Fluttershy's cousin, Haybales, pays the town of Ponyville a visit. After meeting some of her friends, she becomes involved in a romantic relationship with a certain big red farm pony, and incites the disapproval of more than one of the mane six. Read for more. and yes, I did draw and paint the picture. This story is like a soap opera! I CANT STOP ADDING TO IT!!!!!!
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Good so far... You might want to proof read and/or fix some typos though
not bad i'll see where this goes
k thx
Keep going, remember to keep your older chapters in mind when writing new ones.
I've sure as hay read worse first-fics. Maybe reading will get me to finish shoveling my pile-o-manure onto the site
While lots will ship ponies with Big Mac, considering relatives of Fluttershy is a rarity (No pun intended). Keep up the good work.
I love the story cant wait for more
Uh, I'll warn you right now for this. Inserting an OC alicorn is a dangerous proposition in any fic. Tread lightly with it. No offense.
While I'm at it, I think Rarity talks with a faux Canterlot accent, since Great Britain doesn't exist in Equestria.
My rather bold steps aside, good work so far.
ok. Rarity just sounds british to me, so i didnt really know what to call her. Deere is a big part of the story, but he might not go farther than this fic. If I do write about him more, he'll probably be just a pegasus
* clap clap clap clap clap * i'd have to say this is one of my fav stories ( I have a lot of favorites but this is one of the top ones ) BRAVO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*Bows* thanks, but I thought the ending was a bit too cheesy. I'm probably going to write another fic with Haybales or Deere, but it will be like a diff universe than this one. no affiliation to what happened in this story.
Ugh... self-insert, and related to a member of the Mane 6, no less, who becomes involved romantically with Big Macintosh very quickly over the course of the decidedly short story.
I'm sorry, but this reeks of wish-fulfillment. Honestly, I'm surprised you haven't got more flak about it until now, given the way most people are around here. Either way, I don't really care, so I'm going to steer clear of the rating buttons. Just one tip though: the story is very wall of text-y. You might want to break apart the large paragraphs into smaller ones to improve flow.
I'd review some more, but right now I'm in the middle of some calibrations.
1890077
Thanks for the comment, I accept that I suck at writing. My friend, Charon, was reviewing my OC and gave me a bunch of ideas, and the relationship between Haybales and Big Mac was the only good one.
i can't comment about flutershy without calling her gay
you bastard
Having multiple characters speak within a paragraph is very hard to follow and not the way stories are written. Typically it's one speaker/thought per paragraph and four to six sentences. That can be longer or shorter as needed, but the one speaker per paragraph rule should always be followed for the sake of clarity and keeping them from becoming blocks of text. Every time a new pony speaks, it should be a new paragraph.