- Member Since 10th Jul, 2011
- offline last seen Yesterday
Brony Tom
Hello. I do things every now and then. Also, ponies.
Brony Tom
Joined 10th Jul, 2011 ·
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MADE MY DAY ASDOGAAOGADGKALDHLFN
Fight fire with fire.
Why not fight it with water?
Or sand?
This sounds fantastic. I'm especially interested in how you're writing Golden. She feels perfectly done considering how little you had to go off. of.
2021980
Because- because- um-
That makes too much sense.
2021808
Glad to be of service.
2021985
Thank you! I went back and re-read everything that referenced her in preparation for it, so I'm glad you picked up on that. (Plus, TNaB was also a huge help there) Hopefully her role goes over well.
2021980 We were going to say "Fighting terrorists with vampires," but that might be too awesome.
2022001 AGLHASHBSBHJA SO COOL MY CIRCUITS ARE OVERLOADING
Oh hey man. Cool stuff.
The idea is one I'd never have expected, but it's wonderfully entertaining.
Good to see you doing some writing. Will you have anything for me to look over anytime soon?
2022066
Because everyone knows that tortoises win races, right? ...right?
I'm working on it. Slowly but surely.
Only I fiary tales my good friend. Yet anouther piece of art.
2022074
If they cross with dashie yes.
Good story, please keep going.
Terrorizing the terrorists? Seems like a sound plan.
This is quickly going somewhere amazing. Darker than your usual stuff too. I like it.
I like where this is going
The descriptions of putting in the armour were incredible. Just the right amount of suggestion to let the mind carry the rest of the imagery. The piece with her covering her heart was really incredible. The small mention of her nosing aside her lungs was what really struck me. It wouldn't even occur to me to think of the lungs being in the way and your small mention of them sharpened the scene so much from such a small thing. Truly incredible. You likely will be the holder of my favourite Golden at this rate. Your dedication and focus really shows.
I won't lie. The fact I'm complimenting you on describing someone getting their skin torn off and having armoured plates fitted inside them is a bit weird and definitely not something I pictured myself doing. Now that I am though I want to compliment you on your descriptions of the pieces of armour. I really shows you did your homework on figuring out what would work in terms of shaping. My main curiousity is actually how think or noticeable they will be. Are the outside plates very thin and hard to spot or is it clear she has something under her skin? I could see each one having pros and cons. Pros could certainly add to the horror aspect, though for cons letting your opponents know of your advantages is never a good idea.
On Cheerilee I find myself recalling a character in a novel being attacked by something from his nightmares and refusing to budge. He is beaten almost to death but is described as being so strong and tough that the damage is merely physical and nothing was able to penetrate his mental barriers. No matter how much the monster wants him to be he refuses to be scared.
2039902
Indubitably.
2050518>>2051824
Glad to hear it!
And yes, this is going to be a bit darker, what with all the terrorizing to be done.
(BTW, that avatar pic is awesome, Curious)
2053504
Wow, thanks! I put a lot of effort into getting that visceral feel, and TNaB was a huge help as well, so it's nice to know that it impacted you so much.
Oh my god!
That was very descriptive.
2053841
Whoops, I didn't notice who the actual author was, I thought this was totallynotabrony! Still, my point stands, this is pretty dark, and not the lame 12-year-old-loledgy kind of dark. This is the good stuff.
Also, thanks, I get that a lot (as you can imagine).
2055307
Well, TNaB did write about half of it, so I think I can understand why you'd miss that.
The ancient evil sword really sells the terror outfit.
When you mug someone, you really never know when it's going to be a vampire. I'm mildly suspicious of the green unicorn that Golden is looking for, since he apparently also failed some muggers
2063644
Eeyup
This story is pretty suspenseful. And I'm also thinking that Golden might get more than she bargained for when she confronts the green unicorn. Ya know, just a but of a pattern in these stories.
CRUSH. KILL. DESTROY.
SWAG.
Yeah, that guy was definitely suspicious, even if apparently not a vampire. Cheerilee will still take him apart, though.
More Cheerille, less Golden Ring.... please. I don't want no Golden Ring, exactly. Just far more Cheerilee. Please.
2092108
You know, I was a little concerned about that myself, but nobody else commented on it. Thank you for that comment; I will address it in the coming chapters.
Another stellar chapter. Just to be contrary I'm really enjoying things split between golden Ring and Cheerilee. They make a nice contrast between each other.
Damn....This just keeps improving.
2114418
Thank you.
2114510 Don't mention it
I'm just sorry I'm not quite coherent enough to go into detail. Assume this is because everything is so awesome I can't focus on one specific point.
I had a feeling that pegasus was going to loose a wing. Didn't expect the second pegasus to contribute a pair of wings to her landing, but that felt very true to the spirit of the Vampire Cheerilee stories.
The scenes where Cheerilee fucks over HOOF are the best parts of this story, followed closely by HOOF reaction to "Smiley". And this scene most definitely delivered. Cheerilee tearing out that one guys heart and eating it was just freaking sweet. Can't wait for more!
Damn, Cheerilee's got style!
Huh. I think this marks the first occasion where Cheerilee has actually consumed pony flesh (including pony blood) 'on-screen'. Hope that doesn't screw her up like it's screwed up Golden already. (Of course, Golden did a lot more than take two bites from a zebra's heart, but still...)
I would very much like to see the HOOF side of things regrading the attacks on them. It would be very interesting.
This story is like the steamroller of badassness, it starts slowly and then picks up speed to flatten anything in its path with the sheer amount of mucho.
)
If 'Blade' was directed by you, it would actually be impressive instead of funny (my cousin and i were kicked out of the cinema for laughing too hard at its corniness
Ooh, and now Celestia get in on the action!
That line, that line right there.
You might want to fix that.
I really do like seeing a story where the Princesses are involved in the plot and not completely useless.
2148308
Noted and fixed, thanks!
Heyyy, leather coat. Dresden has an enchanted leather co- oh wait, you got that armor already, nevermind.
I really got to stop doing that.
Ooo, Tia's getting in on the fun.
Just finished reading chapter two. I'm squemish around blood and this made me shiver, I LOVE when a fic can get a RL reaction out of me, fucking perfect. So far this newest installment in the vampire Cheerilee serious really seems to be pumping fresh life into it, I was worried with the last installment that it was beginning to become stale but that no longer worries me, great job, both of you.
My sincerest apologies for the enormous delay, and many thanks to TNaB for being so patient with me. Enjoy!
However you copied it from GDocs, it left tags for comments. Do a Ctrl+F for [e], [f], [g], and [h]
Do do you tack a bag to the inside of your esophagus with hooves?
Inquiring minds want to know!
Why do I feel like I've read Golden's part already?
2305244
Maybe you recognized his style?
I don't know, honestly. TNaB and I tried a little experiment with this chapter, where I wrote the Cheerilee scene and he wrote the Golden scene.
2303114
Very carefully.
First off, when I see Cheerilee using the name Smiley, I see this.
upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/0/04/Red-John-Smiley-Face.png/220px-Red-John-Smiley-Face.png
Second, I thought this would be fitting for my favorite cop/informant exchanges ever.