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Image: http://i.imgur.com/4yTOQ.gif
Hay no!
Alicorn horns are pointier and provide aerodynamic flight, leading to a +1 increase in damage and accuracy.
The wings also increase the speed of the projectile, leading to an additional +1 to damage.
Final stats for an alicorn spousal projectile: +3 accuracy, +3 damage.
Truly a weapon of celestial might.
The earthpony wife adds +1 damage. A unicorn wife negates magical armor on the target. Read your rulebook, man!
There are no rules for alicorn wife combat. If your GM allowed you to marry one of the princesses, please forward his name and address so he can be tried before the mighty council of p&p-roleplayers.
"They use their wives too, you maggot! I don't give a damn if the guardsponies under my command are mares or stallions, they get themselves a damn wife and they use her for the defence of Equestria! We're an equal opportunity nation for a reason and don't you forget it!"
-Thunderous
(I really hope that doesn't count as RP)
That makes sense.
Hey, just because I refuse to "upgrade" past the 2.0 ruleset doesn't mean I'm unfamiliar with the rules! I'm just not familiar with the new rules. And, by "new", I mean anything within the last decade or so. I don't think they had that property until the 2.75 ruleset.
My GM actually had some house rules on alicorn wives, but it was for NPCs only. He considered it to be a bit too overpowered for regular PCs to run around with alicorn wives. And, trust me, you don't know fear until you have a level 5 half-unicorn rogue staring down the barrel of an extremely vexed ballistic wedded alicorn. There's no saving throw for that, man. You're just toast.
"Of all the weapons in the vast pony arsenal, nothing was more profitable than Princess Miamora Candance model of 947. More commonly known as Cadence, or Miamora. It's the world's most popular assault wife. A weapon all fighters love. An elegantly simple <undisclosed> pound amalgamation of sugar, spice and everything nice. It doesn't break, jam, or overheat. It'll fly whether it's covered in evil crystals or filled with supernatural despair. It's so easy, even a colt can throw her; and they do. The Equestrians put her on a coin. The Crystal Empire put her on their flag."
With apologies to Lord Of War, Yuri Orlov, and basic human decency.
Screw it, I wrote my version of the ending. Here it is!
----
Shining Amour jerked bolt upright in his bed, his heart racing and his lungs sucking in as much air as they could take. Beside him, Cadence shifted under the blankets.
"Shining?" she asked softly into the pillow, obviously still half asleep. Even now, with no make up on and drooling slightly onto the bedding, she was beautiful. She was also intelligent, kind and had a such zest for life that she made Shining feel more alive just by being in her presence. He was, he remarked to himself once again, an incredibly lucky colt. He wasn't quite sure what he had done to deserve her, but by the Sun and Stars he hoped whatever it was he was doing, he could keep doing it.
However, in the wake of the dream, a new thought wormed its way into his head, one that he knew would be impossible to shake. It was the kind of thought that, once considered, would return unbidden weeks or months later, probably quite randomly and at the oddest moments.
Was his beautiful, intelligent, kind wife also a suitably deadly projectile weapon?
"It's nothing dear," he said as he settled back into a comfortable sleeping position, "I just a strange dream. Go back to sleep."
"Hummmmm," said Cadence unintelligibly, oblivious of everything. Beside her, Shining closed his eyes, yet after a few minutes he found he was unable to find sleep.
He did the only thing he could do.
He rolled over to get a better look at his wife and began to consider the question that had been thrust upon him.
Image: http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mdbtbnWCZK1r1zv65o1_500.gifI could only think of this... in addition to >>1603692's post
Upgrades, schmupgrades!
The only saving grace for anything pre-2.0 was "but it has ponies!". You just rolled into the dungeon had a dice roll orgy with everyone at the table and distributed the loot and XP. I'm just not the dungeon crawler type of player. Everything was designed on "get wife, throw wife, upgrade wife". I mean, what's the point?
At least the new rules include more background beyond a world map, a rule set for fights and a list of random monsters.
That was just sad. Although the 10 foot pole always made me chuckle. 
The Earth Pony wife ignores damage resistance as a magical, Adamantine and good weapon.
The Pegasus Pony wife triples the range increment of the throw, and provides a +2 morale bonus to accuracy and damage.
The Unicorn Pony wife penetrates all protection spells with the Abjuration descriptor, and defensive psionic powers with the Psychokinesis descriptor.
The Alicorn (Pegasus Unicorn Pony) wife may select one of the above bonuses at each throw.
Image: http://cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/30010722.jpg
Heh. I remember that scene!
Jack Black voice: Alicorn wife!? Toss that shit!
Wifleman's creed and this line did it for me:
"Mark my words, colt, the day is going to come when you'll need to take your wife in your hooves, lift her, bodily, over your head, and chuck her at the enemy!"
Sold!
Silver out!
Oh God I love you 
I mean... not like my wife.
No offence, but I wouldn't fling you bodily at an enemy. Maybe an extra hard swing on a do-see-do? Er... that didn't come out right.
What I mean is, I am chortling uncontrollably in a room full of aviators. And I don't regret it. People are looking at me, but I REGRET NOTHING!
This is masterful. I lost it when he began reciting the Wifleman's Creed.
Now, my own pitiful contribution...
*WHOOSH* Discord's Chaos, what's that sound?Lord Sombra, Sir! That's the Mark 1 Mod 0 Wife, Princess, Cadenza, Mi Amore.
The preferred weapon of our enemy...
And it makes a distinctive sound when chucked at you, Sir!
That was so awesome I read it twice, favorited it and gave it a thumbs up. I eagerly await the opportunity to explain to my friends that their wives are the best weapon. I envy your story, it put a smile on my face like little has. I'm thinking of doing a MLP fanfiction review channel on Youtube and if I do, I can assure you rave reviews from me.
I consider that well within reasonable limits of horse terminology.
Several Actually. "Ponies and Parasprites" is one, and then there are the 3.0 rules in the Giant in the Playground forums, and some Pathfinder rules somewhere. My advice for anyone actually running IN Equestria would be to give the pegasi full flight from first level, and take that into account in adventure design.
I think that while most fighting stallions will have long discussions about the merits of various models in the end most of them will prefer their own.
"Sir, with all due respect, I think mine is better even if she isn't a fancy top of the line model. Mine's reliable. Yours is frankly over engineered and prone to fatigue."*
* This statement in no way represents the commenter's views on Cadence or her merits and disadvantages as either a portable charge unit, shield generator or projectile weapon.
Even better if you read Thunderous in the voice of the TF2 soldier.
Also,
Image: http://iambrony.steeph.tp-radio.de/mlp/gif/tumblr_lr3ajwJWKl1r17tqto1_400.gif?1319412095
Theres also Pony Tales: Aspirations of Harmony, but that is still in alpha.
There are no words. I loved every moment.
Image: http://i479.photobucket.com/albums/rr157/antpogo/pony/11724020-20artist3Arlyoff20brilliant20letter20spike.jpg
That was beautiful, it makes me want to use a guitar to smash the head off of a Transparent Anatomical Manikin with superimposed angel wings.
Image: http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m86qeyG6Bm1rahlsao1_250.gif
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