Keep going with Big Mac and Twilight along with the adventure and now Piknkieling sheaningans, also it would be great to see how the exiled changelings would react to the newest hive and queen, namely Bon-Bon (Changeling Bonded to Lyra Heartsrings), Vynil Scratch (Changeling bonded to Octavia Philarmonica), Scootaloo (Changeling adopted by Zecora) and plenty of more background ponies that would be actually changelings that would had not be creative enought to create their own pony form and copied it from another changeling who actually did all the work to create his/her own pony form (like that would be an explaination why there would be two or more of the same pony in the same scene)
you could do a choose your own path type if you want to incorporate everything that's floating around in your head....just a thought! excellent story btw! Thank you!!
Great chapter. I look forward to Pinkieling fun. It may be bias of me but I'm wanting to see Nosh try to seduce all Twilight's friends. It would be funny with Twilight knowing about it through the hive mind, and him being a smooth talker probably could if Twi doesn't stop him
2580227 Who is Nosh? I think you're talking about Macintosh, but I might have forgotten a character.
Also, I think Applejack would be upset if Twilight let Mac sleep around without repercussions. If Applejack does get into a fight with Twilight over her brother, then I want to see Applejack score a three-way with the captain of the royal guard and the goddess of love and sex. Surely Cadence and Shining Armor have a rather open relationship.
25813352581331 Him hitting on every mare in sight would be funny as long as he stays away from Applejack in this universe. Otherwise that would be kinda creepy. Unless he starts to, then stops himself while remarking "Wait, aren't you my aunt?"
Ahh, I'm likin' these longer chapters! Keep it up!
And you're right, there're so many directions you could go now that the beginning stuff is over with. It is of my heavily subjective opinion that you should give the guardians a bit more of the lime light, fleshing them out a bit or maybe grouping the OCs together for fun and excitement (since I'm very interested in how you're going to write Nosh, Overwatch, and Whisper). Heck, if you're going to have some changelings adventurin' in the wastes, you could try and juggle two plot lines, one in Ponyville and one in the Wastes. You could even go with Celestia's vacation as a potential idea. I'm sure most of us wouldn't mind whatever direction you decide to take. Just keep writing!
As a side-note, I really wanted to know some of the details of Twi's dress. I do sketch a bit and I would have welcomed a few new ideas. Oh well, can't have everything.
I've been following this for a while,and I have to say that the authorship has really improved!
In the beginning it was pretty stilted, and you were railroading the story really bad. But it flows much more naturally now.
As for the future of the story, I recommend staying away from clop for now. I have nothing against it, but you don't seem comfortable with it and until you get a better feel for it it will just detract from the story.
On the other hand, you have a very good grasp of writing Pinkie, which most authors fail at .
While I would love a picture of changeling queen twilight in her royal vestments, I am a terrible fashion designer so I felt it best just to leave it open to interpretation. Suffice to say it's done by Rarity, so of course it is incredible.
Do you want to know what would be an awesome non-canon side story? Queen Neoptera vs Wanderer D's Queen Twilight. I think Queen Neoptera would be highly disappointed with the direction that Twilight took the hive.
This chapter was all good. But there where one thing it was missing...
FOR GODS SAKE TELL US A LITTLE ABOUT THE DRESS! My mind comes up with blanks! I can't think of a dress that would make her look less intimidating and at the same time look royally without atrociatly clashing with her colour or form... In my mind she had no dress at all, simply because imaging one is nearly impossible.
It might be wise to add a few lines of description of the dress during the fitting scene. Otherwise I would say remove that scene in it's whole. As it leave the reader confused and generally don't bring that much to the story.
PS: This rant may apply to only me, so unless agreed to by others or yourself should perhaps not be taken to heart.
This is a good story (although I'm slightly disappointed with the lack of clop ) I love stories about changelings, that aren't all grim-dark. I look forward to more!
Man, I got bored really quick. I have a concept for the dress that Twi wore as well somewhere in that account, but I haven't really spent too much time on it and to be honest, ponies take a hell of a long time to get to look right. If I get bored further, I might work on fanart-related things a bit more.
I might get around to much better art if I get a tablet computer. Might.
I can just see it now! Shiny's skeptical because hey, changeling, until their mother browbeats him because he's had weeks at this point and Cadance isn't even preggers, while Twilight's gone and given her loads of grandbabies in that amount of time. And hey, spoiling them is easy, just add lots of love!
I hope the Princesses don't notice... I don't want to tell them who I really am just yet!
With this line you seem to be implying that Twilight is in her pony form, yet a couple lines up you said she was a queen. There was no point in which it was mentioned that she changed. Unless, of coarse, her queen form looks a lot like Twilight still. Though what she looks like as a queen was not well described from what I remember.
I think when Celestia calls her out, Twilight would have been more speechless and stumbling with her words. Things did not go according to plan and she gets flustered when that happens.
2689993 The line directly above that quote has Applejack saying how Twilight as the changling queen looks like she does normally but just a little bit taller.
Luna smiled and made a soft d'aww noise. Celestia seemed visibly relieved and Twilight was just smiling contentedly, "Well, Queen Neoptera, I believe we have an accord, at least temporarily."
I'm rather curious as to what plans Twilight has to take herself down if she goes evil. Any chance you'll go more in depth into that?
I would like to see more TwiMac. Maybe the two of them go to the old hive together?
There has to be a scene with Big Mac and his near three-score changeling drone kids. Sooo adorable!
2580134
Mass Effect 2
Keep going with Big Mac and Twilight along with the adventure and now Piknkieling sheaningans, also it would be great to see how the exiled changelings would react to the newest hive and queen, namely Bon-Bon (Changeling Bonded to Lyra Heartsrings), Vynil Scratch (Changeling bonded to Octavia Philarmonica), Scootaloo (Changeling adopted by Zecora) and plenty of more background ponies that would be actually changelings that would had not be creative enought to create their own pony form and copied it from another changeling who actually did all the work to create his/her own pony form (like that would be an explaination why there would be two or more of the same pony in the same scene)
you could do a choose your own path type if you want to incorporate everything that's floating around in your head....just a thought! excellent story btw! Thank you!!
2580118 Probably use the Want it, Need it spell on herself?
Great chapter. I look forward to Pinkieling fun. It may be bias of me but I'm wanting to see Nosh try to seduce all Twilight's friends. It would be funny with Twilight knowing about it through the hive mind, and him being a smooth talker probably could if Twi doesn't stop him
twimac
2580227 Who is Nosh? I think you're talking about Macintosh, but I might have forgotten a character.
Also, I think Applejack would be upset if Twilight let Mac sleep around without repercussions. If Applejack does get into a fight with Twilight over her brother, then I want to see Applejack score a three-way with the captain of the royal guard and the goddess of love and sex. Surely Cadence and Shining Armor have a rather open relationship.
I thought Big Mac meant just the Earth Pony race until I realized you were using it to substitute for the f-bomb.
TwiMac, Pinkie shenanigans, and a three day adventure.
Choices, choices.
A bit of an incomplete thought here. What was Celestia hoping to do?
2580439 what choices? All three are fine, not as interested in the TwiMac though
2580451
Good catch, I'll fix that, it should be see.
Could you do a sidefic of Pinkielings Adventures In Equestria?
2580366
Nosh is one of the guardians.
2580366 Nosh is one of Twilight's guards and my OC. He's kind of a horn dog.
2581335 2581331 Him hitting on every mare in sight would be funny as long as he stays away from Applejack in this universe. Otherwise that would be kinda creepy. Unless he starts to, then stops himself while remarking "Wait, aren't you my aunt?"
2581796 Or even better, Twilight is like, "That's your aunt you perv!" and then he realizes it.
Ahh, I'm likin' these longer chapters! Keep it up!
And you're right, there're so many directions you could go now that the beginning stuff is over with. It is of my heavily subjective opinion that you should give the guardians a bit more of the lime light, fleshing them out a bit or maybe grouping the OCs together for fun and excitement (since I'm very interested in how you're going to write Nosh, Overwatch, and Whisper). Heck, if you're going to have some changelings adventurin' in the wastes, you could try and juggle two plot lines, one in Ponyville and one in the Wastes. You could even go with Celestia's vacation as a potential idea. I'm sure most of us wouldn't mind whatever direction you decide to take. Just keep writing!
As a side-note, I really wanted to know some of the details of Twi's dress. I do sketch a bit and I would have welcomed a few new ideas. Oh well, can't have everything.
I've been following this for a while,and I have to say that the authorship has really improved!
In the beginning it was pretty stilted, and you were railroading the story really bad. But it flows much more naturally now.
As for the future of the story, I recommend staying away from clop for now. I have nothing against it, but you don't seem comfortable with it and until you get a better feel for it it will just detract from the story.
On the other hand, you have a very good grasp of writing Pinkie, which most authors fail at .
I look forward to any and all Pinkie shenanigans. Especially with the young drones. She's going to be the best bad influence ever!
2582226
While I would love a picture of changeling queen twilight in her royal vestments, I am a terrible fashion designer so I felt it best just to leave it open to interpretation. Suffice to say it's done by Rarity, so of course it is incredible.
Do you want to know what would be an awesome non-canon side story? Queen Neoptera vs Wanderer D's Queen Twilight. I think Queen Neoptera would be highly disappointed with the direction that Twilight took the hive.
Sounds good!
2583450
it was this dress
derpicdn.net/thumbs/1500/600/2013/02/19/04_16_30_954_248602__UNOPT__safe_twilight_sparkle_vector_princess_twilight_5122fc857f123babb9000297.png.png
Hm, so Applejack's middle name is Dianne too.
How will Shinning Armor and Cadance react?
This chapter was all good. But there where one thing it was missing...
FOR GODS SAKE TELL US A LITTLE ABOUT THE DRESS! My mind comes up with blanks! I can't think of a dress that would make her look less intimidating and at the same time look royally without atrociatly clashing with her colour or form... In my mind she had no dress at all, simply because imaging one is nearly impossible.
It might be wise to add a few lines of description of the dress during the fitting scene. Otherwise I would say remove that scene in it's whole. As it leave the reader confused and generally don't bring that much to the story.
PS: This rant may apply to only me, so unless agreed to by others or yourself should perhaps not be taken to heart.
This is a good story (although I'm slightly disappointed with the lack of clop ) I love stories about changelings, that aren't all grim-dark. I look forward to more!
2620011 Blagh mass effect terrible game.
cant wait for the next chapter!!!
http://kydois.deviantart.com/art/Love-Is-Life-374160203
Man, I got bored really quick.
I have a concept for the dress that Twi wore as well somewhere in that account, but I haven't really spent too much time on it and to be honest, ponies take a hell of a long time to get to look right. If I get bored further, I might work on fanart-related things a bit more.
I might get around to much better art if I get a tablet computer. Might.
2637983
Yay! I love fanart!
2585719 when it gets to that point,my dropped jaw will drop its jaw.
Isn't Twilight forgetting something? Or rather someone? That she should be introducing to his bouncing baby nieces/nephews?
2656355 don't forget her parents
Shining, Candance, here are your 50 some nieces and nephews
Mom, Dad, here are your 50 some grand children.
2666810
I can just see it now! Shiny's skeptical because hey, changeling, until their mother browbeats him because he's had weeks at this point and Cadance isn't even preggers, while Twilight's gone and given her loads of grandbabies in that amount of time. And hey, spoiling them is easy, just add lots of love!
2667281 I kinda want this to happen
With this line you seem to be implying that Twilight is in her pony form, yet a couple lines up you said she was a queen. There was no point in which it was mentioned that she changed. Unless, of coarse, her queen form looks a lot like Twilight still. Though what she looks like as a queen was not well described from what I remember.
I think when Celestia calls her out, Twilight would have been more speechless and stumbling with her words. Things did not go according to plan and she gets flustered when that happens.
2689993
The line directly above that quote has Applejack saying how Twilight as the changling queen looks like she does normally but just a little bit taller.
Lots of word? I love those! On another note: soshable.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/09/Everything_went_better_than_expected.png
Hey. Editing Note here:
"Thought I knew that anyway."
Thought... shouldn't that be "though"? Just a thought from me here while reading
2667352
seconded
So 50 drones due to the necessary weaning procedure still causing egg production.
Extreme happiness right now about that Luna line