//------------------------------// // Going Pinkie Screen // Story: At the Orchard of Madness // by NeuPferdfurt //------------------------------// “Shouldn’t we get torches or something?”, Twilight asked as they were walking into the tunnel, “I can light the way with my magic if you want, but you will certainly agree that this is not an ideal solution.” Not to mention I wasn’t planning on being reduced to a living searchlight, she thought. The objectification of unicorns was a sensitive issue. “I don’t think this shall be necessary, Miss Sparkle. You, there! Yes, you. Put your paw on this sign over there.” The young diamond dog did as he was told. Suddenly, runes all over the tunnel came to life, shedding light on the way ahead. “Ooooh! I never even knew I was magical!”, the dog said. “I’m afraid you are not magical per se. Your ancestors merely created luminox runes sensitive to the DNA of your species.” “Uh?” “Your old ones draw funny pictures on pyramid that go shiny-shiny when dogs touchy-touchy.” “I see...” “You do, don’t you? … Alright, let’s get going.” Rainbow Dash was sticking her head into the tunnel entry, her eyes wide open. The pegasus was obviously curious, but not quite sure what to make of this underground dungeon opening up in front of her. She was shifting her weight from one leg to the other, wondering whether she should come inside or not. Twilight smiled and had difficulty to repress a little moan of adoration. Rainbow could be so cute sometimes. “You want to come as well? I’m sure we could use a pony with good eyes and sharp reflexes. If you’re not too scared, that is.” That last part was a bit much. Now she had practically blackmailed the pegasus into joining them. A second later the unicorn realized why she had done that: As much as she was thrilled to explore a place like this one, she still didn’t feel comfortable being the only pony in the expedition. “Scared? Me? Of a funky old apple cellar? Is that helmet of yours too tight?” Twilight snickered. “I don’t think so, but that reminds me: You should get one too. I’m sure the diamond dogs have a spare.” -“While that may be the case, darling, I have to say I’m glad we brought our own. These brutes simply have no sense of fashion.” Rarity had appeared in the tunnel entry... and was that Fluttershy following right behind her? “Hello Rarity! Fluttershy! So you want to come too?” “Sweet Fluttershy and I have talked about this, dear, and we have come to the conclusion that accompanying you is more important than anything else we could possibly achieve today. Besides, with this new spider silk, I will be able to create things so valuable I can afford to take a day off.” Rarity had taken a loan from the bank to buy the web rolls from Applejack. The work horse had been surprised at the sum Rarity was willing to give her for the bunch, and had even voiced concern, hating to see one of her friends in debt. Rarity had assured her that she would be able to pay back the loan in no time at all, now that she had acquired this new raw material. Seeing that Applejack was still worried, Rarity had explained to her that while her offer was generous, she was still paying considerably less than if she’d have the spider silk imported, with all the transport costs and traders in between. This had been a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. In short, everyone was winning. But still, Applejack was nervous, even though the work horse tried hard not to show it. As a matter of fact, it was a feeling they all shared: like the shadow of a shadow looming on the horizon. And the feeling was getting stronger now that the pyramid’s seal was broken. That might be our ‘guardians of harmony’-senses kicking in, Twilight thought, By Celestia, I certainly hope that is not the case. That’s when Applejack herself walked into the tunnel. “I reckon I’ll have to take a day off from harvest as well. I’d be one lousy apple farmer if I didn’t even bother to chart the premises.” The nerubian wasn’t all that thrilled about this development. “My word, it’s getting awfully crowded in here.” “You wanna displace me from mah own turf?”, Applejack suggested in her sweetest voice. The spider shivered. “Of course not, Miss Apple!” “Yeah, ‘of course not’ is right, spiderboy.” “Still”, the archaeologist said, “I need you to understand that we need to be extremely careful and coordinate our movements. This is not a school trip. We are a party of explorers advancing into unknown territory.” -“Did someone say PARTY?!” The voice made them all jump. Something heavy and sticky had materialized on the nerubian’s abdomen. “Aaaaaaah! Get it off me! Get it off me!!” The pink attacker held on to the panicked arachnid, giggling like a foal from the underworld. “Weeee! This is fun!” “Oh hi there, Pinkie Pie”, Applejack said, “Glad you could make it.” I had the feeling we were one pony short of a petting zoo, Twilight thought. I think we have finally reached the right pony/dog/spider ratio. - When Pinkie finally let go of the archaeologist, the expedition travelled to the other end of the tunnel until they reached a chamber of black stone. Again, Twilight was amazed how polished every surface looked. In fact, it seemed some areas were even covered with something that had the translucence and fineness of clear film while appearing to be as hard as diamond. "It is just as I expected! This must be the first of the record chambers." The archaeologist was scurrying over the floor in disturbing patterns. It took Twilight a second to realize this was an expression of overflowing joy. "Oh, but where is the trigger? Goodness, where is the trigger?" Now he was actually running on the walls and on the ceiling as well. The ponies - except for Pinkie Pie, who was bouncing all over the place, cheering the nerubian on - didn't know whether they should be amused or nauseated. The diamond dogs were scratching their heads or sitting down on their backpacks. One of them leaned against a wall. Instantly, the area around his paw erupted into bright, alien shades of green. He whined and backed away. But his master was already upon him. "Do it again, you fool! Touch the wall!" The dog gulped and stretched out a finger, carefully approaching the black surface as if it was going to bite him. The green lights came back and turned into runes. "As the last keepers of the pyramid, the ancient diamond dogs must have put a safety on these archives. Let's see now... It's some sort of code... 'The children of Casst'or, in this order: Hissan, Letti, Alf, Fiona, Ssimon'. Oh, where have I read this before... It must reference some sort of myth..." "Sir, may I speak?" The nerubian turned around. One of the diamond dogs had stepped forward. "You see, we know this story. It is from an old nursery rhyme." The other dogs nodded. They all had listened to this song as little puppies. The nerubian was waving his front legs, impatient. "Is that so? Well, what does it say about access codes?" "Hehe, nothing, Sir. But it says from the children of Casst'or, Alf travelled to the North, Fiona travelled to the South, Letti to the West and Ssimon to the East. Hissan, the youngest, had to stay at home, but later he would become king. Every diamond dog knows that." They looked at the runes again. Beneath the signs, there were five points of light, just the right size for a dog to put his finger tip on. They were arranged like a compass dial. Without saying another word, the dog started touching the points: Centre, Left, Up, Down, Right. But instead of unlocking ancient secrets, the runes just turned red, as if they were angry. Then they slowly faded back to green. The dogs whined, fearful of having offended their ancestors. The dog who had typed in the code jammed his tail between his legs. His face was probably red with shame, though it was difficult to tell because of his fur. But the archaeologist was surprisingly patient this time. He wasn't ready to abandon the tiny straw they had found to hold on to. "Perhaps you were right about the code, but wrong about the application. Nowadays we alwas assume 'North' was up and 'South' was down, but in ancient cartography, the system was sometimes reversed... Try it again!" ("Sometimes people say I was perversed", Pinkie whispered, "You think that might be important?" "Hold that thought", Twilight said absentmindedly.) And really, this time, the walls of the chambre were displaying a wild firework of runes. The ponies in the centre of the room as well as the dogs were closing ranks, observing the spectacle with shock and awe. - After a few moments, the "firework" faded away. Now an image started to form on the wall opposite to the tunnel through which they had entered the chambre. The lines were traced in the same verdant color as the access runes. It was the skyline of a city, even bigger and more astonishing than Canterlot. It was unlike any city Twilight had seen so far. The thing it resembled the most was an illustration in a book about remote locations, accompanying an essay about a coastal tribe of ponies living near a strange reef of what appeared to be metal towers. A red circle appeared around one of the structures. The building was located at the outskirts of the town, in the middle of a park. The park alone appeared almost as big as Ponyville. The highlighted structure was a pyramid- the very pyramid they were standing in right now. Then new runes blossomed all around the picture of the city. "This is how it used to be, isn't it?", Twilight asked, mesmerized, "Before the cataclysm?" The archeologist wasn't even listening to her. He was still standing at the same spot where the dog had typed in the access code. There was a big green dot now, with three runes on top of it. "This is quite peculiar... It says 'Voice sample?'. What could it mean?" He pressed the dot. Fluttershy shrieked as the floor started vibrating beneath her. She tumbled down on her back, and watched in horror as a post was rising from the little hole which had opened up between the tiles. It made a clicking sound, and then something like a silvery salad bowl appeared on top. Before anyone could say a thing, Rainbow tackled the pole and tried to pull it out. "You think you can harass my friends? Take this! And that!" The post however proved very bendy and tough. It made a suspicious sound, and before Rainbow could even say "Oups", she was catapulted against one of the walls. "...oups." The runes around the dot the nerubian had pressed turned yellow. "Now it says 'Sample insufficent'... Could it be...?" He turned around. "You!" Fluttershy twiched. "Yes, you! Say something! Talk into the reciever! Quickly now!" Under the spell of the authorative tone, the yellow pegasus got up, carefully sticking her snout into the 'salad bowl'. She was sniffing, fighting with the tears. All of this was so very confusing! "...H-hello...", she whispered, "My name is ... (Fluttershy)..." The nerubian inspected the rune display. "It says 'louder'." "...Oh my... Uhm... I am... F-fluttershy..." "Oh, for crying out loud!" The archaeologist shoved Fluttershy aside and put his own head into the bowl. "I... Oh my, let's see... Greetings, ancient ones, we... Well, I, us, you see..." He realized the runes were not satisfied with his efforts. Why did he have to be so nerveous all of a sudden? -"Uh! Now me! Now ME!!" Pinkie Pie dislocated the nerubian with a lusty swing of her flank. "Howdy!!" Even for those who couldn't read the runes, it was obvious the ancient mechanism was intrigued. 'Go on', it seemed to say. "I am Pinkemina of the ponies! They call me 'Pie'! I'll party in your ears and send you fly! There'll be streamers, balloons, baboons and MY, coming up with rhymes is hard, which for some reason makes me think of tart, which is good eatn' and even more fun if you put beans in it because that'll make everyone fa..." Luckily, Pinkie was interrupted by a high-pitched sound that seemed to come from every direction. The post retracted back into the ground. Shivering with anticipation, the archaeologist scurried to a set of runes next to the picture of the city and pressed them. And then the walls started to talk. In Pinkie's voice, but it was probably too late to change that.