Trigger_Finger
Joined 23rd Nov, 2012 ·
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I never thought of you writing about sex. I don't like sex fics, but I'll check this out.
Just a reminder. Dashie and scoots are in no way even in the show related. Rd even has her own house and scoots don't live with her. But it's still a great start. That's all me critisism
This is an awesome story dude.
2 things.
1: was the mare who tried to rape Joe Diamond Tiara?
2: is it ok if I put myself in the place of joe so I can feel like a badass?
Yeah...that was awkward. I you really feel the urge to make Scootaloo and Joe have sex in the end, then go ahead. But I'd rather you didnt. Unless you used it in a comical style like with Tony and Katie. I laughed my ass off at that part. Can't wait for more!
made me laugh. nuff said take my likes n favs
It's really choppy, and there's a little bit of a lack of "flow" for me.
I'll give it a follow, but only because I'm hoping that'll improve.
Oh, and btw?
Joe needs to rut her xD
I'll just say one thing, I'm an action book writer not a romance novelist, but I was watching the Iron Giant and I was at the part where Hogarth and Dean hang out and Hogarth gets hyped up on coffee and I don't know how I came up with the idea for this but I did and for whatever reason I put sex in it... god go figure that I of all people writes a romance book
This story shows potential. You as an author show potential. But you really need to make it sound less choppy and rushed.
Oh, and when using quotations, capitalize. I saw this a lot:
"hey my name is Bob"
When it should be:
"Hey my name is Bob!"
P.S. Never use "2". That's just being lazy.
P.S.S. You have earned a follow, because I hope it will improve. Much like Zachy.
When i first started this I was like let's just throw some crappy romance idea out and see what happens then in several hours of the first few chapters became more popular than any of my other stories and I was like "What have I gotten myself into... okay I'll make the story not so choppy, or rushed... oh my god I can't believe I just started a romance book, Эван, не более водка для вас (Evan, no more vodka fore you)
i really like the concept but please use some sort of unbold?
1860425 I apologize for my stupidity but what is unbold?
I am enjoying this story immensely.
I normally don't do this but.... Here take my mustaches
1861694 ahha thanks, makes me feel a little bit better in my awkward predicment
Holy crap that was fast! Are you camping your comments good sir?
That is going to be one awkward talk
1861704 oh no I was just rereading the book and it was like 2 new notifications so I looked and the mustache thing made my day so I kinda felt the need to reply back... uhg I still can't believe I'm writing this, should've called it 'The 69th shade of grey'
HOT diggidy damn
Leather seat? Wut?
Good chapter again:)
Ok, this is gonna be good
Shelby...cobra...1967...gt500...
Questions about this world:
Okay it's clear to me that they're not anthro, but why are they suddenly wearing clothes more often now? Is that the way it is in this world?
There's TV and everything, my question is basically the same as Scoots as to why they have weather ponies like that when there are official ones, is this simply a small joke? :)
I'm wondering if Mr. C will become a Shipper on Deck (Will try to pair Joe and Scootaloo up).
1862847 yeah it's a small joke like the old phrase 'Trick me once shame on you, trick me twice shame on me, trick me 30000 times and you must be a weather man', and as for the clothes it's because it's more sexually explicit
That guy is as oblivious as I would be in that situation.
1863056
But with Hume being otherwise it would make it a bad plot!
Again good chapter. I love how you put them out so fast
1863379 I didn't say it was a bad thing.
Before anyone else gets the chance I just want to say
I don't think I can read this after that it was disgusting and hilarious I can't stop laughing ah man I'll try to read another chapter.
=> snaps a leg, then crushes phone because he's too cool for court
I know I'm supposed to root for him, but after this display, all I can think is "Gee, what an asshole".
Wait, weren't they going to get some lunch at Sugercube Corner?
Oh wow this chapter..... LOVED IT
1863757 no he just wanted a coffee an a doughnut but then he realized his favourite restaurant was open again
Is it me or Joe a little OP, like 90% of all fic i read human is not really that strong compere to pony.
lol poor spoon.
1863795 yeah but in this story the human has obviously went through extensive wieght training and is really strong, like Schwarzenegger when he was Mr. Olympia... so I think he can hold his own wouldn't you think so?
Damn that is boss
Emote in the description...
i1.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/002/085/Kornheiser_Why.JPG
Dude keep this up! This is great!
What a crazy protagonist.
Cool fic, but... a little unrealistic.
400 pounds?
Never in my fucking life have I seen anyone in highschool able to bench that much
And I've been to several highschool weight rooms.
t-nation.com/img/photos/2012/12-758-03/bench-press.jpg
This fuckin huge! In other words, he's taking major fucking steroids
I'll say this for Scoots at the end of this chapter: "Oh Crap."
Kind of strange when there's 6 of them but Rarity and Applejack trusted him to do this sort of thing by himself, and he was a kid. It's a miracle that he managed to pull that off.
Oc is op. that is all...
Oh man none of you have met my buddy Tony, he can bench I think 425 but I'm not exactly positive. me and him get in so much shit in construction class breaking through walls and... oh wait hold on this is me screwing around in construction you guys will love it me in construction class
I think you have to sign in to facebook to view it but it's friggin hilarious the construction teacher is like "Evan put your clothes back on" and I'm like "Hey I'm RAMBO ARRRRRRG" ohh fuck me that makes me laugh every time I see it
Where's my gun...I need to kill myself, it a good scene, but I just cant stand clop