-A creature from the outer kingdoms has found his way into Equestria. The stranger seems to have a peculiar obsession with Sweet Apple Acres. Confronted by the mane six, he reveals his suspicion that the orchard might hide monuments of an ancient civilization, and expresses his wish to uncover its secrets.
-Psychic Narwhals, Nerubians, Diamond Dogs, Ponies, Alicorns, Griffins and other unspeakable things loom ahead.
-Also: Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cuckoolhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.
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You could do me a huge favour by telling me at what point while reading the story you decided that it did not deserve a comment or a rating (or even further reading). Because right now I'm a little confused. What is keeping my stories off the radar?
If you read this but decide not to react out of politeness, please, NO. Silent politeness is appreciated but has no practical value for me. I am tired of people passing my stories by with no one telling me why. Maybe I can interest you in this for the sport? A little game of why-this-doesn't-work? Be my guest.
love it
still seems weird that twilight has not contacted celestia
147279 indeed. But this will be adressed later.
146818 glad I can share it with you
Excellent
"The stranger seems to have a peculiar obsession with Sweet Apple Ackers."
'acres'
"Why don’t you come inside, maybe we can discuss these matters over a glass of home-made cidre."
'cider'
“That’s what he was saying from the beginning. Told yah’ it was a lousy deal.”
'ya'
“Mah Granny Smith and her folks were the ones who founded Ponyville."
“It’s a deal, Ah guess...”
Things like 'mah' and 'Ah' -- more standardized things like 'ya' are okay, but eye-dialect isn't usually a great idea. It's often used to denigrate how someone speaks, and even when it doesn't it still makes reading a bit more difficult, risking taking readers out of the story a little.
"During the last decades, there has been a rising interest regarding the rise and fall of ancient Empires- and the parallels with modern developments.”
--No need to capitalize 'empires'. It's more standard to write a dash as two hyphens (--).
"Then they found what had gotten the dogs so excited: a set of complexe runes."
--'complex'
“Heureka! I knew it! I knew it was here!”
--'eureka'
"It was a large, vertikal plate of white stone that looked like marble."
--'vertical'
"These are ancient, gem-powered dog artefakts!"
--'artifact' or 'artefact'
201288 and to think I usually take so much pleasure in pointing out typos and such in other people's fics
201288 but while you're at it: I am not a native speaker, so if you see an expression that looks really un-english to you (as in, "you could say that, but that's not the first thing an anglo-saxon would say"), please tell me that as well
thanks
Hrrmmm... The plot thickens...