Pip receives a letter inviting him and his parents to the royal castle in canterlot for a dinner. after a short train ride he finds himself in canterlot, being shown around by the royal guard and shown to the dinner where he meets Princess Celestia for the first time, he finds out that the dinner invite is so that his parents, he, and the princess could discuss the possibility of him moving to canterlot to be Luna's first friend since her return from banishment, what will his response be?
Original cover art http://weresquirrel94.deviantart.com/art/A-drawing-for-you-281790973
drop by her profile, shes a great artist
Chapters (6)
Commas are not periods.
Learn to use the shift key.
1699720
that is why i am looking for a proofreader.
and thank you for pointing out the run- ons i hope to have gotten better about it with the new chapter
Well nice chapter.
I'm interested how this will turn out: Will social-awkward Luna go too far in their friendship and hurt Pip in any way or form? Will Pip misuse his friendship? Are there any kind of romantic feelings involved or just 'friendly ones'? What does Princess Celestia thinks about Pip? What would Twilight and the elements or the CMC think about him?
So many questions, so many decisions...
The storyline is great
I'm reading on Pip and Luna fics for my own story
One of the problems I saw was that nearly everytime you started some kind of dialogue you never capitalized the first word
Hi I am really enjoying this
How you portrayed pips confusion with what to do about the offer was great not perfect but great
However when you had Pip stare at the moon for two hours straight I think that's a bit much and wouldn't he be tired and fall asleep
I also like how you made Luna. It seems to for her well
And about the proofreader thing. I would be more then willing to help I myself am looking for a proofreader. Someone to bounce ideas off of
1953681
I'm very glad you liked it, I'm getting ready to upload a new chapter, thank you for the feedback. hopefully a few of those questions will be at least partially answered in the next couple of chapters, i never thought of the CMC... hmmm
2065925
I am uploading chapter 3 right now, and if you could help proofreading i would love it, I'm no grammar nazi so outside of minor grammar I'm not very good at proofreading but ideas, that is something i have plenty of
Pip remembering and blushing about the last night with Princess Luna? Check.
Pips parents need to move away for a bit? Check.
Princess Luna and Pip staying in the same room? Check.
...sounds kinda like a bad tempting situation for both of them, don't you think?
And what happens? Luna sings and Pip sleeps. Ah well, it's better, I guess.
Also, the part about the stars seems like one of the dreams Luna walked into.
Cooking contest, hm? Well, let's see what idea Pipsqueak has, shall we?
2074160
lol i see your point, it does look like it set up for bad things
and nothing happens
and you are correct I decided to use her ability to enter dreams a lot in this series, in truth i had the idea even before sleepless in ponyvile when a friend of mine directed me to a fanfic called "Socks" the fact it is now canon is even better
2074626
If you actually stop to think of that ability of hers, combined with her power, Luna could become quite frightening if she wants you to do something. All that power in reality and then invading your dreams at night.
...
...curse my brain. What would Luna do if Pip started to have adult dreams of himself and her? After all, she can see what happens there.
Sometimes I just wonder if my brain always stays in the gutter or if that only happens if it gets late.
2074719
you would be an amazing clop writer with your ideas O.o
2075322
The problem is...I don't want to write clop.
2075411
Lolz you still have great ideas though, and even though it wont be too extreme, i think i may incorporate a bit of what you just said into the story later
2075465
As long as you don't turn it into something like Molestia, I'm fine. That fanfic scarred me.
Let's see, maybe I can produce a few other ideas...
- How about Luna attempting to teach Pipsqueak like a teacher but lacking modern knowledge and he ends up teaching her instead?
Wait a minute, I'm sure I can think off at least a few others...oh I've got one! What does Pip do for his cutie-mark? If he has even some crazy ideas like the CMC and a bored princess of the night at his side, there could be much fun.
- What about Pipsqueaks love for pirate outfits? Surely you can tailor something with that. Maybe a dream about pirate-ponies?
- Imagine the following scene: There is another (unspecified) problem that the Mane 6 must tend to. On their way to the throne room they literally gallop into Pipsqueak and Luna. Hilarity ensures. (Twilight could think of Pipsqueak as a student of Luna, Pinkie Pie could be her carzyself, etc.)
- Something simple: Pipsqueak rides Luna kind of like Spike does with Twilight as he wants to know how it is to fly.
- Simply think back to a few children tales you heard growing up and let Pipsqueak wonder about them. If Luna takes his worries about that seriously and asks Celestia about it, the work is done...
- Uh...
Pip: I'm thinking about an astronaut-cutie mark, Luna. Wanna help?
More will come, if requested, later. When I had some sleep or so.
2075583
XD even though i find princess molestia hilarious, its not the kind of story id like to write, although a few references wouldn't hurt I.E. giant swag bannana if i could ever find a way it organically flows into the story, im thinking that there will be a guest appearance in the next chapter by 1 of the mane six but idk yet
Well, have fun writing, I guess.
Oh and just for a quick laugh:
I strangely just watched this before reading your story the first time. Coincidence?
2075821
wow, that is epic XD id hate to get luna made though, she might send me to the sun
2077418
Well, she looked happy in both comics at the end, didn't she?
Wow, the cakes definitely won the contest.
Or you maybe made a little mistake but that's way more boring. Like 20% more boring. 
They created cupcakes that turned into Doughnuts the moment they are eaten! And then they turned back as soon as they are actually tasted!
Sorry, just kidding.
The chapter was nicely written. You could practically feel Pip's enjoyment over tasting all the treats. Also, your little mention of the 'overly professional snobby cook' with the 'special cauliflower croquette' was quite funny. Pipsqueak is like a child his age should be: exciteable, full of energy (think of the beginning?), honest and thruthful to a fault. This simply draws me in every chapter.
Other than that I have one small gripe with this chapter: Luna. She needs to stay awake the whole night but with only a little time for herself she is okay to spend a whole day with Pipsqueak? With no signs of her being sleepy at all? Yes, you could chalk that up to being an alicorn but even those are living beings.
i dont think i explained it well, lol there is a doughnut actualy decorating the cupcake and luna being awake i have attributed to a bit of magic, however in chapter 5 that does get addressed about her getting tired
Suspicious old lady.
I really like this so far!
2222748
thank you very much
2203583
Very much so
Woah...now you make it nearly too easy to think of their friendship as romance, 2225300.
Pip's valiant protection at least for a few hours (although more like half a day or even a whole one you weren't that detailed about time specifics).
Him, watching Luna all the time while thinking about her beauty.
Luna dreaming about Pipsqueak - most probably not the first time (seeing as he lives in the castle with her now).
And her 'warm feeling chest'. That one though could be explained through Pi leaning or sleeping against her
Also, Trollestia strikes again! The rejuvinating grape juice
There is a little funny thing that probably wasn't too intentional:
So Luna uses Pip as an exclamation for surprise? Or did you simply forget a comma?
And lastly...if the first part of the chapter was a look into the past (as it would include near Pinkie Pie-esque teleportation powers (tm) otherwise) you should probably note that somehow too.
Okay edit time: Two things from earlier chapters: If you want to include stuff like giant Swag bananas, let Pip (or even Luna) eat bananas before sleeping and then warp the dream more and more until that happens - dreams are highly unlogical if they want to be.
Oh and CALLED IT! Sorry, I called her sleep problems last chapter and although you said you were adressing them this chapter...ah well, I'm just happy it wasn't anything bad and she just wanted to be nice.
2232093
everyone seems to love the rejuvenating grape juice lol
and i see your point with the flash backs, from now on i shall put them in italics to they wont be easily confused.
i tried to make how long a bit obvious but its pretty much dusk to mid-day the next day. I think i have read too much Japanese manga due to every time i try to make two, well i am portraying Luna as new to the world, "Youthful" i suppose is the right word. anyway whenever i try to do that it looks romantic
How the series ends is a ways off, but yeah, right now its just they are great friends.
also about the sleep, several people did notice the whole thing about her being way too awake, so i listened to the readers and acted accordingly
Very good.
2237210 thank you very much
Was I confused? A little at first since I forgot he was still sleeping. Overall no I wasn't.
I've read a lot of pip and Luna go pirate stuff and this is one of the best ones I've come across. "Fun has been doubled" being a password/phrase was great as was including scoots as another dreamer knowing her encounter with Luna. I also like how its basically a friendship between the two of them and how Luna uses dreams as a way to further spend time with him since they are on different sleep cycles.
2266373
thank you so much!
i was beginning to get worried because no one said anything, I'm glad you liked it
epic she pulled alot of ponies into that dream
2311916
Only a few, most of the sky pirate crew was pips dream making them, except 2 little fillies that needed to learn a lesson
MEDIC need 20 cc of inculin to much sweetness luna and pip are a nice couple
Okay...first your question: Was I confused? Well, confused is a strong word. I was puzzled how many fillies and colts were on Scoots ship, serving unter her rule. Other than that...
...I knew Pip was dreaming and I actually liked the idea of seeing one of his dreams played out.
So, no hard feelings, right?
As for the chapter, I found the present very sweet. Even in dreams, even in his adventures Pip thinks of Luna. I also laughed at the (unintentional?) mention of Luna's alter ego from Scootaloo's crew. A 'nightmare' indeed.
Other than that, it was a nice, harmless dream. Of course, I could point out stuff like Scootaloo being a probable love-interest for Pip but that would be silly. The two of them sinmply shared a dream of adventuring tonight. Now I have a little request: How do Luna's dreams look like? How does she behave after her nightmares? She has practically boundless experience in all manners of dreams, good or bad.
I can just about predict a scene: Luna, hugging and squeezing Pip (a little) too much, sleeping and simply being happy. Celestia (or any of the guards really) entering, trying to wake Luna. Them failing and noticing the little colt after that with a smile. Maybe even a little teasing (that goes completely over Pips head except for the embarrassing part) and him shaking Luna awake with some 'orders' as a pirate-captain.
Of course, you can skip the waking after this or write it, however you want, Delitor. It's your story after all.
2312601 thanks, im trying to make this just a happy read
2312998 Wow you ARE full of ideas and you caught a few of my little easter eggs i put in
2313294
Well, what can I say? My ideas rarely stop, even though my own stories don't want to be finished (I revised the whole thing again *sigh*). So I try to use that creativity influx to think about stories I like^^
Well, I am observative too, yes. I dislike pointing any little thing out, I want to enjoy the story! But if I read a story about Luna and I find some jokes about Nightmare Moon...well, I can't overlook them.
(Let me look your chapter over for all the references...Pips beard as some kind of 'being a manly pirate', Luna's cutie mark and a sword are the flag, the lost treasure of Cherilee? Her youth maybe?, the fun has been doubled as a password, Dumbbell (I call him 'YEAH!!!-Pony xD) as a bouncer, Flim and Flam as bartenders?, jokes about Captain Buggy being a clown [are you a One Piece fan as well?], Scootaloos 'Rainbow Dash'-wig as her false beard, a pegasi-ship that can fly?, the already called Nightmare-joke, Snips and Snails as Deckswabs, cabbages = cannonballs, plastic blades from both captains AAAAAND the Milky Sea being actually warm milk. Did I miss any?)
If I sit down to think about the story, I'm sure I can think of a few ideas too...but you have 'material' to write about right now, so maybe I only add to future ideas?
2318409
griffon eatin rocks is a reference to the chapter before but you got most of them
When you said he passed out I thought of this
Actually, I wasn't suprised at all, thanks to "Sleepless in Ponyville". Still, great job with the story, keep it coming.
2438326
i shall, i am working on a new chapter and im really trying to make it good, a few questions shall be answered in it, but it may take a week or so sadly T.T i am most certainly not a speed writer
2065839 capitalizing the first word is for dorks and this authors no dork so
........jk
2454091
i assure you sir that i am indeed a dork, nerd, dweeb, ect and proud of it
what did you think of the story?
Your critic, Blankscape here! Sorry for the late review. RL hasn't been kind to me until now. So with this short breather of a time I have left, I'll be finishing reading your story.
Now, one thing I can't help but notice in this particular chapter is that you used 'consolation' instead of 'constellation.' I strongly urge you get to that ASAP
This too: 'great' instead of 'greet' when they meet Luna instead of Celestia.
This story has been reviewed by The Equestrian Critics Society.
Story Title: Pip's new home
Author: Delitor
Reviewed by: Blankscape
Shipping characters of a series is a crux of a genre in fan fiction that will certainly never go away. It is a direct reflection of the fact that people want to hear about the lives of others, whether out of concern or simply entertainment. Stories like these usually deliver a reliable degree of quality, but that quality is seldom maintained in light of cliché ideas and the limited cast of the show. ‘Pip’s New Home’ by Delitor, which surprisingly stars Pipsqueak with Luna, certainly catches the eye, though the opposite can safely be said of its gradually waning quality with each new chapter.
Full Review
Score: 6/10
I am very much liking this fic. I find myself wondering how far down the road to "Prince Consort" (or avoiding that far) you are going to follow this, and how Luna will help him avoid or navigate the political effects (if only ponies vying for his ear as a way to Luna's).
I picked up that it was a dream from the start.
I liked that cabbage -> brussle sprouts thing.
2510297
thank you for your honest review, I've taken a hiatus from this story and planned on returning next month, may i ask you please read my next chapter update to tell me if i have improved my writing any?
2653029
Will do, my friend. Though I'll have to find some time for that if you're planning to post that next month. Things will be getting busy for me then.
But before you start with the next chapter, I suggest you take a good look at the six chapters you have so far and ask yourself 'is this where I want the story to go and am I enjoying it?' If yes to both of those, then ask yourself this next question, 'Is the story in its best form with concerns to grammar, punctuation, choice of word and pacing?'
My guess is that if you start on next chapter right away after this review, you'll only be working on the next chapter based on my review. And like all reviews, mine can't possibly justify your story so correctly and so completely in only several hundred words. I assure you critics in TECS will try their very best at what they do, but we aren't perfect. That's why I strongly advise you to go over your work before you start on the next chapter. It's up to you to discover, realize and accept your mistakes, then learn from them and improve on future performances.