At the Orchard of Madness

by NeuPferdfurt

Regular Things

“Greetings, exploratators!! I am so glad you came to visit the pyramid, aren’t you excited?! Caus’ we’re excited!! In fact, the last time we were so excited was when that one guy was like (GASP!!!) OH MY GOSH LET’S BUILD A PYRAMID SO THAT OUR KNOWLEDGE WILL NEVER GET LOST EVEN IF WE GO EXTINCT!”

Luckily, the ancient mechanisms decided to lower the volume after that introduction. It had gotten the whole expedition shaking in their horseshoes- especially the ponies.
It was impossible to locate the origin of the mechanical voice. The whole pyramid seemed to be talking to them.

-

The picture showing the pyramid and the surrounding city started to transform, slowly at first and then faster and faster. Twilight Sparkle realized that it was going back in time, going through one civilization after the other. The city of the ancient diamond dogs vanished and was replaced by a completely different architecture, which was soon replaced itself by something even more outlandish. Towers grew into the sky and crumbled back into the ground, ruins came back to life only to turn back into construction sites, revealing yet another set of ruins that had been hidden underneath... The only thing that always stayed the same was the pyramid itself, perfectly unaffected by wars, floods and glaciers. Sometimes it was hidden underground, just like it was today, but these periods passed as quickly as the others. At one point, someone had actually built a giant castle on top of it.
And then even the nearby mountains started sinking into the ground.
It was giving Twilight a headache. So many eras, so many generations were flashing before her eyes.

Then it finally stopped. The final picture showed a small settlement, hardly more than a research compound by the looks of it. The pyramid was at the centre.
The first city was located in the middle of a vast, open plain, a desert or a savanna. The mountains in what would one day become the Everfree forest were a set of small hills.

“What you are looking at now is the time the pyramid was built. After millennia of bloodshed, we had finally realized that it was our duty as a species to leave behind something else than devastated landscapes and genetic experiments. We knew that our time on this planet was limited, as is the time of every species who ever lived. We had to make sure our technology and the lessons we had learned would be passed on to our descendants.

Our old enemies, the Botanicals, were finally defeated. Our people was decimated and traumatized by their crimes, and some factions argued that the very DNA of the Botanicals ought to be banned from this world. But we knew better than that. We had an ecosystem to rebuild, and the Botanicals were beings with magnificent properties. Instead of annihilating them, we decided to make them the very backbone of our new world. We stripped them of their sophonence and mutated them into thousands of new forms, which would become millions in the natural course of evolution. They would filter the atmosphere and provide food for our own children. They once aspired to rule the world, to cover the land like a green carpet while feasting on the sunlight undisturbed. We granted them that wish, in a way.

The weapons of the Botanicals had turned the planet into a dangerous place for our kind, filled with viruses, aggressive nanomachines and deadly radiation. As a species, we were doomed. The measures to bring the planet back to its former state would take millennia. So while we were working on the atmosphere, we were also working on ourselves.”

Another picture appeared next to the panorama of the city. It was a detailed anatomical study, showing an entity unlike anything the members of the expedition had encountered before. At first glance, it resembled a giant squid or starfish with wings, but that description didn’t really do it any justice. It had five powerful legs and five eyes. An orifice, presumably the mouth, was located between the legs, while the body of the creature was shaped like a bulb or a bud. An anatomical cross-section revealed that this bud did indeed conceal something much larger, folded inside and impossible to decipher.

“It’s what they used to look like”, the Nerubian archaeologist gasped, “I have seen depictions on ancient hieroglyphs, but I always thought they were exaggerated... I had no idea how magnificent they really were...”

“In order to repopulate the planet, we started breeding new lifeforms in our own image...”
Other anatomical studies appeared next to the first one, showing another set of outlandish creatures.
“Most of these beings were designed to replace the many animal species which had gone extinct during the war. They would only be able to reach sophonence through the course of natural evolution. Some creatures however were granted the ability to think right away, to watch over the others and inherit our knowledge, to which they would add their own. The pyramids, five on every major continent, were built as libraries they could use and expand as they developed their own civilizations. We were so very proud of them. They referred to us as “the regular ones”, being well aware that they themselves were mutants of the original archetype...

-

The presentation continued the overview covering the early years of the pyramid. Finally, it said:
"To learn more about our history and our science, visit the chambres we will now highlight for you...”

The panorama was replaced by a map of the dungeons inside the pyramid.
“...Each civilization which has come after us has added their own history to the archives. On the panel that will appear on the wall to your left, you will be able to select the story you want the pyramid to tell you.”

This was followed by a crackling sound.
“Greetings. This last portion of the introduction is reserved to the last civilization to inherit the pyramid. This happens to be us, the humble Anubians...”

The diamond dogs were trembling with veneration. They realized that this section had been recorded by their very ancestors- even though they were speaking in the voice of this horrible pink pony.

“Many millennia have passed since the times of the Regular Things. To give you a general idea: We ourselves are descended from one of the “animal” species they have mentioned earlier.
We are sharing our world with countless other, wonderful creatures. We are a very young people and our contribution to the collective knowledge might seem modest at best, but we worked hard to get where we are now, reinventing things we could have taken from the library instead. We built our own culture, as every people should. But we shall never forget those who came before us, and our place in the great order of things...”

-

The pyramid fell silent again.

Some of the diamond dogs had misty eyes. This was something they would pass on to their grandpuppies, should they ever have any.

Their silent meditation was interrupted by the triumphant rambling of the nerubian.
“This is bigger than anything I ever expected!! I was looking for ancient ruins, and instead I found a COMPLETE HISTORY OF THE WORLD! Xel’Ooola uncovered a record chambre that is RIDICULOUS in comparison to this one, and HE became our most fameous archeaologist!! This is the greatest find ever!”

“Yeah”, Applejack said, “Listen fellas, these whole shiny flashy crazy things got mah head spinning. What do you say we call this a day and get out of here?”

Part of Twilight was shocked by Applejack’s lack of enthusiasm for what the nerubian was rightfully celebrating as the most sensational discovery of all times, but she realized her friend was right. She felt as if all energy had been drained from her. So many words, so many pictures and concepts had been crammed into her brain all at once. She was literally shaking. And she could see that the others felt the same.

And what they had watched had just been the very tip of the iceberg. According to the map, the dungeons were of epic proportions. Even though she was torn apart by her hunger for discovery, she was overwhelmed by the things that lay ahead. There was more information to gather than they could possibly hoofle. They had to make plans, and take things slow.

The only one who didn’t agree was the archaeologist himself.
“DO YOU HAVE THE BRAIN WORMS, barbaric mule?! Me and my men shall push onwards, towards the very heart of the pyramid! Life is too short to let petty affairs such as sleep and food get into the way of something like this...!”

The ponies were exhausted and decided to let the arachnid’s use of the m-word slip.
The diamond dogs looked tired as well. They were gazing towards the exit, longing.

“Listen, professor”, Twilight said, “We can’t just run into this thing. We need to organize ourselves. How about you and me prepare a road map, so we can concentrate on one area per day? This way we will be more efficient.”

“NONSENSE! What do you know about...”

Applejack decided to interrupt them.
“Ah am getting out of here, and so are you. There have been enough ancient mysteries for tonight.”

One of the diamond dogs stepped foreward.
“I have finished my drawings, boss. I have also copied the map, so we can study it back in camp. We can't make any new recordings either until we get supplies.”

The arthropod was very unhappy about this, but it was obvious he could hardly even stand himself. He started to realize that even his own body was siding with the mammals on this issue.
“Fine then... you bunch of spineless furballs... Go if you must. I shall stay in this room for tonight.”
No one felt the need to point out that the only spineless furrball around here was the nerubian himself.

The dogs shrugged. None of them would have wanted to stay in this ancient structure alone, but if he wanted to do that, let him. He was the boss.

-

The mammals were glad to leave this disturbingly ancient and sacred place. As the nerubian watched them go, his own resolve started to fade. This pyramid WAS awfully big and cold... And these dark tunnels started to look like open maws... And if he stayed behind, his only company would be millennia-old spirits talking in the voice of a crazy earth pony.

Applejack was the rearguard of the expedition. When he saw her blonde tail disappear in the tunnel, he called out to her.
“Oh! Uhm... Miss Apple...?”

“What now, spiderface?”

“I... I think I will leave as well. Keep a few eyes on my men, and whatnot... Can’t really work without my assistants anyways...”

“That’s wonderful. But why do you feel the need to tell me that?”

“I... well...”

“You can’t walk. Is that it? You want this pony to take you for a ride.”

It was so very humiliating.

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