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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Just a reminder. Dashie and scoots are in no way even in the show related. Rd even has her own house and scoots don't live with her. But it's still a great start. That's all me critisism
i really like the concept but please use some sort of unbold?
=> snaps a leg, then crushes phone because he's too cool for court
I know I'm supposed to root for him, but after this display, all I can think is "Gee, what an asshole".
Is it me or Joe a little OP, like 90% of all fic i read human is not really that strong compere to pony.
Accept is except. Body fur on head could be refered to as a main, or hair. Remembered Rarity whining?
Cell Phones are unnecessary and take away and there is an unnecessary amount of cursing. Since this has all been published in three days I'm guessing you didn't have someone else check through.
EDIT: Also, he 'mythically' appeared? I can understand you wanting to avoid using the term magically, but you could have said mysteriously, or suddenly.
1863795 agreed you would have to have an Arnold Schwarzenegger build............but with less muscle exposer
Interesting story, though an editor is definitely needed for formatting. Several punctuation issues I noticed, and as a general practice anytime someone new is speaking you should start a new paragraph. This makes the flow of conversation easier to follow.
If you would like, I have done editor work for other writers and am available for such work now. Nonetheless, I'll continue reading the story
My god, get an editor, please. The story is OK, but the repetition kiiiiiils me.
Also the paragraph formatting is completely askew, with conversations mixed into each other, hard to keep track to who is talking. Try to keep seperate ideas just that, instead of forcing it into a paragraph.
I'm confused, he's over 6' and everything, but he's in 9th grade? I'm English, so I don't know how old he is, but if he's only been in high school a year then something's going on.
Tl;dr review
Story: Good
Grammar: Atrocious
Format: Decent
Get an editor.
Hmm, Joe seems to fit my description a little bit. Im in 9th grade, Im a BIG motherbucker. 6" 3" to be exact and I wear heavy industrial boots and jackets like that and have the same amount of facial hair as described and I have an incredible deep voice. Joe is now my favorite character SO FAR since he is so relatable to my personality. I must say, I am now VERY intrigued
I remember grade 9, I was definitely NOT that big, in fact I was scrawny little thing.
When I read he was wearing camouflage
2301803
Just finished my freshmen year, I'm 5'4'' 104lbs
2758504 I'm almost 15 and I'm 5'9" 130lbs and it's all muscle.
I like it but at the same time it irritates the hell out of me when characters speak in the same paragraph. Just sayin'.
4261032 heh..
Just turned 15, 6' and 77 kilos (that's around 170 pounds for all you Murcian people).
If Joe / Anon works at Sweet Apple Acres, then Scootaloo would know him by knowing Applebloom, right?