While you were gone

A short story about what would happen to Spike if Twilight Sparkle was to disappear from his life.

Join Twilight as she is trying to win back an old friend...

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 12 )

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Oneyearwarpilot

Oneyearwarpilot #1 · May 18th, 2012 · · ·

messed up but nice.

TimeRarity64

TimeRarity64 #2 · May 18th, 2012 · · ·

I like this

Xanderfox

Xanderfox #3 · May 18th, 2012 · · ·

interesting though can't say like it, or hate it, just sorta there.

Ahhhhhhhhh

Ahhhhhhhhh #4 · May 18th, 2012 · · ·

Wow,this is very nice for one shot fic

dragenfire68

dragenfire68 #5 · May 18th, 2012 · · ·

THANK GOD. usally the "spike is left alone and twilight A. died b. abonded him c. he killed her in a fit of rage d. he left and came back like 40 - 50 year later and twilights dead" are so depressing that i sometime wonder why i am reading these stories or why i am living. luckily your was not. it was a good story.. no really they are that sad

Spacecore2

Spacecore2 #6 · May 18th, 2012 · · ·

neat, but i dont think twi would note the flatulance that much, but good read.

Poducken

Poducken #7 · May 18th, 2012 · · ·

I liked this story, but I'm not commenting on that.

I noticed you wrote phrases like "I was sitting" or "I had taken" instead of "I sat" or "I took."

I've been trying to write a story recently, and I always seem to write like that as well. I try to go back and change it when editing because I personally think it sounds a bit nicer, but you made it sound pretty natural. Like Twilight was reminiscing about the events in her head as she told them.

I personally have a very hard time putting my words down, and I believe it has a great deal to do with the tensing. So my questions to you are: Do you think that there could be a connection? And did you have any difficulty writing this?

ghostlywolf

ghostlywolf #8 · May 18th, 2012 · · ·

608761

i know that feeling bro

NeuPferdfurt

NeuPferdfurt #9 · May 18th, 2012 · · ·

609504

well, I don't know about you, but english isn't my first language and naturally I have a lot of problems writing stuff, insofar as I really don't know if I'm using the right expressions and grammar. My last english instructor basically told me: "1: Since you're not a native speaker, you will NEVER get the tense 100% right. EVER. 2: In case of doubt, use 'ing'." So aparently it really is an intuitive thing.

Here's what I do when writing fanfiction: I try to picture how they would say it in the show, I just write it down in one rush (Creepy as I am, I actually have pony voices in my head), then afterwards, just like you said, I go over it again and try to figure what sounds unnatural. My guess would be that in a narrative such as this one, you use things like past progressive to express a certain... flow of events. If that makes any sense

NeuPferdfurt

NeuPferdfurt #10 · May 18th, 2012 · · ·

609160

People who actually work with equines told me that releasing gas is kinda the main thing these creatures do all day, but here it's about gas coming out of a carnivore with a lot of nasty chemical compounds in his belly, plus it really did play a major role in the story, so Twi didn't actually have a choice in the matter. Of course it's legitimate to wonder what sort of creature I am for chosing to report a series of events centered so much on digestion. Oh well.