• Member Since 6th Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen Jun 21st, 2022

Angelgrace


There will probably be mind control.

Comments ( 148 )

i like this very much so far! just pls tell me it wont devolve into a bunch of futa...

2483627

Don't worry, I dislike Futa as much as you do :twilightsmile: I might use it (don't want all the clop scenes to be precisely the same, after all, and I am having that problem already as I write) but it will never be a focus.

is it weird that i find this stuff interesting?

2483759
im glad 2 hear that lol! well if i may be so bold, if u gotta use futa just pls dont do it for applejack or celestia, they and twilight and sweetie belle r hottest for me

but thats just a request, its ur story do as u gotta do

2484888

I don't know, is it weird I'm writing this stuff?

2486656 Not in my opinion, i really like Mind Control its hypnotic for me :ajsmug:

I remember this. Its pretty damn good; hope to see the third chapter soon.

2484888 No, it's not weird at all.

I already like this character:twilightsmile:

This is pretty good as long as no pony gets hurt physically I'm all for this.:twilightsmile:
hope to see more soon.

2498827

Oh, goodness no.
Lilith loves her servants, hurting them is a quick way to make her angry :ajsmug:

2498843 Then that is good. I wonder Will Lilith ever let Twilight get her mind back, along with her Identity? or is that a permanent loss?

Excellent start, nice use of True Name folklore.

Another chapter, I do so spoil you :raritywink:

Feedback is encouraged; anything you don't like, let me know before I get too set in my ways.

Looking good, though I've already seen the pastebin of this chapter. Look forward to the new material; this is well set for lots of sexy corruption shenanigans.

2519222

Oh, yes, I'm not planning on a *ScrewScrewScrewOkayIWin* thing here.

Also, is it just me, or do Luna and Lilith seem to have some...history? :ajsmug:

2519302

It wasn't exactly subtle; they've clearly interacted before, and Lilith only appears to have one type of interaction with ponies. Nothing wrong with that, but no one will be surprised if Luna was once under her sway.

Mind your apostrophes. It should be "Lilith's", not "Liliths".

I don't think moving quickly is a problem. There are six elements; if you conquer them one at a time and take your time about it it takes forever, especially with the rest of the plot moving forward too.

Be interesting to see more of Twilight; she seemed completely under Lilith's power, but you are implying she isn't fully gone until her friends are.

Only suggestion is that usually you want at least a few moments between the "cum and be mine" ultimatum and the actual cumming.

2545277

Oh, you'll see more of her. Lots more. :twilightsmile:

the sex was a little too quick for my tastes, especially since fluttershy actually has a pretty strong will hidden in her. if this was rainbow dash i coudl understand it going fast, she's just all talk, but i feel like this should have gone longer......still it was pretty good. also, theres tones of things u can do without repeating urself. dont just focus on the tail...have her rub her hooves against her target's pussy, eat her out, use some toys or other objects, grind against her, use telekinesis to vibrate her pleasure centers, etc

What fun is a corruption clopfic where the good guys win.

2546874

If Rainbow Dash were all talk she wouldn't be an element of harmony.

2564707 I agree, there should be more Villain winning fics.

still great, cant wait to see whats next

Fake names huh... well I know who'd be the perfect pony for this situation fc01.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2011/193/0/7/dr__whooves_revectorized_by_kna-d3ncae4.png

2564707
The one where they win, but....

For example:

So they have succeeded in stopping and destroying Lilith, but Twilight still has more than a little bit of Midnight left in her. The story closes with her visiting Fluttershy and greeting her as Shade as she begins to outline a Plan regarding the sexual mores of Equestria and the princesses.

A plan that involves Rarity's now revealed true name....

2584280

You must have a strange definition of "good guy"

2584341
No, I'm using the conventional one. To make my thought more clear, corruption and mind-control stories have a not uncommon ending where the controller/corrupter is defeated and the victims freed but there are lasting effects.

The most basic being that things like imposed fetishes or desires stick around , (e.g. the victim used as a subservient domme becomes a mistress in her own right). The specific example I used was one where elements of the controller's goals become the goals of her former slaves, (with exactly what being left open[1]).

Another common lasting effect is that new identities/personalities stick around and you end up with either multiple personalities or the need to integrate them into a new identity.

[1] Which could range from "open sexuality and D/S relationships being the norm," to "Twilight/Midnight will take over where Lilith left off and won't quit until she has her devoted slaves 'Astra' and 'Selene' kneeling submissively before her throne."

sweet an update no further clop at this point, how... disappointing. but enough of that I love this story so much and hope to see another chapter soon.:twilightsmile:

2606624

Sadly, no clop in the next chapter either, but after that is the longest bit of clop I have ever written, as well as some personal self indulgence. :raritywink:

2607320Sweet I await with great anticipation and bated breath.:twilightsmile:

You use the word "she" and "her" too often and it makes it hard to follow what is going on (which 'she' are you referring to?).

Other than that, I didn't really have any fap-impeding problems with it.

Keep up the good work

yuck rainbow dash but i still loving this story

2607807

A problem that has plagued me for some time in my writing; I don't want to keep saying their names because it feels bulky, but the pronoun issue does arise.

2607896

Well, the elements won't be complete without her. I'm also building a bit of a something through these few chapters which I'm proud of, laying the foundation for something gradually is a skill I've lacked and I'm glad to see I'm getting better at it . :twilightsmile:

Hot dog, even the non-clop is awesome. Seduced into obedience Rainbow Dash is best Rainbow Dash.

I wonder if Twilight is becoming another Succupony.

2607983
The confusion caused by overusing pronouns is far worse than the marginally slower speed of using names.

Toss a little LUS in there if you must, but relying exclusively on pronouns to avoid using names is merely replacing one problem with another (worse) one. And it'll only get more problematic as you introduce more characters.

Haha! The stakes have been doubled!

2564894 so a former good guy can be the bad guy:pinkiehappy:

2668879

Actually, the funny thing is Lilith was originally a placeholder name. I'm terrible with names, so I stick one in there while I'm writing and fix it later. Obviously, I decided to go with this one after all.

2673553 hm i see.....
but is your story as cool as lilith is the real question?.....

Normally I would object to RD being to easy so persuade into lying to her friends. But, considering that it was one friend that turned her on the others I could see it happening.

2699464

Enthralled or not, Twilight is the element of magic. I'm sure there was a bit of persuasion there. :rainbowderp:

2700850

Wait, was there supposed to be something supernatural about Dash's easy submission? Because I didn't notice anything until Twilight does the glowy eye thing after having already kissed Dash.

As is it just feels like Dash gives in really easily, and it's hard to tell if that's supposed to mean Dash is just an idiot or not; sexy thoughts about Twilight are one thing, but Twilight's appearance screamed "I'm a bad guy now" and Rainbow already has an idea of the nature of the opposition, right? Her letting Twilight get that close to her without a fight felt foolish. Anything after the kiss I can buy her being under Twilight's influence, but prior to that there's just no way for the reader to know if Dash's mistakes are intended to be typical of her or not.

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