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// IV. Preening Technician 
// Story: Avocation 
// by Kwakerjak 
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HRH Princess Luna of Equestria
The Royal Palace
Canterlot
 
Your Majesty:
 
Firstly, I would like to thank you for your words of encouragement as I continue to seek employment. They were indeed quite reassuring. I also appreciate your offer to act as a character reference, though at this point, I must decline. After all, you did once bear the Element of Honesty, and based on the whole of your past experience with me, there seems to be little to recommend me for by way of employability, unless you are aware of a career where ruthlessness and a tendency towards megalomania are considered desirable traits. Then again, given my most recent misadventure, I may have to reconsider your offer sooner than I might like—but I’m getting ahead of myself.
 
The day after my unceremonious departure from the staff of Sugarcube Corner, I received a tip from Fluttershy, who had come to Pinkie Pie’s apartment to arrange a party for an armadillo who’d recently given birth. Apparently, the owners of the local day spa had been looking for a pegasus who can act as a preener for their winged customers—being earth ponies, Aloe and Lotus Blossom lack the necessary uropygial glands for producing the appropriate oils. Given the innumerable hours you and I spent cleaning our wings to pass time while on the moon, this seemed like an ideal position.
 
All seemed to go well at first. Several customers complimented me on my skill at cleaning their feathers, often leaving them in the best condition in their memory. This, of course, only made sense, as I am technically still an alicorn, and alicorn preen oil is of unmatched quality to begin with. Unfortunately, many of these same ponies acted as though the establishment was less a place for physical renewal and refreshment than an excuse to gossip and socialize, which makes absolutely no sense, as they could just as easily socialize for free in the marketplace. But no, they had to prattle on and on about the most inane subjects imaginable. I thought the idea behind a spa was to provide a place to escape from the inanities of everyday life, yet these ponies squander the opportunity by swapping recipes and debating local politics!
 
Yet all this would have been bearable were it not for the fact that many of them seemed to want me to join in the conversation. While I understand the desire to know something about the pony who is caring for one’s body, this went beyond requests for a name and a brief biography—they wanted me to share my opinions on subjects other than proper wing care. In particular, there was one pegasus who, upon learning that I had recently left a position at Sugarcube Corner, began pestering me with endless questions about my preferences regarding muffins. Eventually, I simply told her I found the topic to be rather stupid.
 
The customer, however, reacted with the most melodramatic indignity I have ever seen, ranting about foalhood bullies, the inadequacies of the modern educational system, the trials of being a single mother, and other topics which I presume have some relevance to her life story. My attempts at apology proved fruitless, as she flew out of the establishment, sobbing in a most unbecoming fashion and informing the owners that she would not return so long as I continued to work there. Although Aloe and Lotus Blossom informed me that they believed my subsequent apology was genuine, it appears that that particular mare is quite beloved by the local populace, and implying that she might be mentally deficient is an extremely serious breach of etiquette. As a bad reputation can be absolutely disastrous in a town as small as Ponyville, they were unwilling to take the risks associated with giving me a second chance. Thus, I was dismissed from the position.
 
Pinkie Pie took this news in stride when I told her of this. She informed me that socialization is generally approved of in workplace contexts, so long as it is not excessive, and there are not explicit orders to avoid doing so. More importantly, she told me that she’d found a job where I would be working directly under one of the other Element-Bearers, who could take my unique situation into account when assigning me duties. As you can imagine, this has left me cautiously optimistic, despite my most recent setback.
 
As always, your personal analysis of the situation shall be gladly accepted.
 
Yours sincerely,
Penumbra Noctis