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As a child, Daphne knew of a world where magic lived, where an immortal princess reigned over a beautiful kingdom, and longed to journey there beside Leit Motif, the filly she'd grown to love in the woods behind her home. But one day, when she needed her most, Leit Motif was gone, and she never came back to show her the way. As she grew, she put aside her childish dreams, and taught herself to believe the lie.
When forces beyond her knowing take her sister Amelia, though, she discovers that her childhood fancies were entirely too real, and is thrust into a journey that will take her back to that land she longed for, back to the childhood friend she'd abandoned, and to worlds she'd only dreamed of.
This turned out really, really well. I wouldn't be surprised if this got featured at some point here.
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I would certainly hope so! I put a lot of heart into it.
This is actually pretty original. I'll be watching to see where this goes.
Have a mustache.
I like this very much, I want to see more please.
This story is confusing to me
. I don't entirely know what was going on in this chapter, but I'll watch for what happens next.
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Could you let me know what is confusing? I could clarify it for you - and if it's very confusing, I might like to fix it.
1877876What is going on in this chapter? For me it became confusing some point around when the pony stuff came in. Was it her imagination or something else? What type of HiE story is this? Regardless, I'm going to keep an eye on this story to see where it goes.
This next question is unrelated to this story but I'm wondering, when the next AMiHS chapter is coming? (Sorry if I annoy you with that question, I'm just dying to see it.)
This is different
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1) She has an extremely vivid imagination, and is good at imagining her memories in great detail.
2) A Mile in Her Shoes' chapter 1 is under severe revision, I've been working at it as I've been able :D
cant wait to find out what happens ( fav. and like )
This fic is, different, in a good way, for once there us a HiE where the human is FEMALE. For originalality, I'll give you 55 Bro points, use 'em well!
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I'm honestly surprised I haven't seen more of those <_<
There is a group for them (Human girls in Equestria) but it's not very big.
I suspect a lot of HiE is self-insert fan fiction, which I've always felt was fairly vile. Daphne is a girl because that's how it came out in inspiration and no other reason. :D
Well, I happen to like strong, independent female leads in stories, so I'm sure that's a factor.
Fantastic story so far.
I do hope you'll vary it a little from Labyrinth. Won't want to make this too predictable, after all.
FEMALE!
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Oh, significantly, I promise you. Amelia is going to be her own player in events, at the very least.
you could say, the picture sucked me right in.
That is a great beginning and I really liked how we got to know the girl before her adventures in Equestria started and how she knew her pony friend in the past especially with a hint of that pony might coming to help her in one day (even though I'm worried that she might be the enemy). The only flaw in this beginning is how confusing it was when it was shifting to her memory, I mean when she starts talking about. There's no pause or break or even good perspective shift between the past in the present until later into the past. I'm not sure how you can fix this in this style but I like the way it was laid out in the end though.
any updates soon?
As much as I found myself disliking Daphne, I've really been enjoying this story so far. Time to read the next chapter!
"To a my bedroom" doesn't parse. Should it be just "to my bedroom"?
anybody else think the opening to this was VERY similar to the Labyrinth?
Moody teenager? check
Thinks parents are pushy? check
dislikes younger sibling? check
younger sibling gets taken to magical world? supposed to happen
Moody teenager must now save sibling from said magical place? future event
all we need now is discord to pop up with some magic crystal balls and be voiced by David Bowie
Excellent start! I believe my first impression can be summed up by the two words I uttered when Leit Motif was identified: holy shit!
I still think this story is amazing. It does not matter to me if the updates are small or large. As long as you continue to write, I will continue to read. Great job.
Update! Woo!
Naomi's an interesting character. I have a feeling she's going to be absolutely hilarious in Equestria, Plus a friend along for the crazy adventure shenanigans is always a plus.
I personally like longer chapters, but I can see how they might turn some people off. Plus splitting up the chapters will give you a reserve so that you can keep updating semi-regularly while taking your time working on the next chapter.
Can't wait for the next part. I'm eager to get this adventure started!
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Naomi has swiftly become one of my favorites to write. I only regret that I have only so many scenes to write her in.
This flows rather stiltedly. The pace is jarred as we transition from the previous sentence to the next. Maybe something like I waited for ten minutes before placing my hands in my pockets and made it appear as though I was there against my will.
Run on sentence. Period after detritus and modify following sentence. I pondered, or I examined to start the next part, perhaps?
Other than that, did really see anything problematic with the rest of the chapter.
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Great, thanks. Feel free to continue~
This story is just amazing. Also longer updates are fine I see no problem with them
Finally updated! So far I'm loving this story! And I don't really care about the size of the updates since the longer they are the more excuse I have to procrastinate other things
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This thing updated? Aw sweet. This, this I can get on board with. This is very nice and very nicely done.
Naomi reminds me of a friend.... she's, equally hyper and would probably hug a unicorn to death if she saw one.
Naomi joins the party!:
Wow this is a first, someone who got transformed into a pony and friend who is just as interesting and serious when the time calls for it gets ready to go into Equestria together and stays human. I think I should award you with an originality trophy now. Especially since it doesn't seem like her family is going to hold her back from joining Daphne on a rescue mission. It's pretty awesome to see a dynamic of friends like this, Naomi reminds me of Pinkie Pie a little bit. Now I wonder how Daphne and Naomi will figure out on how to get to Equestria.
By the way, I thought she was going to be turned into a pony while being transported to Equestria (at least now I'm glad that Equestria is not a Fisher Kingdom i.e. anybody who enters the land transform into a native of that land) but she's still in the real world instead. I just hope she'll find a way to enter Equestria soon or else she'll show her pony form to more people than she wants to. I also hope the next few chapters will focus on Daphne until she finds Amelia or did you plan to start alternating now?
Pulling an E.T. are we
An update at last! Joy!
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I'm seeing a lot of calls for 'longer chapters,' so I'll discuss it with folks. Worst case, I'll do the squishing before I update Part 2 of this chapter.
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Naomi wouldn't kill a unicorn like that... that would mean she wouldn't be able to put it in a cage.
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Guilty as charged!
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Hah! Earthbound, good choice for it, too.
I'm glad Naomi is going over well. And yeah, she's knows what's important, so even her... excessive enthusiasm can be put aside when it needs to be.
As for the rest, you'll have to wait and see!
You'll see Amelia again at the start of Chapter 3, and then she has an entire chapter all to herself. I alternate as it makes narrative sense to - well, at least what I think makes sense.
Looks like I stumbled on another gem here.
I don't see how chapter lengths matter. Chapter breaks should occur when it makes narrative sense for them to do so. Also as a matter of pacing.
Anyway, really liking this is story so far. Doing a lot of stuff just enough different from the usual to be fresh. Also looks like a lot of potential for great chemistry between the growing cast.
Quickly look around for any Reeses Pieces.
And the fun just keeps getting wilder!
Hello, Naomi Misora... whoops, wrong show.
As long as you're still writing, I'll still read this no matter how often or scarce the updates are.
Well this is just fantastic, I'm so glad I finally took the time to read it.
Not only is the writing fluid and erudite and the sense of place and atmosphere really strong, it all holds together tightly and gives the characters plenty of opportunities to show themselves.
Really looking forward to seeing where this goes.
I also like all the little touches of dramatic irony that reference the show - "Prison on the moon," "sugarcube," that sort of thing.
I thoroughly enjoyed the chapter. I had no issues with the chapter length; the break point felt quite natural. I'm looking forward to seeing more of Naomi, and I'm impressed that you have the story plotted out to the point where you know how much of each character we'll be seeing.
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*soaks up compliments*
I'm glad you chose 'erudite' instead of 'excessively wordy.'
I'm glad you picked those up, too. I can be a little hammy even when I'm trying to be serious. I figured people would get a little kick at seeing them "accidentally" referencing, and it would help leaven the mood.
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Not quite to the point where I have every scene planned out, but I have most of the story plotted, aye. There's lots of room for wriggle and definitely some areas where I haven't decided one way or the other yet.
MOAR!
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. Naomi also allows us a different perspective on who Daphne is, which is really exciting.
That's good, because I too love her. In addition to being a great, refreshing subversion of the literary trope of someone (who isn't a child) in our world discovering something supernatural and freaking out like always (she does freak out, but in an adorable squeeing fangirl way instead of the tired, cliche screaming and such), she's just a solid, charming character. And as you pointed out in the notes, she is really useful to the plot in allowing us to organically delve into Daphne's past, since she can bring up things that it would be weird and out of character for Daphne to be thinking about at the moment, such as the most embarrassing moment of her life
As far as chapter length, I go by the "breaking it when it feels natural" system. If I haven't read a story yet, seeing 20k word chapters can be a bit daunting, but once I'm into it, any length will do. Whichever you feel is best is fine by me.
This is good. This is really good.
I notice some errors here and there, but honestly don't keep track, and they are quickly forgotten because the story and narrative is just 'fun', and that's really what matters to me when I'm reading a fanfic, or any story for that matter. It's not like they are anywhere near that frequent anyway. It seems pretty apparent that you have an adequate command of the language.
This story deserves to be featured on EQDaily, and to spawn a whole darn universe, a lot more than something like The Conversion Bureau does, and I've only read the first two chapter. I can't believe there is so much more content for this story that I can't read! Your editors have earned my SCORN and eventual grudging forgiveness. Clearly they are being distracted by the wiles of the demiurge.
What makes this story even more uncanny to me is that a month ago I was homeless in Massachusetts, and walked 27 miles from Worcester to Fitchburg to see a shaman of all things. So I actually feel like I've walked through the setting of the story, in a manner of speaking. If I didn't, I certainly passed right by it while riding the train to Boston.
So yeah. This story has me pretty excited, and that's somewhat rare lately.
The latest chapter was pretty good. The transformation sequence was confusing but the rest of the chapter was very good and Naomi is an interesting character and I can't wait to see how she contributes to this story. Now what happened to Amelia?...
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You'll find out soon, but I'll give you a hint!
It's awesome.
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What about the scene confused you? I'd like to know so I can repair it.
I would note that she's already completely transformed when this chapter starts, if that helps.
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A whole world? You flatter me, ma'am.
...and I would totally dig that, incidentally.
Incidentally, I have to ask: what sort of Shaman?
I am so in love with this story. Honestly, I kind of want to write a story just like it, except that it wouldn't be Equestria the girl is traveling to and superheroes would be involved (long story). I'd have to rebuild the characters, mythology, terminology etc from the ground up and check legal rules to see what I'd have to do to avoid a Hasbro lawsuit, since I do want to get that story published as a novel eventually. I might even have to use a sapient animal other than ponies.
But I digress. I love Naomi, the fact that she's coming along, and that she's so enthusiastic. My only question is, if you're splitting each chapter into two uploads, why not just make each upload its own chapter? Do the narrative breaks in the story not work that way?