Diamond Tiara Goes Too Far

Emeral Bookwise #1 · Apr 6th, 2013 · 10 · 2 ·

Wow, I... well, I wasn't expecting it to get nearly so dark.

First the bad: to be perfectly honest a part of me wanted to just stop reading the moment the injuries were first revealed. That part of me only got louder at the hospital as the injuries were confirmed to be just as serious as they first look (though mercifully not fatal), and louder still as the CMC ended up comatose for a month. I literally had to force myself to keep reading throughout all of this. The reversal at the end made nothing better either. It just meant now I had to go through all the same unsettling emotions all over again.

Now for the good: I really liked how you captured Diamond Tiara's guilt over causing the CMC's injuries, how it only cut into her twice as deep once as every pony started thanking her for having "saved" their lives, live she was responsible for endangering in the first place, and yet through it all she kept up her own superficial pretenses, dodging punishment for her crime, but still crushed under her own guilt all leading up to confrontation at the hospital where having the CMC themselves now thanking her as well was finally one straw of guilt too much.

Next, the indeterminate: I'm really just not sure what to make of the reversal reveal, that it had actually been Tiara who had been severely injured and that she'd just been dreaming all the guilt. It's a twist all right, and I suppose it serves as an effective setup for Tiara's own redemption without her actually having to bear any weight of sin, it might even be inspirationally up lifting, a salvatory light at the end of the bleak tunnel that is the rest of the fic, but... well I... I just don't know, I guess.

So how does this all add up?

Personally I think the summary could do with a better up front warning so that readers know what they are getting themselves into. Like I said, I had to force myself to finish this and a large part of that was due to being blindsided by the deadly serious nature of the injuries. If nothing else I strongly think that either the DARK and/or GORE tags should be added. Also, well... I'm just not sure what purpose this fic is meat to severe. Granted that's sort of a useless question to ask – are will be what it will be, and usually it's usually enough to just leave it at that, a product of artistic inspiration.

Still, this fic also feel a bit wastefully irreverent, like it's something that should have been longer and more involved so as to fully flesh out all the weighty emotions it dredges up... but on the other hand, I'm not sure I would have been able to force myself to finish this fic if it where any longer. Again though, most of that is because I wasn't prepared for such a grim fic when I sat down and started reading.

...

Oh, and one more thing.

The second and third ponies, who kept whispering words of comfort to each other, were two white furred unicorns. Sweetie Belle’s parents.

Sweetie Belle's mom is pink, unless the pair was actually Rarity and their dad, and Tiara is just mistakenly guessing at them both being her parents. Granted, the whole thing is ultimately a dream anyway so I guess it can just be written off as a product of Tiara's own delusional imaginings. As far as I could notice though, it was the only such non-factual detail, so if the error was an intentional attempt to provide an early clue to the reader it loses effectiveness form being isolated. Unless I just missed any other subtle hints along the way.

Shrinky Frod

Shrinky Frod #2 · Apr 6th, 2013 · 2 · 2 ·

Blackbelt

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