Basicly a complete life story of Big Mac and Fluttershy from the point they meet to the end of their lives. It is a very slow moving story, with the occasional "a few days later" or "the next summer" stuff. (I read comments and take them into consideration!!!)
If you downvote this story, please tell me why so I can improve.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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You concept is cute, but some of the storytelling needs work. I feel at points there are details left off the page that you thought as you imagined the scene in your head, but neglected to share them with the reader. The lost squirrel seems to be missing a couple details, all of a sudden she has a blanket with a tail sticking out of it, how did she get it? It's okay to let the reader make their own assumptions at times, but the readers imagination has to fill in so many details in the story that they lose focus. Times and settings change without us knowing, and over various structure issues.
Also, either indent all your paragraphs or none, don't switch formats. And if you're going to so sans indenting, place an extra line of space between paragraphs to separate thoughts. Otherwise, your grammar is already in the 85th percentile for a FIMFiction writer
You've obviously got a great idea, and I'd love it if you shared all of it with us
Oh, and this is just personal opinion, but did you not overexaggerate Mac's accent? His isn't nearly as prominent as his siblings. Kinda makes him sound like Braeburn (not a bad thing I guess, Braeburn is awesome)
like the concept...I'm no grammar Nazi but i can't see anything wrong with your grammar. I like it so far... may want to consider changing it so it's less like a wall of text....but good work so far, here have some waffles
25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l2jpnxUQpz1qc23vjo1_400.jpg
is pinkie a serial killer?
lol Pinkie would scare Flutter to death!
I like it, even if it's extremely saccharine. Oh and I thought it was a little funny that you made Mac is responsible for bringing in the most unlikeable thing in the show to Fluttershy in the first place. No one likes Angel.
>>Ponlver: Thank you, will take into cosideration.
>>rthysofpeace: They look delish.
>>cheesecow123: No, not to my knowlege.
>>Cornlover: I agree.
>>thewaffer: No pony does.
>>rthysofpeace: Oh, and it is in third person limited so far. Plus, I'm not very good at emotions.
>> Everypony reading this: Remember to tell a background character, please. I don't know all their names.
Well done
Also Bon Bon is a background character
And Docotor Hooves is a unofficial name for one of the background characters
Sorry I meant to say Doctor Hooves
>>Aluminaughty
Thank you.
I suggest ya'll read this.
(if you don't, I'll know. I always know.
Where's the romance? unless you get soft.
786573
Get soft?
Your story was wonderful! I think fluttershy and big Mac are couch a cute couple!
<3
806790
I love you, man.
Do you have any ideas for the next chapter? I'm in a writer's bock and I NEED suggestions.
(ps, read this )
807842>>785376
I.... I...
Anyways, I feel it's my duty to help you with this writer's block now (even more than it was already!)
Up to this point, Big Mac has been helping Fluttershy with everything. Find the squirrel, getting fed, bringing her angel; it's time that she return the favor somehow. Perhaps she helps on the farm? Does something to lighten his considerable workload? I'd also make this the chapter where they really start to become romantically affectionate towards each other, because we haven't seen much of that yet.
If you'd like, I can edit this story for you as well! I'm pretty harsh but I'm thorough and I'm honest!
great now i want s0me CUPCAKES
841468
I think I could hook you up with one.
B.
I say go with option A
gah cant choose A. or B. pleese
B
A. I really like your idea of going a full life story for the two. I could see possibly working in a little bit of option B, having him pair up with one of the main six before returning to Fluttershy. But either way I want to see more of this fic. I'm loving it! That's just my opinion take it as it is.
I say option B
A. to the end 27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lr8nxh06W71r29q8io1_500.png
881330 I agree, A it is.
A.
So let me get this straight. The options are,
A. Chronicle their entire lives
B. Some ridiculous randomness
C. Stop it right here, with no shipping yet to speak of.
Of the three, I like option A the best. I especially like the idea of seeing the two grow old together, that'd be a nice touch that I think most writers neglect.
oooooooooo! oooooooooooooooooo!
Oopsy! I chosey A!!
DashieFan1 is out,PEACE YA'LL
884059
Well, what would you consider middle ground?
898304
Well, so far in the story, they haven't gone out yet really, so it's hardly shipping.
I think a middle ground could be a lot of points: when they start going out, when one says "I love you" (or some variation of course), etc. I think them getting married may be too far if you're looking for middle ground, you might as well go all the way.
But, as I said, it would be cute to see them grow old together. Just be prepared to be in for the long haul.
Y'all know I'm not one to wright a lot at one time. The next chapter will come out sometime in the next three days.
Really awesome. Glad your continuing this. I like the idea of Fluttershy being the one to rescue Macintosh, really cool!
Yeah, I know, I lied. It's been more than 4 days. But I had an amazing weekend not writing! I went to the National Dinosaur Monument in Colorado and Utah (was awesome) and we saw 2 badgers, a sage grouse, and at home in the cabin I saw a black bear! I also climbed up a mountain in the heat, then down the mountain in the sleet (go back and read that in Zecora's voice), got gray jays to eat out of my hand, and caught salamanders! So much
!
good job so far
Write more!!!!!! .....That is if that's okay with you.................
I
Yay I updated
! Now one of you has to tell me how to get the url of a picture.
1201033 Go to any picture on the Web, then right click and in that menu shoud read 'View Image' then image will open into a different page that is the URL you need to use.
1203986
Yes, okay, that would work for a PC, how about a Mac?
1203986 Nevermind, I got it! people-equation.com/wp-content/uploads/Thank-you.jpg
1204542 Is good
lh3.googleusercontent.com/-FxzKTxzcQ5I/UEOM_C7rmhI/AAAAAAAAE4o/80uDI8fPWw0/s450/Lick.png
1204516 i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/190/373/131942790061.jpg
pretty good.
Derpy whooves is probably most bronies' favorite BG character.
awesome
So Fluttershy just walked in the apple orchard wirhout asking
OMG Pinkie Pie in episodes of mlp is sometimes a stalker so
All alone in the forest
Pinkie tje stalker is after you
Shory and sad