This turned out really, really well. I wouldn't be surprised if this got featured at some point here.

>>18766411876641

I would certainly hope so! I put a lot of heart into it.

This is actually pretty original. I'll be watching to see where this goes.

Have a mustache.

I like this very much, I want to see more please.

This story is confusing to me. I don't entirely know what was going on in this chapter, but I'll watch for what happens next.

>>18778661877866

Could you let me know what is confusing? I could clarify it for you - and if it's very confusing, I might like to fix it.

  >>18778761877876What is going on in this chapter?  For me it became confusing some point around when the pony stuff came in. Was it her imagination or something else?  What type of HiE story is this? Regardless, I'm going to keep an eye on this story to see where it goes.

This next question is unrelated to this story but I'm wondering, when the next AMiHS chapter is coming? (Sorry if I annoy you with that question, I'm just dying to see it.)

This is different

>>18779451877945

1) She has an extremely vivid imagination, and is good at imagining her memories in great detail.

2) A Mile in Her Shoes' chapter 1 is under severe revision, I've been working at it as I've been able :D

cant wait to find out what happens ( fav. and like )

This fic is, different, in a good way, for once there us a HiE where the human is FEMALE. For originalality, I'll give you 55 Bro points, use 'em well!

>>18808861880886

I'm honestly surprised I haven't seen more of those <_<

There is a group for them (Human girls in Equestria) but it's not very big.

I suspect a lot of HiE is self-insert fan fiction, which I've always felt was fairly vile. Daphne is a girl because that's how it came out in inspiration and no other reason. :D

Well, I happen to like strong, independent female leads in stories, so I'm sure that's a factor.

Fantastic story so far.

I do hope you'll vary it a little from Labyrinth. Won't want to make this too predictable, after all.

FEMALE!

>>18835761883576

Oh, significantly, I promise you. Amelia is going to be her own player in events, at the very least.

you could say, the picture sucked me right in.

:D :D :D :D :D

Quickly assuming that Daphne turns into a ppny, judging from the cover

>>18877491887749

Give this man a prize!

This is very good story.  I can't wait to read the next chapter.

I'm a little confused with what's going on, but i'm going to keep reading because of your awesome writing  

Really enjoying the story!  Very well written, not too many spelling and grammar errors.  Excited to see the next chapter.

>>18887151888715

Feel free to ask me to clarify any points of confusion. I'd rather fix them than let them lie!

I am actually loving this story more and more, for it is reminding me the fantasy books I love to read as a child.

Well this is obviously going to be a gorgeous story that I'll enjoy thoroughly.

I'm not sure, but I think you're missing a paragraph between "Ghostbusters" and "I do not smell"--I get the feeling that the Morgwyn described a distorted version of Daphne to Amelia at this point.

Otherwise, another good chapter, and I really like what you're doing with Amelia's character--she picked up the most important lesson from that movie, after all!

>>18964071896407

Yeah, there is something missing there. That is very odd because I transcribed this directly from my Google Doc. I'll have to see if anything else is missing. For now, that part has been fixed.

Thanks!

That is a great beginning and I really liked how we got to know the girl before her adventures in Equestria started and how she knew her pony friend in the past especially with a hint of that pony might coming to help her in one day (even though I'm worried that she might be the enemy).  The only flaw in this beginning is how confusing it was when it was shifting to her memory, I mean when she starts talking about.   There's no pause or break or even good perspective shift between the past in the present until later into the past.  I'm not sure how you can fix this in this style but I like the way it was laid out in the end though.

Well I'm guessing this is going to be part where instead of seeing Daphne change into a pony, she'll wake up as one, which is usual with stories like this.   I really like this story very much it's like reading a movie and I liked Amelia's perspective as well to make her more of a character than when you first thought out.   Also, It's somewhat surprising to find out that you're the one that came up with the transformations group, nice to finally read one of your stories.

>>19061001906100

That's probably where a lot of people are confused, it's a legitimate point for me to look into to clarify a bit earlier on.

And yeah, I noticed there wasn't one so I started it :D

>>19075751907575

That explains the second chatper's set up then.

I know this is too much to ask, but is it okay that we see her transform, because I like to see her transform into a pony even if it's just a dream before she wakes up in it.

any updates soon?

  Interesting chapter, the exploration into the forest and slowly getting lost from Amelia's prespective is nice and Daphne (Why do I think she'll become a damsel in distress at somepoint) discovering her sister after yelling at her and fighting was nice. Not as confusing as the previous chapter. What's next?

This is quite interesting. I hope to see more of this.

How much longer lol !

Cool lol, I can't wait for the update :)

As much as I found myself disliking Daphne, I've really been enjoying this story so far. Time to read the next chapter!

That was really quite good. I really liked Amelia, and Daphne is starting to grow on me. Nicely done, sir.

This is shaping up to be pretty interesting. Might we see a new chapter anytime soon?

>>22125282212528

Image: http://ft.trillian.im/c8e27c71654ede3829c00105ec56c5dc13de5c1b/6eSiQHangKuFZPA2SctjxvgX1YvZT.jpg

Image: http://ft.trillian.im/c8e27c71654ede3829c00105ec56c5dc13de5c1b/6eSjkNttYPJtLRtBq6eu9gPrqkvqK.jpg

Image: http://ft.trillian.im/c8e27c71654ede3829c00105ec56c5dc13de5c1b/6eSjncSIuHHPIG120VaQM4PKNcaRo.jpg

A teaser to tide you over.

>>22132722213272

Image: http://dashie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw8055-Beautiful.gif

WOW!!!! Not often do you come across a fanfiction writer with pure talent.  

Please, keep up the good work!  I am avidly awaiting more.  

>>22132722213272

Preview? Preview!? Does that mean update soon?

Sidenote: Why'd you delete your comment that replied to mine?

>>22727382272738

Thought it was getting a bit cluttered with my replies there.

And yes, I hope to post updates soon. I admit, i've been reluctant to while the editor is still working >_> in case i have major problems or revisions, I don't want to jerk people around.

I've kept working on future chapters this whole time, though, so it's not that the updates aren't THERE.

Winston had the best advice. I can think of so many things I found right with this so far, but I will have to settle for saying that I eagerly awiat the next installment. Meanwhile, I can say you definitely deserved that spotlight.

Well, I like it. It's really rare to find a decent HiE story. For such a popular genre, I can only think of two stories in it that I thought were actually good. It's kinda too soon to call it, but this does look like it's shaping up to be another entry on that short list.

Daphne in particular seems like quite a good character to work with. She seems like an appropriate mix of vain and bratty, but also fairly true to life with enough sympathisable and likable attributes to make her not painful to the audience. And I can easily see a very strong and interesting character arc emerging after having a girl like that sent to Equestria. I'm actually kinda liking her already, or at least the concept of her.

Amelia on the other hoof, feels just a tad too smart for a girl her age. I know it's a complete pain in the ass writing children from first person perspective (an unpublished story of mine has that same problem), but Amelia's internal voice sounds nothing like a five to six year old. It's just a little jarring that internally she reads kind of clearly and well thought out, but her actions are all very childish.

Anyway, cool story (so far) bro.

>>22132722213272

I'm just gonna take a wild stab in the dark here, and guess that maybe, just maybe, and this is really wild speculation, like seriously, I know it's crazy but don't laugh, there's a slight chance, that perhaps, Daphne could turn into a pony. I know, I know, it's totally nutzo, but that third image you have there, and the line 'If I could still call it home' seems to be leaning in that direction ever so slightly. Just a guess.

Also it's in the cover art.

My mind flashed involuntarily to a my bedroom, to a worn leather satchel in the closet.

"To a my bedroom" doesn't parse.  Should it be just "to my bedroom"?

>>22788442278844

but Amelia's internal voice sounds nothing like a five to six year old

That's probably because she's 8

One beam hit a nearby tree and it at once burst apart, logs of sawn lumber raining down like a lumberjack’s ill-timed wish.

I love the phrasing here.  Very evocative

>>22794042279404

Good catch. Fixed.

Well, this should be fascinating. I look forward to more, whenever it may come.

anybody else think the opening to this was VERY similar to the Labyrinth?

Moody teenager? check

Thinks parents are pushy? check

dislikes younger sibling? check

younger sibling gets taken to magical world? supposed to happen

Moody teenager must now save sibling from said magical place? future event

all we need now is discord to pop up with some magic crystal balls and be voiced by David Bowie

>>22899762289976

Why, that isn't one of my favorite kid's films at all!

Excellent start! I believe my first impression can be summed up by the two words I uttered when Leit Motif was identified: holy shit!

>>23030492303049

Really? That's great

Honestly, that entire scene with Leit Motif - or Daphne's recollections of it - felt like such a huge risk to me. I'm glad it's paying off with viewers.

This is excellent. I thought I was kind of over the whole HiE thing by now, based on admittedly no evidence, but this brought my enthusiasm for it back. I'm glad that someone's proven that it's possible to make a story like this that won't have people rolling their eyes and commenting that they already read this before and it wasn't good the first time or something to that effect.

It's admittedly kind of a disappointment to see how long this story's gone without an update, but hell, I'm no better in that regard. At least you have a story to update!

>>23429902342990

Chapter 1 was in editing pretty much continuously up till a few days ago. I actually just updated both sections with the updated versions.

Chapters 2 and 3 are complete, chapter 4 is nearly done. Editing on those will commence soon. That won't take nearly as long, since i doubt my editor will come down with a respiratory infection a second time. One hopes.

>>23463092346309

That's quite a bit of loyalty to your editor. I would be tempted to find a new one if mine was taking this long, but I'm guessing that would probably cost me a working relationship, in as much as making a fic can constitute work.

>>23467992346799

That's pretty much why I stuck with him, yeah. He was doing a good job and was willing to go for a long-term relationship.

Faved. And I really do hope you continue. Some parts, like the fighting siblings and the younger one running away, are a little predictable but its still very well done. This gem deserves the spotlight.

Good stuff!  Looking forward to the next chapter!

>>23854222385422

I definitely will! And I know it's a little cliched, but small sacrifices right?

And I absolutely love your Fim name and avatar. Great historical figure.

I just stumbled across this and dam... I'm impressed.

A story with a different driving factor to any I have seen on this site and also well written characters.

Also good writing with an excellent flair and style.

I can't wait to see where this goes.

I find it pretty much impossible to get into Human in Equestria stories, especially modern day ones. I have liked two, maybe three, ever. It's like I have a mental block that refuses to mix Friendship is Magic and people.

On the other hand, I am deeply into fairy tales, which Part 2 in particular plays up wonderfully, and I am pleasantly surprised to find that the main characters are female, and well-written females at that. These things have separated your story from the herd and caught my attention (well those things, and the recommendation of your editor, who is a mutual acquaintance and also awesome ). I will definitely be keeping track of this.

>>23992052399205

I'm really glad people are liking this one. I didn't quite go 'man, you know what? HiE sucks. I'm going to write a HiE fic that proves it doesn't need to suck,' but it was pretty close. I felt that there was potential in the genre and that it deserved a good shake.

I hope at the least it inspires more people to get out of the self-inserts. Maybe incorporate more female characters.

>>23992662399266

why does this only have TWO CHAPTERS foul!

>>24394382439438

Not any more it don't!

Teaser part deux.

Image: http://ft.trillian.im/c8e27c71654ede3829c00105ec56c5dc13de5c1b/6fWnNS10WPFu9RshfofmEWfMHb63Q.jpg

I still think this story is amazing. It does not matter to me if the updates are small or large. As long as you continue to write, I will continue to read.  Great job.

Update! Woo!

Naomi's an interesting character. I have a feeling she's going to be absolutely hilarious in Equestria, Plus a friend along for the crazy adventure shenanigans is always a plus.

I personally like longer chapters, but I can see how they might turn some people off. Plus splitting up the chapters will give you a reserve so that you can keep updating semi-regularly while taking your time working on the next chapter.

Can't wait for the next part. I'm eager to get this adventure started!

>>25121242512124

Naomi has swiftly become one of my favorites to write. I only regret that I have only so many scenes to write her in.

[I waited for ten minutes before surrendering. I put my hands in my pockets and made a show of seeming like I was there under protest.

[The little factoid that had been prying at my brain ever since I came back to these woods had popped out with the rest of the detritus, allowing me to examine the little sprig of information from all angles.

Other than that, did really see anything problematic with the rest of the chapter.

>>25123222512322

Great, thanks. Feel free to continue~

This story is just amazing. Also longer updates are fine I see no problem with them

Finally updated! So far I'm loving this story! And I don't really care about the size of the updates since the longer they are the more excuse I have to procrastinate other things .

This thing updated? Aw sweet. This, this I can get on board with. This is very nice and very nicely done.

Naomi reminds me of a friend.... she's, equally hyper and would probably hug a unicorn to death if she saw one.

Naomi joins the party!:

Wow this is a first, someone who got transformed into a pony and friend who is just as interesting and serious when the time calls for it gets ready to go into Equestria together and stays human.  I think I should award you with an originality trophy now.  Especially since it doesn't seem like her family is going to hold her back from joining Daphne on a rescue mission.  It's pretty awesome to see a dynamic of friends like this, Naomi reminds me of Pinkie Pie a little bit.  Now I wonder how Daphne and Naomi will figure out on how to get to Equestria.  

By the way, I thought she was going to be turned into a pony while being transported to Equestria (at least now I'm glad that Equestria is not a Fisher Kingdom i.e. anybody who enters the land transform into a native of that land) but she's still in the real world instead.  I just hope she'll find a way to enter Equestria soon or else she'll show her pony form to more people than she wants to.  I also hope the next few chapters will focus on Daphne until she finds Amelia or did you plan to start alternating now?

When Victor opened the closet door and flooded the little room with light, I had braced myself amongst her backup plushies, including the largest of them, a pair of bears and three horses. I kept my head still, my body frozen, my eyes wide and staring. It was an incredible effort not to blink or flinch, but I visualized it in my head: I was a unicorn plush, no different from any other, glassy-eyed and adorable for all that I was mussed. I probably looked slightly more stupid than the fluffy dog at my side, one that nearly dwarfed me.

Pulling an E.T. are we

An update at last! Joy!

>>25127672512767

I'm seeing a lot of calls for 'longer chapters,' so I'll discuss it with folks. Worst case, I'll do the squishing before I update Part 2 of this chapter.

>>25128732512873

Naomi wouldn't kill a unicorn like that... that would mean she wouldn't be able to put it in a cage.

>>25129412512941

Guilty as charged!

>>25129262512926

Hah! Earthbound, good choice for it, too.

I'm glad Naomi is going over well. And yeah, she's knows what's important, so even her... excessive enthusiasm can be put aside when it needs to be.

As for the rest, you'll have to wait and see!

You'll see Amelia again at the start of Chapter 3, and then she has an entire chapter all to herself. I alternate as it makes narrative sense to - well, at least what I think makes sense.

Looks like I stumbled on another gem here.

I don't see how chapter lengths matter. Chapter breaks should occur when it makes narrative sense for them to do so. Also as a matter of pacing.

Anyway, really liking this is story so far. Doing a lot of stuff just enough different from the usual to be fresh. Also looks like a lot of potential for great chemistry between the growing cast.

Quickly look around for any Reeses Pieces.

And the fun just keeps getting wilder!

Hello, Naomi Misora... whoops, wrong show.

As long as you're still writing, I'll still read this no matter how often or scarce the updates are.

Well this is just fantastic, I'm so glad I finally took the time to read it.

Not only is the writing fluid and erudite and the sense of place and atmosphere really strong, it all holds together tightly and gives the characters plenty of opportunities to show themselves.

Really looking forward to seeing where this goes.

I also like all the little touches of dramatic irony that reference the show - "Prison on the moon," "sugarcube," that sort of thing.

I thoroughly enjoyed the chapter.  I had no issues with the chapter length; the break point felt quite natural.  I'm looking forward to seeing more of Naomi, and I'm impressed that you have the story plotted out to the point where you know how much of each character we'll be seeing.

>>25159412515941

*soaks up compliments*

I'm glad you chose 'erudite' instead of 'excessively wordy.'

I'm glad you picked those up, too. I can be a little hammy even when I'm trying to be serious. I figured people would get a little kick at seeing them "accidentally" referencing, and it would help leaven the mood.

>>25162662516266

Not quite to the point where I have every scene planned out, but I have most of the story plotted, aye. There's lots of room for wriggle and definitely some areas where I haven't decided one way or the other yet.

MOAR!

>>25122852512285

That's good, because I too love her. In addition to being a great, refreshing subversion of the literary trope of someone (who isn't a child) in our world discovering something supernatural and freaking out like always (she does freak out, but in an adorable squeeing fangirl way instead of the tired, cliche screaming and such), she's just a solid, charming character. And as you pointed out in the notes, she is really useful to the plot in allowing us to organically delve into Daphne's past, since she can bring up things that it would be weird and out of character for Daphne to be thinking about at the moment, such as the most embarrassing moment of her life . Naomi also allows us a different perspective on who Daphne is, which is really exciting.

As far as chapter length, I go by the "breaking it when it feels natural" system. If I haven't read a story yet, seeing 20k word chapters can be a bit daunting, but once I'm into it, any length will do. Whichever you feel is best is fine by me.

This is good. This is really good.

I notice some errors here and there, but honestly don't keep track, and they are quickly forgotten because the story and narrative is just 'fun', and that's really what matters to me when I'm reading a fanfic, or any story for that matter. It's not like they are anywhere near that frequent anyway. It seems pretty apparent that you have an adequate command of the language.

This story deserves to be featured on EQDaily, and to spawn a whole darn universe, a lot more than something like The Conversion Bureau does, and I've only read the first two chapter. I can't believe there is so much more content for this story that I can't read! Your editors have earned my SCORN and eventual grudging forgiveness. Clearly they are being distracted by the wiles of the demiurge.

What makes this story even more uncanny to me is that a month ago I was homeless in Massachusetts, and walked 27 miles from Worcester to Fitchburg to see a shaman of all things. So I actually feel like I've walked through the setting of the story, in a manner of speaking. If I didn't, I certainly passed right by it while riding the train to Boston.

So yeah. This story has me pretty excited, and that's somewhat rare lately.

The latest chapter was pretty good. The transformation sequence was confusing but the rest of the chapter was very good and Naomi is an interesting character and I can't wait to see how she contributes to this story. Now what happened to Amelia?...

>>25181032518103

You'll find out soon, but I'll give you a hint!

It's awesome.