Cyber V
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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best story ever more
This looks quite interesting. Would like to see more
*le click track button*
As I very often say: Keep on writin'
I was getting bored, but then this chapter popped up! Thank you!
dude that was pretty cool i just want to say this i would of walked into town and start blurting eveyponys names and stuff about them
MAKE MORE B4 I KILL YOU! 5 Stars, Watch and track :P
If you don't make more I'll have to kill you, I'm sorry but thats just the way it has to be. GOOD JOB!
and I WANT IT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Heh heh, SamuraiJack... It has to happen.
I enjoyed the premise and what not, but have two problems with this story.
The main character seems to "able" to do anything; he appears to know karate, have magical abilities, and the ability to do practically anything. That of course aside from avoiding capture from the Cutie Mark Crusaders...
The other problem is that its grammar is a Crime against Humanity. Capital letters are missing all over the place and are leaving me somewhat
But I do
the idea behind it, so keep working on it, but I greatly suggest going back and fixes the basic grammatical errors.
Here's a moustache quartet
You don't have to write "end chapter" after every chapter man.
Write More Now!
Screw Grammar errors even though I'm a major Grammar nazi.
YAY
Awesome, this was a nice short chapter, FLUTTERSHY FTW!
Keep writing because you're pro! xD
I would've expected him to 'appear' onstage to accept her challenge.
DAY-UM! you write fast, EPIC keep writing PLEASE?
me:hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm*concentrates on the moon and steps forward* wow oh hay luna gahhhhhhhh cant breathe *concentrates on home* *gasp* im alive wait this is a dessert .................shit
This is not the first human with Luna shipping I've seen...
Not that it's a bad thing.
Damn son 4 chapters in one day!?
You are on FIYAH!
But in all serious, nice work and keep it up!
For who ever watched Avatar The Last Airbender, hopefull J.C. doesn't fall in Sokka's category......... My girlfriend became the moon.........
129065
Lolz I watched that episode the other day, nice job with shipping xD
Are you on fire or are you just happy to see me? xD jks but EPIC JOB Keep writing about the shipping between J.C and Luna.b
I'd check out some guides on how to write fiction (plenty of them online) Learning how to write better will get you more reviews.
Some things to help you out:
1. Don't outright describe your character. Try to work that information into the story.
2. SHOW, don't tell the story
3. Always hit return twice between paragraphs. (You're killing your readers if they can't see where the paragraphs begin)
4. APPLEJACK! NOT Apple Jack! (No excuse for that one, you probably read other stories and you deserve the yelling for not seeing that)
5. WHITETAIL WOODS (As in "White-tailed Deer," again more yelling, just not as much)
6. Google "Mary Sue"
As a final thing to help you out. Don't tell your readers why your character does what he does. (I'm running home to mom so she isn't worried) The things your character does should explain why he does it, or at least allow the reader to guess why.
YAY SHIPPING! ITS FINALLY HERE! xD Good Job write more coz you're on fire!
Facinating and it did not bore me.... reference to Discord
If anything, I believe J.C. be turned into a pony by Discord, since obviously a talking pony can't return to our world. Plus it would be fitting to his mutual love with Luna.
Using the Element of Harmony!
Laughter!
Loyalty!
Generousity!
Honesty!
-nope.avi-
And Magic!!
I might've read it wrong but... Where's Kindn-
*Rereads*
Jokes:
Loyalty and kindness... Maybe you should reword it a tad, or maybe that's just me.
Yay!!!!!!! Shipping and parties!?!?!?! IT GETS EVEN BETTER BY THE SECOND!
ummm....uhhh.....pplease.....wwwrrritee...morrre
I think this fic is a tad underrated. It's a little on the cheesy side and yes it is a human in Equestria story, but for the most part it's well written and there isn't any major grammar missteps and the main character isn't a whiny douche who tries to F**k everything with a pulse like in a lot of these kind of fics. It's executed well, has a couple of really nice d'awww moments and is mildly entertaining. I can give this four stars.
Here's a meme as payment for the good story:
chzbronies.files.wordpress.com/2012/01/my-little-pony-friendship-is-magic-brony-school-is-boring.gif
Peace out
You did, you went way to fast.
Some spelling errors and such...
One more thing... "You keep placing the quotations when someone speaks incorrectly." I said to you, "Not so much the first one, but the second one."
"I don't understand what you mean. "you say.
"Right there... After 'Mean', notice how you put a space between the period and the second quotation mark?" I paused, "Don't do that, instead, have the space after you close the speech, like I have done."
"Ohhh," you (hopefully) say, "I'll fix that right up!"
I guess JC has split personality disorder now :)
LOL @thewookie1 Epic Chapter KEEP WRITING 1 BILLION MORE!
Your welcome to come and enjoy my story if you want a change of pace .As for yours it was good and all that but you definitely need prof-read, Its a cute story anyway ![I guess I could help with prof-reads and ideas if you need !]
EPIC, idgaf about spelling errors! SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL! Yay for shipping! Make the sequel about Luna and J.C having a kid and Pinkie has a baby shower and that thing :D
Fiks yore spel and gramatic erors.
Fiks yore spel and gramatic erors.
and after you finish your chapter, read it.
this will make you realize if you are missing something.
this is really good
to your A/N I always stay with a story that I read even after it is completed and I really like this
he will learn from the master how to break the laws of physics
needs longer chapters please.Well not NEED just want
128230 'Unto a new world' is a Luna X Human fic
i agree with the others check your stories before posting them. alltogether it was one of the bets fics i'veread so far and you should make a sequel
I notice a few good spelling errors at the end and also don't think Twilight wouldn't just reply with a "Okay
" reaction to someone asking her to tech them magic outta the blue.
Being in two places at the same time, well that's going to be interesting.
I demand a sequel, immediately. Maybe put in the sequel another human. Or zoidburg.
wow BAD way to end a fic
i hate to say this but, not the best literary techniques used. I do see potential in your writing, i honestly do. you just need a better understanding of how to write.
Just some tips from one writer to the next:
1. End your sentences with periods; There are too many run-on sentences to count.
2. Proof read your paper; just check to see if you find any errors or too many of something *cough*commas*cough*
3. Use intricate(difficult) words; it'll get you more readers if you use better word choice so use a thesaurus
4. Use page breaks such as----- or ********; this will help the reader know who's point of view you're looking at the world with or even time lapses
AND MOST IMPORTANTLY
5. Have someone critique(judge) your work before posting the final product; based on their response and their findings you can find new ways to change or even fix your paper.
Hopefully you take these tips into consideration
amazing story its favorited lol and i think there should be a sequel focusing some more on the human celestia fell in love with
SEQUEL
encrypted-tbn0.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRt0I8VuKRanRcZHRpUU0o2vYKZiE0SOIUj0MC5J6sJpFiV-rV4Mw
439700 I might not
, BUT, I might be able to one later on, might is the key word here