Dear Celestia...
This is one of the few fics that use hypnosis so you have my interest.

1877051
Just because there aren't many others out there, doesn't mean I don't want to do my absolute best, though. That's why I'm always asking for comments and critiques. So, feel free to tell me what you think/what you would like to see done/done differently. I may not do it, but I'd still like to know.

Wow....that kinda made my heart start to hurt a little bit...I know Scratch was trying to help Tavia but...I am sure just like the mad hatter found out, you might now have the pony you want and they do all you wish....it is not the same as having the whole package. Or Scratch is just twisted enough to not really care and is more than happy to see Tavia as a mindless toy now. It is all up to the writer after-all.

1877094 BECAUSE there are not that many out means that you SHOULD try your best!
As for suggestions I'm not sure what I can do considering I never considered using music for hypnosis. (Great job there by the way! )
Keep up the good work!

This story has come along good. I can't wait to see how you finish it.

wow this looks great. great writing

1877868
Thanks! This has been my favorite chapter! I really kind of belted out the first one in a hurry, and I still feel it would have benefited from being a little more in-depth. And the second one was a lot of non-sexy texty. Which is fine... I guess...

I'm thinking that Lyra or those other earth ponies may be lured in next... Vinyl's harem?

I love Vinyl as seductive villainess in this series! *rariswoons* She's tempting, and I'm usually a dom!

One, nice avatar picture. Two, have it so that, in the end, Octavia is corrupted, but in different way. So, sheis cleansed of Vinyl, but she then cleans out Vinyl's head too. Then, she starts hypnotizing Vinyl. Then the orchestra, and then the Mane 6, and then the club.

once again, all of my yes. this was even better than the first chapter! the pacing felt great, our view of Octavia's mind as her free will drains away was perfect, and there wasn't gratuitous amounts of detail on the actual sex (which i much prefer. i love that you focus on the mind rather than the body).

i actually found myself feeling bad about enjoying the act of octavia's corruption this time. after liking this so much, i'm sure there's a special place in hell for me.

please, do go on. Slaanesh demands moar.

My only complaint...not enough detail in the clop. and there is a Mind Control group, everypony...so if that's your thing...find it and look through what we have in there.

one more thing...make the actual hypnosis part more...detailed...that's the best part!

1880514
I'm actually with NovemberWolf on this one. Hypnosis stories, to me, are mostly about the fall. After that, it's pretty much just like every other clop story out there. I do try to include physical sexy bits, but one of the pitfalls I want to avoid is to use the hypnosis as an excuse to skip character/plot development (no no, the OTHER kind).
Does that make sense?

1879910
I like all those ideas... unfortunately, I'm only doing one more chapter (it's already planned out) in -this- story. Simply because I want to avoid the premise becoming stale.
However... if I were to write something else... something with Octavia in charge maybe (me gusta)... do you ponies think I should make it hypnosis again, or a straight-up sub/dom thing? Or something else entirely?
Oh yeah, and that picture was done by Swaetshrit. I did not draw it, I do not own it, and all that.

1881108
I say another hypnosis story.

I liked the writing and the mind control, but I was hoping for more of a fight back. Maybe Vinyl getting a taste of her own medicine. Like maybe Octavia could get confused or want to show her how good it feels to be a slave and take her earplugs out one night. Having her just be a slave forever leaves not as much to look forward to. The mind control and sexual aspect makes it fun to read, but if you had more substance to the plot the story would be more rewarding in my opinion.

Vinyl reminds me of the Mad Hatter from American Megee's Alice where he has gone insane and turned his friends the dormouse and march hare into clockwork cyborgs in an effort to "help them"; he genuinely wanted to help them just he is to insane to relies that he has hurt them horribly.

All in all great story

1881108 Straight sub/Dom. As you said, it's really more about the fall. Something hypnosis stories tend to shorten dramatically. It's a bit like "mystery-a- minute" stores versus full on Sherlock Holmes... If that makes sense.

2005677
It makes absolute sense, and was, in fact, something I took into account when writing this. See, I wrote this story specifically as clop. Which means I was trying to get 'the good bits', and everything else was pretty much setup for those parts. And even the fall itself, I hesitated to drag on too long, for fear of the reader losing the excitement of the moment.

That said, I think something a bit longer, with sub/dom themes sounds like a pretty good idea. Not a novel, but something that doesn't necessarily revolve around the clop parts (although that will still be prominent, as a testament to my moral turpitude).

Thanks for your input!

2005762As long as I get to read said story we'll call it even, eh?

While well written and (admittedly) mildly-intruiging, I'm going to have to downvote after this chapter, mostly because I hate the whole pet thing in this chapter and partly because I like the ship of Vinyl/Octavia, but this turned Vinyl insane and made it horrific.

2073588
Ok, but... isn't that more of a personal preference over quality thing?

2073713
Perhaps... I might take back the vote.

down-voting for now, as my brain is going nuts over how vinyl has to be stopped, and how i feel a certain couple are to be of help. also, my heart screams that it is just wrong that octavia gets a collar and my mom still wont let me wear one...

otherwise, i look forward to more. and food...mmmmmmmm food...

I know i may be late but I may be so happy to ask for more, I wish to see how far this goes till one end or another sad or happy its... entertainign as it is interesting!

It's very well written, but way to dark for me. Forcing Octavia to quit her job and abandon everything she is totally against her will. That's just to much for me.
I would love to see, a sub/dom story from you. Unless, of course, your style is, total destruction of character, because as mentioned before that's just to dark for me.
Still a thumps up from me, well written is well written. No matter what the content.

Feels like this should definitely have a "Dark" tag. Unless, of course, there's a happy ending involved (and not just *that* kind )

2160735
You know... I've been thinking that, as well... ok, Dark tag added.

In this sorta situation is suggest that you make two endings. one being total dominace, the other being freedom. Reasons why i say this is because this is just way,way!!! to dark like really really really dark, so dark i cant get my tent of shame to lift. it would be wise to do 2 endings being so that others can apprieciate your work as well.

I really like this! Great work! Hypnotism is one of my favorite topics and it was done very well here.
P.S. I do agree this is dark, but nowhere near as dark as people are making it sound. I honestly have no problem with dark endings to stories like this. I actually love the ending to this story. I look forward to more of your work!

Wow, the subby in me is all jealous, but you still managed to make me feel the injustice on Tavi's behalf because she didn't want it. Good writing is good…

media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4vhrizVNc1qj3ir1.gif in no way shape or form did I read this....or imagine it happening to me.....or enjoy it.....

since the story isnt marked complete Im guessing/hoping that there is going to be an alternate ending with octavia braking free of the mind control?

2348753
That's not the next chapter, but I've gotten several requests to that effect. it -is- a pretty tempting idea... although I don't think Octavia is crazy enough to really make use of turning the tables. Hmm... After I finish up a few other things, I'll see about alternate chapter endings.

Odd. I hate slavery actually.

Odd. I like where and how did this went up.

Odd. Rule 34 brought me here.

Odd. Even if it didn't turned me on, I was still hanging around Rule 34 on MLP section.

Odd. Hypnosis stuff uses complete self-will in terms if my observations are correct.

Odd. I never be right at my facts mostly.

Odd. I was gonna insta thumb down since it's not fun to see my fav pony be bitchy. I hate that kinda people... Eh, ponies?

Odd. This is my last day on FimFiction and I'm reading THIS one?

Odd. Just seeing how much Odds I putted inside this comment.

Odd. How a clopfic teached me a couple of writing stuff.

Odd. Because I'm certainly sure that when you reach this point, you will not be able to remember the first thing I wrote in this comment after the "odd" word because you'll be concentrated on that word after I mention how much I putted inside the comment.

Odd. I'd doubt I got that observation wrong.

Odd. You just looked up to make that sure. And I saw that.

Odd. Because it is.

Odd. I don't get sleepy that much actually. Anyway, not what I expected, not hated, nor liked. But still you get a thumb up, it's my second clop story that included Vinyl that I liked.

Odd. I just lined up 3 of my odds together. Really made an odd sense.

Odd, isn't it?

This made me sick...
I MEAN REALLY!
sex slave is fucked up.

With hypnotic dubstep, there's no reason why Vinyl couldn't use it on her entire club ;)

So, additional chapters or is this complete?

2552887
Whose to say she hasn't...?

2560472
More to come, I've just been... unhappy with how it's turning out...

UPDATE!

While you completely ignored the rules of hypnosis, this is still an incredibly compelling piece of work. I want to see Vinyl's face ground into the dirt for the first time since that one fic where Twilight is a blind immortal. But since I have no control over the story, I will simply enjoy the ride that it takes to get there. Erotic Hypnosis is most definitely my fetish.

2794722 what was that fic called? The blind immortal twilight one; it sounds really interesting!

2812238Penumbra

2812626 Thanks. I'll go ahead and look that up.

2812711 It's a link, no need to go looking, it's right there.

2812761 well then I suppose I found it twice then! Again, many thanks.

Hmm, it's good so far. Wondering what else will happen. The switch and mental struggle, as well as the moral grey area, are a nice touch. It also doesn't remind me of any MCstories I've read, but those are few in number anyway, so I'll still say it's original.

The only points of critique I have so far is that the relationship between Tavi and Vinyl before the music thing was explained a bit too quickly, there was no attachment to it. It just kind of opened with the MC, with no setup, which... I won't say takes away from it, but it neglects an opportunity to add more to it. Maybe some flashbacks from Tavi from scenes before this happened, or from Vinyl, to justify her actions. There's lots of possibilities here, it's a good story.

Normally i am not a big fan of the hypnosis thing but this story seems to be making it work. I look forward to future chapters. Well done!

I NEED MOREEEE PLEASE

>likes how i got more of a description for the fic from the cover art image op than i did from the actual fic's description

i would have moved on had i not obtained that information on what this fic is about.....