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Three missing pieces, two loving alicorns, and a single stupid decision that will set young Princess Cadence on a fresh new course. Story One of the "Cadance of Cloudsdale" cycle.
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The only word I can come up with to describe this is "wonderful". Cadence and Celestia's characters, their tense relationship, the hidden hurts she accidentally pokes at, Celestia's hopes and dreams and plans for her, the hyper-erudite little Twilight and her family... Wonderful, all of it.
Tooth Flutterpony?
I would have gone with the "Breezies", myself. I mean, they are already (sorta) canon, being from a previous generation, and they could probably be easily molded into various fae archetypes. Just my thought on it.
Great story. This is the Cadence fic I've been waiting for, and your style does not disappoint. The feels inherent in this were almost too much for a man of my caliber.
Looking forward to the next.
Somepony call the other universes, they need to read this.
I've already PM'd you quite a few thoughts about the tale, but let me just register the crux of my opinion in a word: Magnificent.
And to you, potential reader, if the [sad] tag upsets you, know that the story isn't a random tugging on heartstrings, it's sad with a purpose. Read it. You won't be sorry. Promise.
This story was equal parts heart warming and dramatic. It's impossible to not smile at little Twi. D'awww.
Interesting to see the return of ex-Warrior Queen Celestia. I've now read quite a bit of your fics that feature her, and she's an interesting character, who has actually managed to grow on me over time. I guess the nature of many of your fics as one-shots means we'll never quite see her issues getting resolved, although "Beloved" ended hopefully.
This was excellent. Great backstory for an otherwise boring and flat character, great characterization of an adorably precocious filly Twilight, and a fantastic job fitting snugly into established canon. "Teenage" Candence is a very interesting place to play, and I think you've done a good job of fleshing out those hallmarks of adolescence without hitting up the "woe is me" well too much; she borders on being grating but stays just shy of that line to garner empathy instead of ire.
Solid.
Image: http://images4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20110207193434/capcomdatabase/images/d/dc/GhostsUnicornDemon.pngRemove his tooth. I dare you.
I'm going to declare this a case of "Great Minds Think Alike" because I've been piecing together Equestria's history ever since I first saw Cadance, and what I've come up with already seems to line up heavily with what this story presents as well (Cadance really is the Crystal Princess, not just being mistaken as such)
However in my version, Cadance isn't an immortal. The reason why she's even alive at all is that Cadance was hit with Sombra's "cast forward in time" spell as the opening gambit to his taking over the crystal kingdom, which is why Cadance is still alive today, and why she appeared before the Crystal Kingdom did; she was hit earlier, hence her's wears off earlier.
God, I've got to get my stuff actually posted up soon. I have 3 or 4 stories bouncing around in my head, but they're all pretty heavily entrenched in the history of Equestria, and I'm a stickler for not specifically conflicting with canon, while at the same time I have to push in twists and weave things together in ways that I just KNOW Hasbro wont be making canon, so dancing around those issues has taken some major work.
Wonderful. 
Only the first part and it already seems to be promising a grand roller-coaster of an adventure for Cadence. I look forward to seeing more. 
Just one question: will we get to see Cadence apologizing to Shining? I mean, she practically bit the poor guy's head off!
Unification. Such an excellent, distant term, used by both those good and evil. A word to describe the path they took to their new world, and how it was not entirely clear of horror. "Unification efforts" only makes it better. Love it.
Twilight is a-freakin-dorable, Cadence is showing some budding skill at scheming (the red of the strawberries never cross my mind), Cadence's flight home was a dawning realisation on the reader (or at least on me), and her almost connection between the heraldry and this 'adversary' was neat. The explanation for the single crystal shard was great too, filling a hole I had not noticed I was missing.
I really loved this one. Great job. Again.
This is incredible... I read this and... wow. This ties in perfectly with established canon, is well written, and shows an intruiging side of Cadance. In fact, her depiction here reminds me somewhat of the title character from a book I borrowed from my sister a few years back and, until now, forgot about. I'll have to search around for that book for a bit now... But holy crap. Just... take my upvote and my follow.
Straight into my Favorites for this story. Excellently written, just the right length, no noticeable grammar errors (though I was too caught up in the story to seriously look for them), and a nicely deployed backstory for both Cadence and the Crystal Empire.
Also, the way you wrote filly Twilight nearly killed me with her adorableness. 6 out of 5 stars.
why, why?
There was essentially one thing that bugged me, and that was Celestia's characterization. I'm not sure I see her as the same proper being you might see her as, but contextually it works. (therefore don't mess with it)
I feel definite potential for elaboration and expansion on this story. Kudos to you, and I hope for more.
A little grammar question: what made you choose to spell out "to-night" as you did?
Celestia is Olde Timey. It's a speech pattern that began to become distinct in "Heretical Fictions" and "Beloved" and I kept it here because I like the hint of alien-ness it gives her, the tiny, almost imperceptible hitch in an otherwise normal word. Cadence (soon to become Cadance) should spell it properly, both in narration and speech, and if I've done it inconsistently, this is an error.
I really do think the two stories are mutually exclusive. "Indiscretions", if you're following my tortured head-canon, is one of the books on the shelf in "Heretical Fictions". Inasmuch as one story is more "real" than the other, this is it, and the author of "Indiscretions" seems to be riffing a little and fictionalizing what he knows about the truth. And then my head starts to hurt as I try to link everything together into a multiverse and I have to stop.
She may give him a token apology, yes, but only if she can squeeze one off before the next Serious Affront To Angsty Teenage Cadence happens. Sad to say, and not to spoil over much, but Shiny is pretty much going to be Cadence's whipping-boy for a while.
Good to know that Cadance is in agreement with EVERYONE EVER. Filly Twilight is heartrendingly adorable.
"As you can see here, the tooth in question is presently being held in place only by a gross little string of what I call 'stuff'."
And hilarious. 
This was wonderful.
Image: http://dashie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw1375_science.jpg
). 
You may have single-handedly redeemed Cadence for me. I've never quite accepted the whole "additional alicorn out of nowhere" problem, but this, this perfectly captures all the issues I have and recasts them as a poignant tragedy inherent to Cadence's very being. Thank you.
Also, little Twilight is more adorkable than she has any right to be.
I'm somewhat ashamed to admit that my first thought upon reading the first line was "Is...is that a King Missile reference?" However, the story quickly replaced the repetitions of "Detachable kingdom" in my head.
Congratulations--it takes some serious stuff to get a song, horribly altered or otherwise, out of my head. Another brilliant first-person character exploration.
This is quite the interesting headcanon for Cadance. Not bad, interesting. I have my own idea for where Cady comes from, but I'm interested in how this continues. I just hope we'll see more legitimate Shining Armor and Cadance romance stories in the future, because I'm a real sucker for those.
Holy crap, look what I made!
This is the second story of yours I troped. I deserve my own personal story! Or a "thank you." Whatever works. 
I for one loved this story, I particularly enjoyed the idea that alicorns are tied to their kingdoms. Reminds me of how in Percy Jackson the Olympians are tied to Western civilization.
The idea that Celestia adopted Cadence in the hopes that the younger alicorn would help her in the renewed struggle against Nightmare Moon was fascinating to say the least, and fits perfectly with my headcanon for the show. I congratulate you on writing a wonderful story, and eagerly look forward to more 
It's interesting. When Celestia and Cadance were discussing Cloudsdale politics, I expected them to suddenly branch off and begin talking about their particular CHOAM holdings and Salusa Secundus, yet at the same time, discussing factional politics in King's Landing.
Well done, as always. In a way, it's maddening to read writing as engaging as yours, for want of ever being able to achieve the same, but that doesn't diminish its quality in the least.
I look forward to the next leg of the journey.
Would it be odd to think of this story as "delicious"? Because honestly, that's all I can think of it as - all the little details, from the crack in Celestia's composure at the hidden reference to Luna, to the foalsitting, right down to the Qilinese porcelain (I noticed another reference to Qilin in one of your older stories, and knowing what it's referring to makes me smile when I see it here), and not to mention that this all provides a nice backstory for Cadence - it all meshes together so well while remaining focused on the story.
I almost worry that she comes across as too with-it, considering her socially-oblivious nature.
Thank you! Yes, these stories span multiple parallel universes, but some facts seem to be unchanged across them, and "Qilin" is one of them. Apparently, unicorns referring to their magic as "the Stream" is another.
Thank you! She is pretty adorable, I have to admit.
Oh man, props to the author! The story is so well written, a true piece of art. Twilight was a delight. Her scenes, her dialogue written so brilliantly, how she, being a young filly, actually subconciously teaches Cadance a whole great deal regarding herself. Amongst that, the story definitely pulled on my heartstrings
Definitely amongst my sparse 'best fics ever written' list :)
Perhaps, but on the other hand, we know Twilight is a very clever pony, and Cadence wasn't exactly being subtle.
Image: //dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Twilight_Sparkle_lolface.pngAlso, regarding the qilin, remember the big bed-cart Trixie summoned in Magic Duel? Among it's decorations were two golden heads of some kind of scaled creature on the front bed posts. A qilin maybe? Or am I just grasping at straws.
The ideas and concepts fit with the show, and even if it's impressive what really stole my heart was the potrayal of Cadence herself and her relationships with the princesses and the Element of Magic. It sent shivers up and down my spines like a little jojo. And I don't think I'll ever forget how you compared an empty space in a row of teeth with a lost empire. This stitched together with the hunger and tension around something as simple as eating (which I can relate to) is simply a genius use of metaphors (even if you didn't mean to). However, I felt that a few of the sentences were a little bit too long, but not a problem overall. I don't know if it was intended or not, so you could consider looking into that. Or not. And while I'm here, thanks for giving me the opportunity to read.
This was very well written, as I seem to be seeing in more and more one-shots. Wonder why that is?
Anyway, I can't wait to read the later stories and possibly Cadance's reactions to Twilight becoming Celestia's student and the Element of Magic. You get a like, a watch and a mustache from me! 
and a heart for Cadance .
I have *got* to stop reading your stories before doing my own writing for the night. This one rests comfortably in the "intimidatingly good" category. Now I have to go write something that isn't this, and so by definition it'll suck.
Every year or two, for the span of a few moments, I regret not having children. Strawberry ice pops was one of those moments. This is no small thing.
It is consolation, yes — and more. That means an awful lot.* Thank you. 
It's currently on a back burner while I try to force a Friendship Is Optimal fanfic out of my brain, but I do have most of the next chapter written, and plans for much more -- though like its namesake, it really needs to do a little wandering. I hope the rest of it lives up to the high bar it has set.
--
* And as an extra bonus, the mere fact of your saying so here, buried in comments in a week-old story, without even linking to it, appears to have gotten it two new faves. Your fans, man. They are awesome and formidable and scary.
(Edited to add: Ah! Light dawns. I'm actually a little disappointed you don't have a fanatic secret army which hangs on your every word no matter how obscure — every proper scientist needs minions — but at the same time, I'm sure that not having that level of stalker is a relief.)
The truth of the matter does not, mind you, change how awesome my followers are. And let's not forget, one of them did write a very nice story specifically because I requested it.
I'm hoping to play as close to canon as possible with this, although this is my old beloved slightly-variant Ancient War Queen Celestia, who is my default in virtually every one of my stories (except "A Short Story by Twilight Sparkle", which was intentionally written to be as pitch-perfect on Celly as possible.)
Now watch, in the upcoming "The Games Ponies Play" it'll start right out with Cadence going "Hi, mom! Hi, dad!" And I'll be all like 
.
This was fantastic. It felt a little different from much of your other work. If I had to compare it, I'd say it was somewhat similar to Observatory Hill in the same way Contraptionology brought back memories of Mundementia One. It was more poignant, especially near the end, but I very much enjoyed the overall feel. I look forward to seeing the rest of the series.
I especially loved filly Twilight. That was adorable.
Oooo, definitely love that ending ...and that headcanon. ...and that everything. It all comes together so nicely.
The (alicorn) race instinct for a kingdom, the crystal's "imprint", adorable little genius Twi whose magic has yet to be unlocked. Even 'Knight' Light was nice for a change.
Yup. Glad I finally got around to reading this. I was put off at first because of the 11k word count, but now I need more
(and that's what good storytelling will do)
So yeah, looking forward to that next installment of the series
Hang on, hang on. This story is in the present tense. How did I not notice the first time through? I blame being too immersed in the actual events. Oddly, a quick ctrl+f seems to indicate no one else had commented on it yet.
Present tense certainly gives it a certain feel. It's a little strange, probably because I'm so unused to fiction in that tense, but also because the first person perspective makes this read like an account, which by definition should be about the past. The result feels like Cadence is recalling past events so vividly she is actually reliving them. I can picture her talking with her eyes closed and a slight smile, her audience forgotten. Given how important these particular moments were to Cadence, I guess it works.
You would not effing believe how many revisions of tense and narrator it took to get the feel of this one down right. I even considered resorting to the dreaded second person in a fit of mad desperation when nothing else was working. Thankfully, first person present eventually won out. I like the immediacy, on reflection. Next one dips to third person past tense; this is just one of the reasons "Cadance of Cloudsdale" isn't a single story.
I recently got an account on this website, spending time trying to leave reviews for stories that have strongly gotten my attention....for this, I can easily say it's the best Cadence story I've ever read.
With her, it's weird, but in general, their simply are not that many stories out there where she has a starring role, nevermind a story where she has center-stage....so perhaps, actually saying something like that isn't even fair; I'm still very happy that you have decided to expand upon it and start working on a sequel. Most stories with Cadence...well, their aren't that many to begin with as before, but ones where she has a prominent role usually don't have this sort of dedication behind it. I'm happy this is the case because, often, I'm not happy with the horrific reputation she has.....for all the complaints people give her for not being all that of developed character within the canon, you'd think writers would seize that as a opportunity to expand her within their own stories, but unfortunately that doesn't seem to be the case -- which, honestly, just makes alot of people feel like whiners to me; it's not like it's unheard of for a fanfic writer to completely overturn the reputation of a character, at least within the fanon....even the canon writers, to some extend, have arguably further developed her with the "Crystal Princess" bit (if nothing else, giving people new material to work with)...it's not that I don't enjoy comedies or the stories where she has at least some small role, but unless I missed something big, it feels unheard of to me to see this sort of creativity and dedications toward her; hence, why I enjoyed this so much.
The entire story has a really tragic tone to it; the faceted appearance of Cadence's cutie mark comes to mind, because 'fragmented' is how I felt about alot of what was going on here.....you make use of the Crystal Empire to start teasing us on the origins of Cadence, which she herself can't seem to remember....the relationship between Cadence and Celestia is bittersweet to say the least - I don't want to imply abuse, or manipulation.....but a general feel I got reading is that everyone was using everyone else to get what they want, and it wasn't really working -- Celestia's expectations for Cadence in helping her recover her sister just aren't coming to pass, Cadence feels imprisoned by Celestia who isn't as supportive as she would like.....the whole story had this bittersweet tragic feeling to it, that boiled down to everyone's needs not truly being fulfilled....that a re-shuffling of sorts is in order; which, in the future, is exactly what happens.
But here and now, everyone is uncontent and Cadence eventually breaks free...returning to her character, I will say their was a noticeable contrast between how she was here and how she was in the show, and I liked that....that she will, in time, grow into the mare who love-love-loves everypony...I don't want to use the term "darker", or chalk it up to her being (relatively speaking) a teenager (I feel it's ultimately a combination of reasons)....but I liked the contrast and that she will slowly become the woman we are familiar with, who has every reason to be who she is.
And alongside that, is Shining Armor, who I was happy to see as well...he doesn't get much of a role in this story, but being that you have decided to make this into a series, I imagine that will change....given her attitude in this story, and his limited role, I speculate that it will be his sheer loyalty that eventually wins her heart....that she will think little, if anything, of him in the midst of her own issues, but it will be his steadfast dedication that causes him to slowly grow on her until she oh-so loves him.
Returning to her, I know I'm a broken record at this point, but I guess I can't stand opportunities like this that feel wasted....finally, somebody else actually has the interest in really expanding her, hence my interest in learning more: you've apparently gone for her being a bonafide Alicorn (versus some genetic rarity, half-way goddess, or some such), so I'm curious to learn more on her history and why she is the way she is....other stories have attempted to give explanations (e.g. that she was born very late because she could not come to pass until ponies had the capacity to love, in the same that Luna could not be born before Celestia as the Moon cannot shine without the Sun), so I'm curious on learning more about the route you take in developing her character.
I'm rambling at this point...were their any errors? Not necessarily....not in a technical sense anyway, that I caught; I suppose I would be upset that the story didn't go further, but of course, you said you were planning on continuing this, so their's no sense in that....it's all and all, a story with a ton of potential, so I'm happy you are apparently intent in furthering it. I definitely can't see more of what you have in store :)
Thanks for the happy words. I'm glad I conveyed all of that to you because that was more or less exactly what I intended to convey. So, score! And yeah, gotta keep writing these after I see where the canon will take her in the next few episodes. Thanks for your interest, and I hope to not let you down.
I think I'm beginning to see why you were despairing over this fic at one point. As for the result? I think it feels like I'm in the process of acquiring an acquired taste. It works, it's just banging up against my "hate and fear change" reflex.
In one sense, season 1 Luna was very like season 2 Cadence: there was no real development of what her personality was like. The key difference was Luna had this amazingly compelling backstory that raised so many questions. Cadence had nothing other than she was a bride and apparently knew Twilight. Skywriter called her a "princess Rorschach test" at one point, which I think was spot on. This hint at a link to the Crystal Empire may change things, so there may be more Cadence stories from now on.
I'm aware that Cadence, and Shining Armor for that matter, seemed to spring up out of nowhere with no foreshadowing or much of anything at all...Hasbro couldn't have pushed that both of them were thrown in at the last minute anymore.
I can understand the logic that both of them are too uninteresting for writers to do themselves....but that itself makes me feel that it creates something of a hypocrisy; because if both of them are really that undeveloped and so on....then it should spur people on all the more to try and do it themselves, regardless if the canon writers have any intention of doing it themselves (happily, she has had at least some presence since her intro).
Where does she come from? How does this new Alicorn, if that's what she even is, fit into the mythos? Was she always so nice or was it a growing process? Their are all sorts of questions that could make for very interesting development.....because as before, it's not like fans haven't overturned the perception/reputation of something within the canon into a complete 180'.
Heck, the fanon excels at this given that, when you get down to it, all sorts of elements within the show only appear once or twice, and writers typically go over-the-edge with it in all sorts of ways, often leading to massive success and (re)appearences within the show itself......Derpy both appeared and spoke in the show despite being practically created by the fans (we can complain about Cadence...but really, all Derpy had going for her at one point was essentially her eyes), Trixie was ridiculously popular enough to warrant a new episode that I think it is my favorite this season...
You see where I'm going? Cadence's lack of development isn't, or at least shouldn't, be seen as a detriment or used as an excuse -- it's her very lack of development that makes so much else in any franchise curious enough that fans (should) make some themselves, even if it's just fanon (which is okay). I can understand that she requires alot more work then other elements that have, like Luna, a more interesting backstory or simply more material to work with....but as before, it's nothing a little creativity can't handle.
Even what we know about her, without expanding her too much, can make for interesting stories....take her foalsitting for examples - for all the drama the rest of the story had, this story here with Twilight's tooth was actually pulling my attention the most; it was just downright adorable, and while we can say it was mostly because of Twi, I can't give her all the credit -- getting her to bite on the strawberry pop which would hide the blood....their is something about that sort of experience that I have to really respect; it's the sort of common place wisdom that much of the show builds on. We can groan and say that their are a million examples of nurturing mother-figures in stories (I'm partial to Derpy and Dinky ^^), but I can't think of someone who is specifically good at foalsitting and taking care of kids like that...Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie both weren't as good as they thought they'd be.
And then their is this:
"Sometimes I get lucky," I say. "Sometimes I don't. That Lulamoon brat is an absolute monster."
Am I alone in thinking this would make for a hilarious one-shot comedy? Cadence getting a great and powerful headache? Maybe delve further into her expertise, other sides of her and so on?
Oh well; sorry if I come off as ranting, that's not my intention...just saying that with a little imagination, their isn't much with the show, or any show, that can't be admired more.
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