"And so I said, if you want the roof repaired so badly, why don't you grab a hammer and do it yourself?" An earth pony said in a dull tone. "Then she got mad, of course. But what's she going to do? I have a job to go to every day. She's the one who spends all the time at home."
Across the market table full of wares, a unicorn stallion nodded back. "I hear you. I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to strangle my own beloved from time to time."
"If there were more jobs available in this place, then maybe she'd get her hooves dirty and she'd understand that when I come home all I wanna do is rest my flank. And it's not like the roof needs to get fix that desperately. I mean, there's less rain this time of year. I've got months yet to fix it."
"How much does she get out, anyway?"
"Oh, not... much... at all..." The earth pony's voice trailed off.
The unicorn raised his eyebrow. "Hmm? What's gotten you so flummoxed...?" He too stared over towards the side.
From across the street in the middle of the village, a cloaked figure hobbled. The equine was making a bee-line for the marketplace, with everypony around him pausing in the middle of their activities to stare. At one point, he bumped awkwardly into a wooden post, took a step back, reoriented himself, and made directly for the vendor stand, where he came to a shuffling stop.
"Uhhhm..." The unicorn squinted. "May I help you?"
"Ahem, yes, I was wondering if I could—" The figure's obscured face grimaced, his teeth grinding as if something was screeching in his ears. He sighed, cleared his throat again, and spoke in a low monotone, 'Hello... uh... kindly pony with a coat so fair. This is a bright morning for Ledomare."
The unicorn and earth pony exchanged glances, then looked once more at the cloaked stranger. "Well... it most certainly is, I suppose..."
"I hope your spirits are well, for I have... s-some things to sell."
"You wish to pawn some possessions of yours?"
"I wish to trade for a map and a meal, for I have a journey to make with much zeal..."
"Well, alright then, let's see what you have to offer."
"Yes... What I have... uhm..." The figure fidgeted, leaning his head to the side as if he was getting an earful.
The two ponies squinted curiously.
Unbeknownst to them, high above and perched atop a cloud, Rainbow Dash hid with the mana sphere of O.A.S.I.S. in her grasp. She peered over the fluffy bed of wisps, smirking as she whispered into the glowing ball. "Okay, Stripsey. Now pivot about twenty degrees to the left so that they think that you're looking at their wooden wall of stuff. From up here, I see a canvas bag of potatoes and some flour. If he's got a map, though, I bet he's hiding it."
Back down below, Pilate lingered under the cloak for a few seconds, sweating. He felt dozens of eyes on him while Rainbow Dash finished her speech.
"Reach into the saddlebag and pull out the hatchet." Rainbow's voice murmured to Pilate an Pilate alone. His metal plate of runes flickered from under the "hood" of the blanket over his head. "Place it on the table and try to pawn it."
"Okay..." He murmured from underneath his breath.
"Remember! You gotta rhyme!"
He gritted his teeth, but nevertheless reached into his saddlebag, pulled an item out, and slapped it onto the table. "Here, good gentlecolts, I have a blade. Of the finest metal quality... erm... it is made."
The two ponies stared blankly. "Uhm... That's a hat, not a blade."
Pilate gulped. He placed a hoof out and felt around the item, feeling the undeniable contours of a beret. "Oh... well of course it is." He winced. "Er, I mean. I know quite well it's a military hat, but I have the blade in addition to that!"
"Try it again, Stripsey."
"Quit rushing me," Pilate whispered, reached into his saddlebag again, and plopped the hatchet onto the table. "As you can see, its sharpness is quite unique. At twenty paces it could slice a—"
"Uhm, what are you doing?"
Pilate's hooves squirmed. "I am... simply attempting to... barter and trade with the fine citizens this Confederacy has made!"
"Yeah, we can see that, but why in the Queen's name are you speaking in rhyme?"
"Cuz you're a zebra shaman from the other side of the country!" Rainbow's voice cracked into Pilate's ears. "Tell them!"
Pilate sighed long and hard, but grinned regardless, making sure that his gray eyes were obscured from the sight of the ponies before him. "I'm a zebra of shamanistic livelihood, and you will find that I was born in a faraway neighborhood! I travel the world in search of meaning, and for that reason you will find my presence in this town fleeting."
"But that still doesn't explain why you talk in rhyme."
"Yes... well.. is it not a widely known fact that zebras are known for their lyrical tact?"
The two ponies exchanged glances, then gazed back at him. "Uhm... No. No, it isn't."
Pilate groaned. "That's what I thought too..."
"Huh?"
A magical voice squawked in Pilate's ear. He groaned, shook his head, and put on a plastic smile. "Then I must be one of a kind! So, please, good sir, what price for the hatchet have you in mind?"
Oh god, my sides
Poor Pilate...
Oh, my lawlz.
Good job, ):(, no push-ups this chapter.
Everyone's using this emoticon, so I will too. That was hilarious - Pilate's rhyming was actually pretty good. I had to come up with rhymes for Zecora in my story and, well... lets just say there are good reasons I'm not a poet. Hopefully they actually end up with a map and not some random mishmash of items. Until tomorrow!
Oh poor Pilate!
But Dash is so crazy now.
What are the chances this does't end up going hilariously awry? I guess the plan made sense at the time, but why must Dash insist on the rhyme?
Now to reread this chapter with Zecora's voice from Friendship is Witchcraft
1898823
C'mon, those rhymes were pretty super. Don't be such a party pooper.
And then rainbow dash perpetuated racial stereotypes.
RACIST BARN
RACIST BARN
Oh, Dash, you're so bad at this.
Right now the only thing running through my head is Rainbow clamped onto Pilate's back, constantly forcing him to come up with rhymes. That image alone is hilarious.
Also, I won't be surprised if he starts actually speaking in rhyme from now on due to force of habit.
1898823
I find this chapter to be a wonderful metaphor as to why one should let the editors do their thnking for themselves.
1898823
Oh You.
Oh boy, here we go.
Oh lawd, mah sides be a breakin' frum da' laughta'!
Rainbow the racist. Still, gotta love her. Coming up with rhymes must be a bitch for any author trying to create dialogue for Zecora.
Way to go, Dash. Now you're drawing more attention to yourself than if you'd just stuck to your guns in the first place. All because you made poor 1898823 rhyme everything.
Racist barn, racist barn
1, 2, 3, 4
...
What?
Oh, Dash. Zecora would either be proud... or horrified at your racial stereotyping.
When it's just the three of them again, I fully expect Dash to ignore every word he says unless it's spoken in rhyme.
I thought Pilate was doing really well with those rhymes. The only duff one was fleeting.
Still, it'll end up being to the positive since he must therefore be a shaman visiting from a far-away neighbourhood: no local zebra would speak so daft.
i.imgur.com/UitdY.gif
Or speciesist, or something.
lolz, ow, my sides...
Wow. Dash, where do you get these ideas from?
I guess you could say that Pilate went into that situation without...
...rhyme or reason.
Subject: Pilate
Suffix Title obtained: "The Shaman"
Preview: "Pilate, the Shaman"
-Minty
1901938
At least it's not "The Redshirt," seeing how it's an away mission and all.
This...
It's glorious!
And I'm caught up (again) now. I have to wait for chapters.... awww hell. .
Onwards! (Till tomorrow when the new chapter cones out)
Oh wow.
RD: worst GPS ever
1899628
Yeah. He's better than like half of all Zecoras portrayed in fanfiction, even if his recitation leaves something to be desired.
DYING
IIIIIt's Dashie's evaluation time!
So this chapter was a nice and humorous one. Dash is kind of racist in it, though. But that's okay! I feel bad for Pilate...These are my thoughts so far.
-MASH
Pilate is rhyming?
but still with that....that chapter was awkward...
Soooo, her plan was to send in a blind zebra to barter for a map and food while she radios directions in his ear like a GPS?.......
This isn't going to end well.
No, Zecora`s just a wierdie
Am I the only one who's kind of starting to hate Dash here?
Made me laugh the hardest.
2242462
My reaction was more along the lines of
These moments of humor... so great.
So, no news on C-Squared?
3705128 Magic
This is hilarious Nice job, Dash
Huh, can't believe I guessed the cloaked Pilate and rhymes part right. Regardless best plan ever.
3705274
Magic isn't real.
That was hilarious.
4750281 How Can Mirrors Be Real If Our Eyes Aren't Real? ( ͡◕ ͜ʖ ͡◕)
i hate awkward situations
More of Dashie's racism
damn girl step it up
Imploding colon continues to impress, especially with all the rhymes.
I see nothing wrong with this plan. It is beautiful.
Aaargh I just got the chapter title.