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  • E π

    Trixie returns to Ponyville to challenge Twilight Sparkle. ("Magic Duel" as it occurs in the Petriculture AU.)  · Kwakerjak
    13,505 words · 6,018 views  ·  866  ·  13  · 

Featured In15

More Stories9

  • E Petriculture

    Twilight tries to figure out how rock farming works.
    6,716 words · 38,089 views  ·  2,788  ·  40
  • T Inscape

    When Twilight is taken by the Nightmare, it's up to Pinkie Pie to rescue her.
    29,281 words · 19,293 views  ·  2,187  ·  31
  • T Wild, Sweet & Cool

    Rainbow Dash wants to add strength training to her regimen by having Twilight Sparkle ride her.
    34,747 words · 14,832 views  ·  1,629  ·  26
  • E π

    Trixie returns to Ponyville to challenge Twilight Sparkle. ("Magic Duel" as it occurs in the Petriculture AU.)
    13,505 words · 6,018 views  ·  866  ·  13
  • E Flash Fog

    Fluttershy must deal with an unusually thick fog as it approaches Ponyville.
    127,920 words · 14,297 views  ·  1,626  ·  33
  • T Pandelirium

    Celestia decides to attempt to reform Discord, so she taps a pony with a similar background for the job. ("Keep Calm and Flutter On" as it occurs in the Petriculture AU.)
    77,357 words · 12,926 views  ·  810  ·  15
  • E So, Just What Went Wrong, Anyway?

    Before Applejack's pep rally, Derpy was acting really weird... even for her. This is why.
    5,213 words · 3,370 views  ·  333  ·  6
  • E The Final Accusation: A Legal Comedy

    A dozen years after ascending to become an alicorn, Applejack rules on the case of Tiara v. FlimFlam
    21,338 words · 2,557 views  ·  359  ·  7

Blog Posts399

  • Friday
    Prereader Conversation: Silly


    Thanks for the bunny picture.‏


    friend just linked it and i couldnt resist‏


    I get panicked when silly music doesn't help [with a bad mood].‏


    i know that feeling‏


    Usually, silly music makes me happy really quickly.‏


    for me it's friends telling jokes or cute animal pics‏


    Of course, maybe I didn't pick the best silly music.‏ You see, the songs I've been listening to are silly because the lyrics don't match the actual tune.‏ The lyrics are all goofy and happy-go-lucky and squeaky-clean-sunshine, but the actual music is over-the-top aggressive.‏‏

    Ordinarily, hearing someone rhyme‏ "Paul Bunyan" with onomatopoeia for a chainsaw motor ("run-yun-yun-yun") makes me smile every time.

    P.S. - If you're one of my other prereaders, don't worry -- you didn't miss a message where I said I was working on something. This conversation was in Skype, not GDocs.

    3 comments · 108 views
  • Thursday
    Flash Fog: Revision 2

    I've posted the second of the two revisions that I've planned for Flash Fog. This one is a bit wordier than the last one, so I'd just recommend reading it in the epilogue. It's the section about Lyra and Bon-Bon. I know a few people might prefer to have a more detailed description of the actual meeting that Fluttershy mentions, but there was one very huge obstacle to doing it that way: I'm out of material. Given that Lyra and Bon-Bon, being delusional weirdos,* don't change their opinions on humans at all, the actual conversation itself would just be a retread of all their previous conversations, and I simply could not think of any more approaches to the subject that were amusing enough to warrant a full scene.

    * Though, as I've noted before, the final sequence of the first EQG movie demonstrates that there is far more truth in their delusions than anypony (or their author, or that matter) could ever have anticipated.

    5 comments · 139 views
  • 1w, 3d
    Flash Fog: Revision 1

    I've posted the first of my planned revisions to the ending of Flash Fog. Since it's not particularly long, I'll also post it in the quotebox below for those who have already read the original version.

    As Celestia’s sun beat down upon her face, Apple Bloom smiled broadly. She’d completely forgotten that it had been a warm day before the fog rolled in. Nearby, she could see Rainbow Dash transporting Scootaloo in a similar fashion. The fog slid beneath them, though it was a brilliant white now that they were above it. To the east, a great column of white rose over the Everfree forest, expanding outwards like a great vertical fan as the sun’s heat warmed and evaporated the newly reborn clouds, the whiteness gradually blending into the bold, bright blue of the cloudless sky. And to the northwest, the peaks of the Unicorn Range jutted out of the last vestiges of the fog, free to once again bask in the late-summer sunlight.

    If you're wondering why it took so long for me to finish this paragraph, there's two reasons. First, I decided to take a little break from writing after finishing Flash Fog, and second, one of my prereaders wasn't certain whether the description of the dissipating fog was meteorologically feasible. To be honest, I'm not certain myself, so I let it sit for a day or two while I decided whether the allusion to Dante's Paradiso was worth the potential use of artistic license.* As you can tell, I decided that it was.

    * This was a particularly vexing decision since I'm fairly certain that Dante himself didn't bother to point out that he has arranged Heaven in the shape of a fan, since all of his original readers already shared his geocentric worldview. Still, this aspect of the Paradiso was one of the most memorable details in the lecture one of my professors gave on the Divine Comedy, and it still holds a lot of meaning for me.

    2 comments · 132 views
  • 2w, 3d
    The End?

    This blog post deals with the end of the story Flash Fog, which means that if I used spoiler tags over every potential spoiler it would just be an ugly wall of black text. I'm going to do my best to avoid excessive detail, but to be on the safe side, you may want to give this blog post a pass if you haven't finished the story and you actually care about spoilers.

    Alright, folks, I've been reading over the responses to the ending, and I figured that I might as well make a blog post instead of responding to a few repeated points in the comments section. I noticed that some of you had a few qualms with my approach. I'd like to respond to three points in particular (quotations are paraphrased):

    1. "You never actually showed the fog dissipating."

    I literally smacked my forehead when I read this, because I had planned on having Apple Bloom look at the fog dissipating over the Everfree Forest before she turned her head and saw that the mountaintops were now mostly clear (meaning that the wind had blown all of it over the mountain range). Boneheaded forgetfulness on my part; this part will almost certainly be rewritten to include the imagery I already had in mind for the dissipating fog. I'll be sure to inform you in a later blog post if/when this change is made.

    2. "What about Lyra and Bon-Bon?"

    Honestly, it hadn't occurred to me that their subplot, being primarily a form of comic relief, needed any sort of resolution, though upon reconsideration, I can see why that might be desired. At the moment, I have a few vague ideas of how to modify the epilogue to include the fate of SPHERE without it feeling like a blob of exposition that was shoehorned into the conversation between Pencil Pusher and Fluttershy for its own sake, so there's a good chance that this will revisited as well. Again, if changes are made, I'll make another blog post.

    3. "Abrupt."

    This one's a bit trickier. I suppose I can understand why the some of my readers thought that the rescue of the CMC would be more drawn-out and complicated. At this point, all I'm willing to say is that I had planned for their rescue to go off without a hitch since the earliest stages of this story---soon after I realized just how complicated the rest of the story would be, in fact. I don't want to go into a lot of details, mostly because I don't want to shove my personal interpretation of the story down my readers' throats, but I made this decision for thematic reasons, as opposed to any intuition that I needed to "wrap up" the story as quickly as possible. (I was going to write a sentence explaining things further here, but everything I came up with sounded way too pretentious and/or rather blatantly contradicted my stated desire to not shove my interpretation down your throats.) This aspect of the ending will almost certainly not be rewritten, but I hope that those of you who disagree with my decision will at least be able to take some enjoyment from the story as a whole.

    22 comments · 383 views
  • 2w, 5d
    Flash Fog: Final Update

    To any of my followers who have been waiting for me to finish Flash Fog before they start reading it:

    You may now start reading.

    10 comments · 178 views
  • ...

This story is a sequel to Inscape

Penumbra seeks gainful employment. Hilarity ensues.

This is the third story in The Petriculture Cycle. The TV Tropes entry can be found here.

Artwork by Page Turner.

First Published
7th Dec 2012
Last Modified
7th Dec 2012

It is so good to see this up. So so good.

#2 · 102w, 2d ago · 4 · · IX. Avocation ·

Will read after I finish the last 2 updates of Blue Angel. All 27K...



Four views and ten thumbs up...seems legit. Anyways, DIS GONNA BE GOOD!!!

I loved it. :twilightsmile: I would like to see another story following up to this, maybe not in letter form but perhaps just a slice of life day to day thing?

Dammit Derpy. She didn't mean YOUR 'lil muffin.

Haha, you really made a Cloud Nine reference? You sir, are full of win! :pinkiehappy:

Loved the story, and it was the perfect length for something like this. Keep it up! :twilightsmile:

#8 · 102w, 2d ago · 2 · · IX. Avocation ·

Telling a big story with few words is very difficult. You've made something really remarkable, here.

Another story in the series......HEAD EXPLODES FROM JOY :pinkiegasp: :pinkiehappy:

You know, "flank" as "butt" has bothered me for a long time. But I never thought of attributing it as modern Equestrian language butchery. That is clever.

Although, since I'm anal retentively technical, I think dock reffers to the part of the back adjacent to the base of the tail (above the cutie marks). While the backs of the hind legs, past the cutie marks, would be the rump.

A good rule of thumb I use is when they're sitting down, what you see is the dock, what you can't see is the rump.

>>1754417 - True, but "rump" doesn't sound very dignified.


Keep in mind that around 6 of us have already read it.


Hmm, but "dock" as rump is quite the sordid euphemism, no?

I had been working with the mayor’s personal assistant for nearly a week

This reads a little funny, maybe needs to be as?

I just finished and I have to say I really enjoyed it:pinkiehappy:

I like it, that was a great final employment solution.

Well done. Each letter was well written, and they all flowed together in the way (it seemed) you intended them to.

Did you actually just put this up today? Because I hadn't seen or heard anything about it until just a few minutes ago...

Ah, the joys of customer service. :rainbowlaugh:

>>1754860 - Yep. I had intended for all of them to be posted at once.

She seems to be acclimating well.


Is this... *GASP*

The end of the series?!?

It's nice to see a continuation of this series, and I think you did a pretty good job with it.

#24 · 102w, 2d ago · 6 · · II. Ennui ·

"A co-conspirator, it seems, is better than nopony at all."


I lol'd.

What does she have against cranberry orange peels? :trollestia:

I love how you/she didn't even bother explaining how it fell apart, just implied massive psychological damage and general mayhem.


I'm a horrible person, but....

"I'd weigh anchor at her dock, if ya know what I mean." :trixieshiftleft::trixieshiftright::rainbowwild:



Nice little start, sets up with an idea of what the situation is and just a hint of how this story is going to go.  It's also nice to see some of Penumbra's thought process here.


I don't think dignity comes included in catcalls, but I'd understand you not wanting to attribute that towards ponies.

Very nice.  This letter format offers for some hilarious opportunities and you don't fail to make use of that and I like how Penumbra feels.  She definitely seems like the character that you've developed given your cannon of her.  

You've taken this great opportunity to make some great commentary on the bronies, and this is no exception, actually this is the highlight.  You're creation of all of the 'traditional' Derpy hooves fannon was perfect and you hit on all the right notes.  Plus the little head cannon about wing preeny is actually pretty cool, and I might just have to steal that.

Arrivederci! I Sketchy Markks has arrived!

Another petriculture? I can't  wait to see what you have contrived.

Hey, Regidar! in first I have survived!

Erm, maybe it's actually the Author's first... if we believe what's advetised.

We are bronies, we make our own rules, whether its the idea that we can like a show targeted for little girls or calling the completely wrong end of a pony a flank.  Of course the humor is greatly appreciated at the strangeness of some of our terms.

Will have to get around to reading this.

Nice... this was good this idea of making Mayor Mare actually attuned to her cutie mark is not something seen very often (as she had Twilight Organize Winter Wrap up and Her ridiculous outfit in Luna Eclipsed).  You really gave Mayor Mare a feel that I've never seen or thought about before and I really enjoyed it.  Thanks.

Fluffy and fun! I like it. The letter format makes me feel like this correspondence would be great chapter openers for the "real" story, like Ender's Game.

The story was well played out and the letter style was unique and provided you a way to poke a lot of fun at a lot of different things.  You had a well developed world and interesting characterization. I've found myself entranced and I loved the whole story.  

Honestly, the only reason I'm not scoring this higher is because of it's style.  It was a nice simple short enjoyable read.  I'd compare this to Portal, and amazing short game that you fall in love with, but because of what it is I don't enjoy it as much as an expertly crafted RPG.

Thus I give this and 8/10 (with 5 being average and not 7).  I'm definitely looking forward to the next story in this series.  

I am curious, are you gonna try and do anything about how badly your story got broken by the Trixie episode? Or are you just gonna leave it as it is?

Short and sweet and highly enjoyable.  Nice work!



Huzzah! I can now refer to this as 'The Petriculture Trilogy'!

"unless you are aware of a career where ruthlessness and a tendency towards megalomania are considered desirable traits."

The Spanish Inquisition?

And poor Penumbra, she might want to consider relocating before a mob of anger Bronies appears at Sugarcube Corner due to her incident with Derpy. :pinkiehappy:

Somehow when I read about the barrister position at the end of the last chapter I just knew it was going to turn out to be something like this instead. :rainbowlaugh:

And I love the fact that this chapter is short and to the point.



This was a great little series and a nice addition to your two previous stories to this little corner of the MLP fanverse.

Having the entire story done through Penumbra's letters gave it an interesting point of view. I really like the character you've created here and I would love to see more of her in the future.

it is apparently not considered a sound business practice to leave one’s customers cowering underneath a table in a pool of their own tears.

Though I've often wished it was:flutterrage:

>>1754469 Haunch would work in that context, I think

#46 · 102w, 2d ago · 25 · · VII. Barrister ·

Scones are just the waste product of a cake-fusion reactor, anyway.

Another great story. I'm kinda sad to not actually "see" these events happen like with a normal story structure, but this was amusing to read and gave a nice accounting of Penumbra's misadventures. I admit to having some sympathy towards her, as she has some of my own flaws: an inability to understand the STUPID various people who make questionable decisions.

Ah well, good story. Hope to see more about what happens in the Petriculture-verse. :pinkiehappy:

I'm sure you knew this would be coming by this point.

(I suppose I don't have to tell you to click for big by now.)


I find "badonk" to be quite culturally-inclined.

Excellent story.

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