And Scootaloo and DT were very well done.

Good stuff!

#2 · 81w, 2d ago · · ·

Hmm...I still wish that we'd gotten to see Diamond Tiara and Scootaloo's dance. Also I think it might work better at the end of the talent show, rather than in the middle. Though I know that sort of ruins the mane-brushing joke.

Otherwise, great story, and yeah, like G&C2 said, the foal-interactions were the best parts.

#3 · 81w, 2d ago · · ·

That was all sorts of sweet. :twistnerd:

Were Aloes and Lotus about to propose a Happy Ending?! :twilightoops:

#4 · 81w, 2d ago · · ·

Aww, so cute. I love seeing how flustered Diamond Tiara gets over Scootaloo, and her desperate attempts not to allow herself to show how much she likes her.

the next act was going to be that self important Apple filly

Well, isn't that just the diamond calling the apple... um... shiny?

The Great and Powerful Dinky was simply adorable. I'm really liking the relationship between Trixie and Dinky. Twilight should really have an apprentice, I think. (Canon Twilight, that is, not our one. :twilightoops:) Really, all of the acts were adorable, and Scootaloo and DT's outfits sounds really cute.

#5 · 81w, 1d ago · 2 · ·

MY WINDOW!!! :rainbowlaugh:

#6 · 81w, 1d ago · · ·

Awww....  Scootiaria is soo cute!  I hope they get some more airtime in season 2.

Also, The Great and Powerful Dinky!

#7 · 81w, 1d ago · · 4 ·

I hope Scoots is strait...just to break DT's heart.  I hate that filly!

#8 · 81w, 1d ago · · ·

For Luna's sake, DT, just pony up and confess.

#9 · 81w, 1d ago · · ·

>>2079768

Ah, but then where would the drama be?

#10 · 81w, 1d ago · · ·

Ah breaking Trixie's window. Will it ever get old?

#11 · 81w, 1d ago · · ·

>>2077855

Given all that happened to Cherilee over the last week I think she deserved one.. :raritydespair:

Although I thought heavy roller would be more likely to be involved that the spar twins :yay:

#12 · 81w, 1d ago · · ·

Not bad. :scootangel:

>>2080232 Pretty sure it never will. :trixieshiftleft:

#13 · 81w, 1d ago · · ·

>>2077855

Maybe. and?

>>2079282

dude! not cool.:flutterrage:

#14 · 81w, 1d ago · · 1 ·

>>2081675 Diamond Tiara's only character description is bitch.:trollestia:

#15 · 81w, 1d ago · · ·

>>2080693 Cheerilee and Heavy Roller need a shipping fic :p

>>2081675 :rainbowlaugh: I guess she does deserve something nice...

#16 · 81w, 1d ago · · ·

>>2082460

GOD YES they need a shipping fic.

#17 · 81w, 20h ago · · ·

>>2082428

She likes bananas...

Applebloom doped on Heart's Desire to win a Talent Show? Seriously?

And the only way that Trogdor interlude could have been better if it was Sweetie Bell, singing her rendition of "Rarity is a big fat horse," but this was probably more appropriate.

#18 · 81w, 19h ago · · ·

>>2083844

No, she didn't dope on Heart's Desire.

#19 · 80w, 6d ago · 2 · ·

>>2082428

In the show, sure. But that hasn't been her only character trait since her very first appearance in the Lunaverse back in "Family Matters," where I showed her being relatively nice to Dinky and having a surprisingly good sense of work ethic (or at least appreciation for the work ethic of others) and first implied her crush on Scoots.

Don't get me wrong, her primary character trait is being a bully, and that won't change. It's just not the sum total of her character.

#20 · 80w, 6d ago · · ·

>>2090079 I see your point...I still hate the stuck up filly

#21 · 80w, 6d ago · · ·

Okay... I know i'm gonna get yelled at, told to drop it, but I gotta say it. First off, a wonderful fic. It was heartwarming, funny as hell and just plain great. One thing, though...

The window.

It's... it's overused at this point. It's cruel, it's verging on petty and cheap. Not just here, either. I know, I know. But it's past ridiculous for me. :ajsleepy:

Still, otherwise, this is a great story.

#22 · 80w, 6d ago · · ·

>>2090401

It's a running gag that I haven't been able to use yet, ok? I felt the need to.

>>2090079

...one of these days I should write a DT story without Scoota in it just to show that point.....

#23 · 80w, 6d ago · 4 · ·

“....ARE YOU STALKING MY WINDOW!?”

:rainbowlaugh:

This beat MLP's actual episode by a friggin mile.

Once again, the Lunaverse's authors deliver.

Good story.

:yay:

#24 · 80w, 6d ago · · ·

>>2084098

was she tested???

HA! and HA! again.

:trixieshiftright:

:pinkiehappy:

#25 · 80w, 4d ago · 3 · ·

“Miss Representative, your window is putting my kid through College.”

That line made me literaly LOL

#26 · 76w, 3h ago · 3 · ·

Wow. No thumbs-downs. And now that I said it someone will put it for the sake of puting it.

#27 · 75w, 6d ago · 1 · ·

Ahh, Lunaverse Diamond Tiara. So much like canon on the outside, but with a gooey center of adorkableness. :twilightsmile:

#28 · 75w, 12h ago · · ·

>>2090519 >>2090401

Eh, I kinda like it. Ties the series together, and really, >>2080232 has it about right.

Z2
#29 · 74w, 5d ago · · ·

Who the *buy some apples* is Alula and why is she allowed to run into this fic and make off with all of its respectability?

#30 · 74w, 5d ago · · ·

>>2305867

You can find out all about Alula Here

As for the second part...

What the hell do you mean 'Lost all respectability?'

Explain yourself.

#31 · 74w, 3d ago · · ·

The Lunaverse made me dig this ship. I would be delighted to read more literary material concerning the amorous adventures and misadventures of these two fillies (WRITE MOAR, DAMMIT!).

Z2
#32 · 74w, 3d ago · · ·

>>2305897

I don't have to explain myself to you, but I will anyway since I'm nice.

Alicorn OCs have to be handled rather delicately. Even if they aren't really alicorns. Even if they aren't OCs either, but rather an animation error that some fan decided should be a real thing (I'd object to that alone, but we got Derpy out of that kind of thing.) A random, context-less, unneccessary, five second cameo is not a good location in which to place a character (particularly an unknown one) that has something particularly unusual - feature or stigma.

I was reading all these Lunaverse Stories in the 'season one' order, so I saw this before the chapter you mentioned. I waited until after I read it there, but it turns out there really isn't any more context, purpose, or enjoyability in her original scene. I considered chastising you for giving a character a 'reappearance' before they had actually appeared, but I had to control-f the comments on the original to figure out wtb was going on.

I tend to believe there are things you can't just write down and then move on without acknowledging (unless it is for certain humor purposes.) This was very clearly written for the author - all fanfic is, really - but the ones that I respect work with their readers' knowledge and tastes, while treating the original with a modicum of delicacy and respect.

Granted, even if there was a part of my brain stuck on the obnoxious 'Alula' thing, it isn't THAT big of a deal. A fic I actually enjoy can get away with a lot of crud like that - I just do the research so I get some nice tasty context. This Talent Show thing though... Really, it's terribly short, the protagonist is annoying, the prose is inelegant; and the only reason it had even the chance to BE respectable is because it is apparently canon in the Lunaverse, and I tend to go for the complete works when available. So yeah, maybe I lost the respect I had for something a little... petty, but I only had about half of a 'Not Bad' face to begin with.

#33 · 74w, 3d ago · · ·

>>231696

ok, fair enough. Next question:

What would you do to improve the issues you have?

#34 · 74w, 2d ago · · ·

>>2316964 She's not an alicorn. She's a true Pegasus-Unicorn crossbreed, which tends to fall slightly short in both areas compared to the regular varieties because of the difficulty in learning two unrelated skill sets. Some manage to be average in both, some manage to excel in one over another, and on occasion you get one that's great at both. They are not even remotely on the level of an Alicorn.

Z2
#35 · 74w, 2d ago · · ·

>>2317363

Honestly? Just remove Alula from the story. Her presence, even handled perfectly, would add nothing to this story. As it stands, her cameo is there for its own sake and no other reason; which doesn't work well with cameos that beg justification or explanation. Without her the fic would be acceptable. Not great, but not problematic in any way I can help.

>>2319751

Yes, I know that's what it IS; but that isn't what it LOOKS like. First impressions and appearances count in a thing like this. I did acknowledge in my comment that I am aware of the situation, the presentation is still the fault. Whether she's superkid or just a unicorn who duck-taped wings to her sides, I don't believe her unnecessary token part in this story was well managed.

#36 · 66w, 3d ago · · 2 ·

Moves too fast and accomplishes too little. I mostly breezed past this fic on the way to others.

I think you have the right ideas, but your structure, writing, and development could use some polishing.

EDIT: Oh, right, I forgot about the Trogdor reference. I had blacked that out of my mind, because it was frankly the most terrible moment in the entire thing.

What on earth are you doing referencing that in a canon fic?

#37 · 61w, 1d ago · · ·

Well I thought it was a cute nonsense fic. Trixie does seem to bad luck with her windows :P I wouldn't mind seeing more of the nonsense the Lunaverse foals get into.

#38 · 53w, 6d ago · · ·

Quick! Somebody make this ship into a tumblr blog!!!!!!

#39 · 51w, 2d ago · · ·

TROOOOOOOOOGDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORR!!!! : D

TDR
#40 · 50w, 2d ago · · ·

Trogdor. Window stalking. Scootiara shipping. Dinky being adorable. Perfect. The cameo threw me off a little but not enough to break the story.

#41 · 49w, 4d ago · · ·

This was ADORABLE! All of my :heart:s

#42 · 49w, 1d ago · · ·

she said to the crowd, look apologetic

1. Looking.

#43 · 49w, 1d ago · · ·

>>3221467

Could I request you put this list of corrections (which I appreciate) into one post this time?

#44 · 49w, 1d ago · · ·

>>3221494 Alrighty then, next time when it comes around. I'll also label which chapter just to clarify:pinkiehappy:

#45 · 36w, 1d ago · · ·

Oh, and for the record: As far as I am concerned, the song "Trogdor" was actually written centuries ago by a dragon names Trogdor.

He tried messing with Luna once. Luna won.

I'd like to see Strong Bad's reaction to that!

#46 · 28w, 6d ago · 1 · ·

Your window is putting my kid through college! Lol!:rainbowlaugh::moustache:

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