Fluttershy finally decides to confess her love for a certain Apple family member, so she goes to Rainbow Dash for advice, but the unexpected happens. I assure you, this is not a normal ship fic. Also, this is my first fanfic. Some help and criticism would be greatly appreciated.
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You completely blindsided me with this. Great Ending line with Granny Smith.
You get a hug
This is actually really cute! And though it could be longer, I think it's great for a first attempt
Tricked me.....-.-" Very nice. I don't normally like same-gender shipping, but just the way you wrote this.....genius. I don't normally say that to shippers, but I take my hat off to you....if I was wearing one.
Coulda been longer, other then that not bad
The biggest problem is tense trouble: the story keeps switching between present and past tense, and it's irritating. The writing isn't all that great, though it shows promise, and some of the descriptions are quite good. The twist was nice, but I must be getting used to these because I saw it coming. Pretty good depiction of Fluttershy's thoughts.
Overall: Good effort, but you can do better.
My review of it.
In all seriousness though, really nice work. Paragraphs should be double spaced, names, etcetera, but really, those are beginner issues. With experience (and a bit of effort), those'll resolve themselves.
Is it strange that that's exactly the plot twist I was expecting?
No?
Alrighty then. I hope there's gonna be more.
1871610 My first commenter! Actually, Fluttershy was originally talking to Applebloom at the end, but that would've been weird.
Thanks for the mustache!
It was a huge compliment to me.
. Sorry, but this is just a one-shot.
1871631 1871798 Thanks! I would have made it longer, but I wanted to take it easy on my first try.
1871700 I'm glad I tricked you.
1871856 I too like the like button. Happy you enjoyed it!
1871982 I agree. I've always had trouble with tenses, but thanks for the criticism.
1872439 I read your review.
1872546 You solved the
1872627 well, when you look at it a certain way, it's obvious.
I mean, Rainbow Dash probably wouldn't say that kind of thing about the pony her best(?) and oldest friend had a crush on now, would she?
1872638 Maybe, maybe not. She might be too loyal too say anything like that. I'm just glad my first fanfic is a success.
1872664 Wait, your first?
Now I feel terrible.
1872683 Don't sweat it. I said I needed criticism.
1872627 Just keep going, there's no need to outright write a novel. While it's certainly fulfilling, you can believe me that that takes some f'in time.
There's just only so much you can do in so few words. I personally find myself unable to tell any kind of story, even a single chapter, in less than 2000 words. My technique is to think of an ending that I want to do, then brainstorm until I find a nice starting scene, then start the project and somehow fill the holes inbetween.
Okay, maybe that's not the perfect technique for a newun. Basically what I'm saying is know what you're doing, but keep your freedom in that. Once you know how you want to end it, which often means that you'll portray a very specific time of the day (trust me on this one), briefly project to yourself what plot elements there will be and how much story time they'll take, then move the beginning that amount of time backwards from the end. That way, your plot will feel neat and tight and no I definitely did not mean for this to sound sexual. When in doubt, you can always work in fragments that indicate some time has passed, I guess.
1872701 Thanks for the advice! You got the right idea; I already knew how my fic was going to end. I just wanted to get my point out in 1000 words, but I do want to write more sometime. Not now.
BWAHAHAHAHA
That was the best kind of stupid plot twist.
1873150 1873175 Thanks to the both of you!
I'll admit, AppleShy is one of my least favorite shippings. However, I found this quite amusing. Especially that last line. I lol'd so hard.
Anyway, in terms of critique, not bad. I'm usually hesitant to read one shots that have only a thousand words because they seem to have something lacking. I thought this was better. There's not a lot of detail, but you included enough that there didn't need to be. Some parts could be cleaned up or fleshed out a little, but it's still good.
You started out using present tense in the beginning there, but switched over to past tense after a few verbs. Just take this:
and make it this
and you're good. No other errors really stick out for me.
All in all, a nice, funny little one shot. Have a thumbs up.
Addendum: Just noticed that the ink is still drying on your membership form. Welcome to Fimfiction.
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!!
OMG THAT WAS A TWIST!!!!
1874056 Who doesn't love twists?!
1874033 I'm not really a fan of Appleshy either, but I wanted to write a Fluttermac fic with a twist, if this fic could still be considered Fluttermac. Now that I think about it, I could've used Braeburn instead of AJ. I appreciate the criticism and changed the beginning to what you advised. Also, thanks for the welcome!
Yay, ship fics with Big Macintosh and a pegasus are so rare.
As in we have only ever read one other one?
Tia, mother was just expressing her joy at a ship with Big Mac, There is no need to be rude. After all that is what.. uh... the purple one... is here for.
I have a name...
O really? Then what is it?
I don't know, YOUR subconcious made me, and as the only one of us that isn't real I ad perspective to your pointless arguements.
You know what, You will just be purple. I can't wait to introduce you to Green Red and Blue, they will chew you up and spit you out.
Can we get back on topic? The readers are getting antsy.
Luna dear, We are not actually reading this now, just adding it to the read later list...
google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://images.wikia.com/mlp/images/b/b4/S2E15_Rainbow_Dash_jaw_drop.png&imgrefurl=http://mlp.wikia.com/wiki/File:S2E15_Rainbow_Dash_jaw_drop.png&usg=__DHQrgciQ8laDHTiSKpzWGjpJjKI=&h=713&w=1287&sz=569&hl=en&start=7&zoom=1&tbnid=0nlrPE_4t3hAxM:&tbnh=83&tbnw=150&ei=MwvhULuXGY3M9ASF-YGIAQ&prev=/search%3Fq%3DTwilight%2BSparkle%2BJaw%2Bdrop%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DN%26tbm%3Disch&um=1&itbs=1
She Loves APPLEJACK!?
Ok,I liked tha way Fluttershy expressed herself...
...But Applejack? What is wrong with you?
Just Kidding! 
But seriously I don't like lesbian ponies,it's not sanitary and it makes me wonder why I even liked this cartoon...
1878828 I'm okay with same gender ships, both of them. I like straight ships better, but there aren't enough in this fandom. I wanted a twist, and I forgot about Braeburn while writing this fic.
Thanks for the Fluttershy compliment! Sorry if I offended you.
I salute you sir
Eh,It's Ok.
........ HAHAHAAHHAHHAHAHHAHHHAHAAAHHAHHAAHHHAHHAAAhaaahhhhhahahhha....ha..........ha
AHEM. sorry about that. Extremely tired and the simplest thing crack me up when i get like this. loved the twist
and the ending...
there I go again.
I am disappointed...
Write more. Please.
1922857 I'm so sorry, but this fic was only written to get that twist out of my head and to test my writing ability.
I'm really proud of it though, and I'm happy that you like it!
1922913 No more?
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You got to be kidding me....
But anyways, a short to read in the morning before you go somewhere, this is actually pretty good. Basic errors, some with the transitions, might want to extend it from just - to stuff like
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I know it may take a while, but those small negative signs are so small, I almost missed one. That's your "Mane" problem. Bye now.
“So Granny Smith, um, come here often?”
Here really isn't enough Appleshy.
Well... Uh... Okay...
Did Discord have anything to do with this?
Really loved it, I needed a
!
XD jajajajaja good one oh god
nice one seriously but poor Mac XD
Clearly we differ in that regard.
Don't get me wrong though, it's not a bad story, I just like my favourite things to not be toyed with.
Lol wasn't expecting her to do that and even when she did I thought she would've tried to clear it up. And when Rainbow hears about this:
"Flutters what the hay is wrong with you?" 
Then Applejack: 
"The buck..?!" Then Big Mac: 
After a few minutes 
Okay the moment has ceased, now I must try to find another Fluttermac Even though I've already read almost all of them, What?
i’m literally dead right now, at first i was like
but then i was like 
